Listener Stories Ep 4: Impactful Interactions with Spirit
I'm your host, Nicole Bigley, and you are listening to a listener series on A Psychic Story.
Hi, everyone. If this is your first episode of A Psychic Story, welcome. If you've been here before, welcome back.
This is the fourth listener episode of the podcast where we share the stories you submitted, whether it's via the form on A Psychic Story.com,
forward slash story, dash submission, email, or the 1-800-number, which is 1-800-01881,
reminder that if you live in another country and the 1-800-number isn't an option for you,
you can record the audio on your phone and send it through to contact at A Psychic Story.com. That's two S's in between.
I also ask listeners who are submitting stories to please not record while you're driving in the car.
It's just, you know, not safe, and also the audio isn't always the best, and we often can't use it.
So if you're going to take the time to record, just make sure that you're doing so in a safe place
and that way we can make sure that we share your story because you took the time to do it.
That said, let's jump in. Hi, Scott. What's going on in your world?
Hi, Nicole. Good to be back and up and ready to go through some more listener stories.
They're one of my favorite things to do.
As you mentioned once, it's sort of like, you know, when one comes in, you just have to read it.
Like what's going on with this? It was like at midnight or something.
You're like, oh, something came in. But otherwise, yes, last month was a big month for me.
I had a big birthday. It was a milestone 65. I know, I know. You didn't think I was that old.
But I feel 45. That's your inner 20s.
Some people say that I act much younger than my age, but I feel like I'm 45.
I don't know why. I have this big. I have a lot of friends. I have about six friends.
We've met in kindergarten 60 years ago and we've kept in touch and we get together every summer.
And a lot of them talk about, well, getting retirement age, start to slow down.
And my immediate reaction is that's unacceptable.
And a strange thing, whether it's good or bad, at my birthday, is a clock that starts ticking.
So to me, I have 10 years, 10 good, solid years of productive life.
Not that I'm going to die. Not that I'm going to die at the end.
But just I have 10, you know, 65 to 75 years.
And we all have all the experiences, all things we've learned about life.
We can now apply. And for those of us who don't need to have a full time job,
you can apply that to something to really give it back to do whatever you want to help.
You know, so that, and for some reason, I have those 10 years.
So if I make it that long here at a psychic story, and then you don't fire me,
consider I'm submitting my writing resignation right now.
Ah, I don't like this. All right, we're going to end the episode right now.
Okay. All right. Well, first of all, June 23, 33.
Yeah, I know I still only think about it. All right.
So we'll happy birthday, belated. And otherwise, I know I said it for two before.
But yes, I do before we kind of dive in here, I would love a little bit of your wisdom.
So you mentioned during your 60s, I'm in my 40s, that's about 20 year difference.
And they usually say as you progress, you get older, your 20s are a certain thing,
your 30s are a certain way. And there's experiences that you have.
For me, my 40s have been extremely enlightening in a lot of ways.
It's not just spiritually, but I feel as if I'm more comfortable with my life and financially,
but also spiritually, emotionally, secure all of those things.
But also, it's a little bit more mundane where I'm starting to think about bigger ways
to push the envelope and directions that I'm going.
So for you, when you head it into retirement and with your birthday,
are there any sort of reflections and things and words of wisdom that you would want to share
with the listeners, especially as it relates to their spiritual journey and growth?
Yeah, actually, and I submitted some articles about this, about thinking about,
because I do a lot of thinking, obviously, maybe some people say too much.
Well, maybe we can include them in the show notes too.
Yes. For people to read them.
So the first year that I left my full-time job, which was about a year and a half ago,
it took me a while to kind of get in the groove.
Because I was, you know, a son of a baby boomer, right?
We sold our soul for money and, you know, getting the life, getting the next job,
getting the mortgage, getting a house, getting the, you know, blah, blah to give me everything new kids.
I wouldn't say you sold your soul. That's what was society programmed you to do.
They said that that was all you had as an option, just given how you were raised.
But yes.
Right. So like, my one youngest son said, you know, he was about to quit his job,
his first job out of college. I'm like, you know, you just don't do that
without having something in line. He goes, well, have you ever been in a job he didn't like?
I go, yeah, maybe a thousand of, you know, situations they don't like,
but you stay because you got the commitment.
But anyway, after leaving all that, it took a while for me to kind of readjust
to reevaluate things, you know, things that I thought were hobbies and useless
because they weren't productive and make money. Well, no, because they're important to me now I can do them.
Now looking, you know, to give back, you know, what can I do to give back before it wasn't that,
you know, spend most of my time and energy at my job.
So now a lot of things kind of move to the forefront that were never on the radar before.
And so, you know, being getting involved with the podcast and the book is like perfect.
My wife says it's kind of the Tom Brady thing because working in between school,
which I've always done, but in school and this and some other things,
I'm kind of working like most of the day.
And she was, it was her idea of retirement. That's a little bit different.
So you're not really retired.
No, I'm just doing different things.
Or as I said to my son, I'm busy doing whatever I want, whenever I want.
But you have the freedom to do it.
Yes, right.
But I think that's a huge differentiator.
Yeah, so you learn about yourselves and what's important.
We all need challenges. We all need to learn things.
And the big thing, big predictor in health in older years is social connections
and also spiritual connections to grow and keep your mind active and relationships rich and thriving.
So you have to work at that.
No one's telling me what to do. I don't have to do it.
But that's the one another part and other lesson learned.
Is that have to be much more self assertive and being a true self starter in these times to grow.
And I'm finally getting that.
And so it's taken about a year, a year and a half for me to get to there.
But that's what I would suggest to everyone planning it, planning retirement years.
You know, it's not going to, you're not going to go on the trips to Europe and trips to Australia.
Yeah, all right, fine.
That, that'll take a month to accomplish those dreams.
Like what about the next 30 years of your life?
What are you going to do?
So we get a chance to do that.
Yeah, so the sense of accomplishment, however you just find accomplishment or demon a little bit.
You can be taking naps, you can be traveling, you can be doing all kinds of things.
You can be connecting with your community and spirituality.
Yeah, I'm Gen X. So I'm kind of, I had to look it up honestly.
So I always forget.
But I mean, you think I would know this being a marketing PR, but I'm kind of sandwiched in.
I'm that middle child that no one really thinks about with when you're looking at the demographics and the age.
But ultimately, I agree with you on all of that as far as the importance of community and spirituality.
No matter what, it's important for you as you progress within that aspect of yourself.
All right, well, I don't have anything really exciting to share other than I've been traveling a lot for my full-time job.
And I'm excited to finally get everything out.
This is the month for our book.
So, you know, not want to hit everybody over the head with it, but we have a lot going on there.
And let's talk about this round of stories.
I call them intense interactions.
I know you called them dramatic interventions.
But I feel like intense interactions is probably a little bit, you know, more apopro to what we're talking about here.
And it's all about the deandrama or rather those intense experiences with the divine and spirit world.
So Scott, why don't you start us off?
Sure. And yeah, and that is the theme in this.
A little more, not just subtle messages here in these.
And the first one is from a Branson M in West Virginia, where he grew up in a haunted house,
where seeing and hearing ghosts was not the most surprising thing he saw.
Hello, Nicole. My name is Branson. I am from West Virginia.
I'm a huge fan of your show and I just want to say first off that I really appreciate you and your platform and everything that you're doing
is definitely helping a lot of people.
So I want to share my story about how I have an angel that I've been seeing since I was a child.
I started out growing up in an island, I grew up in a haunted house.
So I was really scared of everything as a kid.
I would see things that feel big. That was pretty susceptible.
And so there were some tragedies that have been a house before my family lived in.
It was a suicide, a drug, alcohol and so on.
So it was just really intense for me.
And so growing up, I wouldn't ever sleep in my own bed
because I would hear chatter beside my head and distinct arguments between two voices
that I clearly wasn't there. There was nothing physically.
Nobody there, physically that could be arguing at the time.
So I would hear stuff. I would see shadow people running through the hallways.
I mostly felt things more than anything.
I could feel somebody always there looming over me or just over my life on my back.
I could just always feel things.
And so as you can imagine, I saw the program, so there were a lot of times
because I was scared to sleep in my own bed.
So after a while, I would start praying that God I don't want to be so scared of anything anymore.
I would always pray as a kid.
And so after a while, I had started to see and need this being.
And I didn't understand what I was seeing at the time.
I didn't understand, you know, I didn't understand what angels could look like.
I always thought there was a huge wing to be.
So whatever. But I actually saw these eyeballs that were floating
and they were spinning really fast in circles.
I didn't know how to describe them.
Like the kids always tell my grandma, there's these floating tornado eyeballs
that's everywhere that I see them everywhere.
I'm not trying to go to sleep.
And I really didn't know how to describe them.
And I would just tell her every night, there's these eyeballs in my room
and they're spinning really fast.
So she took me to the doctor and the doctor told her that my eyes were fine.
Maybe it's just my imagination.
And so I stopped telling her that I saw them,
but I still see this being to this day.
And so now that I'm a little bit older and I'm on my spiritual path,
I spoke to a few mediums and they all say that this type of angel
is called a stare from angel.
I think it's what they told me.
But, you know, I have never heard this angel speak.
I've never communicated with them, but he's always there.
And now that I meditate, his image is a little bit more clear to me.
And it's almost like tears eat eyeballs on a spinning circle
that are interlots with each other.
It's so hard to describe.
If you just look up the angel, a stare from angel, it looks just like that.
They have many eyes.
I feel very protected now that I know what he is.
And I'm waiting to get the energy.
You know, I feel more protected.
I would love to hear them communicate.
And I'd love to hear your input if you know any more information
about these types of angels.
But that's my story.
And I hope that it helps somebody not feel as crazy as I did.
How?
As soon as he said the eyeballs, I said to myself, seraphim.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you seen them?
Have you seen the images?
I mean, obviously with the book when you were writing it before you contacted me.
You saw them.
Well, in reading about, you know, certainly doing the research
and looking into the Judeo-Christian texts.
The cherubim and seraphim are different from, you know,
quote-unquote regular angels or others from the biblical texts.
They're different.
Some of the, some of theologians say they're different from angels
because they're not here to give us messages.
They're here for protection.
They were the angels set at the Garden of Eden.
When, quote, when Adam and Eve were cast out,
at least from the biblical text perspective,
that's that interpretation of them that they were slightly different.
But at the same time, you know, the multiple eyes, the faces,
the animal parts, you know, for limbs and multiple wings,
it's an incredible vision that is depicted in those texts.
Do you have other perspectives on that from your experience?
To be completely honest, I had never had any experiences
with cherubim or seraphim in the bulk of my life,
up until the last few years when, you know,
before you reached out with the book,
there were people that would experience them
and also energetically I would sense or feel them kind of around.
And then I would do some research and I looked them up
and they are very frightening.
And I don't mean that to say, like, from a fear perspective,
but they're not the typical angel wings halo everything else.
And so for people that are listening for the first time,
if you're tuning into that episode, you're like,
what the hell, what's going on?
Is that archangels tend to be that angelic or celestial being presence
that is going to, Scott mentioned, connect us a little bit more
with God's source and universal energy to provide our messages
or send our messages back and forth.
It's really a bridge to heaven is what I think of them as.
They tend to, it's the, if you think about it in high school
or middle school when you pass notes,
that's what our angels, their archangels do to, you know, pass that along.
The seraphim and cherubim have different types of roles
and responsibilities when it comes to the angelic
and the universal realms.
And what that tends to do also is energetically
the way our human brains think about them and how they look
is very different than, again, with the Bible
or what we imagine them to be.
And so I say all that because I don't think
that we're meant to necessarily see them or understand it
at that level for the person who submitted this.
Thank you very much for sharing because I also think
that it's one of those where when people are afraid
or they're like, what am I looking at?
They tend to categorize these angelic beings
into other areas or categories that we wouldn't necessarily
think that they should be demons.
That sort of thing, they're not.
They have this higher sense of vibration and energy
and frequency that catapult us and connect us.
And so I just find it fascinating.
I don't think that they tend to have a role
as much in our human world and in our spiritual world
as what we normally think that they do,
which is probably why we struggle sometimes
or grapple with, okay, well,
if they're showing up, what does that mean?
And for him in particular,
I think that this means that he just has a higher sense
of purpose to be able to understand and connect with them
and what that means in his life.
It probably means that he has a higher light being,
energy worker, light worker,
that should be going down in that direction
as far as understanding them a little bit more deeply.
Yeah, I mean, and it's always,
it's tough for anyone to see something that is unusual
or unworldly and we always try to make connections
with what we're seeing to what we know of.
And actually, he said it.
It's indescribable for him to explain exactly
what he saw and that's why he put the spinning eyeballs
because that's the only thing.
I can see it as he's describing it,
like literally in my mind's eye, I can see it.
And as soon as he said eyeballs and I could see it,
I was like, that's exactly what it is.
It's serifim.
Yeah.
Very, very interesting.
I do think I know we talk about it
or you write about it in the book.
We probably should maybe have an episode
or another conversation in more detail.
I should say another because we haven't really talked about detail.
We should have a conversation on the podcast
about serifim and serifim.
And if people are interested, like what it means.
Only because, again, from my perspective,
they don't tend to interact with us.
Human beings as much as the Archangel's
or the Son and Master's do.
But could be interesting.
I would be interested in finding out more and learning more about it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
Okay.
So in this next story, we hear again from Jenny.
Jenny shared her incredible story of interacting with an angel
in our very first listener story episode.
So if you missed it, please go back and listen to that.
However, this time, she is in another predicament.
Trying to come and Scott, this is Jenny.
And I just wanted to leave you this other angel story
because it's a good one.
Okay.
I have a lot of stuff I'm like, which one?
Okay.
Anyway.
So I was in college at University of Arizona.
And the big rival game was University of Arizona
playing Arizona State University.
And so we had a health and I got some friends
and we meet these guys from ASU.
And they're actually a couple of the football players.
So they're very cute.
Anyway, we ran out of beer.
After 2 a.m., I'm the sober one.
And they're like, oh my god, we ran out of beer.
We can't go buying more tours light or whatever.
So, and then I remembered that we had had a 12-pack at my sister
at a girl's house.
And so I go, I'll go because I'm the one that's not drinking.
And I'll go get it.
And the football guy goes, hey, I'll go with you.
I'll go over there.
You know, so I'm like, okay.
We drive over to the house.
We pick up the 12-pack.
And then we're in the car after we had it.
It's 12-pack.
And he starts getting on me.
And this guy is huge.
Like, it's big too.
And like, I don't even know how many pounds.
But huge.
And he starts basically.
This is trying to, like, sexually assault me.
So, I can slide.
I'm going to do something like a kind of a paradoxical intervention
that we call a therapy.
Where you do something that doesn't seem like it goes in line
with what you, the results are that you want.
He's in the passenger seat.
And I'm like, I've got to get clever.
He takes my keys.
He throws it out of the sunroof.
And I've got a 325.
I was like, it's a dam.
And so that I wasn't able to get out of the car.
And he lost the doors.
And I was like, I am literally screwed here.
I had to figure something out.
Else out.
Like, be clever about this.
So I said, okay, sit back.
And I decided I'm going to tell him that I'm going to go
around his side of the car and try to get on top of him.
And, you know, get down or whatever.
And I had no intention of that.
And I don't know how this happened.
But I wanted to get out and get my keys and get out of there.
I started to go over and put my left leg over the passenger seat.
And instead of doing that, I shoot out the sunroof.
And there's a force that carries me.
And I cannot believe there's no way that I had the agility.
Or I don't even know who could do this.
But basically, jump out of the sunroof.
I didn't even touch the car after jumping out.
I land on my feet.
It felt my feet.
And I'm like, I was just kind of like, has that happened?
It was a wonder woman.
And I felt something push me and get me out.
He is like, what?
And he gets out of his side of the car, comes over.
I go to the ground, grab my keys.
He comes over.
I have like the keys in my hand.
And I put them between my knuckles.
And punch them in the nose.
And I broke his nose.
And he was bleeding all over.
And I get in the car.
And I start to leave.
And I smile out of like, yeah, you shouldn't have done that.
You shouldn't do that.
Because I have health on the other side.
And as I'm driving away, he's holding his nose.
He's like, you broke my nose.
And then I'm driving away.
And I ask him, love you.
I love you.
Anyway, it was funny.
I had this like euphoria after like the whole night.
I couldn't believe it happened.
Or he saved me.
Or what happened?
I know it was an angel or a guy or something.
Because the way that I didn't even touch the car,
jumping out of the sunroof.
But anyhow, I just thought I would leave that.
Because I want to share with you.
And I never get to talk with these things with people.
OK.
I hope you guys are doing well.
Thank you so much for all of your work.
Bye.
I mean, we're kind of like chuckling.
But at the same time, not.
I was imagining her like in those scenes of the superhero movies
where they come in and then you know when they land.
And then they do this like a dramatic landing in the movie.
That was that.
But also, I was getting the intuitive message
of it's almost when you are in a moment of survival.
And you want to, you're just fighting for your life.
And also given, again, if you listen to her first episode
where she shared her other story, she'd had had.
I'd imagine other experiences either spiritually or emotionally
and through other trauma that she's fighting for her life.
And we just tend to have superhuman strength and powers.
So whether that was supernatural, quote-unquote,
or it's also support from the other side.
However, that is like our will to live and survive
is going to kick in.
Yeah, well, I mean, Jenny, you have a much more call for life
than I do.
You were involved in these situations that it's just incredible.
But you know, maybe for a purpose, maybe because you're able
to call on help from the other side as you said
to get into these situations, to get them out,
you know, to get out of them as well.
But certainly, you're open to that.
And I think both, and both of your stories,
you're open for divine intervention.
And I think that is one thing that you shouldn't have to worry about
because you're going to be, it just seems that you're connected.
Yes, and I couldn't tell if this happened after or before.
She had that experience in Hawaii.
Like, she didn't really distinguish it or define that part.
But it shows that one, also, if you're going to have multiple interactions
that help you survive, you have a bigger purpose.
I want to say like we all don't have purpose,
but we have this bigger purpose.
And so either if it happened before, that should be an indication
of the foretelling of the other story.
If it happened after, it was also foretelling of the other story
and the fact that again, she had much more to accomplish
and to not just maybe share her experiences with others,
but to continue to your point, Scott,
maybe connecting with the divine and allowing for that protection
and that interaction as it's deemed appropriate.
Yeah, thank you for spending that story.
Yes, thank you, Jenny. Please keep on coming.
Okay, this next true story, we're here.
It's a touching story about how we can receive help.
Now, she is greatly appreciative of the podcast,
and we certainly don't mean for this to be promotional for that.
But if you just look at when she needed help the most,
how she was able to kind of get that help and guidance
to help address what she was experiencing.
Hi, my name is Danielle, and I am from Denver, Colorado.
And I just wanted to let you know that I love your show.
I am working my way through all of your episodes right now,
but I just wanted to tell you one little story
because one night I listened to you.
I picked one, and I picked it because her name was Heather Nicole
or something like that, but my name is Danielle Nicole,
and I know your name is Nicole.
And when I was listening to her talk,
like everything just totally resonated with me,
and it really changed my life because I just...
I'm really confused about it.
I'm sure about a start, but it really helped me a lot
because I have had my clinicians
and my weird things happen to me my whole life,
and I didn't really understand it,
and I got to in November,
and as soon as I got clean, my voices in my head
just came rushing in, and they've kind of been guiding me,
and it's actually my brother who died when he was little.
And I don't know, it just really helped me a lot,
and I don't know if there's any way that I could talk with you,
something I hate more, or whatever I need to do,
but I'm not even sure where to go from here,
but this is the right path because every single episode
it just astonishes me, and I have similar experiences,
and I just think you're amazing.
So I am going to keep listening,
and I just love you so much.
So thank you.
Thank you very much.
So for those, I want to say, well, first of all, Daniel,
thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for sharing that.
I know that being and telling that whether it's detailed or not
can put you and other people in a vulnerable position
to want to share.
So I want to say thank you,
but also if anyone is struggling
and needs additional support,
whether that is through your primary care psychologist,
psychiatrist, that sort of thing,
to feel free that you reach out,
I'm glad that the podcast and the episodes and the topics
help people, and it resonates,
and that's what it's meant to do is to be one of many tools
and one of many resources that people could have,
but at the end of the day, it's not necessarily the end all be all.
For anyone outside of the fact that they're currently going
to people and practitioners that can help them
in more of a medical way, more of a scientific way,
then we are also available, whether it's myself,
I say we, other practitioners who are on the show
to reach out to see how you can help or be helped
and directed in your spiritual journey and your spiritual growth.
But the reason why we really wanted to share that
is that it's not to be promotional,
but just to really let you know that my heart and hope
is that you feel a sense of community
and that you're feeling supported and a story.
Not the only end all be all with this,
but just that there are resources and help out there
for people collectively.
And so just want to say thank you for sharing that.
So for me, what this symbolizes is and is evidence of
the shift that's going on, right?
So people are considering themselves more spiritual than religious.
Organized religion is on the downside
and most likely will continue that way.
People are not going to church as much as in the past.
But the interest in spirituality is still there,
it's still strong.
So here's the answer, or here's the question,
what do we do?
If someone says, okay, I'm kind of done with organized religion,
where do I go?
And certainly we are one of dozens and dozens of places to go
and resources to help, understand and navigate
and learn about a deeper spirituality
that you might not be aware of.
And it may be unsettling, but at the same time,
that's what growth is about.
It's being a little bit unsure and navigating new ground.
And certainly, as Nicole mentioned,
if things get to be extreme,
we need to certainly reach out to a mental health provider.
But beyond that, for people looking for resources
and directions in their spiritual journey,
there's lots of resources out there
and I certainly encourage you to ask for them.
In your minds, I just put it out there,
I need help, I need mentors, I need resources,
and they will come.
Yes, and I'm not, you know, that when I was saying
that it wasn't in decaying one way or the other with her,
I just know in my own journey,
when I experienced certain things,
I felt really alone.
Even though my family and my friends were extremely supportive,
there were only certain people that understood
what I was actually going through and I didn't know how to find them.
And especially when it comes to those quote-unquote professionals,
when we're looking at therapy, psychology, psychiatry,
that sort of thing.
And so there have been several doctors
that have been on this show
and that are also available in your area
and to reach out to,
because if you feel like you need that combination,
that's exactly what that's meant to be
and for you to know, again,
that there are those options out there for you.
And had I known this like seven years ago,
I think I would be in a, I mean,
not that I'm not in a fantastic place right now.
I mean, yes, I struggle with some things.
Scott and I have had separate conversations
about what it looks like in our spiritual growth,
but ultimately, I feel like had I had the information
that I'm sharing with you guys,
I would be in a much better place than I am now.
So I hope you guys take that as, you know,
just proactive opportunity and action for your own lives.
Okay.
Now we're moving into the email portion of the episode.
So for those who submitted email,
Scott and I are going to read a couple
and I'll take the first one.
This story is from Tanya,
and I'm going to hopefully pronounce her name correctly,
Brolelio, or Brolelio.
It sounds Italian.
And she writes that when I was around 20 to 21 years old,
I was going through a dark night of the soul
and I was very down and felt very depressed.
I went to bed one night and dreamt of an angel.
I was standing in my parents' backyard under the clothesline.
I felt warmth around me and turned to look
into what I thought was the sun.
I heard a high pitch frequency sound
and a giant being appeared in a cream robe
and long brown wavy hair.
Its face was not visible.
It was pure light like looking into the sun.
The angel embraced me,
make me feel whole and completely loved.
They spoke to me in this high frequency sound
and I responded,
okay, I understand, then woke up.
It's been over 10 years now
and I still remember it vividly
and have the longing to feel that warmth again
in a sense of home going back to source.
I'm silent because I want to see what you think first, Scott.
Well, the first thing that popped out to me
was the idea of the dark night of the soul.
I think it's something to be discussed
because it comes up every now and then.
The history of the dark night of the soul
goes back to the Roman Catholic mystic,
St. John of the Cross in about the 16th century.
And when he described that,
he was describing it as like a spiritual crisis,
intense inner turmoil,
existential questions like,
who am I?
What am I doing here?
An identity crisis, how do I fit in?
You feel like a spiritual disconnection
and then certainly a ton of introspection
and self-reflection going through times like that.
A lot of people make the connection to Jesus
when he was in the wilderness for 40 days.
That that was a dark night of the soul for him
and then other biblical stories as well about that.
And I think, and I myself,
I know without a doubt,
I experience that from time to time.
I just feel disconnected and it's like a reset.
It's like everything in my life turns from color to black and white.
And I do say, what am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
Why am I doing this?
Why am I here?
What am I learning?
I'm in a journey,
but it's not going anywhere.
I feel like I'm in a sailboat with no wind type of thing.
And through those times though,
that's when you dig in and you re-evaluate.
You may keep things that are important to you
and reconnect with them,
or you may discard things that are you kind of like,
why am I doing this?
You know, why do I have this relationship with a friend
that is very negative and draws energy from me?
So those types of things can come out of it.
And certainly answers to those existential questions
and regain a connection to God in a deeper way.
Before I get into the other end of it,
have you yourself, not to get personal,
or people you've worked with,
run into this type of experience?
Well, definitely the people I've worked with,
but I would say that the term dark knife, a soul quite frankly,
didn't really come into my purview
until I had pre-aloccheon, which was episode six.
And she talked about dark knife of the soul
and I was like, what?
What is this thing?
Because I didn't realize that some of the ups and downs,
which again, you need to be careful when you're looking at your life.
There are typical things that are going to happen,
physically, emotionally, that are normal,
that are going to occur in our everyday human experience,
and that's not necessarily a spiritual awakening
or a dark knife of the soul or whatever you want to call it.
It just is life that happens.
And then there's also these, you know,
to kind of quote unquote, complicate it a little bit more.
You have this layer that comes into that spiritual awakening
or dark knife of the soul.
And I think it's really what, how you quite frankly define it.
And for me, I didn't realize it for a long time.
Dark knife of the soul could be a little bit of a buzz
in the background, just a low hum of something that's about to happen
and then over time it ends up happening.
And for me, it was some of the sadness, depression,
and then ultimately, well, I should say the anxiety
that I was experiencing that would then trigger the depression
and the sadness that I had in my life.
And through that, those were the points, you know,
where when I hit, and I say points,
it was really only one or two in my life,
that when I hit them, that gave me the largest spiritual growth.
The podcast is one of them, a huge outcome of that experience
where I didn't know where to go and what to do,
but I was feeling this larger kind and this purpose,
and I wanted to tap more into the spiritual realm
and aspect of who I was.
And as a result of expressing that part of my soul
and my being decided to create the podcast
and bring on these guests and share people's stories.
So yes, and for every person, I say all that
because it could be defined by something that they feel small
or large in their life, a divorce, loss of a job.
It could be something where you just don't feel on
and you feel off and you don't know what's going on,
but you're feeling that push and that growth.
So to that, I say that really it's up to you to decide
but again, going back to what I feel like part of the theme
of this episode is, you have multiple resources
and people that can help support you
and also not just here in the here and now,
but also your spirit team.
Yeah, and then just a final point on this,
is that it can be, the experience of darkness
or can be confused with depression in a sense
that there is a disconnect, a sadness,
a low mood or emptiness.
But behind that is a driving force to look
and to ask, to pray, to meditate, to read,
to do something, to address that need.
Where I think in my personal opinion,
when it goes into depression,
you just feel low mood and sadness, hopelessness,
and then that's just it.
You just don't feel like doing anything
and you don't.
And the guidelines pretty much across the board
are that if you have those feelings
and then we want to emphasize this to the listeners today,
is that if you do experience sadness,
low mood, emptiness, or hopelessness
that persists most of the day for at least two weeks,
then that gets to be clinical
and you really need to start connecting
with a qualified mental health counselor
to address that.
But on the other side, the darkness soul,
I think, is less frequent,
maybe a few times a year,
and there's a purpose to it.
You can kind of feel that.
God, I hope not.
It's a few times a year.
Well, it does to me, to be honest,
a couple times a year happens to me.
Absolutely.
Really? Oh, God.
Well, we need to have a whole other episode on that.
Maybe we literally need to talk about darkness soul
in like a separate episode
because some people never experience it.
At all.
And their life.
Some people may have one or two or three.
The fact that you have two or three a year,
we definitely need to talk about that.
What?
Well, you think you're better than me?
No, no, I know.
I'm just joking.
I'm just joking.
No, yeah.
No, only because it's all new to me too.
The teacher also becomes a student.
But ultimately, I would hope
that people don't have to go through it frequently every year.
The idea is that when we think about dark night
or the soul, these should be bigger moments
in your spiritual growth,
that you're experiencing and pushing through it,
and healing from it and transmuting
and not having to revisit it.
That's all I'm saying.
Well, it's always new.
For me, it's always new.
I always gain valuable things.
I think you might be thinking
dark night or the soul is something different
than it actually is.
Oh.
Their spiritual growth
and their challenges we experience
through our spiritual experiences
and everything else.
Dark night or the soul tends to be
where you're deep in it
and you feel like you can't get out.
It can be like a feeling of depression
and you're like,
I don't know how I'm going to get out of this.
What the hell do I do?
Pardon my language.
But that's literally,
I'm in my knees.
I am praying.
I am asking for support.
I don't know how to get out of this.
That's to me what dark night or the soul is.
Whereas we all experience,
yes, to your point,
multiple times during the year,
more of that pushing
and those challenges that interact,
but hopefully it's not bringing you to your knees.
It would be a good episode.
It was a lot of different perspectives.
Okay, Scott.
I mean, I didn't realize that this is okay.
So, all right, moving on for sure.
All right.
So, next one.
Okay.
This is an email from Barbara Linvall
and it starts eight years ago.
My mother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer
and given nine to 12 months
as a best scenario to live.
The night before each of her appointments
to see how she progressed,
I would pray so hard,
just for her to have a little more time.
Being an only child,
I could not accept that she was leaving,
even though I was 43 with three kids on my own.
But each time we arrived at the hospital for her appointments,
I felt like I was being carried
in a brilliant golden white cloud.
Literally, I felt as if I was lifted off the ground
in a beautiful bubble of peace
and my anxiety would be gone.
I would ask all the questions I need to ask
and was able to be there fully for my mom.
I knew without a doubt that God sent angels
to carry me through this.
But then it happened.
Sixteen months into her diagnosis,
I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer.
It was like some sort of a cruel joke.
And at the same time, it was at the hospital
that I'd been a caregiver for my mom,
taking all her appointments and her chemo appointments.
Now, I was the patient.
The day before my surgery,
I tended mass and gave it all up to God
in a way I didn't intend or think possible.
I prayed to be here for my children,
the greatest gifts to me,
who I dedicated my life to
and never took for granted.
I asked to let me finish what I started
in raising them.
I felt myself overcome with the feeling of surrender.
Tears flowed down my face and I truly felt
that if it wasn't his will for me to be okay,
then I accepted.
Just surrender to it.
In the end, I only asked for strength to live or die.
When I woke up the next morning,
I immediately knew I was once again
being carried by many angels.
When I arrived at the hospital and checked in,
they couldn't believe that I was a patient.
Each member I encountered would say,
we've never seen someone in your shoes
be at peace with what you're going through.
In each time I said,
I gave it all up to God
and he sent me his angels.
Some asked to hug me,
some looked at me if I were nuts,
but the feeling never faltered.
Then one day, I woke up
and learned my lymph nodes were clear.
My mom lived not only to see
and helped me finish my eighth round of chemo,
but in additional five months.
And just as I healed,
I guess her job she felt was done
and she passed away almost 12 months
to the day of my diagnosis.
And 15 months longer than she medically should have.
Again, more than just a sign or symbol.
Yes, intense, dramatic,
but miracle is the word that came to mind
and the power of thought, prayer, intention,
but also love, ultimately,
which was what I think was the healing part of it for me.
Well, and the feeling that she got,
she said she felt like she was in a bubble,
like she was floating almost that intense.
We had another woman have a,
I was a guest speaker, I guess,
was talking about it.
Just the feeling,
the presence of an angel
and experiencing true love
was so transformative to her
that this, I think,
is false in that ballpark
where the feeling of angels of God,
the spirit of unconditional love,
can do miracles just because of the feeling itself
in their presence.
And it certainly gave her the strength to keep going.
Yes, absolutely.
And they say mind of her matter,
but it's not just mind of her matter.
It goes back to what you're saying.
It's the feeling of it.
If you feel it,
then it's going to transform
and be a part of that.
So I think that's extremely powerful
on so many ways for her.
And I'm glad that she's healthy
and that, you know,
sorry to hear about her mom
and everything else that goes through it,
but also at the same time
that she had this miraculous experience
from start to finish.
And she's over that finish line
to be able to also share that with the world.
Yep.
Okay, next up.
Okay.
Well, the next one.
Yeah.
So the next one is Tiana Linita,
hopefully I'm pronouncing that correctly as well.
But she writes that
my first spiritual experience
was very overwhelming.
I had a strong feeling one day
to go to the Guadara,
which is an Indian Dharma temple.
I really had these types of feelings,
but this one was so strong
that I thought I should follow.
I sat for a while,
said my prayers,
and just listen to the prayers
as I normally do when I go.
The Guadara,
I went to a small
and I was the only one there at the time.
And after a while,
I felt someone sitting behind me
but remarkably close.
There was no one else there,
but the feeling I had was like
someone was right there behind me.
The year before my nan passed away in India
and I was close with her,
the person sitting by me was her.
I felt her presence.
The way she sat curled up
was exactly what I felt next to me.
It was very overwhelming
and I got scared.
I didn't know how to deal with it.
Was I going crazy?
Did I miss her that much?
That I was just imagining it?
I ran to the car and cried.
That first experience was so overwhelming
and scary that I spoke to a close friend of mine
who was in tune with the spiritual world.
She calmed me down and assured me that it was real
and that I shouldn't be scared
and that it's a blessing
that she is trying to communicate with me.
It took me a while to accept
to not be scared
of the feeling that I was constantly having.
I am still new trying to connect
and become more intuitive.
This is a journey
and I'm looking forward to it
and becoming more and more in tune with it.
For me, learning to accept that you have a gift
is the hardest step of the journey.
So would you say that learning to accept
is the hardest step to the journey?
I guess, depending on where you are
in the journey that can be the hardest step.
Yeah, because, I mean,
you know, since I'm relatively new
to this aspect of spiritual experience,
there was a tendency to not accept it,
to just say, no.
You know, I'm crazy.
It's just a flirting idea.
Yeah, when I first connected
with my childhood coach and teacher,
it freaked me out
and it still does in a way, to be honest,
because it's so real.
But when I had, you know, as remembering,
you know, things that we did,
like, he took us all on bike trips
in the summer and classes
and he used my wrestling coach.
And I'm thinking that I was a memory
of all of a sudden,
it's like he turns his head to me
and starts speaking to me
and then we're involved.
And like, it freaks out.
And kind of like this woman
where she was afraid, you know,
that it was her mother, right?
No, her name, her grandma, which I'm assuming.
Mm-hmm.
Her name, yeah.
That, you know, when she was afraid,
she was afraid.
And her luckily, she got some help to say,
no, it's okay.
You know, you don't have to be afraid,
just accept it.
So that was kind of my take on that.
Yeah, well, it can't be overwhelming,
because, you know, for a couple of things
also stand out in this,
and that when you, when we're in grief
and we have sadness,
it can be extremely hard
for the other side to connect with us
because it tends to be a vow
that shuts off.
You know, think about as a water flowing
and plumbing going through your faucet.
So if your faucet's not turned on,
grief is the thing that shuts your faucet off.
So the fact that she was still grieving
but she felt a strong urge
and need to go to some place
that had probably a lot more grounding energy around
that's allowing her to connect
and channel number one, number two,
would also be that as she's sitting there,
I think what probably freaked her out
is that she had not ever really felt
a presence around her.
Maybe she had, but didn't stand out to her
to that extent.
And so when she did, it's think, you know,
in my mind to be like,
oh my gosh, it's literally like she's sitting next to me
or standing next to me,
and she's not physically here,
what's going on,
and that can be very jarring
and that experiences a whole just can shake you.
And yes, there are some people
or schools of thought
that are, you want it so much
that it's, you just,
or imagining your experience in it,
but I will say this,
I had, you know, it's just a dog
or I say just a dog in air quotes,
but when my dog,
Pomeranian, had passed
from having him from a little baby
all the way up until, you know,
12 years of age,
when he passed,
he told me as he was sitting on my chest.
I remember hearing him say,
I'm always going to be with you,
it's okay.
And he said, just remember this feeling,
and I remembered him laying on my chest.
Now I said Pomeranian
just to give people an example of how small he was.
And to this day,
sometimes I feel this pressure on my chest
and not pressure like it's in the sadness,
but a physical pressure,
almost like a comforting hug
because he's there.
And so these souls,
these beings, when they cross over,
do give us that comfort
and knowing that while we can't see them,
or experience them physically,
we're seeing them and experiencing them
energetically and emotionally.
And I think that that's a beautiful metaphor, gift,
experience that she had.
And I would, you know,
yes, we all have the opportunity to do it,
but you probably had these experiences
until this time.
This was just the catalyst
that kind of pushed her into the knowing
and to experience that with her hand in particular.
And I don't mean to harp on this too much,
but to me, attachment style comes into play,
the psychological attachment style.
Secure.
You know, how are you with people
and new things?
Are you secure?
Are you anxious?
Are you avoiding?
And not proud to say,
but I'm kind of on the anxious
to avoid inside of it.
And, you know,
so I keep things at arms length
until I get really, really comfortable.
And so that can be a part of it.
And then just realizing who you are, you know,
just to say, okay,
if I see someone that I know in the spirit of whatever,
my first reaction may be just like, no,
stay away from me.
But you can, once you, you know, certainly
are aware of it and you want to go beyond that
and deepen that relationship
and that experience,
I believe you can certainly ask for that
and it will happen.
But your first gut,
a reaction is probably a programmed reaction
from your life.
You know, how you grew up, you know,
you know, relationship with your parents
and friends and family.
But we can always grow through those things.
So question on that.
If you had had those psychic type of experiences
when you were younger,
taking into account your avoidant attachment,
whatever that was he said,
would you be more open
if you had had them when you were younger?
No, I don't think so.
I was too much in defense mode in a way,
due to my family environment and what was going on,
I think I was pretty much always had a very thick wall
around me to survive, you know,
what I configured was survive emotionally.
So.
Well, I mean, if you take that away,
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I associate with what you're saying in my life,
not to take, go off on too much of a tangent,
but like I see, I would, I want to avoid,
I want to detach,
I want to have all those other things,
but because I was more open spiritually
and I was okay and comfortable,
it still was uncomfortable,
but I agree with me.
So I guess that's what I was asking
is what it made any difference or not?
Oh, well, yeah.
I think it would make a huge difference.
Absolutely.
You know, if I could learn to trust people
and I had a solid relationship with my parents
and could trust them emotionally,
and you know,
again, when I get into too much,
but yeah, if I could have that, yeah,
then absolutely, you're open to new things,
you're open to sharing yourself, being vulnerable.
This woman here, she sees her man,
she feels her name behind her.
If she, you know, was totally comfortable
with that threat of her whole life,
probably she would be accepting of her now.
Yeah, I think that's just something to keep in mind
when people, when those of us,
you know, all of us,
when we grow in our spiritual journey,
experience new things,
keep that in mind.
How do I normally, you know,
react to new things and new people,
personality situations,
and then once you're aware of that,
wherever you are,
and that's continuum,
that's helpful for you to be aware of
so that you can grow, you know,
and say, I'm going to react differently this time.
I'm going to be more vulnerable,
even though I don't trust this person yet
or this experience or whatever it may be.
Mm-hmm.
I'm at least open.
That's great insight and great advice.
All right.
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