AEE 1986: Love Is Worth It! Should You Have Weekly Meetings with Your Significant Other?

This is an All Ears English Podcast episode 1986. Love is worth it. Should you have weekly meetings with your significant other? ♪♪ Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to alllearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe. In today's episode, we ask the question, should you schedule a weekly meeting with your partner to talk about life and home issues? Today, Lindsay and Michelle debate the topic. Plus, you'll get some native and natural English phrases to bring this up if the language of your relationship is English. Hey, Michelle, what's shaking? Hey, Lindsay! Everything is good over here. Things are hectic, though. Things are really hectic. I used that word on an Instagram video, on a social media video, hectic, as a different word for busy. Yes! Yeah. Lindsay, are things hectic on your end? Yes, the month of April is going to be completely hectic. For me, I have to fly to Boston to see family, which is great, but then I have to fly to LA to help my aunt, and then in May, we're going to Egypt. It's going to be a very busy and hectic spring for me. Yes. Do you think with couples, when things are hectic, things can kind of get in the way, or tensions can build when things are more hectic, is it harder? Yeah, I would say so. I would say, yeah. I think it really depends on the personality types. People get really stressed out, I do. My partner doesn't as much. Say it. But if people get really stressed out, then it can make it worse. Right. But it's really important in a partnership. And I think this just happens naturally. People are drawn to each other. That one person maybe tends to go to stress, and the other is a little bit more... Like, it just doesn't go to stress, goes to logic. Would you agree with that? I think so. I mean, I'm thinking about the people in relationships that I know. And yeah, you know what? I want to think through that a little bit more. But I would say in general, it was kind of true. Yeah, when I think about my parents, that's true. My mom has been... They're both getting older now, so they're just chilling out as retirees now. So it's irrelevant. But before, my mom would get stressed very easily, and my dad was always the logical one, and more like the laid back relaxed one. He would just laugh and make a joke. Yeah, that's kind of like Dan. But that's kind of like Dan. He's always able to just... Even things that would stress me out, or if I were in his situation, it would stress me out. He'll just kind of like... I don't know. He just has a... It's... Like, I would say sunny disposition, but I also have a sunny disposition. But I just let things make me nervous more. Just a little bit different. Yeah, a different approach to the sun, a different approach to the sun. I love it. Okay. So what are we getting into today for listeners? Well, I thought that this was an interesting idea from Huff Po. There was this article, and we're going to talk about this idea today and discuss our thoughts. So this was an article about something that went viral. So it says this viral relationship ritual could help you fight less and connect more. It has changed this couple's marriage, and it could change yours too. This is by Kelsey Borreson on February 23rd, 2023. So this is Huff Po. And so we're going to talk about this today. So this was something that went viral about this couple, kind of there, I think they called it a hack, you know, of like how to make your relationship better. So we're going to talk about that. But before we do another good episode from All Ears English on relationships is episode 1868. Is she the one how to comment on someone's love life in English? Yeah. And that was a really fun episode, right? It's how to have a conversation with your native speaking friend or your friend. If they just started dating someone, you want to find out how serious that relationship is. Could that be the person they're going to marry? And would you say in English to build the connection? The connection connection connection, right? So guys, if you, you know, if you're not following All Ears English, hit that follow button, right? Wherever it is, YouTube or Apple Podcasts, Spotify, there are some new fun features in Spotify where we're going to start asking you guys questions and polls right inside Spotify. So that is cool. Hit follow now and don't miss it, guys. Yeah. Right. So this is, this comes from a couple of Stephanie Boo or Boo E B O O E. I don't know how to say it, but, and her husband, Alex. And so this is what they do. They actually have a meeting every week. And they talk about things. They go through life, all sorts of things. And apparently it's really great because you use this time to schedule, plan things out, something with the budget, you know, things with dinners, food, you know, who's doing what, chore. And they actually have this meeting. And apparently they like this because it takes some of that guess work out. Um, and so I'll just introduce it like that. Lindsay, what do you think? A couple of things come to mind. It does feel like work to me. Yeah. It sounds like work. It's like, okay, we have our stand up meeting Monday morning at 8 30. It's a little too work-ish for me, especially because I work a lot and always think about work. And so this would almost make a relationship for me feel like work. Yeah. And that's the last thing. The other thing that I'm a little scared, this sounds like this could work well if one partner is totally clueless and just not clued in to finances or some aspect or the other partners, maybe not clued into like what's going on with the kids schedules. Right. That might become necessary, but at least in my relationship, like we're both clued in to everything. We talk about things organically, like we'll be having a beer on a Saturday afternoon and maybe the topic of the plumbers coming next week comes up. Yeah. Okay. And then we go back to talking about something interesting. So it's a little more organic. What do you think? Yeah. I think things just kind of come up. And if you think about it in a meeting style, you might miss something anyway. However, however, I think it could be helpful. There are certain things like, well, kind of do it nightly. Like I'll say, oh, tonight, remember, we have to talk about this, this and this. And there's always something like there's just always something. So if we instead made that a weekly meeting, it could be a long meeting. Yeah. I mean, it might be. And also just so many things come up during the week. It's just like, boom, boom, boom. You know, it's not necessarily like an obvious weekly thing. Yeah. That's what I mean by organic. I mean, I think life probably gets a lot more complicated when you have kids, right? We don't have kids. So it's a little more simple. I could see though, taking a version of this meeting, if you have a goal as a couple, like if you want to invest in real estate as a couple and you know, watching TV during the week, you just don't get around to it. If you could set a, you know, every Wednesday, we sit down for a couple of hours and we research together, that could be really interesting. Like to reach toward an aspiration, a shared aspiration. Yeah. That's how I would use a family meeting time. Interesting. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. So in some ways though, there are things that like build up in my head that I know we're going to have to talk about. Yeah. You know, oh, what are we doing for my son's summer camp? What are we doing? You know, all these kinds of things. And so in some ways, it would be a good idea. But yeah, it also might make me feel more stressed. It's like all the things that make me a little bit nervous, decisions we have to make, plans we have to make. If it's all like on one day. It'll cram into that time. Yeah. You would have to spend time preparing for the meeting and then it really feels like work. Yeah. So I don't know, but I do, maybe it would make me feel better at the rest of the week. Maybe it's like once you get that over with, maybe you feel kind of a little bit of relief. So it's an interesting idea. You know, the people who do it, they said, you know, that you should have ideas of things to talk about. So like she says in this quote, she basically says that like, everybody comes with something so that it's not just one, you know, one of the people in the relationship who's like taking charge. Yeah. Yeah. And she says to, you know, discuss things that are not easy, you know, it if it's, if somebody's, you know, she says, if somebody's overspending, you know, talk about it. Yeah. If you talk about what food you're going to get out groceries. And here's a quote. She says, the point is to connect and try to put out fires before they even happen. So get real and raw and talk about the things that will help your family succeed. What does that mean to put out fires? I think I'm going to put that as a bonus expression for today. Well, that's a great bonus expression that is a big part of my vocabulary at work. With an online business, right? There are fires that erupt pretty much every day. Right. We talked about this on another episode or app will break sometimes or something breaks. Something didn't work. Something that is kind of a big as an urgency. But it can be solved, right? This is and putting out fires. Fires can happen at home. It's not literal fires, hopefully, right? But something goes wrong. I maybe, I don't know, like someone didn't plan something important. And now someone's not available to meet a work person coming to the house or something. I don't know. That's a bad example. But no, no, no. No, no. No, the car broke down. The car broke down and you have enough money to fix the car, right? Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. And she mentioned that, you know, this meeting, it doesn't have to be super long, but about 45 minutes. So, you know, I don't know. So it's a commitment. Okay, Michelle. So, yeah, I mean, my thoughts about this are mixed. I obviously, you know, I know, like I said, life probably gets a lot more complicated. I'm sure our listeners know that when you have kids. So I feel like I can't fully speak to this. But as someone in a couple, just two people, I think it wouldn't really work. It'd be a little too work-ish for me. So, okay. Yeah. I think, yeah, I feel that as well. I think that it would overwhelm me at first, but I wonder how I would feel after. Maybe it's good to get it out of the way. I don't know. Lindsey, what are some things you could say we're going to leave our listeners with this? Like, what are some expressions you can use or ways that you can bring this up to your partner if you want to? Yeah, because this is really interesting. I know a lot of our listeners live, you know, they have a relationship where sometimes the primary language might be English, right? They may be married or dating a native English speaker in the language you fall back on is English, which opens a whole other can of worms, Michelle, right? Challenges for sure. So, here's something you can say. Can we try scheduling a check-in every week? Yeah. Right? Yeah, that's the one way to bring it up. Or you could say, I think it would be great to set aside time to talk. It can be fun and productive. Yeah. So, you have to know your personalities. If you feel like this would fit with the way you live and your personalities, both of you, give it a try. I'm kind of surprised this went viral, but you never know what's going to go viral, right? Yeah, I don't know. The Huffington Post picked it up, so I guess it went viral, but I just thought it was an interesting topic. So, I think it could be helpful, but if it doesn't feel natural to you and you just hate it, I don't think it's going to be very helpful. Yeah, for sure. Do you think there could be any negative impacts? Could it negatively impact a relationship? These kind of weekly meetings? Maybe it could maybe, well, this gets into a whole thing if you should bring up things that are bothering you about somebody in a relationship. How often do you talk about it? How often do you hold back? You don't want to build or send it. So, it depends. I mean, I think if then one person becomes too much feeling that the other person is doing something wrong and they use this as an opportunity to criticize them every week. Session, like a therapy session rather than a planning session is what you might write. I think it should be, I think if you're going to bring up a lot of issues, then it could be negative. But if it's like boom, boom, boom, let's talk about this. What's coming up this week? How's our budget looking? You know, then I think it could be good, but if it becomes every week, oh, you're spending too much, you're doing this, you're doing that, then we could have problems. Yeah, super interesting. And there's a cultural piece here too, right? So, in relationships, is there one partner that takes on finances, right? Is that, I'm curious actually in our listeners' cultures, what is the standard? You know, in a heterosexual relationship, is it that the man takes on the finances and the woman kind of deals with kids? Is that standard in your culture, the traditional gender roles? Or is it more liberal and open where there's more visibility for, I want to put a poll in Spotify for this. I will try to think of a good question for this episode, guys, so you can answer and tell us. Yeah, I would love to hear that, Michelle. What do you think? I think that's very interesting. Yes, I think that's a very interesting question for our share. Yeah, I would love to hear. So, Lindsay, what's the takeaway for today? So, let's take away. I mean, think about your culture, think about expectations in marriage, especially in, like I said, heterosexual relationships. Are there expectations? Is there an expectation or like a way to talk through these things, right? Before, as we said, the fires, erocked. And use these expressions. I'm especially thinking today a lot about our listeners who are in relationships where English is the primary language of the relationship. I'm thinking about you guys and I know it could be challenging, but love is worth it, Michelle. Love is worth it. I love it. That's a great note to end on Lindsay, guys. Love is worth it. Have a good one. Thank you so much. And we'll see you on the next episode. All right, take care. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.