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Hi, Catherine. Oh, hi Chelsea. Guys, guess what? It's our season finale. It's our season finale.
What season are we in? Technically three, but it was sort of like a twice as big season as
the last season. Yeah, we just decide when the seasons are going to be over. Yeah, podcasting is
a wild west. You can kind of do whatever you want. With climate change, it's everything is so
unpredictable. So we're applying that line of thinking to podcasting. Exactly. Yes, this is our
last episode of this season, and then we will be back shortly for season four. Four? Yeah. Okay,
wow. What a success, you guys. It's a success. Yes. Four seasons. That's yes. Chelsea, what do
you love about this show? There's a lot I love. Oh, okay. Well, why don't you start? I'll start.
You know, it's really become this cool show where like people's lives are being changed. Like people
are making better choices. We're breaking people up. Like it's so wonderful to see people respond
with like, you helped me to move my life into a better direction or get that job or say no to
that mother-in-law or whatever it is. People are really being filled with joy and also connecting
because of the show. It's so exciting. Yes. And it's very nice. What Katherine does goes the extra mile
above and beyond for a lot of our callers, you know, when somebody reaches out and is interested
in hearing more about a certain issue or recommendations, like you really do go the extra mile to make
sure people feel like, okay, we're all in this together and we're helping people, which is so nice.
Yeah, I feel the same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impa- I can't tell you how many
people come up to me talking about my podcast and saying or our podcast, I should say, saying just
how their lives have changed and that they listen every week. And it's also a really great reminder
about humanity and that everybody just really wants, needs a little push at some point in their
lives. Everybody does. And that's essentially what this is. It's a shove in the right there. It's like a
pep talk. You're getting a pep talk when you're on the fence about something or getting advice about
how to handle, you know, a difficult situation in your life. And I think the more adapted we become
at handling difficulty, the better we are at helping others handle difficulty.
Yeah. And so many of these are universal truths. Like, you know, you can hear something that might
not be exactly your situation, but you're able to take a life lesson from that and bring it into
your relationship or bring it into your life in a way that's really beneficial. I just think that's
really wonderful. Yeah. And I like helping people. It makes me feel like I have a purpose, even though
I feel like I do have a purpose. It's nice that this is part of my purpose. Yes. My dad always says
that we're blessed to be a blessing. And when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth of
knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that you can share it. Yeah. I read, oh, I remember
we were talking about a quote a couple weeks ago on the podcast, something about being a teacher.
Like when you need the lesson, the teacher will show when the student needs the lesson,
the teacher will appear. Yeah. And when the student has learned the lesson, the teacher will disappear.
It was something along the line, that line. I don't know if it was roomy or if it was someone else,
but anyway, that's a very good way to look at people coming in and out of your life. You know,
sometimes it takes you a couple times to learn a lesson. And sometimes you can learn at the first
time. And so my goal moving on in life is to learn things the first time, the new lessons,
not to have to do things on repeat. Yeah. Because then you offer yourself up to a new experience the
next time and you don't have to repeat that. Absolutely. I used to go to this Reiki lady in
Oswego, Illinois, and she had said, you know, when you get those taps on the shoulder of a lesson
that you're supposed to be learning, that is, you know, your guardian angels trying to help you
learn the lesson. And if you don't get it, they're going to tap you a little harder and they're going
to tap you a little harder. And then eventually it's going to be the two wife or that, you know,
sort of hits you upside the head. Exactly. And it's just, it's sort of how life works. So I love that
learning the lesson the first time. Right. Well, when we're young and stupid, it's hard to know
that you're even learning a lesson. You just feel the two by four. You're just like,
why does this keep happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me? And it's like, no,
it's not happening to you. You're happening to it, you know, like you're not changing the way
you're thinking about something. So yes, these are all good things to keep in mind. And I want to
thank everybody for being such loyal listeners and for your calls and all of it. We just love it.
And I'm down. This audience is particularly awesome. Yeah, they are. They are. But that's,
you know what, I have to credit myself with that because my audience has been fucking awesome.
My whole career. Just badass fucking women, gay men and the straight men that are on board are
really on board and they're the cool kind of straight men. So I'm down with them too. And of
course, black men, I'm always down with black men. I don't know how many black straight guys are
listening, but if you are, hit me up. So what's going on, Catherine? I actually just spent yesterday
at Disneyland. So I am. Oh, Catherine, you know what? Go fuck off. Honestly, I am so sick of your
shit. First the eggs and now Disneyland. I know. And I even were my new little Mickey shirt.
That's actually cute. We're at home. Instead, I'm wearing it. Did you go with her? Are you in
a copless? I did. I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an excuse, you guys. You can try it.
You can use them as scapegoats. But obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh, how is your
niece? How's it going? So good. Are you having nice conversations with her? Yeah, we're having a
really nice time. There are two nieces here. One is 14 and one is 16. And all you have to do is be
like, so what's going on with your friends? And then they go off for an hour on their friend drama.
Oh, yeah. Right. Right. I kind of like hearing about that drama. Yes. And one of my nieces,
she's a new little girlfriend and just talking about her relationship and she's so happy and
in love. And it's just, it's really sweet. It's so wonderful. I mean, honestly, I'm just glad they're
past the phase where they only eat macaroni and cheese because they're breading us on some
delicious street tacos. Yeah, that's cute. They're loving street tacos here in LA.
Well, what's not to love about street tacos? Oh my God. It's the best. I'm so excited. So no,
we're having a wonderful time with that. Well, my lesbian sister and I, she's going to be a lesbian
when I get done with her. Just planned our honeymoon portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all
on this email with our Safari guide planning like our African trip because we're taking all our nieces
and my ski buddy, Kelly, my different ski buddy than Lindsey. We're taking my ski buddy, Kelly,
and her two twins. I forget their names right now, even though they're my daughters. No,
one is called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway, we're all going, Charlie,
Seneca, and Jordan, my three nieces and my sister Simone and Kelly and her two girls. And so we're
going for two weeks. We're going to Kenya and Tanzania. And then we're Simone and I are going
on a lover's week. It's just the two. She goes, I have a week off after that. Do you want to do
something? And I was like, you bet I do. So we're going to go to Cape Town and we're going to go
to Zanzibar for a couple of nights. That sounds very fun and exotic. I know. And she's keeps like,
he was like, okay, here's a villa. I'm like, we don't need a villa for the two of us. She's like,
yes, we do. Stay away from me. I'm like, to differ. Be in my wing.
Incredible. So I'm excited. I'm going to have a big summer of travel. So we're going to have to,
we're going to have to bank a lot of episodes. Yes, we will do that. Okay. So our next guest is
an Academy Award winning actor and a number one New York Times best-selling author of Green Lights,
Matthew McConaughey. Are we in line and on time? Yeah, we are. Hi, Matthew. Hello, how are you,
Chelsea? I'm great. How are you doing? This is my co-host, Catherine. Hi,
is that the name? How are you? I'm pretty good. Good.
Do great. Great. Matthew, I am in a state of being blown away because I read your book
in the last 24 hours. I'll be honest, I got it months ago and everybody was talking about it.
And just like you describe in the book, when you were accusing somebody of not being interested
in something because it was a success, it was popular. Everyone was talking about it and I was
like, Oh, fuck it. I'll read this later. And I read this yesterday in a day. It is so fucking
impressive. I am so blown away by the depth of your humanity about the depth of your soul searching.
It's so nice for a woman to be able to read a man who speaks and thinks the way that you do.
We need more of that, absolutely. And the fact that you are just so in touch with yourself is
really remarkable. Wow. Cool. Thank you. That feels good to hear that. I promise. Thank you.
I bet. Yeah. The success of your book must have been a huge boon to you to get all of this out on
paper. I mean, how did it feel to get that kind of feedback and that kind of reaction from every
day? Well, you know, you put something that you don't know if it's going to stick or not. And
I remember when I started writing it, I was actually found myself writing to try and impress
you or an audience, right? And then all of a sudden after a couple of weeks, I was like,
that's not the way I got to do it. Making this personal for me is possible. And hopefully make
it entertaining as well. And then if it sticks, it sticks. And I got lucky. It hit a nerve with
some people. So the reactions that I've found and travels and emails I've gotten from around
the world to say, Hey, I saw myself in your stories. Hey, I'm taking more risks to do things in my
life that I was afraid to take before. Hey, I'm going to laugh this time when I step in shit,
instead of thinking, Oh my God, it took crisis. I want to come across some some cautions in life,
and I'm going to blow through them when I should not give a crisis so much credit. Or I'm going to
slow down and take a little inventory. Just to hear the feedback, it was, you know, when you when
you put something out, you have in your mind, what you hope a reaction will be. And if someone says
that, you don't say that loud, but if someone says that back to you, you're like, yes, that's what
I was hoping. And I got a lot of that from the book. And that that felt really cool. I mean,
the writing of it for me was, I'm not a guy who looks in the past. I like to go forward and
Hey, what's in the background? What's behind in the review mirrors in the review mirror? So to go
back and look at who I was. And now I got here was fucking embarrassing. I was I had a lot of shame.
I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe you did that just not in the other. But after a few weeks
writing, I started to laugh at that shit and started giggling was like, well, no shit, man.
You know, he's perfect. Yeah, you screwed up. Put that one in there too. Put that story in there.
And that turned out to be some of people's favorite stuff is when I'm writing about me
stepping in shit, me and Crow, you know, yeah, because I think it's very attractive when people
are able to not take themselves so seriously, especially in our industry, because it's a byproduct,
right? You have to take yourself seriously at times if you want to get serious about working,
or you want to get serious about accomplishing whatever your goals may be. So to take yourself
seriously, and also at the same time, not take yourself seriously enough that you can't expose
the shortcomings or the embarrassments or the self-recrimination.
Yeah, yeah, I like a call that, hey, I think we should take it all seriously, especially the
comedy, especially the screw ups, take them seriously doing just own them and go, yeah, I take
that, you know, the comedy of my own life seriously do so let's put that up. I take the times when I
eat Crow or follow my ass pretty seriously to him, let's just put that out there as well. It was,
it look, it was, you've written, you put something down on a page, and you're directing, you're writing,
you're the main character. It's cleansing. I mean, you kind of, it clears up a lot of things. I
found out that I remembered a lot more than I gave myself credit for, meaning I saw things that I
wrote down when I was 15, 20, 25, and was going, oh, you're essentially the same guy, the same person.
You've evolved, I believe, I hope so, Makana, but you're essentially the same person. Oh, you do
remember that even though, always like, see this, I write things down so I can forget them. So they'll
be there. You never do that at the dinner table. And I know when I pull up my phone and I always have
to go, hey, I'm not writing somebody else. It's not here. I'm actually writing a note of something
you just said. And then I'll show it to you and go Chelsea. Did you say that? And you're like,
yeah, I did. I'm writing that down so I can forget it and be present in the situation again.
Because if I don't write it down, I'm gonna be thinking the whole dinner. Don't forget that
thing. She said, don't forget that thing. She said. And so there was a lot of freedom
for me in writing the damn thing and putting it out there. Matthew, are you sitting in front of
two flags right now? Yes, we have an American flag and a Texas flag. I love it.
Not sure. I love it. Well, you were supposed to become the governor of Texas at some point, right?
I was supposed to become I considered considered getting in that run.
And then decided no, not for you. No, no, I don't think that's where I can be most useful right now.
I'm having too good of a time. I got three kids, 14, 13, 10. And the adventures were going on.
I'm not going to get them again. And right now I'm enjoying being a dead family man.
Everyone says it, but it's true. I got seven more years and then they're out on their own,
hopefully. And then everyone says get what you can while they're in the house because it doesn't
come back. You don't get the time again. Yeah. Well, one of the things that you talk about very
emphatically in your book is becoming a father. That was one thing you knew about yourself.
You say is that you knew you wanted to be a father. And that's also a very nice thing to hear a man
say to be that passionate about it. And when you talk about your family, it feels like, you know,
we have our first nature, our personality that we're born with. And then we have our second nature,
our experiences and the people who raise us. And your family sounds a fucking fun. And be like,
you'll never get away from them for your life. You are part of that ecosystem.
And that it had such a huge influence on you, your father, your values, your morals, your mother,
everything that you've been through. And now as a parent to try and redistribute that,
right? That wealth of knowledge. But in a better way, I'm assuming, right? You think you can do
almost a better job. Trying to. How is that going for you? I'm happy that I think it's going
pretty well, not making straight A's. But I think it's going pretty well. I've got some
considerate children. Hopefully they can get out of the house confident having an idea of who
the hell they are and who they're not. Hopefully they can be conscientious. We'd like to talk about
being a Renaissance man or a Renaissance woman to my daughter. But hey, you know, surf in the morning,
conduct the orchestra at night, be able to go from shirtless and no shoes in the mud to a
tuxedo in the same day and feel at home in both those places. We're filling their passports,
which as you know, I think is one of my one of the best resumes someone can have. You see a full
passport, you got a pretty good idea that that person has some wisdom of how the world works and
how humanity rolls, you know, we got like I said, 14, 13, 10, we're just getting into those
teen years. That's a whole new roller coaster, you know, more more rhyme, no less reason.
And then when you have kids, I noticed her early on that it's more DNA than I thought,
meaning I thought it was before I had kids, I thought it was more the second thing, environment,
culture, what you're raised around. And I noticed early on that, oh, these, these, these young
people are who they are. I can shepherd them. I can nudge them. I can put in front of them what
lights their fire and try to keep them from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that,
they are who they are. And so I've had to, you know, I use this line when it comes to discipline
the family. I'm treats you all fairly, but I'm not going to treat you all the same. And it's a
pretty fun one. We have a good time with the 14 and 13, I'm getting to that age where I'm starting
to become their buddy a little bit, which is cool. Meaning like my daughter, a cameo,
Ringo, hey, why I want to talk about this thing? And we can just talk where I'm not teaching,
I'm not talking as the parent, we're just jogging where my son can go flipped on like an NPR the
other day and didn't want to listen to music or listen to him. I'm like, at 14, I'm like,
and what do you get out of this this talk? Or is listening to podcast and stuff and going, okay,
okay. So I'm becoming buddies with the older two right now, which is nice.
Yeah, I think that's the thing that always has scared me about parenting is having to be a teacher
for so long. That always has been like, Oh, God, so many questions that I probably don't have the
accurate answers to. Well, and you get that thing that happens as parents is they'll ask you that
question. Like, for instance, I got one in the book where my eldest son comes to me and goes,
why is it before Camille and I were married? Because why is it Mama a mccon? Hey, well, those
those questions where as a parent, you go, I better have a fucking good answer for this,
because what I say right now is going to be branded in their mind or they ask you a big world question
and you go as a parent, and you may be tired. You may have had a couple drinks at night and you
go like, whoops, I better have a good answer for this one. Because what I say right now,
they're going to remember forever. And the good answer, well, the good parenting is actually going
and finding that answer, which resulted in you marrying your wife. Right? Because how did he not
posited that question to you? Who knows when you guys would have gotten married, if maybe ever,
or not ever? I might have, might have sat there and stayed in neutral and not set a date, but that
did give me a kick in the backside to go, you know what, everything's going great right now,
but let's go and take this to another level and start a start a new commitment and adventure
together. Yeah. Okay, well, with this book has led to a very unexpected event, probably unexpected
for you too, to a certain degree. You're doing a live event with Tony Robbins and some other people,
Tony Robbins being probably the most notable one. And it's called the art of living. So let's talk
about it. What are you going to be on the end? Because lives of her. That's right. Yeah. That's
how we say it now. Live it. Live it. Not living. Yeah. So Tony and Dean read the book, like the
approach and came to me and said, look, it's a great approach book. Do you want to dig deeper
and maybe make it more show the process that so people can more personally may have some
transformation? And I was like, I'd love to. And they're great at that. So that's what we're doing.
April the 24th, we're going to go live. The two of them myself, Trent Shelton, Mary for Lael,
and we're going to get out of the hood of green lights to how share how you can, if anyone out
there can make it personal to their lives, how they can, we can understand if we're at a green
light on our highway of life, you know, when things are rolling and we can't do no wrong,
how do we trust that green light that is one that's going to last longer and feed us for longer?
What do we do at a yellow light? Those pauses in life where we're like, I got it. I got a hitch
in my giddy up a little bit. I got to reconsider. What do we do? Do we pause and have a look over
our shoulder and go, I'm going to have a look for the first time. Why I keep stepping in that same
pile of shit? Or do we say, no, I'm going to blow this. I'm going to put the pedal to the metal and
blow this yellow light life because I'm not going to get the crisis credit because what comes after
the yellow, the red light, and that's the big crisis is like pain, loss, things suck. They feel
like dead ends. I have learned, and I think it's true for everybody, that there is a gift in those
red lights. I'm sure you all get in in times you're like, for like, there is nothing I can get. This
is this sucks. There's no lesson in this when you're in it. And then later on go, oh, I did get
something from that red light. Oh, there was a gift in that. So we're going to get under the
hood of all that to make that practical for people to go. How do I assess my green, yellow, and red
in life? We're going to talk about defining more. You hear it all the time, people go, I want more.
I want more. But we forget to say more what? It's like we want to be relevant. Relevant for what?
Define our more first, admit some truths, admit some lies that we tell and we believe in our lives
so we can kind of be more ourselves, which you've done a really great job of that. Chelsea,
I mean, you've gone and said it seems from the outside that you've done a really good job of being
yourself. So by hook or by crook, whether what you put out considered works or doesn't is seen or
sells or doesn't, doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well, I sold out and I took a
chance and I was somebody I wasn't. And that always feels better. I know for me, and I think it does
for everybody. If you can do something authentically as yourself, if it works out, hell yeah, great.
But if it doesn't, you don't feel like you sold out to try and sell something that wouldn't
ourselves. So we're going to talk about all those kind of things and try to make it practical,
transformational for people. Yeah, I relate it to so much of everything that you wrote in the book
because you have honored yourself in so many different ways in your career and your personal
life with your relationship with your family and that honor, that kind of self value, self-honor,
self-respect and respect for others because I don't really think you can respect other people until
you truly respect yourself. And I think that the way that you demonstrate in the book, like the times
were like, as one example, just walking away from romantic comedies, which was fruitful and money
and everything that you could ask for that would make a regular person, would make them think that
they could be happy and exist on that for the rest of their life, eating popcorn and not
desiring anything beyond that popcorn. And you said no, and you were offered lots of money and
you still said no, I'm not doing that anymore, I'm not doing that. And you waited, and you waited.
And I think the key ingredient for so many people who want to take risks, who don't
think they have the courage or the balls or whatever you want to call it, is because it's just patience.
You know, it's really, it takes balls, but it takes patience and knowing that you have to trust
yourself, knowing that you are the person that you can trust. Yeah.
Can you believe in those times that time is actually on your side?
Oh, it's tough. Yes.
It's on the clock's ticking, man. And then we make these plans.
And then you have babies that you have to support.
And they're going or I have a friend who's like, get it planned out at 30. I'm going to meet
the woman for me at 35. I'll be married and have kids at 40. They'll be here at 30. He didn't meet
the girl 35. He didn't have the family. He started getting anxious. You know, I write about it in the
book before I met Camilla. I was on the hunt. I was looking for the possibility of my mate at every
red light in every produce section. I love there's an angle maybe. And I was trying. I was not being
myself. I was not content with myself to be patient. And then once I became that man and sat back and
trusted and was patient that, hey, I don't have to keep looking. I'll find it if I quit looking so
hard. Well, that's when she she showed up. I mean, with the career that two years that I took off,
I got wobbly. I like to say it that old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on the counter
started looking a little bit better earlier in the day. I was like, I was like, purpose. I didn't
have significance. I was like, what am I doing? I considered other vocations like maybe I maybe
I wrote a one way ticket out of Hollywood. I got to find another job another career.
And I hung in there. Luckily, I had Camilla by my side sitting there going like, this is non-negotiable.
We made this choice. And we know it's true to your soul. So we're not going back. And there was
never a choice of going back. But it was spooky. And then all of a sudden that patience paid off.
All of a sudden I was gone from Hollywood enough to become a new good idea for the dramas I wanted
to do in the phone rang for that. And all of a sudden, when did all the things that I'd been
wanting to do that that the Hollywood was not offering me years before. Yeah, we got the McConnissons.
Yeah, the McConnissons. That's great. Is that a term? It is. Oh, no, I wish I had
probably people magazine or something. I would say the story about that. No, tell us.
Check this out. Oh, geez. It was some self-marketing. So I'm going to tell you, right. And I think I was
there with the movie I'd done Mud and something else. And the guy in this interview was going,
I mean, you're like on a really rolling roll right now, man. You did this and this and this. It's like,
it needs name or something. I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this guy a minute ago. And
he actually called it the McConnissons. Incredible. I threw it out there, right? And he goes,
Muh-huh-huh-huh-huh. I love that. You like that? I go, yeah, it sounds good, man. So I snuck it
in some of a bit didn't stick. So I made that up in one interview and it stuck. It gave it a
little song title, a little album. I like the idea of coining a phrase about yourself. I like that
a lot. And also like most people can't give themselves a nickname, but you deserve. Yeah.
I got the wink. I love it. Okay. Well, Matthew, first let me ask you something. Before we start
with our callers, have you been to therapy? No. Wow. I've not been to therapy. I got nothing
against therapy. You know, I was writing about this yesterday. So we go to therapy. And again,
I got nothing against it. I've seen it really work for people and I might want to go and need
to go later in my life. But we go to therapy and we learn to get objective about ourselves,
right? We go to therapy and we learn to see like, hey, or who we think we are, what we're actually
putting out is what we're putting out there. Is that what the world's receiving or is there a big
gap between those? You know what I mean? Are we living a life where the rubber meets the road?
And it's great because you get an objective sort of third eye, a Google eye to the world of what
we're doing. But I do think we have to watch with too much objectivity of awareness of like, well,
how is what we're doing landing? Well, how is it being is it being received? We have to watch
because it's good if it leads us back to being more subjective. Meaning what's great is when you
just you're not you're not even being objective at all. You're just being the subject in your life
and you're just doing it and it happens to be reciprocating. That's green lights in life. You
know, that's great when it rolls that way. And we all need to hop back and go, hey, let's be
consider it and have a little check out context to the situation. That's that awareness of objectivity.
But I do think we have to watch the rabbit hole of going and trying to be too objective for too long
that we forget to be the subjects in our life. So if therapy leads us back to being a better subject,
a better, better individual without being sort of even conscious of what we're doing or what we're
to how what we're doing, how it's landing. I think it's I think it's very helpful.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying because when you have too much self awareness,
it's almost like you're not even in the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing
and how it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle I had coming out of therapy.
I'm like, fuck, I mean, when am I going to be able to go back to me instead of making sure I'm
making sure everyone's okay around my behavior? It can just be paralysis of analysis almost.
It can immobilize us. I mean, look, I got a mother who 91 and she's a great example of the value of
denial if you actually commit to it. If you really commit to it, look, she's not shallow.
She is not a shallow person. But I asked her about four years ago, because she's a wild-ass rebel
outlaw. And she was doing all these things that were the opposite of what she had raised me and
my two brothers to do. We're like, I was like, mom, come on. No one forgives
yourself quicker than you. I was like, don't you have anything at the end of the night? We like,
you go, oh, I need to do that better. I need to work on that. And she was like, oh, honey, every
night, I go through a mental list, 25 things, the things that I could do better, things that I want
to improve on. I go, ah, OK, good. She goes, you know, Matthew, but the thing is when I wake up in
the morning, I forgot him on. And she just rolls like that. And like I said, she's not shallow,
but she's there's a beauty in her in consideration what bruises others tickles her. And she is
proof that there's a loophole in the golden rule doing others you'd have to do and do. Well,
not everyone wants to do what you want to do, but she just 91. She just rolls and she's been doing
that kind of all her life. And it's pretty awesome to see that simplicity because she's not objective
at all. She takes no context. She has no lack of consideration. And it can be a real pain in the
ass sometimes, but 90% of the time it's like, go girl, go get it. Keep doing what you're doing.
Yeah, she's a real renegade. As your father was as well. Yeah, yeah.
OK, so on that note, we are going to Catherine, you're going to tell what we have in store for
Matthew today. Absolutely. We've got some crises of conscience in here. We've got some confidence
issues. Some what am I doing next in my life? OK, so we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back.
The phrase black market evokes sinister images. Caged tigers hidden stashes of explosives.
The potted succulents on a window sill? No one is calling crime stoppers for that.
But maybe you should because the biggest black market you've never heard of might be blooming
right under your nose. This plant could sell for between 10 and $15,000 on the open market.
And where there's big money, there are bigger risks. We would just tie up what looked like
garden string behind our backs and dragged off into the woods for 10 months in captivity.
I'm Summer Rain Oaks. I'm a plant expert and author. On the Bad Seeds podcast,
we plunge straight into the underworld of plant crime. From Mexican drug cartels to corrupt elected
officials, we explore how the black market for plants has repercussions for you, me, and the fate
of the planet. Listen to Bad Seeds on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
podcast. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast On Purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with
some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, everything that has happened to you
can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really
matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Hart is not about us as a generation at this point.
It's about us trying our best to create change. Lewis Hamilton. That's for me being taken that
moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind
to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing you don't have a capacity to learn
on this podcast, you get to hear the raw real life stories behind their journeys and the tools
they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they
can make a difference in ours. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Join the journey soon.
America loves its founding fathers, but that's a tough act to follow as a founding
son. If you do not rise to the head not only of your profession but of your country,
you will be owing to your own laziness, slavilliness, and obstinacy.
So we're tracing John Quincy Adams' journey from the White House to the Halls of Commerce.
I'm Bob Crawford, bassist for the Ava brothers. Join me, Patrick Warburton,
and Nick Offerman as we bring the sixth president to life. Was there ever witnessed such a bare-faced
corruption in any country before? Let justice be done though the heavens fall. He held the union
together across two pivotal eras and two visions for America. Adams stretches his hand forward
to Lincoln and in so many ways makes Lincoln possible. Listen to Founding Son, a curiosity
podcast every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
And we're back! We're back! Well, our first question comes from Sage. Sage says,
Dear Chelsea, I am desperate for your help. I feel like I've been stuck in this identity crisis
for years. I've lost sight of not only who I am but what's important to me. I feel like I spend
every day going through the motions then all of a sudden years have passed. I came to the realization
the other day that I don't actually enjoy my life. I just get through the days. I feel like I'm waiting
for that light bulb moment or some type of epiphany to wake me up but I also understand that's not
realistic. How do I start enjoying life again? Liking who I am? Not caring what others think?
Taking chances and living a life of happiness and purpose? I suppose I don't even know where to start.
I'm 27 now and I know that I'm wasting my youth being lost and I don't want any more excuses.
I'm ready to live a life I'm proud of and that's true to me but how do I figure out what that is?
Thanks and advance Sage. I'm going to let Matthew take this from the top because he seems to be on a
real role and then I'll follow up after. I just want to say everyone feels like this at some point
in their life if not multiple times in their life. So just know A that you're this is not uncommon
and you are not alone. Matthew, why don't you go first? Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea,
because that is such we bypass that as far as helping somebody out by going hey just to know
it's not a singular experience just to know that oh hey me too helps so much. It sort of
just flattens the everything and takes the air out of the pressure. So way to start that office
saying hey you're not alone. Look I'd say this a lot of this we all want to talk about
who am I what's my purpose? Well what am I going to do? And we're trying to look for that first.
Don't look for that first. Start with something much easier because no one who you are is fucking
hard. No one who you're not is easier. So start off with process of elimination. Start eliminating
the things in your life, Sage, that don't pay you back. The people the places the things that you're
doing what to do to eat drink whatever your habits that you know what they may feel good at the moment
but the next day they kind of give you a hangover or they didn't pay you back. You were in the debit
section the next day or you felt like less after you left that group of friends that maybe talked
about certain things that well maybe we're funny at the time it made you feel like a heel when you
left. Start eliminating those things. So by process of elimination when we get rid of the things in
our life that don't pay us back that don't feed more of who we are by sheer mathematics you end up
with more room for the things that that will feed you and we'll pay you back line up in front of you.
So start with eliminating who you're not to get to who you are.
Yeah I like that a lot. I also would like to say you know when you're having all these kinds of
feelings that aren't giving you positive vibes right. The important thing I think the first thing
that you need to do is learn how to get really still and get really quiet so that you can understand
exactly what your desires are and what and how you want to you know what makes you excited what gets
your heart rate up. What gives you excitement when you think about fashion or do you think about
television or you think about therapy like what is your retail whatever it is there's no judgment
on it it's whatever your desire is what draws your attention what keeps you interested what helps
you stay focused when you're on that subject matter like those are the things that you need to find
out about yourself and the way to do that is to really kind of go within you have to be still
with yourself you have to give yourself like space and time to be quiet to not have noise
around you to not have influence around you to really sit down with a book sit down by yourself
sit down to reflect to meditate however you want to frame that but it's about the inner desires
because your body will speak to you you will speak to yourself when you've given the time to do that
like it's a matter of self respect in a way you're you're allowing your body and your mind to tell
you what they want and this is all going to sound very spiritual and big-worldy to you if you haven't
done this yet but I promise you if you make this a practice of just trying to get in touch with
yourself there will be a voice inside your head that is on your team that is going to direct you
and tell you just like there's always a voice telling you that you're not good enough that you're
not smart enough that you're not brave enough there's a voice your real voice that is centered that
will guide you and you have to trust that that intuition that self-knowing it's there for each
one of us and the only times we get separated from that voice is when we're not focused and we're
not centered and it's easy to disengage but it's it's easy also to get back on the track you know
it's not it doesn't take that as much as you think it's going to take and obviously I can't tell
you what your purpose is you're going to have to find out what your purpose is for yourself but
the more time you spend with yourself with less noise around you the more in tune you're going
to get with yourself and you're going to understand what you need to do to move the ball forward in
a direction that's going to make you excited about your life and also understand that you're not
always going to be excited about your life but you want to be optimistic about your life and you want
to be you know challenging yourself and going to new areas and doing things that scare you or that
you can't and taking risks you know all of these things are part of the equation so I would start
by doing that you know if it's meditation then make it a meditation but give yourself some time
each morning or each day whenever you can 20 minutes and just be still and sit in a garden or
by trees in nature and just sit with yourself and you're going to come up with more answers than you
would ever even believe that 20 minutes if you hadn't done it it feels like hours when you first
start but don't pull the parachute don't back out what Chelsea saying is like stick with it it gets
easier and easier and but when you first do it you will not like the company every time I go off
on my own I do not like the company I cannot stand the dialogue that's going on mad but if you stick
with it through that time you what do you end up realizing you're not realizing that you're the
best company and you're the only company that can't get rid of so we've been trying to get along
yeah yeah totally so far it's so true it's so fucking true I mean I can't tell you how noisy my
life was for so long until I did this and I hated the company I was like you're so annoying
this this and then I was like whoa whoa I only want to hang out with you like you're the best
company you know even when I go skiing now I'm like I try not to let my friends know like
when I'm in my scales I try not to let my friends know because I want at least a few runs by myself
and they can never understand why I want to ski alone I'm like because it's fucking more fun to
be by myself sometimes than to be around other people so anyway start doing that sage
sage right yes sage keep in touch with us and connect with us and when you've had a little bit
of an awakening I guarantee you it's coming just have faith in the knowledge of yourself
and just start practicing some alone time and real thoughtfulness and I promise you you're
gonna get where you want to go yeah absolutely like this is what happens at times in your life but
especially when you're 27 like 27 everybody feels this way because you're in this like
crux between the young adulthood that you've just been in and like adult adulthood and it's just a
weird flexion point where you feel so much change and yeah I think all the sevens are like that 27 37
47 there's something about and I think in in Judaism yeah seven is a number where
pivotal things happen so it's it's all good run towards it it's all good exciting because new
things are gonna happen yep well our next question comes from Sean Sean says dear Chelsea
I'm a 37 year old flight attendant from Kansas City Missouri it goes without saying that I am
of course gay I've been a flight attendant for five years and people always say oh what a
dream job or that's what you were meant to do I enjoy the perks of my job but have you met people
I have to deal with almost 300 of them for eight hours inside an aluminum can no one dreams about
that sure being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great but I know this is not viable for the long
term I've thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot but that still feels like settling
several years ago some friends who did stand up and formed me that I was funny I legitimately
had no idea due to my penchant for thinking I have no valuable skills they asked me to do a little
set at their show and I agreed well I killed it I felt like I was in the right place for the first
time they laughed when they were supposed to they clapped it was amazing I did it again and I didn't
do as well but still pretty good now it's been years since I've done it because I'm so scared of
being disliked I would be stuck doing open mic nights in Kansas City I'm scared of not only doing
poorly but I'm also nervous about the rednecks hating me just because I'm gay plus I'm burnt out
so I just don't feel funny or creative how do I move through the stress and bullshit to get back
to a place where I can be funny and confident I know I'm still young but I would hate to look back
on my life and regret never doing anything that was actually difficult I just finished your special
revolution available now on Netflix and it just solidified that I want to do what you do Chelsea
I want to make people laugh and find a way to find humor in this craziness thank you for being
you and I promise you really are changing the world Sean hi Sean hi hi our special guest today
is Matthew McConaughey what a treat oh my gosh hi y'all how lucky am I I know I know look how
cute you look too how are you my god thank you so much oh he's got this gorgeous hair I'm great
how are you guys yeah I'm great you back Catherine obviously this is my co-host well it's nice to meet
you you too thank you I'm gonna go first Matthew okay sure I'm gonna just since this is a stand-up
comedy question and you just watched my special and I've felt like you before at different times
in my life where I'd had no creativity I didn't know if I was funny I didn't care I didn't want
to work blah blah blah I understand what you're feeling you have to understand a how lucky and
fortunate you are to know what lights you up that's what every person is looking for our last caller
was trying to find that light you know what lights you up you know what makes you feel something that
you really want to feel in this life and that's the biggest thing you know what I mean you know that
now you just have to walk that avenue to get where you're going and that's easier than you ever
thought it was yes you're gonna bomb you're gonna do badly people aren't gonna always like you that's
not the point the point isn't to get everybody to like you or to succeed all the time because there's
no growth or learning in either of those things that's just a cherry you know like that's oh great I
have that moment it also doesn't last forever the idea is to get really just better incrementally
at something and in order to get better at something and to make a career out of it you need to
fucking start doing it so you have to start performing it doesn't matter if there are rednecks it
doesn't matter if there are people that don't like gay people it doesn't matter you know that's
even a better challenge to get the people that won't necessarily be predisposed to liking you to
like you you know what I mean you're gonna be surprised a lot of those people are gonna like
you and you're not gonna believe it but in order to do that you just have to start the action and
you're a flight attendant it's a great way to practice material on people you have new people
revolving through your door or your aluminum cam as you say which is very apt description I don't
know how the fuck you guys do that I don't need that but you have an audience to play with at all
times so you can be practicing your material at all times like you have all these advantages I
think that you're looking at as disadvantages and they're not right that makes sense Sean where Chelsea
said you've got an audience on that aluminum can sounds like you also have a huge source of your
particular comedy I mean you're opening question you know I'm a flight attendant I'm on aluminum
can I serve 300 people inside a steel can and without saying it yes I'm gay that's already I
was already laughing at that just your delivery of how you wrote the question those 300 people
the different idiosyncrasies or the shit they do that's you're like are you kidding me that sounds
like great material where you're getting new material with every flight right so it sounds like
maybe just keeping ear open for every one of those things when you get annoyed at somebody in 17a
clock it oh that's going to be a good joke oh that's going to be a good turner phrase
oh that's I'm going to use that every time you get annoyed at somebody look at it and go how could
that be funny or how could that that actually could be funny if I'm telling someone else because
someone's going to go no shit I know people do do that I didn't know people do that really oh
shit I don't know if you got great source material in all 30 we're having any rows of
people those 300 people are sitting in that makes sense Matthew do you also have some advice on like
how Sean can reclaim that confidence that he felt the first time he performed
how do you reclaim a comp look some of it I'm gonna go back to what I was talking about my mom
with being a queen of denial a lot of it is look I've I've had thousands of days at work where I'm
not confident and I'm like I'm just gonna blow through it I'm gonna make sure one and I have to
convince myself that 80% of me doing the job is from can show enough and just get in there and I've
had some of my better performances when I was not confident walking the razor that's going man I am
and then found it in the performance but showing up and going and doing record and what what
Chelsea was saying you got a bomb uh-huh no shit you know you're gonna have lines of man when I
rehearsed that I was right on the money everybody and I and I and I waited too long or I or I got
I got excited and I blew through the pause that set up the punchline so what do it the next time
but it's just I think getting back out there and doing it and doing it the next time and doing it
the next time and I practice when you I find you build confidence when you start to get a little
better at something you know or even you start to pay a lot of people say I don't like what I'm
doing you can start to dig it by just purely getting better at something it's fun to get better at
something to improve and become more confident in it something you know it's also fun to flip the
script of your attitude towards it like your nervousness can be excitement you know what I mean
you can be like oh this is great my very first jokes were about waiting tables when I started doing
stand-up because I was I got a DUI had to go to DUI class where they made everybody get up and
give a speech about their DUI and I was so scared shitless of public speaking that I would hide
in the back of the class hoping this guy wouldn't call on me and when he did I got up and told my
DUI stories 21 years old and the whole place was dying laughing and I didn't get off stage I was
like oh this is fun and then the DUI guy came up he's like hey listen this isn't stand-up like this
isn't a comedy club get off the stage and everyone was like you got to be a stand-up comedian and I
was like oh that sounds scary and I was like but I guess I have to I had what are my other options I
mean what was I gonna do I didn't know I just thought I had to be a public person so I my whole
material was like people asking me what the specials were and me actually saying what I wanted
to say to people you know like as if you're gonna even remember this fucking meal in seven days who
gives a shit what the specials are figure something out you know my ass in your face is the special
like I just had a whole slew of material about waiting tables you can do exactly the same thing
that Matthew said to start and launch your creativity and you're gonna naturally move and flow and
and ebb and flow and all the things and bomb and succeed you're gonna have it all but go into it
knowing that it's a full breadth experience and don't expect everything to just go well that's
not the way we grow right I think that's what's scary is the not doing well it's I think because
the first time I did stand up they introduced me and the crowd was applauding and I got up on stage
and the very first thing I said was I kind of expected that to last a little bit longer and
they like started applauding again and I was just like oh shit they like they're doing what I tell
them to do and so it's like this high and I'm like I don't want to like what if I would have said
that and then they were just like yeah well it's not gonna last longer yeah but what if because
there's so many millions of other people that have your desire and are doing it do you know what
I mean maybe not millions but thousands definitely that are doing it yes how much how much of stand
up is entertaining yourself a lot a lot I mean when you think that joke's funny by hook up I
crook s them the crowd if they laugh or not a lot of times it becomes funnier to them because you
enjoyed that joke you think it's funny right yeah for sure it's hard to if you don't get the
reaction it's hard to relax and go yes all right nobody laughed at well I'm gonna clap for myself
whatever that is you know I mean yeah how much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself well a lot
of it's entertaining yourself but it's also a practice of like I tell stories all the time in my
personal life and when I see that they get a big reaction I'm like oh that's a story for the stage
if you know my stand up is very personal your stand up may be very joke oriented but I think
anything that comes from your personal truth is valuable to creativity you don't want to pretend
you're someone you're not you obviously being a stand up relies on the audience laughing at some
point you know that is part of it so yes you want to get there but you know Matthew and I discussed
this a little bit earlier we touched on not taking yourself too seriously you want to take
everything seriously but any moment like that is not a life altering changing moment in a negative
way it can always be a life altering changing moment in a positive way but a moment on stage
is just never going to crush you the way that you are fearing like your fear is you're letting
you yourself be led by fear instead you got to be like bring it on like let's bring it on let's get
the scary parts over with like the sooner you get on stage and the more you get on stage the quicker
all of that stuff is going to be out the back door so like get moving yeah that makes sense you
know what I mean like is there somewhere you can go do a set like a stand up comedy club where you
live yeah there's a ton of places here in Kansas City that have like there's like a week open my
nights and stuff yeah yeah do it just start doing it makes you make us a commitment that you're
going to do it what this week next week when can you get on stage yeah I can I can do next week all
right make it a commitment to us and yourself and go do it okay I mean tell you one thing that my
mentor Penny Allen my greatest mentor this this woman of 19 years told me and it was so liberating
before I go every every job and every every morning at work but I tell myself I tell myself
kind of I dare you to screw up go if I dare you to screw up dare yourself to screw up watch how
you I found that I screwed up less when I dared myself to screw up I dare you to eat shit here
it just kind of like popped the bubble so much pressure was on I'd give myself right there so try
and screw up there okay I like that yeah even if it goes badly it's five minutes in the beginning so
even if it doesn't matter for the lens it's just the only thing that matters is you making the step in
the right direction of what's going to really fill your soul up and it sounds like you know what
that is look at that as a gift instead of a negative and just run towards it you know and any time
you have a bad set that's like great because if when you have a bad set the next one's always the
best one I speak from experience yeah you do okay thanks for calling Sean okay thank you so much
bye break a leg I mean sorry yeah good luck is a good for all nice
thank you so much bye y'all
the phrase black market evokes sinister images cage tigers hidden stashes of explosives
but potted succulents on a window sill no one is calling crime stoppers for that
but maybe you should because the biggest black market you've never heard of
might be blooming right under your nose this plant could sell for between 10 and 15 thousand
dollars on the open market and where there's big money there are bigger risks we would just
tie up with what looked like garban string behind our backs and dragged off into the woods for 10
months in captivity I'm summer rain oaks I'm a plant expert and author on the bad seeds podcast
we plunge straight into the underworld of plant crime from mexican drug cartels to corrupt elected
officials we explore how the black market for plants has repercussions for you me and the fate
of the planet listen to bad seeds on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your
podcast I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose I've had the honor to sit down with some of the
most incredible hearts and minds on the planet Oprah everything that has happened to you can also
be a strength builder for you if you allow it kobe brian the results don't really matter it's
the figuring out that matters kevin holl is not about us as a generation at this point it's about
us trying our best to create change luens Hamilton that's for me been taking that moment for yourself
each day being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself and many
many more if you're attached to knowing you don't have a capacity to learn on this podcast you get
to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used the books they
read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in
hours listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get
your podcast join the journey soon America loves its founding fathers but that's a tough act to
follow as a founding son if you do not rise to the head not only of your profession but of your
country you will be owing to your own laziness slavilliness and obstinacy so we're tracing
john quincey adam's his journey from the white house to the halls of congress i'm bob crawford
faces for the avant brothers join me patrick warberton and nick offerman as we bring the sixth president
to life was their ever witnessed such a bare-faced corruption in any country before
let justice be done though the heavens fall he held the union together across two pivotal errors
and two visions for america adam stretches his hand forward to lincoln and in so many ways makes
lincoln possible listen to founding son a curiosity podcast every thursday on the iHeartRadio app apple
podcast or wherever you get your podcasts we have one other caller her name is karae
a friend of about 16 years has recently professed his love for me i have known he's had a crush on me
for a long time he always tells me i'm his type with his recent admission of being in love with me
i thought sure why not let's try it i warned him that he's setting himself up to get hurt and that
i may never get the feelings for him he has for me but he wants to try anyway i told him i
can't just flip a switch from friendship to relationship so i asked him to court me and he's been trying
really hard the trouble is he's not my type i don't really have a strong physical attraction
toward him but the person he is and the time we spend together i love i'm a bit of a disaster
with dating and have been single most of my life i'm 48 my longest relationship of three and a half
years was with a woman though i don't identify as a lesbian it just felt right at the time i don't
know what it is with men i just seem to find fault in all of them and end up breaking up with them
so karae told me that they dated for about a month and she finally kissed him or they kissed and she
got the ick and didn't want to continue but i think the bigger issue that came out of the conversation
is that karae's having trouble finding chemistry in general with other people that she's dating so
i thought we could explore that explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's going on there
okay yeah hi karae hi hi there we this is Matthew McConaughey he's our special guest today
hi nice to meet you hi there and you know katherine obviously you guys have spoken yep yep for sure
so yeah so she told you that it went sideways well you had a kiss right that was it yeah so we dated
for almost six weeks we tried the dating thing and he was doing because i asked him i told him he
has to court me because you know i'm not just going to date him for no reason and yeah he finally
asked me on valentines can we kiss and i said sure and honestly it was like kissing a family member
okay well let's go back you said that you have problems with intimacy with men right is that
what you said is it men or you don't have problems like that with women well it's not so much with
all men i'm kind of more of the i like the why not the label kind of thing that said i've dated more
way more men than women so i think with men it's just i do have some trust issues with men so it is
harder for me to get closer to them i also find men over 40 extremely needy and that is like one of my
least like i just it's so unattractive to me so that part is hard as well well i think if you have
itself admittedly that you have a lot of guardrails up it's very hard to break those down and i think
that should be your number one objective right now because i don't think you can probably clearly
even kiss this guy while you're looking for excuses to not like him you know what i mean and i had
the last guy i dated i was friends with for 15 years and was never attracted to him and it took a
long time and i did i fell in love with him i became attracted to him i was couldn't even believe it
you know i said there's no way there's no way and then it happened so i don't think a kiss is
definitively the end or the beginning of anything i think that you have some work to do about
being open and and and not every guy is that needy not every guy is anything look at Matthew McConaughey
he's sitting here he just wrote this book well he didn't just write this book but he wrote a book
that you should read called green lights i wrote it oh great perfect so then so then you know about
green lights yellow lights exactly exactly yeah exactly yeah and you're in yellow light right now
exactly that's right it's nice to hear that you know because i know with you and joe you were
friends for a long time and then so how long did it take for you to be able to look at him that way
well it's funny you say that because in therapy when i was wrapping up therapy because i needed a
break i said am i supposed to be in a relationship i just don't feel like the relationship type like
that's not it's not i've never been boy crazy you know i don't go god you know like when i'm single
i like it i'm not trying always to find a guy and i just thought maybe something's off with me
and he said you have too many barriers up you just have roadblocks all around you he said and you
have to strip those away until you're going to see somebody for who they are not what they represent
you know not the fact that he's wearing Prada jumpsuits that make me sick or if we're driving
around in Ferraris that makes me cringe just i had to get past all of my bullshit and finally just
see him for who he was which is a real person you know and those things don't define a person
and i understand if you don't feel like you have chemistry when you kiss somebody it's hard to
even think about kissing them again or anything like that but this feels like it's a good opportunity
for growth for you in terms of really kind of trying to strip away your layers and go into things
that make you uncomfortable not to a degree where you have to go have sex with somebody that you're
not interested in but to a degree where you're pushing yourself to perhaps go out with him again
and try it again you know and if it's not him another guy or another woman like
whomever but as a practice for yourself not necessarily to be in a relationship but in a
practice of like tearing down the things that go eugh to you when something says eugh to you
or you have that feeling you've got to make a note of it and go oh that's that's a yellow light is
that about me or is that about him or her right right and i i pretty sure it is about me because
you know we have we have all the things in common i'm like if this doesn't work how the
hell am i gonna date anybody else that doesn't have all these boxes ticked right and it was just
kind of that all it's lacking is that spark you know when you kiss somebody and then you want to
sleep with them and that was kind of like i don't really want to sleep with you that said i have
slept with him in the past so my bad i've maybe sent off the wrong signals oh well you skip that part
yeah exactly so so you slept with him in the past you know or not your bad
one thing i hear you i hear you kind of keep doing this what Chelsea was saying you said a
minute ago i like the wine not the label yeah you're but you are labeling exactly what you want and
you have your own labels which happens all this with maturity as we mature we get kind of set in
our ways and know it needs to fit this and this is how i this is how my life goes this is what i
expect and we're less malleable and what i hear Chelsea saying which i would second is relax your
own labels on yourself and the boxes that he or any other man needs to absolutely fit for you so
maybe just enjoy that wine without looking at the label a little bit and i think that's what Chelsea
saying is if if it's not just perfect to catch yourself where you go wait that that didn't fit
that didn't fit that didn't go exactly how i want it to be that kiss didn't make me want to go
further well maybe that was all it was needed right then maybe start with that sometimes you get
to notice that you already got your asset with this guy is that you already got a friendship
well not anymore well it's there yeah it was there the last 18 years are not gone whatever y'all
formed over 18 years it's not like whiteouts over it it's right there you want to rekindle that
and go you want to pick back up and just go have a freaking cup of coffee and not kiss you want to
get back and doing some things that we like we used to like to do just together and just maybe
that's maybe restarting there and if you know that if the kiss works it'll probably be the time where
he doesn't ask you or you don't ask him and it just happens exactly and when and to circle back when
you were asking me about when it happened for joe and me we had to hung out for over a year
before anything happened and when it happened i made it happen because that had to come for me
and i would suggest hanging out with them with first of all repair whatever damage has been done
which you can easily do over an 18 year relationship and say let's just try this again as friends
let's see if it goes anywhere in a more natural progression because i think if you if he ticks
all these boxes a it's worth another go you know what i mean you're saying all he has got all these
things except for your feelings towards him and that can happen that comes up for people all the
time they fall in love with their friends all the time you can't force it to happen it has to naturally
organically happen and you can continue to spend more time together you don't have to kiss each
other or fuck each other or whatever but spend more time and see if it happens naturally and also as
a test for yourself also explore that with other people too you know because i'm glad matthew said
that about the wine and the label because as soon as you made that declaration it was clear
that you're doing the opposite of what you think you're doing you don't have to make declarations
about who you are you know what i mean so i think that you might think you're looking at the wine
and not the label but it's quite the opposite right fair enough i think right now is good that this
call worked out when it did because i was actually thinking of writing him a letter because right now
he's just cut me out of his life completely unfollowed me on duo lingo and and goodreads and facebook
and all the things that we shared common interest in and i text him and i was like art so my biggest
fear was losing the friendship and he just said i can't be friends with you because i'll always
want more and i thought okay so you're just willing to throw away 18 years friendship because your feelings
are hurt so it's like at this point is it crossing a line to write him a letter and just be like hey
maybe we didn't try long enough or i don't know at this point sounds like y'all are very similar
maybe just simplify a little bit and then if you do write him a letter which sounds like you should
because that 18 years you don't want to throw that out like that was a nothing part of your life
that was real exactly whether it works out for y'all or not that was real you built that
you don't want to throw that out completely i mean i think if you do write him a letter be
considerate i'm sure he feels like he got bruised or lost or made in advance and and you had it and
you were like nope that's it he probably feels a little embarrassed a little shame a little loss
a little less just maybe as a friend go man i think this is how it made you feel i didn't mean to hurt
you but that's how i felt this is all so damn complicated and you want to go back back back
a few months before we for that kiss and just start with when we were high-fiving
and gonna have a couple coffee or a walk and start right there with some simple shit and maybe
maybe cuss each other out and go this fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me that could be
could be fun you know yeah yeah i agree with that and i think you should definitely write him a letter
but also acknowledge his feelings definitely acknowledge the fact that he would the way he may
be feeling right now but you know as an effort to retain you know this friendship you can say in
the hopes i i want to have these feelings for you i'm willing to like try this again but we also
have to be adults and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out people have been turned down
before and been able to maintain friendships you know obviously he needs a little bit of time to
get over what he's dealing with but i think that you should really definitely focus on some of the
things that we said to you about looking within yourself and figuring out you know what your
stipulations and kind of roadblocks have been and kind of just try to open them up and just
kind of be open to whatever don't have it in your head the way that it looks needs to look perfectly
right absolutely well kara let us know how it goes okay for sure thanks okay good luck 48th's great
i just turned 48 and i'm proud of it yeah i'm talking about that age where it's like you know i'm not
one of those people that is desperate to be in a relationship i i actually quite like being single
and that's probably part of my problem with dating is like i'll start dating and then i'm like
actually single's not so bad so yeah i'm definitely at 48 i'm not even at 48 i'm not in a rush to get
into any sort of relationship but would be nice okay take care nice to speak with you thanks okay
we're running at a time so we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back
the phrase black market evokes sinister images cage tigers hidden stashes of explosives
the potted succulents on a windowsill no one is calling crime stoppers for that
but maybe you should because the biggest black market you've never heard of
might be blooming right under your nose this plant could sell for between 10 and 15 000
dollars on the open market and where there's big money there are bigger risks we would just
tie up with what looked like garden string behind our backs and dragged off into the woods for 10
months in captivity i'm summer rain oaks i'm a plant expert and author on the bad seeds podcast
we plunge straight into the underworld of plant crime from mexican drug cartels to corrupt elected
officials we explore how the black market for plants has repercussions for you me and the fate
of the planet listen to bad seeds on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get
your podcast i'm jade shetty and on my podcast on purpose i've had the honor to sit down with
some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet oprove everything that has happened
to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it kobe brian the results don't really
matter it's the figuring out that matters kevin hott is not about us as a generation at this point
it's about us trying our best to create change luis hamilton that's for me been taking that
moment for yourself each day being kind to yourself because i think for a long time i wasn't kind to
myself and many many more if you're attached to knowing you don't have a capacity to learn on this
podcast you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used the
books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference
in hours listen to on purpose with jade shetty on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever
you get your podcasts join the journey soon america loves its founding fathers but that's a tough
act to follow as a founding son if you do not rise to the head not only of your profession but of
your country you will be owing to your own laziness slavilliness and obstinacy so we're tracing john
quincey adam's his journey from the white house to the halls of congress i'm bob crawford
basis for the ava brothers join me patrick warbertin and nick offerman as we bring the sixth president
to life was there ever witnessed such a bare-faced corruption in any country before that justice be
done though the heavens fall he held the union together across two pivotal eras and two visions
for america adam stretches his hand forward to lincoln and in so many ways makes lincoln possible
listen to founding son a curiosity podcast every thursday on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts
or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back we're back that was awesome matthew mccotter hey
you were great has predicted yes thank you i want addicted so to this event to matthew's event that
he's hosting with tony robins it is a virtual event it's called art of liven live on april 24th
right so you can go online and register at art of liven event dot com and sign up it's actually free
to attend so go check it out oh yeah that's awesome you matter so it's all free yeah it's all free
oh great online okay awesome thanks for sharing today thanks for being here thanks for giving advice
to our callers appreciate it i enjoyed that okay enjoy that so i'm not you have bad ass day bye
you too bye oh well great episode fabulous and don't forget everybody my new special revolution is
now streaming on nefflix and it's bad ass and then i'm doing a tour a little big bitch tour go to
chelsea hannah dot com for tickets i've added some new dates i added a date in mattice and
new york i'm coming to colorado to red rocks amphitheater i'm coming to calum nazoo and then i'm
coming to a bunch of places in tennessee mephus noxville and chatea nuga that's may 19th 20th and
21st and then i'll be in atlantic city june 10th which is almost sold out so get your tickets if
you'd like advice from chelsea shoot us an email at deer chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure
to include your phone number deer chelsea is edited and engineered by brad dickert executive
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the biggest black market you've never heard of might be blooming right under your nose this
plant could sell for between ten and fifteen thousand dollars on the open market and where
there's big money there are bigger risks we would just tie up these big m16 stuck to our heads i'm
summer rain oaks i'm a plant expert and author on the bad seeds podcast we explore why your
favorite house plants might have a criminal record listen to bad seeds on the iHeartRadio app
apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i'm jey shetty and on my podcast on purpose i've
had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet
okra kobe brian kevin har lewis hamilton and many many more on this podcast you get to hear the raw
real life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used the books they read and the people
that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours listen to on
purpose with jey shetty on the iHeartRadio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast
join the journey soon america loves its founding fathers but that's a tough act to follow as a
founding son i'm bob crawford join me patrick warberton and nick offerman as we bring the sixth
president to life was there ever witnessed such a bare-faced corruption in any country before
let justice be done though the heavens fall listen to founding sun a curiosity podcast on the iHeartRadio
app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts