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I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Colman. We know you've been pining for a brand new podcast hosted by a beloved television icon and a largely unknown talk radio host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wrote that. Pye no more because we're the hosts of Really No Really, the funny informative show that seeks the answers to things that make us say real? No, really? You'll lay off your learn and we'll get paid. That's really no really with Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or where you get your podcasts. And anybody who uses the word pining, let me know because I don't think it's very common. Very common word. Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protests. It involves a cigar smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse we're like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Fans of the hit TV show Scandal can now revisit every episode on unpacking the toolbox Scandal Rewatch Podcasts, posted by the cast members behind Quinn Perkins and Huck. So gladiators, grab some Gettysburgher and relive Scandal's most iconic OMG moments. We would be in like 110 degrees in a wool coat. I mean the chafing that was going on in my pencil skirts? I deserve all the acting awards people. Into unpacking the toolbox, a Scandal Rewatch Podcasts on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, what's going on? What's happening? What's shaking? Well, today is my parents 50th wedding anniversary. Wow. 50 years. That's scary. It is a little scary. But then I also think about me and Brad, I'm like, we've been together for 17 years. And I'm still a young thing. 17. Yeah, that's scary too. That's a long time. Like almost longer together than apart, right? Yeah, I'm getting there. I was like 20 when we started dating. So, you know, I'm excited for my folks. They're like going to a steak dinner and we sent them 50 flowers for 50 years. That's pretty. Yeah. Well, congratulations. That's sweet. Thanks. I will pass that along. But how are you doing? What's going on? Well, I'm in Whistler. I mean, when this airs, I'll be hosting the Daily Show this week that it airs. But we're taping this in advance. I'm up here. The snow is just not cooperating right now. So I went to go visit my girlfriend in Park City for four days. We ski Deer Valley. There was so much snow there. It was heaven. I was like, oh my God. And then I came here and I'm just hanging out writing a book, writing new material. Also, I'm going back on tour, everybody. I have a new tour. It's called Little Big Bitch because I'm a little big bitch and I always happen. Well, now I'm a big little bitch. No, I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going back on tour. I'm going to be at Zaines Nashville, March 29 through Sunday, April 6 and then Irvine Improv. And then I have theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Kalamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boise, Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more and more and more. So go to ChelseaHannler.com for tickets and that starts in April. So I'm very excited, Catherine. Yeah. Amazing. I have family in Peoria, Illinois. They might be able to square, though, to come see you. Well, no, they can see me. They just, we shouldn't interact. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah. You are a wild woman. Like you just finished a tour and they were like, surprise, here's another one. I know. I know. It doesn't make any sense. I'm like, why am I going right back on tour? They're like, because you just put out a special and now you go on tour. I'm like, wait, what? So confusing, all of it. I thought you were just like ready to rage. So many responsibilities. I mean, I don't know which way to turn. No wonder I want to stay in bed all day when I'm home. Yesterday, I was like, I got up, I wrote from like 5am to 8am. And then I smoked a joint and everything went to shit. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I have like a three hour burst of creativity first thing in the morning. And then I wasn't going to go skiing because it was so crappy out. I was like, what's the point? But it was cozy. I just want to be in bed and watch bad TV. Not even bad TV. I really want to watch good TV, but I think I've exhausted all television shows. Yeah. I mean, it's slim pickets out there right now. Even though there are 1,000 shows. Well, I know which makes no sense with the volume of options. But I know you also like to be in bed with a good book. And actually, we've had a bunch of people asking for book recommendations. Oh, yes. We have lessons in chemistry is really good. I'm reading that right now. There's another book that someone left in my house that I'm also reading, but I don't remember the name of that. The Great Alone. Did we talk about the Great Alone yet? No. Oh, by Kristen Hannah. That is a great book. And every, yes. That book is about homesteading in Alaska, which is a subject matter that I couldn't be less interested in. And that book was a page turner. I mean, I couldn't get enough of it. And it's a big book. It's like 600 pages, but it flies by. I think I read it in two plane rides or on two plane rides. I love that. The Great Alone is great. I read the paper palace. I mean, that wasn't one of my favorite books. I read that pretty quickly too. So it's kind of a page turner. And then, oh, I read this cute little nightstand book, Galatea by Madeline Miller. What's that about? She wrote Cirque or Circe. I don't even know what the proper pronunciation is for it, but I think it's Cirque. Yeah. I look at that every time and I'm like, I don't know how to say that. It's such a good book. I wish I could reread books, but I mean, there's too many books to read to have time to reread any. Yeah. This is a podcast recommendation, but it has one of the greatest names I think I've ever heard. There is a new podcast that is about the kind of throw away books that we all get at airports. And it is called If Books Could Kill. I guess to put it the way they would, they describe this podcast as a podcast about the books that captured our hearts and ruined our minds. So it's a lot of debunking. It's a lot of funny commentary and like unpacking the culture of what we believed at a certain point when this book was popular. They sort of break down like, milk them gladwell and the secret and all these different books. And that's great. So it tells you which books are worth reading and which ones aren't. Yeah. And like some of them, they're sort of teasing about them because they're maybe like a couple decades old and they're like, remember what we believed at the time and, you know, how this fit into the culture and what this did to us all, what we all believed in. But it's a fantastic listen. It's very funny. I just love the name. If books could kill. I also want to make a couple of recommendations of some of my favorite books. I think House of Mirth by Edith Wharton is an old classic that's fucking awesome. That's a real commentary on society then and now like not much has changed. And then the red tent is a really good book. I have always heard about the red tent and I need to read it. Yeah, that's a classic book too. That's beautiful. I mean, I love the way, you know, when books just take you to a place that you would never go like homesteading in Alaska. I'm never doing that and never catching my own food if, you know, that's not going to happen. Yeah. Even if I tried, it wouldn't happen. So for some reason, I always conflate the red tent with pillars of the earth, even though I read pillars of the earth and loved it. For some reason, I always think those are the same kind of story. That's funny. I always conflate. I always put them together, the red tent and memoirs of a geisha because I just think both of those books are really important reading or great reading at the very end of the day. They're at the very least. Yes. Especially for women, especially for women. Well, I'm going to have to get on the red tent because it's just been too long. Did you get the clip I sent you of me talking about you and your hard boiled eggs on Alex Cooper's podcast and about Brad? Like the fact that Brad has remained, he's a victim. He's a victim of your idea. He's getting egged to every day. He's a victim of your abuse. Oh my gosh, I loved that. Thank you for bringing me. Every stone on to Alex Cooper. Oh my God, my eyes were closed. And she could not stop giggling. It was my favorite. It was my favorite. I was like, this is a fucking mess, this interview. That was so much fun. But I think people loved it because they're just like, this is what we want to see from Chelsea and I think Alex Cooper. I think that's what they're there for. Okay, so we have a guest today. He is a gay man and that is an identifier. You're not supposed to do that. Okay. He's a great guy. I've known him for a long time and I did his podcast, which is called Table for Two. And then he elbows his way on to this podcast. So please welcome Bruce Bozzie. Hi, Bruce. How are you? Good, Chelsea. How are you? Can you hear me? I can see you and I can hear you. This is Catherine, my partner in crime. Hi, Catherine. Hello. How are you, Bruce? I'm good. Are those all your Grammys behind you? Yeah. My Grammys, my Oscars, my, yeah, a globe. You know, you were such an award-winning performer. Thank you, Chelsea. You know, you learn something new every day. Maybe you'll win an award for your podcast. Aren't there a podcast awards? Uh-huh, the Webby's. Oh, really? Yeah. I would like that. We were at Webby Honoree this year. An Honoree? I thought we were a nominee. What's an Honoree? We were a nominee and then we were an Honoree. It's like the top 20% of podcasts. Oh. We were way to cut it in half. Yeah. Who did you just have on your podcast? It was so good. Was it Scarlett Johansson? Thank you. Yeah. We had Scarlett. Yeah. She kind of kicked it off and Octavia Spencer just dropped and you're coming up. Oh, this is very exciting. I can't wait to see what headlines this brings. Every time I say something, I have to stop. I'm like, oh, I'm glad I'm out of the country as if you can't access the news when you're in a different country. I was just on a podcast with a girlfriend and I was like, I don't want to comment on this because it'll become a headline. And sure enough, there was like 15 articles the next day with that headline. So anyway, I'm just going to be mute from now on because I can't express myself. Oh, the world would be a lesser place if you. I know. I want to talk about your long-storied career, pivoting careers. We've curated today's calls, hopefully, to suit something that you have some area of expertise in, which is the restaurant business, for instance, you're kind of in the Hollywood business. You have been a fixture on the Hollywood scene forever. So, but that's also, do you think that's by way of the restaurant business? You know, yeah, I mean, so the restaurant business, obviously 30-year career, 92 at the Palm restaurant, which my great-grandfather co-founded in 1926, I got involved doing summer jobs through college and then just it became my career. It's just like a calling for me, which kind of made sense because it was in the DNA. And I think to answer that question, I think the Palm really sort of was the intro to my sort of Hollywood relationships because I moved to LA and I was ringing checks in the West Hollywood Palm as I was also trying to do commercials and be an actor, but I was a really bad actor, but it was like my early 20s and I was out in LA. So I met a lot of people then. I call it my sort of Norma Jean trying to become Marilyn Monroe years. Well, yeah, okay, great. That was exactly who you remind me of, Norma Jean. Thank you. See, I wish it was Marilyn Monroe, but I'll take Norma Jean. Yeah, right. It's more Norma Jean for me than Marilyn Monroe. I appreciate that. So then, so yeah, so that happened. Then I moved back to New York, opened up the restaurant Times Square and a lot of my friends were like, they were all actors, it seemed. I was a friends with Sarah Jessica Parker and Andy Cohen's always. So everyone was like in the same little tribe and I was in the restaurant business. So I wasn't in show business. I just was a part of their world and loved everything about showbiz and then fell in love with Brian Lord and that kind of threw a whole different. Oh, yeah. So Brian Lord is your partner husband. Yes. You guys have been to who's a who's a partner at CAA, correct? Yes, exactly. And one of the biggest agents, if not the biggest in Hollywood. So does, has he seen you act? No, he has never seen me act. I think my big, but my last, well, in the early 90s, I did, it was 90210 and was all those kind of shows that you'd be like sent out for. Never got one. The commercials I got were all commercials that I had to strip down. Like I had to dance in a bathing suit around Weber made garbage cans or I had to like, Isn't it funny that that is only happens to women and gay men? So straight men have had to dance around like that for an audition. 100%. It was all objectification. It was all like, Okay, hey, can you say your name? Could you give me your profiles and can you take off your clothes? And I was like, Okay. And then he hasn't, but he never saw me act. The last I moved back to New York, I did a Caligula in the East Village when the East Village was bad. I mean, I'm orchard and Stanton. They were drug addicts. The theater was called House of Candles. Oh, that sounds tragic. House of candles. It is tragic. It's so bad. I was freezing. And I don't know if you remember a guy named Sandy Gallon. Yeah, of course. Big manager. And he became a good friend. And when I was in LA, he would run sides with me. And he was like, You are the worst actor I've ever seen in my life. But I was having fun and in actuality, what I was doing was kind of discovering myself, getting comfortable with my sexuality. It came from an Italian New York family. So it wasn't the easiest. The mafia. Exactly. I didn't want to hit taken out on me, Catherine, because I was a gay boy, you know? So that was the purpose of those years became a real good foundation and great friendships. So that's kind of the holiday. And okay, so how did you and Brian fall in love? Because Brian was married to Carrie Fisher, right? They weren't actually legally married. But that didn't happen, but they were in love and then they had Billy. So had baby. Billy Lord, his daughter, Billy Lord, who some of you have seen, she's been in a bunch of stuff. American Horror Story, most of you maybe. So around two that marriage ended and Brian kind of came out. That was his realization that he was in the wrong place. And so that I met Barry so Hollywood, so Bougie Chelsea. I'm so Bougie. I met Barry at Barry Diller and Dion von Furstenberg's wedding. And I had met Barry in my normal gene years here in LA. So then I had gotten to know Dion. And so I was in this wedding and I see this guy and he's so sexy and I'm like, woo. But nothing happens. And because I'm living in New York at the time and he's living in LA, we'd see each other like I'd always crash. Eddie Cohen and I would come out here and we would crash every party there was during Oscar time because we were just horrors and hookers for a good time and a movie star and fun. So I started to get to know Brian a little bit more. And I decided to become a dad when I was 40. I realized, you know what, this is something that I want to do. And I started the process as a single guy and really quite honestly on an airplane coming to LA for one night to have a facilitated meeting with my surrogate, potential surrogate, a mutual friend was on the plane. She was staying with Brian. She asked if I could take her back to his home, dropped her off. It was Christmas time. He asked, why are you coming to California for a day? So I said, I'm doing this thing. It's obviously a huge thing. And he said, come back tomorrow before you take the red eye back. So I was here for quite four hours. And I did in that moment in the house that I now live in, we kind of just were honest with each other. And that kind of led to us being in a relationship. I said, I have very strong feelings for you. He said, I do for you. We're old. I was 40 at the time. He was 46. Looking back now as I about to turn 57, I'm like, that was not old, by the way. And began a really great 16 years where we just passed 16 years together married like five. Lovely. So when you revealed to him that you were planning on becoming a father, he was on board with that right away. He was on board with that right away. And now he says, I got pregnant and trapped him. That's a cute story. I'm glad you guys found each other. Brian's so fucking sexy. All right. I mean, he, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's I landed the guy. He's sexy to everybody. Yeah. He really is. He's universally sexy and a good guy. So the kids now 15. Yeah. What is your kid's name? Ava, A.V.A. I kind of was inspired because, you know, I'm a gay guy by Ava Gardner, who I just thought was just gorgeous, strong woman of Basi, Lord. He legally adopted her a couple of years ago when we were getting married and all made sense. Yeah. That's sweet. I love gay parents. People have a daughter that's lovely. Isn't it the best? Yeah. Gay parenting. Yeah. Gay parenting is interesting because like for me, Chelsea. I was going full throttle in my twenties, my thirties, New York, Palm restaurant, working the restaurant, staying out late. And it just because you're not married to a woman whose her body's changing, so you're slowing up naturally, it's like all of a sudden you're like, whoo, at the bar, being the next day is like, excuse me, can you get to the hospital? Your life's about to be over. She knew. Yeah. I know it's a kind of like, it takes your lifestyle to a grinding halt. Like that's how I felt when Andy Cohen had a kid. I was like, wait a second. This is going to change a lot. And then he had another one. I'm like, wait, what? So yeah, it's funny. I mean, I guess because nine months is there to prepare you, although nine months is never enough to prepare anybody, you know, when you're when you're carrying a baby. I mean, I had a friend who just had a baby a couple days ago and almost died during the delivery. Wow. She had the worst. She lost so much blood and she's her heart was leaking. And I was like, oh my God, like you think it's such an everyday easy thing. And it's like, no, this used to kill people. Yeah. Yeah. No, Billy just had her second baby. And I got to say she was so committed to making sure everything was, you know, the nine months she took such great care of herself. But the actuality, you know, was a difficult. There were difficulties and Brian was a mess. And he was like, and this please like, can we not have any more babies? It's like you said, it's not to be taken for granted how difficult it is to have a kid come out of your vagina. Pika Choo. Yeah. Pika Choo. Yeah, you should start saying Pika Choo too, because you're never ever going to have to deal with a vagina. And Pika Choo, it's such a nice way to say it, right? The giant sounds like, I don't know, there's a hammer coming down at the end of it or something. Tell us about parenting with your daughter. What's her situation at 15? Is she manageable or is she about to, you know, does she hate you? She's manageable. That's how I think of children. They manageable. I don't blame you. I thought of you today because I drive her to school, which is irritating. And I thought to myself, you know what, Chelsea doesn't have to get up before 10 a.m. No, but it's for some reason I get up a fucking five every single day. I should be sleeping till 10 a.m. Yeah, you should. I go to bed at like nine. So I've just completely switched my clock. Me too. I actually couldn't keep my eyes open last night, but she is still into building these massively complicated Lego things that like I could never do. She got that kind of brain. She's definitely bitchy to me. Like I asked her a question. I'm like, do you have like sneer at me when I asked you the question? Can you just answer it nicely? We're in that phase. She's not going to like to the parties. That's not where her mind is at. So, you know, I don't want her going to those parties. Yeah, but I don't think what we did at those parties is happening with this generation of people. I think they're much more scared of drugs. They're not partying like we partied and they should be scared of drugs because everything's so screwed up out there with fentanyl and stuff like that. But I feel like 15 year olds are much smarter than we were. They have access to so much more information than we did. We didn't have the internet when we were 15. No, you're so white and they actually kind of tell you what they want to do and like they have a plan. Yeah. You had a plan to get in a first class ticket. I do have a fucking plan. Who knows what they are, but they're just inside of my head until I expel them. And then watch out. Yeah, and then watch out. Duck. So that's the kid thing. What were your roles with you and Brian as parents? Who's the softie and who's the kind of rule enforcer? I'm sure the primary caretaker. So I'm the one who's like, wake up. Let's get breakfast. Let's do this. Like, oh, you got to go to the dentist. You know, when Brian, when we began this journey together, Billy was already like 13, 14. I was like, you don't have to do that. You know, if she gets up, blah, blah, blah, she considers him the smart one. So all homework, she's like, you know, I want to go through either this project. So can I talk to you about it as I'm sitting there and I'm like, hello. Because you fucked up her homework so badly? Fucked up or homework so badly. And they're a little bit like snotty towards me, Brian and Ava. They look at me like, and then I'm like, you want to find I'll go in my office. I'll go hang out and have a glass of wine and binge. I don't need you guys either. Get out. That's the spirit. There you go. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to take a quick bit. We're going to take a quick bake and we're going to be right back. Really? I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tolden. And we know you've been pining for a brand new podcast hosted by an internationally beloved comedy superstar and television icon from the 90s. Yeah. And I did talk radio for over 25 years. Oh, come on. Build yourself up a little. This reflects on me. Build it up. What did I say? Operated show. Come on. Five days a week. Five days a week. Pretty good show. Thousands of interviews. Yeah, but shining star. You're shining star. I say you're shining star. I'm a shining star. You know what? I'll ignore all this because you actually told everybody the name of our podcast. Which is really, really good. You know, really. It's an informative and funny show that seeks to answer the things that make Peter and I say, really? No, really? That's right, Jason. We'll ask the question that everybody wants to know the answers to. But we'll get answers that just may surprise you, inspire you, but we'll absolutely entertain you. So join us. You'll laugh, you'll learn. And me and the shining star over here might actually get paid. It's really not really what Jason Markzander and Peter told me. On the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Or else would they get them? During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations. And you know what? They were right. I'm Trevor Aronson, and I'm hosting a new podcast series, Alphabet Boys. As the FBI, sometimes you get to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar smoking man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his heart was like a lot of guns. He's a shark and on the good and bad ass way. He's an nasty shark. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to heaven. Listen to Alphabet Boys. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass, and you may know me from a little band called InSync. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me. About a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991, and that man, Sergei Krakalev, is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he spent in space. 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back! We're back! We're back! Oh my goodness! You're someplace very glamorous. Oh, I'm in Whistler, Canada. Oh, that's your place. Your happy place. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but the snow's no bueno. It's not happening. Really? It's just wet and damp, and there's no snow. It hasn't snowed in like two weeks. Surprising with all this weather snow patterns around the world. Wow. When it hits America, it doesn't hit Canada, and vice versa. So Canada's been pretty lucky the last few years, and now it's probably back to America's turn. Mm-hmm. We got all the precipitation. And then maybe throw in a little pinch of climate change, and then you see what happens. Yeah, a tad. Okay, so what's going on there, Tippin'? Catherine's going to take us through what we can expect, because we're going to talk to live collars, so you better get your fucking A-game on, Bruce. Okay? Bruce, I read in People Magazine that you said one of your favorite moments on your podcast. The next table for two was your conversation with Chelsea. We had fun lunch, Chelsea. You didn't even have a fun lunch? That was cool. I know, but we didn't even have a drink. I regret that. Catherine, it's all Chelsea's fault. She sits down, she immediately orders an iced tea, and then at the end, Chelsea, you go, we could have had a drink, and I was like, yeah. She's like, well, I didn't realize we were having lunch. You know, I don't ever really look at my calendar. I just show up where I'm supposed to be, so I could be showing up for lunch, or I could be showing up for podcasts. I don't really know until I get there. And when I got there, I thought, oh, this is a podcast, and then we ordered food, and then I was like, wait a second. I should have had a drink in this situation. Was there a lot of chewing into my ex? That's my only question. No, no, because we turned it off when we, well, I don't know what we did. No, no, we were actually, people do complain about the chomp, and we were not chomping. We were like very gracious. Listen, just so you know, this is a woman who carries hard-boiled eggs on planes. So if she wants to talk about or complain about chomping, you need to back the duck up. You know what? I listened to it. I heard that episode, and I was like, oh my God. And I've been bullying her ever since. Yeah. I've been pleased with that for humankind. You know, I think I may have to change my ways. Maybe I'll just have them in the airport first. You have to go to an egg-an-on meeting where people admit to terrible things they've done with eggs. Although, you know what? They do sell those little double bag of eggs now at the airport. I feel slightly vindicated. I know, but that's just, they're just trying to taunt you. Don't give in. Do not. It's for victims. Like you know, yeah, you cannot. Oh my gosh. There are gold. Yeah, no, no, no, no boy, no. Well, Bruce, I have some questions that I think are right up your alley. We are very excited for you to be joining us. You ready to answer some questions? I am ready. Well, our first email comes from Dee. Dee says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 31-year-old gay man living in Canada. I've been with my partner for just over three years. We've been exploring with other people in the bedroom for about two years now. Recently, we had a threesome with another guy on vacation. We ended up spending almost four days with him. We were on a high from it, and it was an amazing experience. However, since coming home from this vacation, things have taken a turn. I bet. We're both very much hung up on this guy, and it's starting to affect our relationship. We haven't always had the easiest sex life, and this experience is making us both question our compatibility in the bedroom and in other areas of our relationship. Looking for some advice or a hard dose of reality. Cheers, Dee. Oh, Bruce, you need to take that as a gay man because I know that the rules feel slightly different for heterosexual and homosexual relationships. Yeah. Dee, I would say they are different, and you're so okay with no judgment with how people want to live their lives. Which means we're judging you. No judgment. Get a fucking grip. Yeah, give it. I think it's always a very slippery slope when you have sex, when you bring somebody in to enhance your sex life if you're in a relationship. From personal experience in my early 20s, I did have an experience where it turned out unexpectedly I was brought through someone's house. I was really into this guy that I was dating. Next thing I know, there was two other people there, and we were getting a tour of their house, and we went to their bedroom and he starts rubbing my chest. I was like, oh, this doesn't normally happen in the tour part of the house. When I realized it just was not my speed and I exited the situation, sat in the living room left. So that's being very personal. So for Dee, I think someone's always going to be favored. If you have a three-way and you're with your partner and all of a sudden the person likes your partner more, it's just not good. The fact that they made it like a four-day- Yeah, it sounds like a kidnapping. A kidnapping trip. Yeah, I think part of being in the relationship is it's not always fun to have sex with the same person, and it's not easy, and it does get a little bit okay, but it's just very tricky. I would say Dee, this relationship probably doesn't, not going to last, and because it's just not going to last. So you both have this thing for him. Where does he fit in? Someone's going to end up with this guy, and I don't know if it's going to be Dee. But it sounds like it's somebody who's in another country somewhere or some other location. Yeah, but they can all regroup, or one of them can regroup with him. But I also think, listen, if you're having those feelings, you have that experience with the sky for four days, you come home and your relationship is not right. That's a good sign that you just got, that your relationship isn't right, and that your sexual compatibility may not be sustainable. So that's a good thing to find out that you're not compatible with somebody sooner than later. And so look at it like that. I feel like sexual compatibility, when that's gone, or if that's not there, that's the most fundamental thing that you need to be attracted to the other person, that you want to fuck them. If you don't want to fuck them, or you have trouble fucking them, or it's awkward, then that's not compatible because there's people out there that you're going to have incredible chemistry with. Yeah, I agree. The chemistry, that's the foundation for the relationship. And if that's not there in the beginning, you're not going to have a long-term relationship because the end of the day, that does change, but you do have to reinvent and always want to have sex with them. But I think to your point, also you're right, better to learn early. And also it makes you question what kind of relationship you want to have. Maybe you don't want to have a long-term monogamous relationship or you want to call the guy from your vacation and get together with him. Yeah. Maybe it's a throw-up situation. Maybe that's the relationship you're supposed to be in. Yeah. I just, I tend to agree with you both, but just to play devil's advocate. When you open up your relationship, you are giving yourself this sort of room to play sexually. And maybe part of your relationship, not working sexually, is, hey, that's why we have this open thing so we can go have fun elsewhere, we come back together. But yeah, what do you think about that? I mean, just to play devil's advocate, the opening up of the marriage could have been the solve to the sex life, but it sounds like it's creating too many problems. I don't know many relationships that have solved it. Yeah. I know another friend that's kind of experiencing going through something similar and they have an open relationship and now the boyfriend is really into the other person. Yeah. You know, and this is bringing up all sorts of feelings for this guy. So I don't know, but I feel like I can't comment on it because I'm a straight woman. And so my opinions of it are like, no, I don't want an open relationship. I mean, I don't mind fucking around with a third party, but I don't want to be dating other people when on the relationship. Right. 100%. I mean, I think there's a big distinction there. And I mean, I do think you have no matter what your sexual hetero straight, you know, gay, you're, it's the same thing. If you were in a relationship and you opened it up and also there's like another woman in this relationship with you and this guy, you're going to be like, after a while, this is not working. You know, I don't know many people almost at work. And I think it's, I think gay guys and this is a generalization. There's just an issue with the long term sex commitment. And it's kind of built into the DNA and men are pigs and this is what we do. I mean, you have it, everybody. Men are pigs. You heard it here first. And no one will be surprised to hear that they heard it on my podcast except it didn't come out of my mouth. Did it? Well, I think we sort of solved that one. Yeah. Tell D to let us know what goes down because I want to hear. Yeah, D, please keep us posted. I will also say if you do decide to give your relationship a try, like a real college try after this, there are therapists that specialize in open relationships, polyamory, all that stuff. So since the majority of your relationship has been polyamorous open, that might be a good thing to try. There you go. That's good advice. That's so nice. I didn't even think about that. That's what I'm going to get certified as a polyamorous therapist. Oh my God, I would go to tomorrow. One more thing to add to my repertoire. It's also the advice I gave to two of my friends when they opened up their marriage and blew it up in spectacular fashion and she ran off with his best friend and now he dates guys. So it's great. Oh, sounds like a home run. It all worked out in the end. Yes. I mean, opening it up with and including your best friend, that's not so. No, at least these guys did it on vacation. But also opening it up though and finding out that you're into the same sex and you start dating the same sex. Like you're freeing both people up to actually pursue what they really want. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's a good thing too. It's not such a bad thing when people separate, especially if both people, even if they go in complete opposite directions, like if both people are fulfilled, great. No, I agree. Wow. Well, our next question comes from Amanda. She is calling in here and she is a chef in Ohio. Hello, Chelsea. I'm a freelance chef and I've been working my ass off all my adult life. Over the last six and a half years, one of my jobs has been working part time as a private chef amongst a group of full-time chefs. My boss, who exhibits extreme narcissistic traits, only takes note of things that will benefit him. He took an interest in a healthy cookie I was making for guests and would ask about the recipe. I had been carefully developing this recipe over the course of eight years and had loose plans to market it. This sent off a red flag in my head and I became guarded about giving the recipe to him. The last time he asked for the recipe, he said he wanted to make it in one of the guests' homes and would give me credit for the recipe. I politely asked him instead if I could critique the current method he was using and avoid it giving my recipe to him. Fast forward a few months. As I was working next to him one morning, he revealed to me that he and his pastry chef wife have developed their own healthy cookie and that they are going to take it to market with the help of his wealthy clients. I was so furious I shut down and ran to the office to cry. This is a corporate environment in which if you show signs of distress or confrontation, you are the problem. If he mentions it in front of me again, I'm not sure how I'll react. My gut tells me to be direct with him to help break his unchallenged ways of narcissism and possibly build a future where others aren't taken advantage of. But another coworker thinks my confrontation would only lead to an uncomfortable work environment. I certainly don't want to lose my job. What would you do? Amanda. Oh, wow. Hi, Amanda. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. We have our guest today, Bruce Bozzie. Say hi to Bruce. Hi, Bruce. Hi, Amanda. How are you? Good. How's it going? Thank you. So, Bruce is a restaurant guy through and through and that's why I thought he'd have some good wisdom on this for you. Sure. I think this is even beyond just the restaurant piece. People will steal a good idea 100% in there. And restaurant business, create a dish, create a special. Someone then takes that special over and they try the more credit. So I feel she could be direct with him. She could say, hey, that sucks. I gave you this idea, I mean, and you kind of took it. I guess what she's planning on bringing him in to offer to their guest and he then, him making a business of it is just like a stab, you know what I mean? And I think it happens in all business, show business and you know, you say you're working on something and all of a sudden somebody is good friends with her. They go for the part. She learned a hard lesson here and her feeling she's never really going to get past that. She's just got to now just develop her own cookie and she's got to, I think, make that a business plan be motivated by that would be my advice to her. I mean, this doesn't preclude you from pursuing the avenue that you were pursuing previous to him revealing that, right? You can still do your thing. Yeah, I mean, I'm a freelancer. I have a lot of different things going on. This is kind of like on the back burner. I think the bigger thing for me, I think I'm over the emotional gut reaction to it. It's more of like, how do I respond if this gets brought up in the workplace again? How do I keep myself calm and collected and how do I effectively communicate with him as like an extreme narcissist? I feel like honestly, with an extreme narcissist, there's no point in revealing how you feel. It's not going to have any impact. I think with him, it's like just look the other way. Like he's on his own planet, you know? I mean, if you feel compelled to say something to him, I honestly feel like it will fall on deaf ears. Yeah, going and looking at him is the hard part and to sort of like be in a work environment that you find joyous and you want to be creative and you want to bring something to the table. Now there's a lack of trust there. And all narcissists just deny what you're saying anyway. Like they deny their own behavior. They have no accountability. Yeah. It's hard for me to understand that mindset. I tend to be empathetic and try to understand, you know, why people do things. But it's more of me just being able to cope in that environment with someone like that. And really when I talk to my coworkers, they all kind of come to the same conclusion as that this is just kind of how it is. Is he a senior to you in any way? Yeah. I mean, he's been there longer than me. But he's not your boss. I mean, I could talk to someone in like HR above him, but usually that just creates a whole mess and a lot of times when, you know, things don't get resolved because he's kind of the head of our department. Well, also HR is not going to resolve this. It's not a human resources thing. Right. I mean, I guess the person above him that's in charge of our department, I shouldn't say. Me coming from the corporate environment that I do knows these things. Oh man, it's funny that you use this cookie thing because I know someone who's created a cookie and it's really great and she refuses to give anybody the recipe. She just hasn't. And it's like, oh, okay. Yeah. Good on you for not giving him the recipe, by the way. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Karma comes into play here, I'm sorry, just believe in it. And I also think that that so the hard part for you is how do I work with this person because you took my idea and that's difficult. And I think you just have to sort of, I actually do feel even though he's a narcissist, there is room to have a conversation and communication say, hey, you know, this was something I shared and it might fall on deaf ears. I think to Chelsea's point, which then can even leave you less fulfilled in the conversation. It's very tricky. Yeah. I would just continue with your projects. Don't even give him the time of day. Let it be like water off a duck's back. Seriously, just, he's not important enough to you. He's not going to prevent you from succeeding in your life when he's stealing ideas from people. That says it all. So it's not even worth your aggravation. Yeah. And so I think you just have to think of it yourself as like on a different level than him. And it's not even worth interacting or engaging unless he really disrespects you in a very blatant way. And of course you can defend yourself and speak up for yourself, but on this matter, like it's just not worth it. That's true. I just, I can just foresee an issue similar to this coming up again. And it's just more about maintaining composure and just knowing how to handle it. Yeah. I think maybe you should just, you know, maintaining composure. What my therapist Dan always used to say is that there's like your reaction plus time is a response. So like as soon as you're reacting in real time, that's not a response. It's like a jerk guttural thing. So in any instance where he does provoke you in any way, if that happens, you just have to take a real calm deep breath or a few and be like, I won't be spoken to like this. This feels very disrespectful because then it's about what it feels like to you. You're not accusing him of anything. It's like, this is, you know, you don't want to be emotional. You want to just be direct and confident. I feel disrespected in this moment. There's nothing that anybody can argue with about that statement. Right. Yeah. He can only take from you what you give him. There is sort of an energy boundary that I think that you can set for yourself. Like Chelsea said, water off a duck's back where you know what your bubble is. He doesn't get access to that. He doesn't get access to your creative ideas. You know, I have a relationship with someone in my life who will always be in my life. And several years ago, I was like, you know what? I can't tell this person stuff that's really personal to me because it'll get used against me. I have a great relationship with that person because I keep it light. I keep it civil. We chat about the weather. We chat about stuff like that. And it's really improved things. So, you know, maintaining that bubble. I'm talking about the weather. That's a great way to keep your cool. Yeah. But give yourself a boundary where you're like, you know, he can't get in here. Yeah. That's a smart thing to do. Yeah. Exactly. It also might be time to get your own wealthy clients to market that cookie because eight years ago, eight years ago. But it tastes pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good idea. All right, Amanda. Let us know what happens. Okay. Great. Thanks a lot. And send us some cookies. Yeah. I would love to. Yeah. Yeah. Send us some cookies. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be in touch with you, Catherine. Awesome. Thanks, Amanda. Bye, Amanda. Bye, Amanda. Bye. Bye. Well, I'm such a dingbell. Like Amanda pops up. I don't realize that Amanda's the one. I mean, I'm a dingbell. You know what? Are you staring at yourself on the screen? Because I do that all the time. I do that all the time. I don't look at the other person and I'm looking at myself. So I apologize, Amanda. And now I literally was like, oh, wait, that's who we're talking to. Yes. That's Amanda. That's Amanda. Well, our next question is sort of an industry question. So I thought you would both have some good insight into this. Our next caller is Caroline. She is 36. She's a PhD student and she's also ex-military. Dear Chelsea, I'm a PhD student and not in the industry, quote unquote. However, I met an older man in a networking event and he showed interest in a book I published, Fairly Smooth Operator. We're both military veterans and he wants to produce a short film of one of the chapters, a chapter that tells the story of sexual harassment issues I encountered that still exist in the military. The problem is when we finally met in person, he took the conversation in the journey. I don't think he crossed a line and he didn't ask me out. I don't know if this is just what people in LA talk about or if this is inappropriate and he's trying to shoot his shot. Why can't I network with men without being subject to potentially dating them? I feel like I'm being asked to sign away my rights to a book with someone who has connections that would be helpful. However, there's a murkiness now around his intentions. What should I say to make the line clear? Or should I not work with him at all? Is this why you only work with women, Chelsea? Thanks for your help, Caroline. Hi, Caroline. Hi. Hi. Thanks for having me. Hi. This is Bruce Bozzie. He's our guest today and he is embedded in the Hollywood industry. I have a strong hold in it. No, I don't. But yes, I'm familiar with it. I actually have something that I feel but I think Chelsea, you should lead with this. Well, I just think absolutely not. Do you not work with that? That is so out of style and so passe. Men asking you about your dating life when you're on a business meeting is unacceptable. Period. That's not what you're there for. So I would just cut ties with him and continue to send your script out and network. And just you're going to find somebody that's going to want to do it for you and it's probably going to be a woman. Yeah. Yeah. And I think also people reveal themselves so quickly. So if you're paying attention and you choose to look past that because you want to get the project done, you're going to find out, oh, that was actually who they are. And he revealed himself and you felt it and trust your instincts and your gut. And I would say he's not the guy. Okay. And then what's the best I'm going to run into him again at these networking meetings. So do I make an excuse? Do I confront it? What do you think is the best way to do that? I would. I would confront it because men like that need to be called out. I would be like, hey, listen, it's inappropriate for you to be asking me about my dating life and he'll, you know, minimize it and say, oh, well, no, I was just trying to get to know you. It's like it's not we're not in that era anymore. We're in present day modern times. And there's been enough information in the last five years for you to understand that especially in this industry, you need to behave yourself and act above board. Like you're serious about your work and you showing him that you're serious about your work is going to have a longer and bigger impact than you continuing to work with him. How did you push out? Yeah. Is there anything in the moment with that that you would say? You know, I was kind of shocked in the moment and not prepared for that. Well, yeah, I would go really. Are you asking me about my personal life? Do you know what year it is? It's 2020. What year is it? Three. 2023. 2024. All of it. Whatever 2023, right? Okay. 2023. I don't why am I expected to know what year it is? It's also fucking confusing. You need to like react to it in a way that's like you can't possibly be thinking that's appropriate. It's like somebody farting when you sit down to meet with them. It's like, no, I mean, farting is obviously less offensive than asking you about your dating life, but still inappropriate. But also normal not to know what to say in that moment because sometimes things settle. Like you kind of take it back here. We're all taught to be respectful and to be good people and say, you know, and you're in the room and you're talking business. So when the time goes away, you know, the next day you always like, God, I should have said that or owed now you'll for the next time. Or when you see him again, you're going to like hear it much quicker and be able to be like, Hey, hey, you're crossing a line here. And I think Chelsea's completely right. Yeah, a softer version of that is I wasn't comfortable with that. I would, you know, it made me uncomfortable. I'm going to go in a different direction. Thanks, but no thanks. But I think I totally agree. Your gut is telling you it wasn't just like an innocent question of like shooting the breeze is great. And you're also like protecting future people and you know that he's going to interact with. So think about it that way. He needs to know that he can't be just like asking women about their personal lives. Right. Okay. Yeah, I feel like he kind of used this like veteran bond to make it seem like we're just being friendly, but yeah, especially with the topic. I just felt like, Oh, now this is going exploit exploitative. Exploited. Exploited. Yeah. Talking about like the theme is sexual harassment. He's like, so you like to go out like. Yeah, what was your dating life? You're like, what? This is not appropriate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, keep us posted the next time you run into him and what happens with that. And we hope you find an awesome woman who wants to help you tell your story as well. Awesome. Thank you so much for the reassurance. I appreciate it. Awesome. Thanks Caroline. Thanks. Bye. Man or pigs. Well, that doesn't get us anywhere. Does it? No, but it's like so. But not all men are pigs. No, I know. We're not. I mean, that's just not true. A lot of men are pigs. I mean, I'm not a pig, but I know a lot of good guys too. But I feel like these stories, we hear them so much and you're right. We're not this a whole different time. I think monogamy is really just too much pressure on too many people. I also think that we have to restructure it. It doesn't make sense. With monogamy, I feel like you can make a choice to say, hey, I love you. I want to be with you. But every now and then I might want to sleep with somebody else. You could have like a sort of don't ask, don't tell policy, but it's not a relationship. You're not forming a relationship. You just might have a moment. You might be like in Whistler and be like, oh, so-and-so is here. I feel like there's a lot of ways to live a full life and have multisectual partners. And that's just immediately when you're like in lockdown with one person. Well, yeah. It also depends on what age you meet that person. When I meet my person, I'm going to be basically in my late 40s or 50. I'm 47 right now. And I feel like that's enough time for me not to fucking want to kill them because I'm not 20 and meeting them or 30 or 40. Yeah. Yeah. I will say in my, because I was in my early 40s. Later, I meet my person the shorter amount of time. It's true. You want to murder the take of now. I actually think it's really healthy to meet people in your 40s. Yeah. Well, you're smart. I mean, you're more yourself than you were in your 30s for sure. So that's a benefit as well. Definitely. Yeah. If someone's down with your personality, if someone's down with your personality. Yeah. But do you think meeting somebody in your 40s and 50s, conversely, it's, you know, you kind of like know who you are and like your routine and like your stuff. It's not so easy to be like. Yeah. Well, there's lots of ups and downs to all ages. So just keep that in mind. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with a person Chelsea. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tohman. And we know you've been pining for a brand new podcast hosted by an internationally beloved comedy superstar and television icon from the 90s. Yeah. And I did talk radio for over 25 years. Oh, come on. Build yourself up a little. This reflects my name. What did I say? Operated show. Come on. Five days a week. It was on five days a week. Pretty good show. Thousands of interviews. Yeah, but shining star, you're shining star. I'm a shining star. You know what? I'll ignore all this because you actually told everybody to name our podcast, which is really, really, really, really informative and funny show that seeks to answer the things that make Peter and I say really, no, really. That's right, Jason. We'll ask the question that everybody wants to know the answers to. But we'll get answers that just may surprise you, inspire you, but we'll absolutely entertain you. So join us. You'll laugh, you'll learn. And me and the shining star over here might actually get paid. It's really not really with Jason, my veteran Peter told me on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. How's would they get them? During the summer of 2020, some Americans suspected that the FBI had secretly infiltrated the racial justice demonstrations. And you know what? They were right. I'm Trevor Aronson. And I'm hosting a new podcast series. Alphabet Boys. As the FBI, sometimes you get to grab the little guy to go after the big guy. Each season will take you inside an undercover investigation. In the first season of Alphabet Boys, we're revealing how the FBI spied on protesters in Denver. At the center of this story is a raspy voiced cigar smoking man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse we like a lot of guns. He's a shark. He's on the good and bad ass way. And nasty sharks. He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to heaven. Listen to Alphabet Boys. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lance Bass. And you may know me from a little band called InSync. What you may not know is that when I was 23, I traveled to Moscow to train to become the youngest person to go to space. And when I was there, as you can imagine, I heard some pretty wild stories. But there was this one that really stuck with me. About a Soviet astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. It's 1991 and that man Sergei Krakalev is floating in orbit when he gets a message that down on Earth, his beloved country, the Soviet Union, is falling apart. And now he's left defending the Union's last outpost. This is the crazy story of the 313 days he's spent in space. 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, and we're back. We sure are. Well, Bruce, I wanted to ask if there's any advice you'd like to ask Chelsea. Chelsea, yeah, I would. So if there was one question that you would have appreciated being asked at 15, at Ava's age, what would that have been? Oh, God, I was so selfish when I was 15. I mean, I didn't think even my parents existed. You know, it was like, why aren't they here to serve me? I just couldn't. And I was so angst ridden too. You know what a great question would be is how can we do a better job of parenting you? Or how can I do a better job as a parent? Dangerous. Dangerous. But it really actually opens up the conversation in a way that you feel like your partner is rather than necessarily parented child. And I feel like the more you read about parenting and I do read about parenting, ironically, because I'm always interested and curious about the ownership parents feel over their child. They own the person when it's not the, you don't own your kids. You're guiding them. And the idea is that when they grow up, they go out into the world and you've prepared them with enough information, you know, in their arsenal to navigate a life for themselves that is fulfilling. Yeah. But a lot of parents are just so controlling of their children. Even when those kids are adults, they think that their opinion is more important than their child's opinion. And I don't think that that's true when you're talking about two human beings. I find it very interesting that there's just so much ownership. Like you don't own a person. You're there in this life with a person and it's a two way street. Yeah. A hundred percent. I think you're, it's like me, it's a great question for me to ask her because when I think about it now, you know, quite honestly, we have about three years left. And then if I've done my job right, there's a strong person now that's going to have a life of their own. And I agree this weird sense of ownership of children. It's like, I know you're your own person from the minute you're here, but that is the way for us to sort of navigate the next three years, which I think is really important for her to really know that I'm a support for her to pursue what she wants. That's the way to do it because it can avoid the frustrations and the arguments because, you know, as you read about kids, the chapters change. So when you have a small kid, you have to like micro manage them. And so I will ask for that question and I will see what she says. And then see if she asks you the question back, how can I be a better daughter? I bet you she won't. That's what she won't. But it's actually, that's a really good question. That's a good conversation to have. I mean, I get a great minute to dinner. She's in and out. Bam. She's back in her room. Yeah. It's just, I remember my father being like, on the father, I decide. I'm like, no, sit for how long? Like, are you serious? Cause that doesn't make me take you seriously. You deciding everything doesn't make me respect you. It makes me think you're foolish. Right. Yeah. That's funny. Again, your head, I was like in the box of child parent relationship, like, no, you can't do this. This is what you should do. It's like, I didn't know I actually had the voice to too much later. And the later you that happens, you have to go through the steps of life. You know, you want to, you don't want to be doing what you should be done in your teens in your late twenties. Absolutely. Yeah. And there we have it. You guys, parenting hot, hot parenting tips 101. That's what we'll call this episode. Hot parenting tips from Chelsea Handler delivered straight to Bruce Bozzie's lap. Any day, always welcomed. Thank you, Bruce, for today. That was really fun. Love you. I love you too. Thank you, Catherine. Thank you. See you soon. Bye. Don't forget to watch my special on Netflix, you guys. Revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dear Chelsea podcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tobin. We know you've been pining for a brand new podcast hosted by a beloved author. And we know you've been a television icon. And a largely unknown talk radio host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wrote that. Pine no more because we're the hosts of Really No Really, the funny informative show that seeks the answers to things that make us say real? No, really? You'll lay off, you'll learn, and we'll get paid. That's really no really with Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or where you get your podcasts. And anybody who uses the word pining, let me know because I don't think it's very strong in the middle ages. Very common word. Alphabet Boys is a new podcast series that goes inside undercover investigations. In the first season, we're diving into an FBI investigation of the 2020 protest. It involves a cigar-smoking mystery man who drives a silver hearse. And inside his hearse was like a lot of guns. But are federal agents catching bad guys or creating them? He was just waiting for me to set the date, the time, and then for sure he was trying to get it to happen. Listen to Alphabet Boys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know Lance Bass is a Russian-trained astronaut? That he went through training in a secret facility outside Moscow, hoping to become the youngest person to go to space? Well, I ought to know, because I'm Lance Bass. And I'm hosting a new podcast that tells my crazy story and an even crazier story about a Russian astronaut who found himself stuck in space with no country to bring him down. With the Soviet Union collapsing around him, he orbited the Earth for 313 days that changed the world. Listen to the last Soviet on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The Norma Jean Years with Bruce Bozzi