There Is No Fairy Tale with Lindsey Vonn

There's some written rules of rap, like Biggie's Ten Crack Commandments. But there's also unspoken rules that only apply to a select few. We get the short end of this thing. We just do. This is the Louder Than a Riot podcast, and from sexism to homophobia, we're breaking down these rules to explore how the double standard became the standard in rap, and how it's affected the genre we love. Listen to Louder Than a Riot podcast from NPR, within the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast On Purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives, so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Join the journey soon. Looking for a show where you don't have to look far to see yourself? Welcome to the Professional Hunger Podcast. I'm your host, Ebeneh, and every Tuesday, I interview women of color from all walks of life, and all of my guests are anonymous. So you'll hear stories from survivors to spirituality and family secrets, and let's not forget about the professionals out there, okay? Listen to the Professional Hunger Podcast with Ebeneh, presented to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Oh, hello, good afternoon. Good... Buenos tardes. Ah, I shall see. I mean, Buenos... I don't even know what I mean. I'm so sick of my bell correcting me in my fucking Spanish. I mean, like, she corrects everything I say, but she's not correcting me to speak proper Spanish. She speaks slang Spanish, admittedly. She says to me, well, this is how we speak in Mexico, and I'm like, great, but I'm trying to learn Spanish for Spain. True. And I also don't want to point out that I don't ever correct her fucking English. Never! I'd ever say, oh no, that words, those words go in the opposite direction or anything, but she is riding me like a wave. Oh my gosh, she wanted to be roguet off my dock. I'm like, do you want me to learn Spanish? Or don't you? If you keep putting up these barriers... And she just loves it though, but I got to give it to her. Like, I know that that must be satisfying for her to be able to question me all the time and tell me what to do. And you asked her to. I can't do it. I did. I heard a fan. Well, yeah, I said I wanted to speak Spanish. She could let me slide a little bit with my grammar. But you know what? I'm such a gramarian. I care so much about grammar. That I really want... I want to speak proper Spanish. Anyway, it's too much of a beginner Spanish to be there yet. Yeah. What have I learned this week? I learned about Cuba and sugar. I was telling my Cuban sugar. I was showing... Well, you know, after this, I learned all about Spain. Oh, I have to promote a show April 20th. Spokane. That's the second show we added in Spokane. It's not quite sold out, so please buy your tickets. You motherfuckers. And what other shows do I need to promote? Well, they're all really almost sold out. Oh, Red Rock's amphitheater. That one's not sold out yet. Red Rock's amphitheater. That's a big one. That's like Red Rock. That's a lot of people. I can't wait. So yeah, go to ChelseaHendler.com. There are some tickets for some other shows, but yeah. And I'm going to add a whole bunch of new dates. I think sometime this month. Yeah, fantastic. It's so hard to figure out where I am. I thought I was in Cuba. So I learned all about the Spanish conquering Cuba and then the English conquering Cuba. And then they had a treaty and they gave Cuba back to Spain and then they kept Florida. And then they kept the Lower Mississippi, some areas around there. And then they discovered sugar during the Atlantic slave trade, which was started by the English. I'd like to say that, make sure we- Mentioned so that people fucking understand history because I am so confused about so many things. I was like, where did we all come from Egypt to my brother one day? He's like, no, you asshole. And so now I'm reading a book. Then we all came from Africa. Everybody came from Africa. Yep. So anyway, the sugar, yeah. So Cuba was the center of sugar for a long time. Slaves were responsible for all of the prosperity of the United States, beginning the United States. And basically taking all of the sugar cane, hacking it, cutting it, transferring it, blah, blah, blah. And so that's when the Atlantic slave trade peaked was during the sugar. I want to say rush, but I don't think it's called a rush. I like calling it a sugar rush. Yeah, sugar rush. That's a different conversation. That's a different- that's something too. So yeah, there's that. And then I'm learning about Neanderthals and Denisovans. And Anatolia and Homo erectus and how we all kind of changed. And when we split off, like right before Homo erectus, we split off, we diverged. One became chimpanzees and the other became modern humans. Oh my god. Short history of humanity is called. I need to read what you're reading. Because like as a kid who grew up going to Christian school where we had, let's say, a warped and abbreviated version of science, I didn't even know that like Pangaea existed until I was in college. I remember saying to a teacher once, why does it look like the two halves of the earth would fit together? And they're like, that's just a funny thing, God, dead. Like that kind of stuff was what I grew up with. I also believed that we were- everything was connected even the islands. And not all the islands like Sardinia, Corsica, were never part of the mainland. They were just like volcanic? Yes, yes. So they have their own thing going. So that's interesting too. That would naturally happen that there would be islands sprinkled everywhere. You know? I mean, I guess I got such bad science education. I didn't even remember the word for continents. You know, the halves of the world. It's just wild. Yeah, it is wild. And you know, you read something and you retain, I'd be interested in my level of retain bit. Like I want to take tests after every book I read to see how much I took in. I think we're trying to send you back to college. I know. We're back to sending you some sort of curriculum quite frankly. Okay, what do we got, Catherine? What's happening to them? Well, Chelsea, I have... We have my ski buddy on today, but I won't tell you that as until she's on. That's very exciting. So Chelsea, I had an email come in about Dana who had called in. Her stepson was being sort of vaguely creepy and... Yes, yes. Yes. And she mentioned like he was maybe being able to touchy-feely with her son. And I just thought this email was so important that I wanted to share it with you. Heather says, hello Chelsea and Catherine. I wanted to say thank you for providing the audience with the mother that called in about her steps on she feels uncomfortable around. While I had no doubt this would be your response, I truly appreciate you not minimizing the seriousness of needing to take action to protect her younger son, self, and family. I'm also in awe of the mother's strength to reach out for advice, because that is so tricky. I mean, it's like, it's this sort of nebulous thing. My personal story includes eight plus years of a very close family friend grooming me as a child, with uncomfortable touching, inappropriate sexual conversations for an adult to have with a child, shower peeping, accidental quote unquote, porn exposure, and more. While rape never occurred, it has left years worth of trauma response that I'm working through with a great therapist. However, at the time it was brushed off by others as creepy old man vibes or that shoulder or waist touching wasn't considered a sexual touch, even if I didn't want it. I think I was meant to hear this podcast today as my therapy session this week was focused on my continued struggle with not freezing in a moment when someone touches me in a suggestive, but not legally sexual way. The mother listening to her intuition and taking charge to keep her young son safe could have a huge impact on her son's future. It's something I wish would have happened for myself. Her older steps on clearly also needs support and I'm thankful you communicated to prioritize safety of family while acknowledging his need for help too. It's these conversations and stories that I hope will help others think differently on the impact these quote unquote micro traumas can have over time. Thanks so much for your awesomeness and sharing both the funny and needed stories of our lives. Heather. I like how she said micro trauma because I learned about complex trauma from a friend of mine over the weekend who I hung out with and he was telling me about complex trauma is trauma over time, right? Like neglect or alcoholism or drug addiction something like that that you're that you lay witness to if you have a sibling that has a terrible schizophrenia that would be complex trauma which is different than event trauma. Right. And PTSD is related to event trauma. But I want to underline the intuition part because more and more people are talking about intuition and understanding that it is a very concrete if not measurable thing. And for every woman and man that is listening to all our gays, you all have it. We all have intuition. We all have a feeling in our stomach and our gut. Sometimes it's in your heart or it feels like in your heart but it is really in your gut when you meet someone and it's the exact opposite of the feeling you get when you know something's wrong. When somebody comes into your space a person and you know they're dangerous right away, you see that they're sketchy or that they're unhinged or that they're unpredictable. That feeling right there you can also have in the opposite way about something you should do or somebody you should move towards or a thing that is right. And if you really listen to yourself, you are going to know what that is. And we don't talk about intuition in the way that we need to because young girls need to trust their intuition. They need to trust the way that their body feels because your body will tell your brain what is happening. And it is. It's such a concrete thing. It's like you when you're in a certain situation or you're around someone who makes you uncomfortable, it turns into a physical reaction. Your stomach gets in a knot, your hair goes up on the back of your neck. Like trust your changes the way you're holding yourself and caring yourself changes. Like your body is communicating with you. Yeah. Sometimes I fold my arms when I'm in a conversation and I realize how off-putting that is. That's the definition of being defensive, having your arms folded. Even if that's a comfortable position for you, that's how it's kind of received most of the time. And that's because my body's doing it. My body is saying, oh, I'm uncomfortable in this conversation. And you have to listen to those signals or sometimes it's just ego like, oh, there's saying something that I don't like or I don't agree with or whatever. But yeah, I think that's a great conversation for any parents listening to have with your young children. Yeah. Following your gut. It is so important, especially with situations like the ones we're just talking about. Right. Where it's not illegal, it's not illicit, but it is something that is having an effect and an impact on that child or that adult. You know, this can happen in adult situations as well. One really helpful listener, Tatiana Rodin, saying some of the early warning signs of psychosis are worrisome drop in grades or job performance, trouble thinking clearly, suspiciousness or uneasiness with others, a decline in self care or personal hygiene, spending a lot more time alone than usual and strong inappropriate emotions or having no feelings at all. And I think that's a really important thing to point out as well because that age, they said like 27 right around there, that's kind of when some mental illnesses will present themselves to people. So thanks to everyone who wrote in about that. So I thought this was so important to highlight and really paying attention to, you know, those little things. And if someone says I'm uncomfortable, like listening to them and seeing what needs to what steps need to be taken. So, okay, so who's our first guest? Oh, okay. Our first guest, we it's our only guest. I forgot that I'm not on a TV show right now. Our guest today is a friend of mine, a good friend of mine. And she's an Olympic gold medalist and she's a skier. But before I introduce her, I really want to mention her philanthropy. She has a foundation called the Lindsey Vaughn Foundation, which empowers underserved girls with camps, scholarships and more. So please make sure you are aware of that and check it out. She wrote a great book, which everyone should read. It's called Rise. Okay, please welcome Lindsey Vaughn. There she is. Miss America. I was hoping that I was going to interrupt you, your ski day today. Where are you? I'm in Orlando. Oh, yeah. You know, I have a dilemma, actually. I'm glad you brought up Florida because for my new tour, I was just on the phone with my agents this morning and they were going over routing for the fall dates that were going to announce later. And Florida was on the list. And I said, guys, I don't know about Florida anymore. And they're like, well, do you really want to punish the people in Florida? Like you have people you every time you go, you go to like six stops of Florida, I'm like, no, I don't. I don't want to punish the people of Florida. They're being punished enough. But I feel like as a statement, I just have to say fuck off. Like when is enough enough? Like all of this legislation, like I feel like DeSantis needs to know certain people aren't going to come. I'm sure they don't care about me, but if more people do it. But then there's the argument that you're affecting revenue, you're affecting people's jobs, you're affecting people's lifestyle. So I don't really know what the right answer is. If anybody listening has feelings on this, please DM me. Actually, DM Lindsey, she'll go through them first and then she'll read them to me. What are you doing in Orlando? I'm speaking, you know, apparently some people want my advice for some reason. I don't know. I believe it. You're a champion. We were just watching your night race at Kit. I'll say it. Kit. The street the street in close. Kit. Kidsville. Yes. Kids. Yes. Kids. Yes. Kids. Yes. Good job guys. Yeah. And this video is of you skiing the world hardest ski run. You were not only the first woman to do it, but you also did it in the dark just to make it more insane. This video is crazy. I'll put a link to it in the show notes. It's a hard one. Honestly, I've not run into one American and it's gotten it right so far, but it's okay. The effort was there. I appreciate you. Well, it's also a hard line to ski. It's not even a line. I don't even know what the fuck you would call what you do, but it is so, so hardcore and so bad. I mean, all my ski buddies from Whistler who are real ski, you know, like they know how to ski and they are just like you had when that video came out, we must have watched it like 15 times. If you haven't seen it, she did it with Red Bull. You can watch it on Lindsey's Instagram, which you should be following her anyway because you put out great content. I saw you powder skiing the other day and I wanted to ask you, how do you, because if you spent your life training, you know, downhill and solemn and all the stuff that you do, do you spend a lot of time in powder before you retire? Oh, no. I never powder skied because I was so worried that I would hurt myself. And some of the other athletes would go powder skiing. Like if our race was canceled because of so much snow, you know, definitely, I would say some of the girls would go. Like people that are from California that grew up skiing powder, but I didn't grow up skiing powder. I'm from Minnesota. There is not one powder day in the entire season. It's mostly man-mannered, just cool as hell. So I just, I love skiing, you know, and powder is a lot easier on my knees. And while it's not something that, you know, I've grown up with, I just, I love it and it's fun. And it's the most exciting thing that I can do outside of racing. Yeah, powder skiing is really fucking fun. And you know what is so fun about it or so funny about it is that when you learn how to ski technically, as Lindsey can speak to way more than I can, but from what little I've gleaned, everything you learn about regular skiing goes out the window when you ski powder. You know, you're not on an angle. You're not turning. You're bouncing like a bunny rabbit through the snow and just like hopping like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, it's like leaning back. It's the exact opposite that any instructor would ever teach you. It's all just lean back and ride the wave. It's like surfing. It's pretty funny because to your point, it is the exact opposite of what you, what you've been told, what you've been taught and just throw it all out the window. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you've been through a lot and you've been injured a lot. And I want to talk a little bit, I know you, Lindsey wrote a great book about her whole life, her autobiography. And in it, you talk a lot about your recoveries from, from many different accidents. And I want to know, obviously you were mentally tough. You couldn't survive all of this and continue to go back out there, especially what you just skied in kids' fuel. Like, why would you do that? And you said, I mean, I think you said you had like your surgery ready to go in case you did wipe out and hurt yourself. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, I'm getting my knee replaced. So I figured this was a perfect time to do it because if I crash and I need surgery, I'm getting it anyway. I don't mind risking it. But I've had my fair share of surgeries. I mean, you per your knee, you know, the deal. But I don't think it's ever impacted my passion for ski racing or for skiing in general. I just love the mountain. I just wish it had been a little bit easier on my body. But I don't have any regrets, you know, despite the fact that I went around most of the time. I still wouldn't change anything. Well, let's talk about the mindset that allows you to do that because you work out really hard. So I know your body's been beaten up, but you still have a significant amount of strength left and determination in order to keep all of that going, which I think is really vital for, I think, all women, you know what I mean? With like our physicality, it's like you get an injury and you can be so down on yourself, first of all, it's depressing and you're immobile and then you're taking pills and you're, you know, you're trying to recuperate. And all of that is like a real negative downer on you. So to be able to pick yourself back up that from that, not once, but repeatedly is very admirable. And to keep going, you know, I know a lot of people who get into an accident, they don't want to ever do that thing again. And it's like, oh, I want to do that thing right away again, because I don't want to be scared of it. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think to your point, a lot of people can get down and I got very down. I mean, I got really depressed when I was injured. I missed the Olympics. I was endured back to back ACLs, which took me out for almost two years in a row. And it's really hard to find anything positive, you know, when you, especially when you repeatedly get injured, like, what am I doing? You know, why am I doing this? And it's hard to find the motivation. But I think for me, it always goes back to passion, you know, why I love ski racing. And I've always have, and that's why I kept doing it and kept coming back. But it doesn't make the recovery any easier. You know, it's always, with rehab, it's always two steps forward, one step back. And sometimes one step forward, two steps back, you know, it's a very monotonous, long, slow grind. And I just have learned through repetition that you just have to stick to it and keep, keep going, you know, keep putting one foot in front of the other. And that's the only thing you can do, honestly. And your transition since you've retired has been, you're still really involved with the US ski team. You're still really involved in skiing. You're skiing with people all the time in Utah, or, you know, all over the place, I guess. And so tell me, talk to me a little bit about that transition for you, because I know as an athlete, or I don't know, I can imagine how difficult it must be to say goodbye to that part of your life. But in a way, you've kind of extended it in a way that we haven't seen many people do publicly. Yeah, I mean, I definitely felt like when I retired a part of me died, you know, I, it was something where I knew I could never go back. And I've been doing it my entire life. I've been skiing since I was two and a half years old. And after I retired, I woke up. And what I love to do every day was suddenly gone. And I had to really figure out, okay, what is it about ski racing that I love? I love being on the mountain. So it took me about a year and a half. But I got back out there and I relearn my passion for the sport as a whole. And I enjoyed skiing with my family, with my friends. I've gone to places now that I've been many times before, but I've never actually skied. I've been to Courcheveau. I've raced there many, many, many times, but I've never been anywhere other than the race trail. So I got to go back and explore the mountain and, you know, find my passion again. And I think, you know, for me, I don't like sitting still downhill. I always had adrenaline. And that was really hard to replace. But I've found ways to challenge myself and, you know, push myself now in business and just keep, again, like waking up every day with a new challenge. And that's been exciting. It's, you know, I feel like there's so many opportunities and I'm excited for the future, to be honest. Yeah, I know. I like watching what you've been doing in the last couple of years. And we've known each other for a long time, actually. And it feels like you have really found your groove and like all of these opportunities, your philanthropy, your foundation, and all of the business opportunities that you have cultivated for yourself is a great model, I think, for a lot of younger athletes who are probably looking going, Oh, she made this like so seamless, you know? Well, it definitely wasn't seamless. I mean, I can't tell you how hard it was, you know, as a ski racer, we don't, we don't make money. There's no money in ski racing. So I had to really work hard to make a business for myself. And my dad always made me aware when I was younger that if I wanted to be successful, I had to be more than an athlete. And so I always took about approach. I always went the extra mile. I always did all the interviews. You know, I was really careful with my sponsorships, what partnerships I chose, always thinking long term. And I was actually made fun of, you know, a lot of people were like, why are you spending so much time with this? You know, you're distracted from your racing. And I said, no, I can do both. I can win races. I can have my own business. I can be successful on multiple levels at the same time. And I think, you know, just believing in myself and not listening to anyone else was, was the best thing that I could do because I wouldn't be anywhere if I'd listened to every single person that said I wouldn't do anything or couldn't be anything or, you know, couldn't multitask women are great multitaskers. I know fucking tell me about it. I mean, honestly, like women are so much better. When I was at the doctors this morning, and I would ask him one question, and then he just stopped everything he was doing to answer the question. And I looked to him and I wanted to say, keep going. Like, don't we don't have to do separate things. Like, you can work and talk, can't you? At the same time. You're a doctor, like, get in together. I mean, women are just like, you know, you're eating a hard boiled egg, feeding your dog, getting on a plane like, we're doing a million things at once. And it's so crazy to me that they cannot talk and think at the same time. They can't even fathom what we do. It's pretty funny. No, no. I know your mom was a big influence on you. I know you posted something today about her and her determination and how she inspired you and showed you what determination looked like. So talk to me a little bit about that. I mean, I think my mom impacted me in more ways than I even really truly understand now. I think now that she's passed away, it's been a few months and, you know, I still always reflect on what she showed me. My mom had a stroke when she gave birth to me and she wasn't able to do physically the things with me that I would have loved to do with her, like ski. She couldn't ride a bike. The only thing she really could do what she loved was swimming, which I am ironically horrible at, I think, like a rock. But, you know, my mom always tried and she failed, but she always tried. She would try to ride a bike and I would watch her fall over and over and over again, but she always got back up and she always tried and she always had a smile and she always was positive. And even when, you know, she was in her hospital bed and she couldn't move her arms or legs. She was positive and she said, you know, today is another great day and it got harder and harder, but she never lost that perspective. And I felt like when I was injured, I was lucky to have the opportunity to try again. You know, my mom didn't have that opportunity because of her stroke. So I think throughout my career, it's always given me a different sense of gratefulness that I think, you know, sometimes we lose sight of. I'm lucky to follow my passion every single day. I'm lucky that I'm walking and I'm, you know, while I hate running, I could run if I wanted to. It could always be worse. And, you know, we just have to be positive. And that's always what my mom taught me. And I'm very grateful for her influence. And again, well, I didn't really fully understand it when I was growing up. I certainly understand it now. And I wish I'd had a little more time with her to be able to share more things with her. Yeah. And I think you continue to understand at the longer we're without our moms, you know, when my mom passed away, I certainly was too young to even understand the impact. I remember be talking in this interview about somebody asking me why I'm so strong. And I remember talking because I saw the way my mother and my dad's dynamic was, and I didn't like that. And that is just so diminishing to my mother, because my mother sacrificed so much, you know, to be our mother to not, you know, she she didn't get to live and pursue her dreams the way that I'm able to live and pursue my dreams. The reason I'm able to do that is because of my mother. And so I remember I was reading this book recently. It's called The Seven Deadly Sins We're Having This Author On. She's awesome. And it just talks about how we don't give our mothers enough credit for even just the time that they grew up and the time that they raised us in, it was so prohibitive for them. Yet here are people that are able to like live out their dreams and go after what they want because our mothers were available to give us the allowance and the freedom to do that. And if they hadn't sacrificed what they had, and I don't think that's even just beginning to sink in for me. But I do feel like we talk a lot about, you know, people who've passed on on the show and, you know, I'm not sure how spiritual you are, but I know that you're open, minded. And I feel like my relationship with my mother since she died is stronger than it was when we were together on this earth. And there are so many moments where I just feel her presence so much guiding me and steering me like in this very sagacious worldly way, which she was not like when I was growing up. But that's exactly who she was. According to my brothers and sisters, I just never had the patience or the time to find that out about my mother, you know, because by the time she had me, she was older. So I have to say like the idea that relationships can even strengthen beyond them being here on earth, I totally believe to be true. And I hope you feel that too, and are open to those signs and signals and like, you know, the stillness sometimes when you feel this another person's presence is really just so powerful. Yeah, my mom actually lost her mom when she was young as well. And when she was in the hospital, she said, I want you after I'm gone to talk to me as if I'm there. And I will be there and I will listen, just like my mom was there listening to me. And it gave me a lot of comfort. And you know, I, whenever I want to call her, I just, I just talk to her and she's there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's so sweet. I believe that our moms are there. Hopefully they're hanging out and your mom is my mom's something, you know, listening to the podcast right now while we're all fucking crying. Okay, anyway, thank you for sharing. Thank you for being candid. I feel like we just had this moment. We did. The last time we saw each other, we were on the Kelly Clarkson show or no, was it Kelly? Yes, it was. Yeah. With Wolfgang fuck. And we were talking about her book and we, she started crying. And then of course, I started crying because it's contagious. And so now we're just crying whenever we see each other. Okay, so anyway, we're going to take some callers. People are going to call in and we're going to give them some advice. And we've curated this episode to suit things that you would have experienced with. Yes. Okay. And we'll take a break and grab some Kleenex and be right back. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University. And I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This case has all the markings of a ritualistic, a cult murder. The man who walk caves. I say the Lord works in mysterious ways. A brand new immersive fiction podcast. Well, he ain't got nothing on the demo. Part psychological thriller, part supernatural horror. The truth? Sometimes it revealed in the intersection of facts. Sometimes it's hidden in gore. Starring Westworld's Jonathan Tucker and Eddie Kethigi from Twilight. I wouldn't go digging around stirring up trouble if I was sheen. Tune it to uncover what happened when three boys entered a Tennessee cave. But only one returned. This is the exact spot where we found the bodies, Julian. The mental wall caves. M-A-N-T-A-W-A-U-K. A production of iHeartRadio, One House Television, and Psychopia Batures. Every minute I remain in Manawal County to think of the fall gets. Listen to the mental wall caves now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. From the studio who brought you the number one podcast, The Piked and Massacre, This is Death Island. Just a few miles off the Thailand coast, the island of Kotal looks like a postcard. It's almost like if you were going to imagine a paradise island or draw a picture of one. That's what Kotal looks like. Young tourists from all over the world visit the pristine beaches and crystal clear water. But underneath the surface lies something sinister. A dark cloud who's come over the island and cast its shadow, death, history, and danger. In the last 20 years, dozens of tourists have died mysteriously on the island. One thing is certain, in this beautiful place, no coast is clear. Listen to Death Island every Wednesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back! Are we ready to continue? Are we doing okay? Okay, okay great. Well our first question comes from Rachel in Denver, and she obviously somehow, a month before we talked about getting you on the show, knew that you were going to come on, she manifested it, and so she says, thank you in advance for reading my letter. I'm hoping Lindsey Von makes an appearance on the podcast so this question is written to both Chelsea and Lindsey. Dear Chelsea and Lindsey, I'm a 33 year old single female living in the Denver area of Colorado with my dog Hyde. My main hobbies are mountain biking and skiing, but I love staying active in general. A year ago I ended a toxic long-term relationship. Even though it was a crazy past year, I was actually able to achieve one of my life goals, which was buying a second house and turning both of my houses into Airbnb's. It's been incredible to make the leap and finally do what I've been dreaming of. Owning and running these two businesses while still having my full-time job has allowed me to start saving for my second life goal, which is to take a mini retirement before I'm 40, so I can travel the world mountain biking and skiing. This leads me right? I love that. This leads me to my first question, which is, what are your tips for being a single solo female traveler? I want to be able to make new friends and ski and mountain bike wherever I travel to. In particular, how can I make friends with guys who like these activities without looking like I'm interested in them? My second question is, do you have any recommendations on a good ski jacket and bib combo? I've had my same ski outfit since college and it's starting to fall apart. I took Chelsea's advice and got some heated gloves this season. They've been life-changing, so I'm curious what ski apparel brands you like best. I want to look good, but stay really warm while out there, Rachel. Okay, well, let me answer the last part first because Lindsey sent me her fucking suit, which is called Core, right? It's my head, but Lindsey designed it. This is the best ski suit I have ever had. It's two pieces, but is it Gore-Tex or is it something stronger than Gore-Tex? Because I think it's something similar but stronger. Yeah, because I have Gore-Tex suits and they're not like this. I love Arcterics. That's what I usually wear. This is better than Arcterics. This not only keeps the colds, the wet out, it keeps the wind out. It's somehow fucking windproof this suit. Whistler has very strange weather patterns, so there's a lot of really arctic blasts and it gets really cold. Most people don't like to ski in that. I love that. But this keeps me warm, and this suit, I mean, this suit, Lindsey, everyone stopped me. I've never worn a suit so many days in a row that I wore this suit. I know I actually noticed that. I'm like, wow, she doesn't stop wearing it. She must like it because you normally change every single day, which I do too. So I get it, but I appreciate the support. That was a great ad for my life. Thank you. It's just the best suit and I'm not full of shit. I love it so much. You literally wouldn't wear it if you didn't like it. I 100% know that. Yes, you do know that. And just all the details, even around the knees, like that little rushing and then like the bottom cuffs, everything, the pockets, everything is perfect on this jacket. And when you ski, like, you know, if you're protecting the back of your helmet, which I learned, like how to keep, you know, you always want to trap heat when it's really cold, this suit is just like, it's almost like a NASA suit. That's how I felt. Like I just felt tougher. So everybody who anybody who's listening that wants to ski, yeah, please look into her, go find a does it come into different colors or is that one color? Yeah, I think it's a it's in like forest green and baby blue and yellow and black. Oh, great. Oh, perfect. That's nice. So I'll have to send you some more colors so you can rotate instead of just having like green every single day, although green's my favorite color. So I do think you look great in that. Yeah, that was that's a pretty color. And let me know how that knee surgery goes also because I'm interested in possibly replacing my knees at some point, both of them. Yes, you should. I mean, I know a lot of people that have had it and they've all raved about it. So I am very excited. I'm always limited with what I can do physically because of my knee and I'm excited to hopefully not have that in the future. Plus you're so good at recovering from surgery. It's like, this is going to be a useful view. I can do my own rehab. Yeah. Okay, so the first part of that woman's question. Yes, the first part was how does she get into groups and meet guys without her thinking they're into them? I don't. Right. Well, that's a separate issue. The first issue, first of all, is you should join Strata if you have it if you're not on Strata because that's a great bike ride and community where you could compare speeds, meet people, talk to people who are in the area that you're going to. If you don't want to go on these adventures by yourself, there's always cycling groups, you know, in my orca. I know there's tons of cycling groups that you can join as a single person and find people that are also going to be single so that you're never really alone traveling because I think as a female, it is more important to always surround yourself with some people that are going to be there. You know, whether they're friends or not, it's just better not to be alone as a woman in some parts of the world, like the United States. So I would definitely do that. Join Strata if you're not already on that. And all of these activities you're talking about whether it's skiing or whether it's biking, you can always find these groups too. There's always like a social aspect for skiing. There's also like importio chili. There's, you know, groups that come down. There's also singles, women's week, you know, there's most ski resorts have, you know, either a singles week or women's only week, you know, there's a ton of groups that you can travel with and meet up with so you're not by yourself, but you're with people that are equally excited to do what you want to do. Yeah, so that's the easy part. So get your ski suit, go on your trips, join all these clubs, and then come back with a husband or a wife. Perfect. Excellent. Well, our next question comes from Miranda and she's going to be joining us here on the Zoom. She's 28. Dear Chelsea, I'm a female golfer and constantly on the golf course, men make sexist comments toward me and my female friends. I usually just laugh off their quote unquote jokes, but it bothers me so much to the point where it negatively affects my game and my desire to get on the course. I've asked a couple of women in my life for advice about this, but there are never any concrete ideas. I feel like Chelsea would have good tips on how I can put these men in their place or not let it affect me as much as it does. It happens almost every round that we get paired with older men. I absolutely love golf, but this aspect of it fills me with such anxiety that I wonder if continuing to play is even worth it, Miranda. Hi Miranda. Hello, how's it going? Good. Our special guest is Lindsey Vaughn. So you have her today to give you advice as well. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. I normally cheer for Team Canada, but I can make an exception today. Yeah, I think you'll have to. I think so. Yeah, yeah. North America, we're all the same anyway. You're right. You're right. Well, Lindsey, do you want to start this one? Because I feel like you probably had a lot of experience with this kind of thing. Yeah, I definitely have. Honestly, I enjoy it. I use it to my advantage. I love also self-deprecation. So, whatever guys throw at me, I usually make some self-deprecating comment back or I hit them with, I flip it around on them. I don't know. I just find that the more I use it as a positive, I always perform better when I was skiing, when people made fun of me, especially men. I've been made fun of for literally everything. And I'm still being made fun of, which is kind of insane. I got comments because I was wearing a tight one-piece suit the other day, and someone that I've known for a long time made a comment about how tight my suit was. And I was like, the guy's just jealous. They're jealous of what I have. And again, I don't take it personally, which is obviously easier said than done. But however you can flip it, whether it's in your mind or it's a comment back to them, the better. And again, use it to your advantage. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I like that. I like the idea of using it to fuel you. I mean, listen, if you're talking to me, obviously, I'm just going to go off on that guy and they're never going to say another thing to me again. I knew that was coming. I can't give you the language to do that. But I mean, you just give a dish up what they're dishing up right back at them because men can't handle what they say to women. They can't fucking handle it. They're sensitive and they're insecure. You wouldn't be making fun of somebody unless you were insecure. You know what I mean? Especially when you haven't done anything to deserve that, you're golfing. I know I feel like by me not saying anything, it almost compromises my comfort just to almost protect theirs, which I hate. And the annoying thing is it normally happens when I normally only golf with one friend and when you only book a tea time for two people, they always pair you with two other people. And it's always two older men that are saying stuff to us the entire time. So it's basically four hours of this. Sometimes they're great and sometimes the groups are horrible and they say stuff to us right when we start. And then it just puts me in a shitty mood for the whole day. But yeah, you're right. Also, the question is like, why golf? I feel like there could be a better sport. No. Let's do construct this even more. That's a good point. That's a good point. It's that you're playing golf. That's a good point. I check it up during COVID. You know what? You get outside, you have some drinks riding in a car. It's very fun. I find a relaxing. Yeah, it sounds like you need to make two more friends though to do it. You're not your day is it ruined every day by these two idiots. So a get some other friends, rope them into golfing, actually a try and find a different sport. B if you're going to stick to golfing, rope some other friends in so you don't have to deal with two guys you don't know. Yeah, I have done that. And C make sure you give it back to them. You know what I mean? They will cower as soon as you level it up, men understand that the dynamic is shift as long as you're not saying anything they're going to keep going in on you. It's like a bully. And as soon as you turn around and say, Hey, like this guy said to me the other day, these guys invited me, how he's skiing. I said, no, my knee's really blown. Like my knee was too swollen. I go, my knee hurts. He goes, Oh, your knee hurts. I go, yeah. And I don't want to be seen skiing like you. So that's good. So good. That was over that conversation ended. And he never came back around. If I hadn't done that, he would have continued on and on and on. But it's good to just kind of get some stuff in your arsenal that you can throw back at them. And with men, it's really not that difficult. Like you don't have to be that prepared for what they're talking about. No, you know, yeah, you're very right. They're always the stupidest jokes to you. They're not funny at all. They're all terrible. It's never it's like, if you're gonna make a joke to make it a little bit funny entertaining something, no, it's always like a guy puts the ball not very far. And he says to his friend like, Oh, you hit that one with your purse. So stupid. Yeah, exactly. You can come up with some good, good lines in return. Yeah, I can come up with something better than that. But it just I feel like it always throws me off guard every time, which is so strange, because I should be used to it by now. Well, then you have to get more prepared. You have to go in there more prepared with a mission. Like today, I'm going to give it back. I'm going to serve it right back up to them and just think about every woman that you are helping by you using your voice because the next time they run into a woman like you, they're going to be much less likely to harass her. So if you need that as an extra motivation, use it. That's a good point. And to your point, they're going to say the same jokes every time. So you're not going to have to come up with that many like clapbacks. That should be crazy. Right? Yeah, next time they say, oh, it looks like you hit that with your purse. You can say it looks like you hit that with one of your balls. There's lots of old man bald jokes that you can make or, you know, intellectual jokes or the fact that we're in the year 2024. Is it 2023? Yeah. Yeah. So don't say 20 next year. That's fine. I've been thinking it was 2024 for like two years already. I don't know what I'm smoking. We all know what I'm smoking. I know that's a given. Also, try smoking pot while you're at the golf course. You won't give a shit about anything then. That's true. About what they're saying. You'll be really focused on your game. Yeah. Yeah. Normally the drinking comes into play and it makes it a little easier. But it's just more annoying than anything. It's just irritating that people are still saying things like this. Yeah. But definitely don't let anyone decide like how you're going to spend your time. You're not going to knock golf because guys are there. You're going to make sure that you're going to golf. You know what I mean? That you're going to be fine when guys are around. Right. As long as I don't pick another sport before then. Well, yeah. I mean, Trivali ball or something. That seems to be more fun. The key sports are okay. I got a couple of those on lock, but you know, this is good for summer. It's good for summer. Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. Awesome. Well, Brenda, please let us know what kind of come back to come up with and how it goes next time. All right. Well, can I say one thing before I leave? Sure. Chelsea and Catherine, I thought of you guys the other day because being my friends were on our way to a ski trip. And my friend decided she would eat her breakfast in the car. And it consisted of hard boiled eggs. And right before I turned around, I saw her about to open the container and I prevented it from happening. But I could not believe she was going to eat them in the car. I could not believe that. I had the privacy of her car of car. It was our car. I was my boyfriend was driving. I was in the front. Let's catch Lindsay up on this. So she's aware of Lindsay. It was revealed to me late last year in 2023 that Catherine travels regularly on planes with a zip lock bag of hard boiled eggs that have been peeled and then and eats them because they're they're a good source of protein. I said it is true. However, they do smell like hard boiled eggs. So eggs smell no feet. Yeah, they smell like ass, but I think, you know, maybe, maybe eat them before you get on the plane because they are a good source of protein. But like spare your seat made. When you're in an enclosed vehicle, I agree. I made her eat them in the parking lot. She was standing in the parking lot eating them because I mean, that's a fair, that's a fair. Peanut butter or something like a peanut butter stick. Like that's that's not offensive to anyone. Everyone loves peanut butter. All men don't stop except all the kids that are allergic to peanut butter on planes. Yeah, there's many options. I flew home from somewhere yesterday and they put down a thing of those almonds and I'm just like those are the most unappealing almonds I've ever seen. Like I was just like, what? I was just like unsalted. I don't even want one, you know, like almonds when they're hot on a plane are good when they don't do that and they just throw some mix together. I'm like, no, no, no. Back the fuck up. Bring me some eggs. Anyway, so grab your almonds and grab your peanut butter. Don't grab your eggs. Head to the golf course and stand up for yourself. Yes, or I do grab my eggs and no one will go near me. That's a good idea. My love to your friend. I'm sure you would. You guys got along well. Awesome. Thanks so much for calling it Miranda. Take care. See ya. Bye. Yeah, I don't know why anyone golfs anyway. I find golfing to be so boring. It seems for I can confirm it's very boring. Oh, right. Exactly. You know what I've been watching? Is that full swing documentary docu-series? Do you know about this on Netflix? Oh, yeah. It's actually make golf somewhat interesting. Yes. I was going to say the same thing because I was like, oh, this is something I know nothing about. Let me watch a couple of episodes and it's all a lot about Jordan's speed. And they have a couple of players that are on the up and up. Yeah, Jordan's great. I mean, I love Jordan. He's under our Merga and I've known him for a long time. Yeah, there's some good people and I think you just don't see their personalities when they're playing, which is why I think other sports are more engaging. But I think the business is showing actually a good side of golf. So good on them. And also a break point. Have you seen the tennis one? Break point. I've seen a couple episodes of that. And then the Formula One also, I haven't seen that yet because that's I'm less interested in Formula One than I am in golf. But I'm going to get to it because that's another sport where I'm not paying attention. And I don't know what it's really good. Yeah. I thought you would love Formula One. That's like skiing and speed. It's like adrenaline. Yeah, but there's a lot of mechanics. It's very mechanical. Actually, not really. Well, the way they talk about cars and the pit, I like the attitude and the strategy and the winning championship vibe. I love that. You know what is also great about full swing is it's great to see the ebb and flow of a career because you're never at your height all the time. There's highs and there's lows. And it's always like the underdog that comes in, you know, and wins when you least expect it. And the people that have been revered or celebrated the most always end up not forever, but they always dip and they have their troubles too. So it's never like just some static road where it's just unassent. You know what I mean? It's honestly really cool because it's kind of like every athlete has their own little mini documentary. And to your point of ebbs and flows, no career in any sport. I don't care who you are is always at the top. And I think it humanizes athletes and shows you how hard it is to be consistently at the top. I mean, again, no one's at the top forever. But to be able to come back every time you go down is really hard. So I love these little shows. I mean, again, they're like mini documentaries for every athlete. And that gives every athlete a lot more credit because honestly, most people don't quite understand the difficulty. Yeah, and it's not, you know, there's a lot of similarities, you know, in my business. There are dips and there are valleys and there are struggles. And it is exactly how you behave in those moments that make you a champion, you know, it's how you pick yourself back up and how you succeed again after you've fallen or you've failed or what you deem as failure or you haven't placed. It's very inspiring to watch these kinds of shows because it's just it's really about it's a commentary on life and, you know, competitiveness. And I mean, there aren't a lot of industries or businesses that you don't have some aspect of competitiveness in there. Absolutely not totally great. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University. And I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This case has all the markings of a ritualistic, a cult murder. The man who walk caves. I say the Lord works in mysterious ways. A brand new, immersive fiction podcast. Well, he had got nothing on the demo. Part psychological thriller, part supernatural horror. The truth? Sometimes it revealed in the intersection of facts. Sometimes it's hidden in gore. Starring Westworld's Jonathan Tucker and Eddie Kithetki from Twilight. I wouldn't go digging around stirring up trouble if I was sheen. Tune it to uncover what happened when three boys entered a Tennessee cave. But only one returned. This is the exact spot where we found the bodies, Julian. The mental wall caves. M-A-N-T-A-W-A-U-K. A production of iHeartRadio, One House Television, and Psychopia Batures. Every minute I remain in Manawal County to think of the fall gets. Listen to the mental wall caves now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. From the studio who brought you the number one podcast, The Piked and Massacre, This is Death Island. Just a few miles off the Thailand coast, the island of Kotal looks like a postcard. It's almost like if you were going to imagine a paradise island or draw a picture of one. That's what Kotal looks like. Young tourists from all over the world visit the pristine beaches and crystal clear water. But underneath the surface lies something sinister. A dark cloud who's come over the island and cast its shadow, death, history, and danger. In the last 20 years dozens of tourists have died mysteriously on the island. One thing is certain, in this beautiful place, no coast is clear. Listen to Death Island every Wednesday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Lana, and this is a bit of a relationship-y question. I'm 24 and I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. This summer we'll be moving in together for the first time in a new city with new jobs. Within the next year or so I expect to be engaged to him. Our dynamic has always been the same. I'm very affectionate, both physically and verbally. I've been told it's like I don't leave the honeymoon phase, and he's always kind, caring, supporting me emotionally, showing up for me, helping me whenever I ask, and taking me out on nice dates. He just doesn't express to me verbally how he feels. He'll tell me he loves me when I say goodbye or when I prompt it, but usually no sweet words come unprompted. I'm not 100% sure what's triggering this now, but recently I've been feeling insecure about how we display our love to each other and how it feels disproportionate. To me, the perfect partner would be able to show their love through all love languages because they want to. Gift giving, verbal affection, physical affection, acts of service are all things I provide when I truly and deeply love someone without having to think about it. Is this an unrealistic view to expect the same? I've talked to him about this and he says my feelings are valid. That he's always felt I have more affection toward him than he has for me. This hurt to hear, but he assures me that he loves me and is in love with me. He just doesn't feel affection for anyone as deeply as I do. He told me that he used to feel very deeply growing up, but that changed after going through painful heartbreaks and dealing with a close loss as a young adult. Is it wrong for me to find this outlook sad and to want more from him in terms of verbal and physical affection even though he checks all the other boxes? I'm torn because I know I can find many men who will say sweet things to me, but they don't actually care. Is it just an insecurity on my part needing to know how he truly feels because of the next steps we'll be taking soon? Lana. Hi, Lana. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm doing and you are 24 you said, right? Yes, I am. Okay, so the only thing that struck me in your letter, if you hadn't said this part, which was he used to be affectionate with other people and then he got his heart broken, which is the reason he's giving you for not having as much affection as you is kind of like, oh, so he has the capability, but he's chosen to shut down rather than open up. So that doesn't make a lot of sense because if he really felt like you were the one and you guys are supposed to be together, I would imagine that that would be brushed open again. You don't really, we don't really have control over who we fall over that aside. It does sound like you're expecting from him what you're giving out. And that's not a fair thing to do in a relationship. You can't expect the partner to give what you what you want to give or that your partner is going to be great at all four love languages. Like that's just not realistic at all. Actually, if I can interject, there are five love languages and the one that you left out, Lana was quality time, which is the thing that he is really giving you. And that may be the way he expresses his love language as it started. I don't know. I'm glad you did. I mean, I had no idea there were five because I haven't read that fucking book. I've only heard about it nonstop for the last 10 years. That's the thing is I think everybody hears like the Instagram snippets of it. Oh, I'm thinking of the four agreements. That's not there. Got it. But yeah, you know, the thing about the love languages is it's about finding out what each person's actually is and expressing love to them through that. Like maybe yours is more heavily these verbal little sweet things that he might say and his maybe quality time. So it's just a mismatch and figuring out how to encourage him to give you what you need and you to give him what he needs. Okay, is it wrong to like specifically ask for that? Like that's what I've been doing in the past few weeks because I wrote in this email after we had like a little bit of not an argument but a discussion. I kind of circled back to him later after I kind of decompressed and I was kind of saying like growing up I didn't get verbal affection or physical affection for my parents and just thinking about living my whole life not getting that is like really sad. So I have been just asking for it like hey like when you're done can you come here and like give me a cuddle or something cuddle me? I don't know if that's not romantic or if that's like being needy. It's communicating what you need from your partner and I think that's great. And what if he's not able to deliver it though? Right and there have been times recently where he has been so stressed out with being on the job market and everything where he has been like I'm not really in the mood to be really affectionate right now. I'll spend time with you and we'll have dinner together but I'm not going to be as loving as you want me to be right now. And I think as long as that's communicated I'm okay with that but it is still kind of hard to be like well what if what if there is a perfect person where he would act this way towards? Well first of all there's no perfect person like there's no one that's going to do all the love languages and that's perfect but at the same time if you're communicating what you need to him and he's not able to give that to you you're young you can spend the rest of your life feeling like you need something else. So I think if there's that whole and I felt it before myself if you're not if you have needs that aren't being met and that's just the character of the person that you're with then it's just a mismatch you know and again you're really young it's fine to move on and start over but if you live a hole in a snot being filled that's never going to get filled you're never going to change someone if they can't do what you're needing them to do then it's just not going to work. Yeah like I want to say I am a little bit like I think you're boyfriend and I have been in relationships with people who have been very needy of affection and time and like lots of cuddling and kissing and I can give only so much like it's not a reflection of how I feel about them it's a reflection of like I'm very comfortable in my own space and in my own skin and when I'm needed like that you know if I wanted to be needed like that I would have become a mother like I don't I don't like when I'm feel needed so I can kind of relate to you know it's just a different set of importance around you like what I value I also don't like gifts like I don't care if I ever get a gift in the world again it doesn't matter to me those things don't matter so I'm about like I like time spent that's how I spend time with my friends my family everyone I love is about quality time so I think you know there's two sides of this argument I think you are really young and 24 years old I really think you probably are going to want some more experiences in your life like as you I know that's probably not how you're feeling right now but it's really the truth of the matter from three women who are older than you you're going to want a little bit more experience it's like she's not getting what she needs so she has to ask what she needs also you have to respect that this person isn't built like you you don't have the same brain you don't have the same likes dislikes all of that so I think it's somewhere in the middle you know you have to kind of figure out like what's make or break how often do you need a hug and if you do really need that all the time then you should find someone who's going to give it to you right and back to the point where I said he was saying that he used to be like really loving in relationships that was also back in high school so I don't know if that's like a fair comparison because he was saying oh I was getting all this advice from girls to text my girlfriend I love you every day and good night gorgeous and he obviously figured out that's not what you're supposed to do so I don't know if it's really like trauma why he's closed off or it's just him growing up but I do think it would be good for him to kind of go to a therapist and explore that because I don't know if he's really explored that she mentioned that he also had a loss of someone close to him as well yeah I mean he could that could be it I mean but you know is he gonna go to therapy is he open to that like have you discussed that I have discussed that he thinks that he's generally okay and he's like the strong one for all the other people in his life and that he would be open to therapy if something bad happened or something traumatic happened but I'm of the belief that anyone could use therapy at all times so I don't know if you can really convince someone of going to therapy without them feeling they need to no and there's no point like there's no point forcing somebody to go to therapy it has to be their idea otherwise they're not going to absorb anything that they're going there for right I almost thought about you know now that we're getting super serious I am going to be moving to a whole different state with him we've been together for four years and so now it's like finally becoming real like I if I do this move with him next step in a few years is maybe getting engaged and I was thinking well maybe I should say like if I'm going to get married to you I want you to be open to therapy but I don't know if that's a fair ultimatum I think that's fair I mean we live in 2023 or sometimes 2024 you know have you tried golfing he actually used to be on the golf team oh okay well he's tried it we just had a golf for call in so I there's some similarities here well not very many actually but I just thought golfing was something that I should bring up again as far as the therapy goes maybe it's you two going together like maybe there's something there maybe it's not just like you have to go yeah it's good to get a third person involved in this because I don't want to qualify you as needy because you're saying what you want which is good but you might be coming across as needy and that might be rubbing him the wrong way and then you're creating like a chasm so it's like if he could modify his behavior a little bit and you could modify yours and meet in the middle which would be like what would happen in therapy ideally as somebody saying okay this is you got to compromise then I feel like you would have more of a like workable dynamic instead of you feeling ignored or slighted you know I feel like that might be a good option for you to bring up yeah especially since you're moving that's a perfect excuse there you go we're moving to a new state we've never lived here before there's going to be a lot of pressure there's going to be lots of opportunity I want to stay grounded and I would love to have like a way for us to just make sure we're always ahead of our problems you know therapy is great when you're going through something but it's even better when you have the tools before you go through that so hang it your hat on that and make it couch it in that and then when you get in there you can get into these issues that's actually a really you're still smart choosing yeah I think so too right in this moment I was like wow why didn't you think of that earlier brilliant great yeah problem solved awesome well lana let us know how it goes let us know how the move goes as well yeah we'll do I really like your idea Chelsea because we're also going to be living together for the first time so that's also perfect yeah yeah yeah you you don't want to screw this up you want to succeed blah blah blah let's go to therapy right for sure I like that idea well thanks so much for your suggestions yeah yeah absolutely awesome well letting a hot goes okay take care lotta good luck oh she's a baby I know I wanted to go break up with him like fucking it's your 24 you need to find a new boyfriend I wanted to be like it don't want to be all felt so needy at 24 like me I know I know I know I never married at 22 bad I shit I always forget you were married it's so we know we don't need to talk about it but yeah I always want to say whatever anyone in their twenties asked me for advice and look whatever you just don't get married don't yeah exactly I mean 24 you're so needy I used to I had a boyfriend I remember who I was talking to over this weekend actually because he was texting me and I used to beg hit like I would be like I wanted to sleep at his house every night he lived up the street from me in Santa Monica and I would go over there every night and I remember once he was like hey do you have to sleep over every single night and I was like yeah I'm your girlfriend obviously you know now as I'm sitting here as a 48 year old woman I'm like oh how annoying you know to not be able to go oh sure you need space let me I won't sleep over a few nights a week that if you know when somebody asks you for space you have to fucking respect that and give them double like let let them have their space so yeah I think there's a there's a neediness that comes in your 20s you really want this fairy tale that you think is gonna happen there is no fairy tale yeah it's like go into the Eiffel tower I went with my boyfriend when I was 21 to to Paris and I just had this vision of like what our trip was gonna be like and he was British and I was still American and I was 21 he was 34 and we went to London and we stayed in a hotel room and the bathroom was inside the bedroom there was no separate bathroom and I was like this is not how I that's a great way to end things yeah yeah we didn't speak the entire trip to Paris there were pictures of me alone at the Eiffel tower and Hamelone at the Eiffel tower and the Louvre and every other thing that you saw and the Champs de laison because princess died just die there and the Plaza Athinate just us not speaking because I was so disappointed in this fantasy that I had created in my mind that had never shown proof of life you know what I mean it's just me and proof of life yeah there's no I mean we just we're not as fantastical when we're older we get it yeah just more real we've been disappointed enough yeah exactly well let's take a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up Hi I'm David Eagleman I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads on my new podcast I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities like does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident or can we create new senses for humans or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet so join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior your perception and your reality listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts this case has all the markings of a ritualistic occult murder the men walk caves I say the Lord works in mysterious ways a brand new immersive fiction podcast now he got nothing on the demo part psychological thriller part supernatural horror the truth sometimes it revealed in the intersection of facts sometimes it's hidden in gore starring Westworld's Jonathan Tucker and Eddie Kethige from Twilight I wouldn't go digging around stirring up trouble if I was she'll tune it to uncover what happened when three boys entered a Tennessee cave but only one returned this is the exact spot where we found the bodies truly the mental wall caves MA and TAWA UK a production of iHeartRadio, Blomhouse Television and Psychopia pictures every minute I remain in Manawal County to think of the fall gets listen to the mental what caves now on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts from the studio who brought you the number one podcast the piked and massacre this is Death Island just a few miles off the Thailand coast the island of Kotal looks like a postcard it's almost like if you were going to imagine a paradise island or draw a picture of one that's what Kotal looks like young tourists from all over the world visit the pristine beaches and crystal clear water but underneath the surface lies something sinister a dark cloud who's come over the island and cast its shadow death history and danger in the last 20 years dozens of tourists have died mysteriously on the island one thing is certain in this beautiful place no coast is clear listen to death island every Wednesday on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back with Lindsay Vaughn and Catherine to wrap up today's episode which was good this was a great episode yeah absolutely we gave good advice Lindsay gave good advice Lindsay you look fucking beautiful by the way ridiculous i was just sitting there looking at you going wow you're looking real good you're just like in a hotel in lowing yeah yeah this this lovely hotel is really making me glow over here all our land hotels are beautiful so pretty well Lindsay is there any advice you'd like from Chelsea yeah do you want any skiing advice for me Lindsay yes how do you ski so damn well Chelsea and you're bikini i've always wanted so how do you like not freeze your tits off like that's what i want to know because that i can't even handle being in my ski clothes let alone like basically naked but that's not my question that was just something i'm curious about but my actual question is how do you because you love skiing and obviously i love skiing but you work so hard how do you manage both things like how do you manage getting time to do what you love and how do you manage being a boss i just i'm like listen if i don't get to ski for a good solid two months a year then i'm not worth anything the rest of the year so i will work all summer long i'll tour and i'll do that stuff and then i have to have my time to ski because it's just so important for me it's my only real passion besides what i do and reading books and stuff like i love skiing you know the way you talk about it it's the way i feel about it i always want to be on the mountain i always want to get up and i i mean my friends call like they're just like you're so ridiculous like i'm outside my door waiting for them to come get me when before we go to the and i've got my outfit on like i've got everything ready my gloves my skis my phone and i'm just sitting there waiting at the ski lift like i thought you know we walk to the little run and i'm just like an eager beaver and they're like you're just so excited i'm like yeah i like to go out at 830 and get like three or four runs before anyone else comes out and then i like to ski with my friends but i i feel like we talked about this earlier or on the other episode you know i think for when you're in the public eye and the way that we both are there's so much attention on you and your life is so much about you and you're so self-involved that it's it's so necessary to actually have other interests that don't require it being about you so for you it would probably be something other than skiing to to do that doesn't remind you of the main event in your life and i always make sure that i take myself out of my comfort zone and i'm trying different things so that i remain normal like a human being that's constantly growing and evolving and not just spinning around in this little hubris that is our lives yeah okay that's a good point i mean i i played tennis i love tennis it's like what about golf have you thought about golfing i think you should take up golf that feels like the missing hole so many puns in that so many puns how do you also manage to change a subject how do you also manage being away from your dogs well i mean that's just out of good parenting it's better that they're not with me in whistler because they like to be at home in la where they can go in and out of the house they just prefer that and i took them to whistler and they're just too old for that so the next round of dogs i get i will make sure they're younger and they're more adept and then i will bring them to whistler but i'm just trying not to torture them because last time i brought them they were like what is snow i'm like i'm pretty sure they're from mexico because everything is pointing to that they only understand my bell and they like hot warm weather so i think that they're yeah i think they're from south america i think one of these mountain dogs that like just wants to live in the snow maybe you need like a i need a part-time dog for the winter and then i need a dog for summer that's what i need to do just split my time up thank you lindsey for taking the time to do this i really appreciate it you know i love you and i hope you have a great rest of your day in orlando i think it's going to really be falls to the wall i mean i mean i was well maybe i had a disney land while i'm at it yeah nothing better than an adult going to disney land with no children exactly not creepy at all well thank you i love you and um i appreciate you having me on yeah thank you so much we'll speak soon lindsey bye bye and don't forget everybody my new special revolution is now streaming on nefflix and it's badass and then i'm doing a tour a little big bitch tour go to chalcyhamma.com for tickets i've added some new dates i added a date in mozzarella new york i'm coming to colorado to red rocks amphitheater i'm coming to calum mazoo and then i'm coming to a bunch of places in ten to see mephus noxville and chatea nuga that's may 19th 20th and 21st and then i'll be in atlantic city june 10th which is almost filled out so get your tickets if you'd like advice from chalcy shoot us an email at deerchalcypodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number deerchalcy has edited and engineered by brad dickert executive producer kathryn law and be sure to check out our merch at chalcyhamler.com there's some written rules of rap like biggie's ten-crack commandments but there's also unspoken rules that only apply to a select few we get the short end of this dick we just do this is the louder than the riot podcast and from sexism to homophobia we're breaking down these rules to explore how the double standard became the standard in rap and how it's affected the genre we love listen to louder than a riot podcast from npr within the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcast i'm j shetty and on my podcast on purpose i've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet Oprah, kobe brian, kevin heart, louis hamilton and many many more on this podcast you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours listen to on purpose with j shetty on the iHeart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast join the journey soon looking for a show where you don't have to look far to see yourself welcome to the professional honger podcast i'm your host evanate and every tuesday i interview women of color from all walks of life and all of my guests are anonymous so you're here stories from survivors to spirituality and family secrets and let's not forget about the professionals out there okay listen to the professional honger podcast with evanate presented to you by the black effect podcast network on the iHeart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast