Hello and welcome to go my favorite sports team, Tyler's a douche.
I just hopped on the call and Tyler went, hey, guess what?
You're teaching the sport today.
And I went, what?
And they went, here's some notes.
And he said, oh, yeah, you got this, buddy.
So that's what I'm doing today.
And that means I get the master's degree.
I am now the master's of balls and holes.
Feels good.
Feels powerful.
Yeah.
Yeah, you feel stronger.
You feel like you're, you're more skillful.
You feel like you're ready, no, no, absolutely not because like I said, you handed me seconds.
Like as I walked into this call, I was like, hey, I put some notes there.
You go, man, you got this.
And then I'm like, all right.
I guess so fine.
Okay.
So first off, I got to get the, oh, hi, this is Tyler by the way, if you don't know who
is.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm Tyler.
I'm the one that usually knows sports and does the leads on the primers and various other
things with the research and all of that.
But today, you know, I decided it's Mark's turn.
You know, we've had a guest now.
I feel like he's ready.
I feel like he's learned enough about a lot of other sports that he can lead the way.
He can pave the way.
And as a not knower, he can find a way through this episode, especially considering it's
about the stupidest sport on earth.
Well, I'm changing gears because I just found out about a sport that's actually interesting
to talk to.
That's right.
I'm calling out all you cheeseheads out there.
No, we're talking about the European champion of sex.
Oh, yeah.
The European.
The news.
The news that just broke today.
Yes.
Exactly.
The news that just broke today.
I have a breaking news of bringing you the most up to date sports.
I bet I have your attention.
Everybody out there who's listening and are watching this just in sex recognized as sport
in Sweden.
First European sex championship to be held on June 8th.
Check rules.
Disciplines and other key details here.
This is official as of literally wow.
This is what today, today, oh, when we're recording this, so this is actually breaking
news.
Wow.
Okay.
I didn't know this.
Yeah.
Sweden is all set to host the first European sex championship.
Here at Go My Favorite Sports Team, we cheer on all sports unless they're cheese rolling
and then we don't cheer them at all that we ignore or hockey, which Tyler hates.
Is it European sex championship as it became the first, you sit there, new mark, you
bumble around and fumble, get some ghosts to inject inside of you, speaking of ghosts being
injected inside of other humans, the European sex championship as it became the first country
to register sex as a sport.
The Swedish sex federation will reportedly organize the event.
The European sex championship will begin on June 8th, spanning over several weeks.
What?
There's lemon durance involved apparently, spanning over several weeks and will feature
participants competing for six hours each day.
During this time, participants will have approximately 45 minutes to an hour to engage in their
respective matches or activities.
According to the reports, 20 participants from different countries have applied for the European
sex championship till now.
The winners of the European sex championship will be determined through a combination of
three juries and audience ratings.
During the final evaluation, 70% of the votes from the audience will be considered while the
remaining 30% will come from the judges votes.
Wow, judges take a back seat to this one, even though they're in the splash zone.
But I'm kind of curious who the judges are going to be.
Are they going to like grab porn stars?
Are they like sex colleges?
You know how it is.
I mean, I took a human sexuality course in college.
So I imagine they're like, you don't have a master's degree in sex.
I never said I did.
Yeah, whatever.
All right.
So go will be reporting live from the European sex championships.
We'll have our first live episode.
We're going to fly to Sweden right now.
So there's 16 disciplines, including seduction.
How do you define that?
It's entirely Riz.
Judging Riz.
Moral sex penetration just as it's a category appearance.
Oh, I guess if it looks nice, maybe acrobatics, you got to like do crazy tricks.
Look, let's leave the assumptions out of it.
This is what got you in trouble with all the hockey fans.
We don't want the sex fan getting all up in arms about this.
We don't want the sex fans storming our studio.
Last, we needed some jacquoise ghosts.
So anyway, it's there's a website.
Well, I'm not going to say the URL because no, yeah, you can people that want to find it will find it.
But wow, there's a whole website, the Swedish sex federation.
That's not the website I wasn't reading.
There's another website where you can watch the broadcast live.
Very different site.
Is that like one of those naughty sites?
Or is it a different site?
What are you doing?
What's wrong?
It's porn.
I'm trying to be kosher.
I'm hinting that it's porn.
It is.
Porn.
Yeah.
But whatever.
I love this thing.
In sex as a sport, there is no advantage for men.
Everything happens on the same terms for men as for women.
I feel like there's different terms.
Regardless of the level at which they train or compete.
According to the UN, there are 195 countries in the world.
Many countries out of the 195 that exist have military training.
The manufacturer of weapons or a huge budget dedicated to some type of use of force.
Why are they putting that in there?
With tears in their eyes, the Swedish sex federation can state that none of the 195 countries
in the world have any educational center that would use tax money to educate people in love and sex,
which is the most peaceful thing in human history.
The Swedish Sex Foundation federation works successfully to organize and educate people,
peaceful people who want to train and possibly compete in the most peaceful thing on earth, love and sex.
I feel like this is just a bunch of people left over from the 70s that were really into the free love and peace of that movement.
And they carried on that torch and never let the flame die.
So here's an interesting thing I want to tell you.
I was saving this for next Valentine's Day.
I was going to do is sex a sport and then this news broke today.
And I was like, oh, God, Mark's going to grab this.
Oh, I grabbed it all right.
Because as this is saying, sex is not just about conviction.
It's about, quote, jumping on and believing in yourself until he's satisfied.
I think it's, I think this should, instead of just he's, it should, it should be.
This, this is automatically translated from Swedish.
So I cannot.
Oh, yeah.
This is not absolutely 100%.
Yeah.
The grammar here might be wrong.
This has just been translated.
I can't speak in the original Swedish.
So no, you should try.
All right.
I will.
Here we go.
All right.
Sex RN for sport or LRDN, the sports on Kvinor Dominera or Panastana La plan.
Dead are at Stvertz, Slogmothman, Somar, Stigmattis, Serrat, Nivor,
in Kusenthalzar.
I think I made my point very clear.
Okay.
So the original sentence that I just read was sex R in Tebara Overtigat,
Gelsi at Deadbara are at Hopapauk trove pass.
What?
Slogtis and Jörg Hopapauk trove.
Don't mock the beautiful language of Sweden.
No.
I just like that phrase.
Anyway, now German.
Oh my.
Oh my.
How many languages are you going to go through?
For Jörg Hopapauk trove, I am a disgrace to my last name.
Okay, that's all I got.
So I have a jacqueuse for you after all, Mark.
All right, let's see.
As the ghost possess me.
Okay.
The title from DJ Kajem, Kajim, Kajim.
Whatever that name is, you're not such the not sports guy after all.
We've been told time and time again that Tyler is the sports guy.
And Mark is not the sports guy.
Uh-huh.
Enough of the charades, Mr. Fishbuck.
Have you or have you not participated in the act of sex?
If you so choose to answer yes, as you should since you are now under oath,
facts stated and not to be named other podcast,
you are indeed a sports guy.
Recent developments have arisen where the great country of Sweden has declared sex a sport
like we just discussed.
So Mark, stop lying to us.
You're not not a sports guy.
Just admit it.
You're a sports guy.
You know, I literally found the website from that jacqueuse, right?
So I've already purged that ghost from my system.
It was very weak ghost because I protect my virginity like the golden gates.
And no one is going to touch that.
Full on you for assuming I've ever had sex.
And also how dare you you impure heathen with having sex out there as a master of sex.
I've studied it extensively and never done it much like
I've never done it.
On a professional level, I've never done it.
So I think I speak from the funniest thing is when I read that jacqueuse,
my initial reaction was like, Tyler's not the sports guy.
He hasn't had sex.
Mark obviously had.
So that's it for sex as a sport.
That'll wrap it up for this week.
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I get none of this.
Nope.
Thank you, everybody.
So I'm listening.
Nope.
Thank you.
If you want to register, there's still time for the European sex.
So get your registries in.
Remember, just jump on and believe in yourself until he is satisfied.
All right.
I passed out.
No.
Okay.
So I just based on that phrase alone, if you just kept that phrase,
I just pictured one guy laying there and everybody else is competing to make him satisfied.
Uh-huh.
Everyone.
That should be the sport.
It's like the gauntlet, right?
It's like America.
America's mightiest warrior.
Whatever that one was.
American gladiators.
Yeah.
American gladiators.
You know, you got your gladiators and then you have normal people trying to go up against them.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
Don't hit too hard.
You close.
You close.
God, I was scrolling through TikTok and I was like, there was someone that was like had an automatic doughmaking machine.
And I was like, ah, it's funny because it was just like the instructions said to slap it every once in a while.
I go to the comments.
The first comment is, you close.
You close.
You close.
I was just like, God damn it.
I'll do that one then.
I mean, like every time I get on TikTok somehow, I end up finding something like that you, you are in.
Like somebody created a filter where it's like you saying, now this or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
The loss, the free, the, the, all you can sue buffet of people using me to promote their products.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've seen those.
But what I, what I always get shocked at is in TikTok where it'll be a trend or something that people are using an audio clip.
And I don't even realize it's me.
Oh, I'm talking about the Smasher pass one from your Pokemon.
No, I know that one's me.
That one's obviously okay.
I'm talking about there was one that was like, what if I want them to kill me?
What if I want them to try?
I didn't realize that was me.
I thought that was just some like, what if I didn't run?
What if I'm not a coward?
What if I want them to kill me?
What if I want them to try?
Like, I didn't realize that was my voice and someone just edited it into like a, a song.
And I was like, I completely, so I was like, oh, these are good trend.
And then I'm like, that's me.
What the fuck?
So when did you say that, friend?
It was in an obscure like SpongeBob horror game.
And I don't know why, but it might be the most badass thing I've ever said.
And I don't even remember saying it.
Yeah.
It's just like, what the hell is going on here?
So there's so many times I was just like a random audio clip of me.
And I was like, that is strange.
Anyway.
Anyway, that will wrap it up for today's episode.
Thank you.
All right, all right.
You know what? I'll do the cheese.
No, I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
I got it.
Okay.
All right.
Hey.
How are you?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Oh, no.
How long?
Two weeks.
Come on.
Come on.
That's faster than you think.
Yeah.
Bye.
Off course.
You know what, how would you spend the last time doing this?
You're what, I was cool.
All right.
Off course.
Okay everyone.
All right.
Let's look at that one for 시лед點.
Are you guys married or left with the idea?
You of course.
Right.
Not we can say yes.
Left school on second floor.
True free way.
Yeah.
We don't.
Oh, this is hell.
The idea is really up to you.
Today about what shows it really good to you.
Right.
You really like where you get to get this first?
Why?
Oh, yeah.
Also what shows it really good to you guys first.
Always like this.
Do you not understand?
I know that's how your notes are.
Let Mark talk about what he already knows.
Every episode has that spot.
Why do you need that as a note?
It's in the template.
And I never delete it.
I just ignore it.
Oh, that's right.
If primer or have a lead,
just remind yourself every episode
to let me talk.
It's a little breakfast thing to start.
It's just like a little thing of like,
all right, now come up with stuff
to lead Mark into discussing
or leading into the sport.
All right, okay.
I see.
And it just never gets deleted.
I didn't research or write this episode.
This is a writing and research assistance.
Uh-huh.
In fact, this wasn't my idea.
This was their idea because cheese rolling
was apparently something they did at one point.
Well, you don't know a damn thing about cheese rolling.
No, I don't.
So what do you...
Do you think cheese can be a sport?
I mean,
there's...
I could see cheese being a sport.
Like, I mean, eating competitions is a sport.
Like, if you eat a bunch of hot dogs,
I imagine there's probably a cheese eating competition.
I never thought of like rolling cheese though,
like racing it.
I don't say anything about rolling cheese.
Well, I already know what the name of a primer is.
Don't...
Don't get off the topic.
Okay, okay.
Do I think cheese can be a sport?
I do.
Simply because there's a lot of different things
you can do with cheese.
I don't...
You know, cheese itself as a noun is not a sport though.
You know, it's funny.
I'm on this Google Doc and, you know,
I can see when someone else is here.
There's a cursor.
Nope, nope.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I see a little Tyler Shide cursor going on.
Nope, nope, nope.
I see a...
There's a...
There's a Tyler.
It's not an anonymous wombat.
It's a Tyler.
Right there.
Strange.
Nope.
What do you talk about there?
You talk about history, history, dumb.
Starting with history is a mistake.
This is my primer and I'm going to really get it.
Okay, okay.
Close your eyes.
All right.
You are a starving medieval peasant.
I'm very hungry.
Oh, so hungry.
But you love your lore.
Obviously on the streets.
You're an English peasant.
He gives me a piece of copper every once in a while.
English peasant.
He gives me a piece of copper so I can feed my family.
Peasant.
Peasant.
I'm a poor peasant.
You wouldn't speak that nice if you were a peasant.
I'm a poor peasant.
Can you spare a copper piece for me?
My lord.
I said, I said, I said,
poor peasant.
Not, not diseased.
I don't want it anymore.
Please, I want food.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Give me the food.
All right.
This isn't working.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
Okay, my eyes are open.
Oh, man.
Okay.
You see in front of you a wheel of cheese, right?
I steal it.
I'm just grabbing it and running.
Hold on.
I'm running up the hill.
But the sheriff is after you.
I don't steal the cheese.
Come back here.
You filthy disease, peasant.
No, if I come back here, you'll just kill me.
I'm going to...
My cheese.
What part of England is he from?
All alone he sounds weird.
I'm from the poor part.
That doesn't get food.
Well, there's a reason why we oppress those types.
And so you run up to this hill.
You run up to a hill called...
Your name is Cooper, right?
All right. I'm Cooper.
So you run up to a hill.
Okay.
It's a steep hill near...
Glushister.
Glushister.
Glushister.
Glushister.
So you run up this hill and they're about to catch you.
But you know the law back in front because you aren't dumb.
You're not a dumb peasant.
I'm just poor.
You know some things.
You know that if you are in possession
of the cheese at the time of capture,
then you are liable for the crime.
You are being illegal.
But thinking quickly,
you realize you're on a hill.
And if you get the cheese
a minimum of 100 yards away from you,
which is what the law dictates
what that cheese has to be away from you
for you not...
You see an opportunity because you know
that this hill that you're on is exactly the slope.
The hypotenuse of the slope is exactly 101 yards away.
You see that the sheriff is behind.
He's a portly fellow.
He's huffing and puffing.
And you have only a certain amount of time to get it down.
So you thinking quickly,
hurl the cheese as fast as you can down the hill
and it makes it.
Just as the sheriff...
You stop right there.
And you're like, where?
I don't know why you're asking me to stop here
because I don't have any cheese.
Or any possession of stolen materials.
Well, you talk real funny,
but you show me where that cheese is
or I'm going to slap you in arms.
Oh, well, you're going to slap me in ions, are you?
But, you know, I ain't got no cheese on me.
You talk smoothly.
Well, wait a minute.
How did that cheese get all the way
to the bottom of the hill?
I think a bird might have grabbed it.
Then it wouldn't need to be up in the air.
It seems like it was a bit pretty big heavy wheel of cheese
so the bird must have lost control of it
and grabbed it down the hill.
I can't understand. I know it's happening.
You rolled that cheese, didn't you?
Huh. Come on, look at me.
Do I look like that brightest fellow
to be able to roll cheese?
Or think to roll cheese?
Yes.
Well, thank you for the compliment.
You got me, I think.
Anyway, long story short,
that happened on May 29th.
What the fuck?
In 54 BC?
I thought this was at the UK.
Wait a minute.
I mean, it might have been before England was England.
Oh, I read it in the wrong order.
So the origin of cheese racing is unknown.
I thought it started in Cooper's hill in England.
Turns out that's wrong.
No, it's not.
God, I should read this thing.
All right, back up.
Will make the last part sound smart.
All right, so Tyler,
the history of cheese rolling started.
Are we talking about the history of cheese?
Are we talking about the history of cheese?
Or the history of rolling?
Rolling, cheese rolling, racing.
Okay.
The Phoenicians?
Phoenicians.
The people from Phoenix?
What?
How do you read any of this?
The Phoenicians who inhabited southwestern parts of Britain
before 54 BC when the Romans invaded
or by the Romans themselves.
Oh, I should read the beginning of a sentence first.
The origin of cheese racing is unknown.
It's believed that the tradition could have been started
by either the ancient Britons,
the Venetians who inhabited the southwestern parts of Britain,
or the Romans.
I'm going to skip ahead.
Okay.
Basically, it was either the Britons,
the Venetians who lived in South Southern Britain
before they moved to Venice, hence why Venice is called Venice,
because of the Venetians.
Or it was the Romans who conquered and then
did cheese rolling at that time.
Why do you keep saying Venetians?
It clearly says Phoenicians.
Is it F?
pH.
Ah, I guess it's Phoenicians.
I don't have the notes in front of me.
I'm trying to take off memory.
Okay.
There's a quote by food historian M.A.K.
Quote, the hay which would have been symbolic
of burning away the last vestiges of winter
was replaced by double-glow-chester cheese
at some stage,
as food during these types of festivals
was linked to offerings or fertility.
Certainly less dangerous.
What is the hay?
What are they talking about?
What?
The H?
With the Ridge H?
Cheese?
Aged in hay?
What is that?
Oh, it's got hay in it.
Yeah.
How'd you eat that?
Oh!
Because that was the way back in the day.
Wow, that rhymed in what was unexpected.
Oh!
Okay, so I'm skipping over the history.
The history is a very dark place.
Act 3.
Modern cheese rolling.
Uh-huh.
Okay, all right.
Skipping over that one.
Skipping over that one.
Okay, skipping over that one.
Um.
Skipping over that.
Skipping that.
Skipping that one.
Is this the one where they run?
Yes.
So what's that cheese rolling at all?
They're rolling the cheese and running after it
because if it falls over,
they have to lift it back up
from what I understand.
Oh, you don't understand anything about the sport.
This does...
What's the thing?
This...
These notes don't teach me anything
about what cheese rolling actually is
or cheese racing
because at no point here
does
it say what actually occurs?
It does.
Where does it say what occurs?
All right, you're making me open up the notes again.
Don't open up the notes.
I'm trying to see where it occurs.
What happens?
What?
Am I... Am I crazy?
Hold on, I'm reading the notes.
Am I crazy or is there no point here
that says what happens?
It's at the bottom!
It's at the bottom!
I'm...
It's just the winning part.
All right.
Tyler.
What do you think cheese racing is?
All right, cheese racing.
What do you think cheese racing is?
So when I think of cheese racing,
I think you take a...
Thing of cheese, which I imagine is a wheel
because cheese comes in wheels and
historically has been that way.
You roll it and run down the hill with it
and you have to both the cheese
and you cross a finish line.
Okay, fascinating idea.
Completely wrong.
It's so silly.
I didn't know that that's what we were talking about.
When you gave me this primer
and you said cheese rolling primer,
I had no goddamn clue
you were talking about the thing
where the videos I've seen
where you're on a hill and you see a bunch of idiots
running after a roll of cheese
and falling over and dying.
You thought it was making cheese?
No, I thought it was literally
you roll cheese down a hill all at the same time
and you see which one gets to the bottom first.
That's what I thought we were talking about.
Anyway, so picture yourself at home
a 45 degree incline,
a steep ass hill.
One of the steepest hill that you could
possibly imagine.
And imagine that at the top of this hill
there is a single,
a single big wheel of cheese
about maybe a foot in diameter.
You've got one wheel of cheese
about a foot in diameter, okay?
There are a bunch of people at the top
lined up and ready to go.
They'll go one to be ready
two to be steady
three to prepare
and four to go.
And then
the cheese is released
by the master of cheese
and everyone at the top of the hill
throws themselves down the hill
with reckless
abandon to try to get
after the cheese
and they tumble.
It's like a dog race except there's no mechanical bunny.
It's a cheese wheel.
Exactly. They toss
and tumble themselves down there
and they try to use strategy
if you want to be boring and safe.
But once you've started running
remember it's a 45 degree hill
you're going to keep pounding down
this hill.
And if your feet don't move fast enough
which they won't because you're being pulled down by gravity
you are going to fall
and you're going to tumble.
You can run, you can leap, you can roll,
you're going to win
you've got to keep going
and you've got to get down
to the bottom first
I think
because there's only
one way to win
the cheese rolling race
be the first
to make it to the bottom of the hill
and claim
your cheese
and that
is cheese rolling
you hook them
you hook them
hook them
now take yourself back
to the
yonder days
of 54 BC
so as with all sports
it started with the Romans
invading
much like sledding
much like losing
and synonymous with losing
for those stupid people
did they disguise themselves as a cheese wheel
and roll down the hill inside the cheese
to then attack another arm
no, no silly
they carved out
cheese wheels and stuffed themselves inside
them and rolled them
the hill
that's so different
Martha and what actress
very different
but I think that
in terms of wild conjecture
must like all age in history
the fertility
right
you got to see who's the strongest
and the bravest that can make the best
cheese
no, what I imagine
and this probably started out
with hay bales
according to these notes
and I can imagine
you're a peasant
your life is hard
you just got chased by the sheriff
and what happens is
the people chasing you
no, you're just bored
but at any given time
this is fun because if you got a big hill
like Cooper's hill in the UK
it's a 45-degree hill
this hill is nuts
I as a kid loved hills
because I could slide down them
I wasn't trying to fight any Romans
or anything but it was just like
it was a hill right
yeah
now the ancient ukians
so they roll the cheese
and then everyone's like wait that's my cheese
and then when you were that peasant
that was running away from that sheriff
the sheriff was like oh yes my cheese
and then runs down after it
and you're like wait no that's my cheese
but now I'm out of trouble for it
so you run down after it too
if you can beat the sheriff down to the cheese
you know english law
by heart you earn the cheese
right
act for
cheese rolling
oh right okay
I'm ready okay 1826
is that considered modern
I don't know
18 first written record was 1826
wait if the first written record
was 1826 why are we assuming
it started out in 54 BC
maybe it's the first written record
of cheese rolling
then why are we assuming that it's starting out in 54 BC
if there's no written record of it
who the hell is saying that it started out
in 54 BC
it's passed down from generation to generation
no it's not it wasn't even written
there were drawings of it
just do drawings count as written
I think that counts as written record
yeah maybe
either way
we have
way
way
are we throat singing again
yes I'm like that that's what I need to do
and be lamp from
and be abby lamp
is that the person in the photo
oh it was the person in the photo
oh good for them
way to go
all right so you're
your cheese rolling is broken down
the three basic races right
if you guys if baby Tyler
is at the top of the hill
baby Tyler all right baby Tyler
baby Tyler is at the top of the hill
baby Tyler just got in trouble for
grand larceny
baby Tyler stole a cheese wheel
but that's a whole different story
you got to read I did steal stuff as a kid
criminal history aside
you have three main categories
I saw a crayon from kindergarten
I admit it
what did you do
I saw a silver crayon from kindergarten
I returned it
four years
you're fine
oh four
I also
six years
when I was selling
popcorn
I took away
you took a one
I thought I was smart
I'm working
so I'm going to take corners
out of the total
you stole from the
community
it was boy scouts
it was scouts
I paid back
well you were working
and you know child labor is illegal
but child sport labor
not illegal at all
so you you need a certain amount
yep
cheese that's it
so you don't even need to have the cheese
you're there to get the cheese
oh take it from the kitchen
yeah you don't even need any cheese
you just show up on the day
but you have to pick your league
there's three main leagues
mom will you drive me
I'm not your mom
I'm your coach
I was asking oh coach will you drive me
no you gotta get there yourself
you got idiots take a pick
I mean I'm not a man
yet if I'm a baby
and I'm not a woman
because I'm a baby
so I guess I'm in the idiots
I don't care what all those
liberal pants you say
there's only three genders
men's ladies and ladies
that's it
I don't care what you say
you fit one of those three
all right
as god intended
we got three bathrooms
men's ladies idiots
I don't want no argument
none I'm going into idiots
one
I was made as
I was made as an idiot
I'll stay as an idiot
you ain't gonna stop there from being an idiot
but really
that's the three categories
you got men's downhill race
you got ladies downhill race
do they have like an IQ test
to the sides
no no it's volunteer
you got your men's race
which is just the man
ladies race which is women
all these can be local around the glove
and the idiots race
is race held after the other races
where anyone who wants to throw themselves
down the hill for fun
they can do that
it's not even a race
it's not even a race
they're having fun up there
me next
oh that one got knocked unconscious
I want to do that
yeah exactly
it's also the people that didn't realize
that the race was over and they got there late
and they're just like
you have me some cheese
anybody see it
they just run up the hill
wait for me
yeah absolutely
so here's the thing is you don't need to make cheese
by getting there
and there's no really
to do the event
somebody has to make the cheese
so why can it be you
I don't know if they would allow
just a random person to come in there
and make the cheese
I think they could
I think they would fully accept
Markiplier made cheese
I don't make cheese
you could if you wanted to
I don't make cheese
people that make cheese better
I've got better things to do
I'll just taste all the tasty cheese
but cheese is actually very easy to make
even an eye made cheese
and it was pretty simple
you take milk
you add some citric acid
to separate out the way
I believe and then you add some
then you scoop out the way
and then you add in
you curdle it
you boil it or you heat it up
basically that's basically to make quick cheese
you can do that
oh I could read this thing
it has cheese
it's got instructions here
for the particular type of cheese use
there are instructions
anyway not many people know
there's so many things that you can make
in your own home
from simple ingredients
that you don't need to go out
and shop for all these processed foods
literally the base ingredients for food
and humanity have not really changed
in a very long time
and you can make various different types of food
from base ingredients
grocery stores you don't need to buy a package
or something it can't be tasty
but home cooked meals can be even tastier
I want to talk because like I
pre-made moves all the meals all the time
I've gotten a habit of just making quick chicken and dumplings
I've got the recipe down
where I can make a pulp pot of soup
with everything I need
from just any chicken lying around
some chicken stock
bouillon or anything like that
water flower
you can make anything really quickly
and cheese is no exception
you can make whatever cheese you want
if you have the patience for it
what are you doing to get chickens that are just lying around
any piece of chicken that I have
I was like wait a second
chickens are just lying around
oh look there's cavities
asleep
here's here's the hilarious thing
this is also something you can do if you go to the grocery store
any vegetable almost any vegetable that you get from the grocery store
especially like onion or something like that
you can then grow
again in your yard
with the tiniest amount of space
as an experiment
and Amy was laughing at me because I took
she doesn't disagree with this mindset either
but I was like trying to test theory
because we got onion like those little green onions
and we had some bulbs left over
after chopping up the stem
I was like I'm gonna put this in that big pot outside
I must see what happens
we did that before we went to go film the movie
when we got back
if you're watching on Spotify
I'm gonna show you how big this thing was
no
I'm not joking
it was that
my arms
my arms are probably about like
three feet apart
that tall it was this thick
and there were five different stocks of them
it flowered
I didn't know that onions
flowered
it had a flower at the end of it
and I did nothing
it's been particularly rainy here in LA
but that's how easy it is
to just make food happen
did you pull it out how big were the bulbs
oh I haven't pulled it out yet
it's still growing
you think I'm just gonna let that stop
it's like it's still out there
I'll pull out the bulb later
but yeah that's how easy it is to make food
you should take a picture of it
so that will can put it on this episode
I don't have a picture of it right now
because after it flowered the top went
and it sort of drooped down
went all of a brown
but at its top
as big as it was like after there
but here's the thing
in Korea though
especially at my grandma's house
with having like grass in your yard
that is not the norm in a lot of the world
and if you think about it
it's such an inefficient waste of space
you can have an herb garden
you can have a vegetable garden
you can have a fruit tree
we had a fruit tree
in the house we were running a little bit ago
that had oranges
we had so many fucking oranges
from one tree
more than we could ever eat
and guess what?
too many god damn grape fruits
and it's not even a thing where you need to like
oh it's only harvest once a time
no we would pick those off
every morning we'd go up
because on the tree it's the natural preservative
it just stays fresh there
you just go ahead and you're grabbing them
oh an orange I think I might have an orange
oh we got a bunch of orange
let's make popsicle orange juice
grapefruit juice all these kind of different things
that's actually a dream of mine
fruit orchard and two horses and a dog
what makes that happen?
what's stopping you?
work and getting to the point
where I can do that
I have other pursuits I want to get to first mark
you could go do that right now
you could go do that right now
what's stopping your dreams from being dreams
wow
wow wait a call me out on my own line
that I threw it at you
and see this is the heart of cheese rolling
because cheese rolling
is an aimless sport for fools
and dream seekers
but at the end of the day
it's all about the art
of chasing after that dream
the cheese wheel is your dream
the hill is everything in your way
you just gotta keep moving
and sometimes you fall
and sometimes you break your
clavicle and sometimes you get knocked unconscious
but you can still win despite being knocked unconscious
because it just happened
this past cheese rolling
this past year
despite being knocked unconscious
on her way down
but she was unconscious
for a period of time
and still believes it was worth it
concussion and all
when
get your cheese
be happy
and that is why we did a primer on cheese rolling
cheese rolling
cheese rolling
cheese rolling
is why we did a primer on cheese rolling
because it's all about the pursuit
you run after it
who cares how many concussions
you get on your way
how many people get in your way
how many guards try to arrest you
exactly exactly
and that's why
if you want to get into a sport today
why not make it
the sweetest sex federation
european sex championship
starting on June 8th
eventually is when this
episode comes out
that's true but also
gamers instead of getting that bread
maybe we need to change it to get that cheese
yeah gamers why are you talking to the gamers
i don't know their
gamers might watch this i don't know
gamers don't like sports
but they do love this podcast
thank you so much for listening
how do i do
i think that was the most chaotic
but interesting primer we've had
for three seconds of notice
perfect
thank you very much
i think people are going to love it
because it's you
and we'll see if they prefer your primer
remind please let us know in the red
red on the red it
posting whatever in a poll
i don't know somebody
somebody i'll post it
eagerly await
your adoration
so mark do you think i'd win
you're very top heavy so you tumble pretty
well nice nice
do you think you'd ever do a cheese roll
you gotta protect that brain
yeah i'm not doing
anything like that
i'm good i'll watch
well stay tuned till
next valentine's day when we do the
is sex a sport primer but apparently
it is but yeah thanks so much for
listening mark thanks for leading the primer
you should do the outro now tell us
where to go and all that stuff
well you can go get them
merch at store.gmfst.com
we got finger phone fingers
that you can
show how much you finger sport out
in the world of sport or at any event
that you go to cheering people on
we've got t-shirts we've got posters
that are going away soon but we've got
pins and a whole bunch of other things
if you want to support the podcast in a
monetary way and get some cool swag
store.gmfst.com is where to go
you want to check out videos and different stuff
uh simply go check out mark
at youtube.com slash mark
player go to youtube.com slash
apocalyptic 12 even though i don't
post there very often you can check my
tic-tac or whatever but more importantly
watch this podcast exclusively
on Spotify that's where you're going to get your best
videos including
another guest that will have next week
we have the guest episode with Samantha
Tan race car driver
extraordinaire i hope you enjoyed that
episode i hope you enjoyed today's
episode and we will see you in a week
i guess or you'll see us i don't
you can't really see you we just
stare at the camera and each other
yes so
alright bye