E 160. A Dog Named Beautiful with Rob Kugler

What's going on everybody and welcome to another episode of Lone Ducks, Gun Dog Chronicles. I'm really excited for this episode. It's a little bit different than normal. We are having my friend Rob Coogler. He's an author, apparently an actor, which I didn't know, a phenomenal guy, a phenomenal journey and a true story about the unspoken bond that he shared with his dog, Bella. Rob traveled across the country and nearly hit all 50 states with his dog as she battled cancer in her last 16 months of life. This story tells his whole life story, really, and so I hope you enjoy. I hope you cherish the moments that he had with his dog and the moments that allowed him to meet people and bring people together around the bond of the dog. But first, let's touch base with patreon.com forward slash lone duck outfitters. It's the community that we built that supports you guys. If you have questions about dog training, you get one on one from me. It's basically like buying me and having a beer to produce a podcast, do YouTube, Instagram, all the good stuff where we help you develop your dog. We do every other month or every other month. Every other week we do happy hours, Zoom meetings where we all get together and have a drink and talk about dogs and help with training questions. Remember before seeing videos, pre-releases, etc. It's a really fun platform that we'd love for you to be a part of. So it's patreon.com forward slash lone duck outfitters. Also lone duck outfitters.com, baby. We got new gear that just got uploaded. So check it out. It's called Giddy Up. It's a new t-shirt design. We're excited. And also in the next month or so, we've got a whole revamped website. So if you're tuning into this episode months and later, check out the new website. We appreciate it. Also, be sure to check out our YouTube channel. New videos are being dropped weekly throughout the course of 2023. Really excited about that. And lastly, our forest fetch course. One of the main questions we get about helping people with their dogs is problems that they have that revolve around forest fetch. The we developed an online platform that takes a dog, takes many dogs from start to finish through the forest fetch course, different personalities, different breeds, different situations that they're in. And we show you how we handle it so that you can do it with your dog. Link is in the description. Next up from the duck blind to the holding blind, baby. It's Purina. The big dogs are getting that 3020 pro plan sport and the young dogs are getting large breed puppy. Next up, Gunnar Kennels, man's best kennel, always innovating, always made in America, bringing you and your dog the best and safest way to ride down the road. Next up, shooter shoot, baby. It's almost turkey season. I'm ready to get out there and listen to some thunder chickens. Turkey's baby. That's what I'm talking about. I'm ready to go down, sit in the woods, listen to those turkeys gobbling and see if we can get on a bird this season and can't cartridge is going to be my main whammy. All right, let's get into the show. Rob, welcome to the show. We appreciate you being here. Do me a favor. Tell everybody a little bit about yourself. All right, well, first off, I'm glad that we can finally make this happen. You just, you know, we can feel everybody again that I was able to like stop by your pad. When was that? Was that November? It was snowing out. So I remember that. It was November 7th time. It was snowing out to the point to where we were ready to do this podcast live, you know, like in house, in studio, but the snow gods were just a little bit too fierce. You're right. You're right. The power went out. That's what it was. So we got pizza and had beer in no power. That was awesome. I forgot about that. Yeah, it turned out to be a pretty awesome day and I got to see your new digs and I just, you know, love seeing you, you know, before I talk about me, I just want to say I just love seeing you continue to grow from where I met you a few years ago. And I just love it when someone says that they've got a dream and they continue to work hard and dedicate themselves to make that dream come to life. And I just, I'm proud of you, dude. So yeah, for sure. And that being said, yeah. So my name is Rob, Rob Kugler. Most people know me. It's from my relationship with my dog, Bella. But before we get into that, I'll just say that, you know, I'm from small town, Nebraska. I was, you know, just born into a, you know, of interesting dynamic of my dad had three kids before he met my mom and my mom had three kids and then they got married and then had me and it was like the Brady Bunch, but plus one minus a nanny and living in like a trailer house that was two trailer houses connected by a plywood hallway. Yeah. And it's like, oh, a double wide. I was like, no, no, no, two singles make shift hallway connected to two. Turns out that doesn't, you know, bode well for a healthy relationship or healthy dynamics so that my parents split when I was just about three and then I lived with my mom and, you know, my half siblings, which I hate the term half siblings, but that's, you know, it's just the dohini side. So like I stayed with my mom's, you know, kids who were all my, you know, my two brothers, John, Mike and my sister, Amy. And then I go to this, see my dad in the summers in Colorado. He got remarried and moved to Colorado when I was five. And my biggest brother or my brother, Mike, he was five years older than me and he was my closest brother. So it was five, seven and 12 were the age differences. And Mike joined the Marines out of high school and I just watched what it did for him. And it was, it was pretty amazing. That was a 97 when he joined. And he was an infantryman. And when I was signing my paperwork and 99, like that's what I thought I wanted to do. And he was like, don't go active duty. Don't go infantry. Like we're not going to war ever. You know, like the world has noobs now. All we do is just run our Dixon of the dirt and break our bodies training for no reason. Go into reserves and go to college. Get a job. And so I listened to him. So then I went to boot camp 2000 and went to the reserve unit, checked in the reserve unit in 2001 after training had finished up. And well, we all know happened in 2001. Yeah. Yeah. And what was a real big bummer for that is that my brother's, so my brother had reenlisted by then. So from 97 to 01 was his first four year enlistment. So when he reenlisted, he wanted to do something that was just because just like the advice that he gave me, he's like, guys that are getting out of the infantry are behind. They're not, they don't have anything for themselves. If anything, they're worse off than they when they went in just from, you know, being, their bodies being broken and not really having translatable skills other than getting a job as an armed, you know, like a Wells Fargo armored car driver. Yeah. And I was like, that's why the movie that John Cena called the Marine was like the most just awful military movie, but we all joked about how like the most accurate thing about it was that he was a security guard after after being like, you know, special forces marine, like, yeah, that hits that it rings pretty true. Which there is a lot of things that are doing a better about that now. And there's a lot of people understanding the, what they call the soft skills that come out to the leadership skills and how those can be translated. But anyway, so when September 11th happens, my brother had re enlisted into security forces and then now he was in a non-deployable MOS doing security forces at a Kings Bay, Georgia guarding the nuclear warheads, which pretty, you know, it's pretty important job, especially when your country is under attack. But when you are an infantryman that he promoted to sergeant in two years and five months in the image, which is really unheard of, Marine of the quarter, Marine of the division, the director is promoted, jungle warfare training instructor, just badass dude. And yeah, he was driving around a base in Georgia and checking the fence every day. Yeah, you know, he told me about was, you know, he would have to check out ammunition and grenades from the armory every morning and then count them and then put them in the Humvee and then do the rounds and then come back and check them back into the armory and count them. And that was just one of the things that he was like, again, his unit three, five, the dark horse. Sorry, let me. My phone might ding a little bit. Is that okay? Will that be too distracting? You're good, buddy. Okay. I just need it so I can know if mama bear needs me. Yeah, you're good, man. You're good. Yeah, his unit was, you know, was deploying and they were at war and he was not able to be there and lead the troops that he had been with for the previous years. It was it ate at him. And myself, I had volunteered previously for a tour along Central and South America called Unitas because right away I realized it. I should have gone active duty. Like I was one of the things I was pissed about my brother about was because since I never had again, just single mom stuff and and no like mentors as far as education goes, even just through growing up in high school, when I went to the University of Nebraska to apply to like, again, that's that's so I went through training, right? And then now I've got the GI bill. So now I can go to college. That was the whole point of joining the reserve. One I find out that they let they pay 50% of tuition and then $270 per month. So not enough? No. And the best part is that I couldn't get into the University. I didn't take enough classes in high school to make it into a university. So I had to go to the community college and then start taking classes there. And then when I went there, I was I did well in psychology and sociology and you know, anything that yeah, I'm a gabber. I'm a people person. So that kind of stuff's pretty easy for me. But then it turns out that when I was taking biology as pre-reqs for you know, elementary ed is what I was trying to go towards at the university. It turns out that cleaning the iguana cages in high school to pass my biology course did not translate to passing a college biology course. I didn't do there. So I dropped that and then had to figure out like what I was going to do there and the math and biology were just really holding me back from making it into a university honestly. And that was hard to take because I didn't realize I was that stupid. But you know, I was like, okay, all right. So we'll just leave this to the smart kids. And but talking about the volunteering for the unitos tour. So that's what I was like, hey, I want to go active duty. That's how I got on to talking about school. So once I realized I was like, well, shoot, I can't even pursue a four year degree. I was a good marine. My instructors in my schools like we're saying, hey, we could use you in the fleet. We need you in the fleet. We need you in the fleet. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I want to do exists in a world like that. And so I was trying to do whatever I could to go, you know, back into something and this was going to be a seven month tour. And then September 11th happened and then all the deployments started getting slated while I was going to supposed to be in that tour. And so then my CEO wouldn't take me off that list as they were plugging in the numbers for the deployments. And so I ended up not deploying like when my buddies deployed, I stayed home. So I was kind of like my brother in that way. Because we're both kind of like in this stalemate of and it's weird because in retrospect, you're like, do you really want to go to war? No, I mean, but if you didn't, then you shouldn't have been a marine in the first place, you know? Right. Right. So fast forward to 2007 for me. Just when I finally, I finally made a deployment and my brother had then gotten out of the Marines in 05. And when he was looking at like the fastest way he could find to like join his buddies and join the fights. And again, this is all weird stuff to think about 15 years later and especially it's not good in on the military wise to try to start thinking about like, why were we there and all that kind of stuff? Because it just really it's hard to reflect on things and then think about your motivation to want to do these things, I guess. Does that make sense? Yeah. I think everybody handles it differently too. Right. So I can't even put myself in those shoes. So to just hear you contemplate it is interesting. Yeah. And that's and it's tough because I also like so no one that I'm on a podcast, right? I'm talking to you. I'm also cognizant over like our other veterans is going to listen to this and they're going to be like, hey, friggin, you know what I mean? Don't get soft on a snow marine, you know, or like been out in Washington too long. You know, and it's because I'm still patriotic and I still love love my time in the Marines and love love my Marine buddies. One of the best leaders I ever knew, some of the best brothers I ever knew. And one thing I didn't realize, how diverse it was. It was a lot more of it. It was a like really great way to introduce, you know, myself into a lot more cultures than I ever would have if I hadn't, you know, if I just stayed in my hometown especially, you know, where did you end up deploying to? So I deployed to Iraq in 2007 to TQ, all to QADAM or all TAKADUM is an air force, like it was a Saddam's air base and we were a supply unit, a supply battalion. So everything came into TQ and then would get dispersed through the Al-Ambar province from TQ and we were mechanics working on the gear that fixed, you know, like to, that moved the equipment, that moved the supplies, you know, forklifts and stuff like that. And we had, I ended up working on mine rollers, which are easiest way to say it is like trailers that in reverse like they were put front mounted that had, you know, like bigger than golf cart size tires, but that's kind of best, you know, analogy. And with these casting tables that their design was to cover 100% of the surface area in front of you to try to set off IEDs and then dissipate the blast in front. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they were, it was an easy thing to fix. They broke a lot and needed fixed a lot, but as far as like the mental capacity to fix them, it was like, pull this thing, you know, drop that, take this out, lift that. So it was busy, man, but it was easy. And so by that time, my brother had deployed with the security forces. So I don't know if I finished that, that his fastest way to join the fight was signing on with a contracting company that a couple of his buddies had worked with. And if you've deployed, you know, say like we did, we, what was tough about it deploying as a as a marine, especially working alongside civilians, I could easily see the allure if I had deployed multiple times, one of my buddies was like, Hey, I want to deploy. And then now I was working as a contractor, I'd be like, come over, come to our side. Because you can, you don't have to deal with all of the bullshit as far as like, if you're cold, you can wear a stocking cap. But in the Marines, if you're cold, you've got a freaking goddamn stocking cap on your head and watch caps haven't been authorized by the CEO. I don't know why you're freaking doing this marine. Are you freaking crazy? You know, it is like, you got to get up on green on green. And every time you got to go to the pisser, you know, like you can't walk to the pisser with just your shirt, you know, like just your shorts on. So if you wake up in the morning or middle of the night, you got to get your full PT gear on and tennis shoes and all that. And just, I mean, those are just little things. And then any, you know, infantry Marines out there, like I said, this is fobbit life. And I will own my fobotness and they call it fobbit because it's the fob forward operating base. And if you leave it, you're called the fobbit, which I own it. I know that's who I was. But there was just annoying parts about it. And then like our civilian counterparts mechanics are making like like a hundred and eighty grand a year. And yeah, and some were only making only making 70. But they were working on the same stuff that we were right alongside of us. And so there's parts like, you know, are we there more for the occupying force, you know, in case we're needed because the mechanics, it's like sometimes some of the civilians, it's like it seems like you guys could handle this on your own without us running around and trying to figure out what we're doing because we played Marine so much in our training that we forgot to actually train on how to fix the stuff that we're supposed to fix once we got here. And so, you know, I'm getting at with that is that, you know, sometimes there's, uh, it's almost like you have to defend someone's decision to become a contractor. And you know, for my brother, I just don't think it was, you know, like, you know, like the money hungry Merc, you know, type of a scenario, which I don't think is that that really much of truth for anybody anyway. But that it's just a it's a personality. It's a, you know, a profile that people see when they hear contractor or operator. But you know, he was getting to do cool stuff and, and, you know, protect like how you targets and run convoys and, and like through through cities, like just kind of running and gunning some fun type stuff that he might not have gotten to do as a Marine in the same capacity. That's the unfortunate part about that is that, you know, I get an email on December 9th. It might have been 10th by this time. And then it said to call home, Mike was in an accident. And so I knew he was on some of these fast convoys and I was like, Oh shit, he freaking he rolled one of those trucks and he's missing his leg. I just knew it. I knew that he'd, they'd rolled a truck and he was like on the tour and he was missing his leg. And that, and when I say email, like how I would get my email was our, we had a bunker that was a jet bunker, like where a one jet would be stored in it. So if you could look, you can, I can still show you on Google Earth and show you the bunkers. Like I can just like scroll over there because I know where the lake is. I don't know if it's like, I can just, you know, I'm like, Oh, hold on. There's that lake and just zoom in and then like, Oh, and then there's a couple bunkers that have certain mortar shell craters in them. And then I can be like, okay. And this one was ours. And the, that's what we built our offices out of or inside. And I would go, I would skip chow, you know, early, you know, I would skip breakfast, go to a little gym. And by gym, it was a tent that had weights in it. And it was getting all, getting all yoked just, just by myself, you know, and then come into the, come into the office, hop on the government computer and then call the Air Force Base back home in Nebraska and then get patched through to my, to my ex. And then I was talking to her when I saw this email pop up that said it was from my sister. She's, Hey, you need to call home. So again, um, and I'm talking to my ex and she go, when I told her this, like, what she goes, have you, have you talked to Melissa? And I said, no, she goes, we'll call her. So then I call Melissa and that's my brother's wife and it is like out of a movie. It's like an unbelievably, like written script, you know, um, to where she's trying to talk to me, but she keeps on breaking up. Um, just got this guy bat. She has bad reception. Um, and she's like, Mike, come, come, Mike. And then so she had to tell me this, she had to repeat it like four or five times before she finally went outside. And then she was like, uh, Mike's convoy was hit by an ID and he didn't make it. And uh, that was, that was, uh, yeah, I guess it's funny. I tell this story, uh, but it, uh, it still hits you, still hits you. Um, you know, every, every time you get, you get to singing it out loud. Um, yeah. And the, uh, so I, um, went and found my, my, uh, in COIC, Gunny or Tega Facio, who told you that it is, let me tell you something okay. And that was actually pretty good. If you knew it. Pretty good. That was a good Gunny, oh, yeah. I always, you know, like his, uh, his name was Armando and I always joked and it's like, anything kidding me? Like, like the white boys get into Rob, you know, like imagine, like, it was up, my name's Rob versus like, I know my name is Armando or Tega Facio. Like a bad mofo. Yeah, exactly. You know, Bob and Kevin and Rob. Yeah. Rob Kevin Rob. Oh, hi there. I'm a badman, but, uh, what's cool about him though, by the way, he's, he, uh, retired Sergeant Major and, um, 15 years later, um, he's still, and it's weird because he's all, he's Gunnyo to me, but he's Sergeant Major or Tega, um, through his continued career, but he's still, he still messages me every Marine Corps birthday. Um, sometimes on the 4th of July, Memorial Day, all that kind of stuff. And I read it, I read his texts and his voice, you know, hey there warrior. Yeah. I hope things are going good devil. Um, but, uh, say anyway, so we had to like, verify through the Red Cross that this is what it happened and because that's what you need to, to be able to go home and, you know, I, I'm trying to think of how much you want to, you know, spend here in this space because I have written all this out. It's, you know, reading, you know, I don't, I don't mind you. In a book. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I don't mind being in this space, but also I, we, this could take our entire interview. Um, I know. I think, you know, I just think what, what I think you did an awesome job of describing is like, you know, who you are, that this hit you hard and as well as should. Um, but I guess at that point, you know, fast forward into, you know, coming home after, after the war and what, where did that take you? Yeah. Yeah. So I guess that's what, um, did you just do one tour or did you do multiple? I just, I just did the one, um, because I flew home and then like the process of me trying to catch him because his, the morgue was on our, his body was, you know, uh, on my base like 1000 however many yards away. Right. And then so I'm trying to track him down and fly home with him. And so I miss him leaving my base and then I try to catch him in Kuwait and they can't stop them. Right. Um, and they can't stop one person and because they don't know who anybody is. You know, as far as like what that entails, you know, it was a EFP, explosive form projectile. And there was, um, there was one survivor. And everyone inside the vehicle was killed, but the, um, the survivor was on a turret and he got launched 300 yards. Um, and his, his story of, of how he survived getting out of the ditch, pulling himself up by his, his elbow, um, missing one leg and chunks out of the other and a lot of his, his other hand, um, is, is, is pretty amazing. And I just got to meet him just this last year. Uh, so that was, that was pretty amazing. Um, and. And anyway, um, so when I do get home, there is a letter that Mike had left with me years prior before his first, um, tour and it said to be open to Katie, it's a funeral. And I hated that he had left that with me, you know, um, but once he was gone, I was so glad that he did. Um, and I actually just read it back just two days ago for the first time in many years. And. I really want to try to reach out to some of the leaders that he mentions as some of his, uh, you know, like the mentors that he had. Um, because I'd like to hear more from them and hear more about him because I've kind of focused on, um, what he said to my family and to me. And, uh, he in it, um, and he, he thought our family isn't very big and our funerals haven't been very big, you know, like, so I don't think that he had any idea that it was obvious that this was to be read at his funeral. Right. His, his funeral was at our municipal building, uh, in my little hometown of Broken Bow. And it was, it was completely packed and standing, standing room only like the entire town came to show up. The patriot guard, uh, rode there and the American Legion writers showed up. Um, sorry, they, they came on foot because it was, it was friggin, it was Nebraska and just before Christmas and it was like fricking seven degrees outside and blowing, blowing, you know, wind. So, uh, but, uh, in the, in this letter, um, he, you know, it says that he is sorry for, for the pain that he's caused and, and, uh, the memories that he's missed and that he respects my mom so much and that, you know, she is his hero. Um, and I just love that so much that he said that to her. Um, cause again, my mom's 411 blind and one eye, been 70% deaf since she was born and she, she raised four kids on her own. Uh, and we all turned out to not be pieces of shit. So, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I don't know. I'm still, I still got a long way to see her. You're up in the air still. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's the thing where I remember Mike saying that, and I just still think about that a lot. And sometimes it's hard because you don't want to like walk around with a chip on your shoulder or whatever. Um, but sometimes there is like some pride of, of, of knowing where you come from and knowing where statistically you could have ended up, you know. Um, and I think the military really helped us with that. Even though I hate the narrative when people are, there are some people that think that the military is only for people that don't have any other chance in life and, you know, and which is, which is bullshit, but I feel like we're kind of with some of those chances to where I don't know where we would have ended up if we hadn't joined, you know, um, and just because it showed us it brought us out of our hometown and it gave us a sense of purpose and a sense of belonging on a bigger scale than we ever knew. Uh, but so, uh, again, tell them mom is hero, uh, brother and sister. He says, you know, that they're such great parents and respects them so much for that. My sister had a, uh, boy, um, has, has a boy, Chandler, who just turned 25 and he looks when you, when you see him, you see Mike's eyes looking back at you and it's really cool. Um, you know, there's times where it's like, man, it's like looking at a ghost, you know. Um, and he thinks it's pretty cool, but there's sometimes he's like, well, hey, these are my eyes, you know, Mike, you know, don't, don't put, don't put too much into, you know, remember that I'm here and don't just look at me like I am a ghost. Um, and the, uh, but I'm just so, so proud of him and what, what he's done with his life and then my brother, John, had a little girl, uh, Patricia, who's 19 right now and in college. Um, and there's, uh, you know, I mean, just, just her at the funeral was its, its own thing, you know, just looking at the casket and she was three years old at the time and just being, you know, his uncle Mike in there and then explaining to her, yeah, like, yeah, you know, um, things that, those things that just kind of never go away, stick with you. Um, so when he gets to me, he's like to my little brother, Bob, uh, you've got more talent in your little finger than I do my entire body. Uh, you've got dreams, bro. Chase them. And my dream was to move to LA and, uh, like go to the groundlings in profit and try to make it on Saturday Night Live. That's like, because that's who I was in the military, uh, was, it got harder as I started to promote because then, then I couldn't be the jovial dude as much. You know, it was a lot easier when you're lower ranking. Um, but I just doing impersonations of everybody. It was just like that gunny-oh, you know, impersonation and, um, you know, just, and everyone would just ask me, you know, sometimes I'd just be called like the platoon, uh, morale booster. Like that was my, that was my billet, you know, um, was just to keep morale up and to keep, uh, people laughing. And, you know, so I, I did. I moved to LA and I've enrolled in the groundlings and I was loving it. Um, and, uh, booked, booked the very first audition that I ever had in LA, uh, which was awesome. Um, it was for, and it ended up being, uh, it was a military campaign for, it was for the VA, but still is like, oh, well, that's a shoe in. I mean, but I was up against thousands of other dudes. And, you know, and one of the coolest parts about that for me is that one of my marines reached out to me and he was, uh, he was about to quit the Nebraska wrestling team. And that commercial came up in the locker room. And then he's like, look at Coogler, man. He said he was going to do it and he went out there and he did it like immediately. And he stayed on the team and to me, uh, and that's one of the things that's also tough about leave having left there. I guess we'll get there in a minute. Um, is that, uh, people, it's weird. People like, uh, people like to just crap on any LA experiences, you know, uh, pretty, pretty harshly. Um, especially if, you know, like, cause like the narrative, since I ended up leaving, um, it's just people assume that I left because I couldn't make it. Um, but I was, I was kicking ass. Uh, I was motivated, um, and continuing to book auditions and being on projects and, uh, making like cool connections and having so many cool experiences and getting to meet some of my, you know, biggest heroes. Um, I mean, you'd get in the meet Jack Black and tell him, uh, it's like of all the movies in the world, it inspired me to get, like to come to LA, uh, because there, I had hesitated about that, um, about Mike's letter at first because I had met, I was with my ex. Um, and we were going to get married. And I was like, this is the life I want to lead. I don't want to give this up to move to LA anymore. And then my, we, we went to Tropic Thunder. I was like, I want to do that. You know what I mean? Like I want to, I want to be with these people. I want to be around people that can dress up, you know, uh, and completely make fun of the world. Um, and laugh, laugh about it in ways that are, um, offensive, you know, and, yeah, yeah, yeah, because like that's, and that's getting, you know, harder and harder as, as we, you know, are in 2023 right now, uh, to have us as a humor that, you know, there's times like sometimes I like to say offensive shit. Um, cause that's funny. Yeah. Yeah. And if you know who I am, you know, if you know my character, you know how anti me it is, right? Right. Like for people that know me and know like what I do and what I'm about and how, how often I am trying to help people and bring people together. But I also, um, it's part of, uh, the military humor and like first responder humor. Sometimes it has to be dark to, to, to make it through that stuff, you know, and it has to be, um, edgy and things are where the rest of the world can't handle it. And then that's either way. So, um, in LA for going on five years and I, you know, I married my ex wife. She came with me and I put everything ahead of her. Um, she was working full time as an accountant. I was working whenever I could get jobs. Uh, and, um, I was working at, uh, Sam, like, like doing, working for video games stuff, making 25 bucks an hour just to show people how to play Xbox, you know, like pretty awesome gigs. Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, getting a commercial where all I do is just walk out of a Jeep, um, and made like 40 grand on that commercial. Holy crap. I can walk out of a Jeep. No, no, exactly. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, you make, you make a hundred grand, Bob. Oh, baby. Come on. Oh, it's crazy is getting a taste of that. Sure. Getting a taste of that was so tough because like if, if they would not have remodeled the Jeeps that very next year, that commercial would have continued to run and it could, it could have made 20, 30 grand a year every year that it ran for me, you know, and like, it's like, holy cow. So when people are like, Oh, are you sad? You didn't make it. I was like, bro, you don't have to be a movie star. I get to be making it like for me to make any dollars at all was making it. Yeah. And yeah, and even just the extra stuff, the background stuff like, you know, instead of transformers and, and, uh, X-Men first class and, uh, getting to meet all, you know, again, cool people. And, uh, I was a dog handler on the set of, um, uh, the last episode of the closer and I got to meet Kevin Bacon and Kira Sedgwick, uh, yeah, cause I met Kira because I was alongside her and, and of course, since I had the dog, people wanted to like pet, it was a big old bloodhound, big old old years, you know, and I was just like, being like, I was like canine searching for dead bodies, you know, like that's my role. And I've never even seen that episode. So I stopped watching. I stopped watching a lot of these because I found that very quickly for some, like you can see me in castle and like, uh, resoling aisles and all these little things. And again, these are just extra stuff and some people will still shit on this entire experience. Dude, I think it's awesome. Well, I know me too, right? Because I'm still the kid everywhere I was, I was still the kid and I still even when I think about it, I'm like, I'm still the kid and it was excited to be there. But also I was fulfilling my brother's last wishes. Yeah. Right. And then so like the entire time that I was there, that was part of my story. And then when my wife at the time wanted to move home, I was like, I'm going to stay here because this is me and the moment that she drove away, I went inside and looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, you are a piece of shit. You went back on everything that you believe in and your morals and you knew this was going to happen if you came out here. This is why you said that you didn't want to do it. So then I have the freedom to be there and to just fully dive into it. But now I'm, I don't have the energy and I feel like I'm a, you know, like I never felt like that about myself before, you know, like, and my ex and I were good. And then when I say this, I don't, it's not like, oh, I wish that would have never have happened. But it was the fact that I never wanted to get divorced. And so much it was because my own parents, right? So I'm very happy with where I'm at now and kind of given it away. But I've got a small family now, a beautiful wife. And that doesn't take away anything from what we have, but it still is hard for me that our story isn't the only, you know, like there still is a, you know, a chapter in my life that I was a selfish asshole. And I still, I still carry that with me, you know, to where am I still that? And so that's something that I, that I battle with, especially when I reread my brother's letter and it said, you get dreams, bro, chase them. You're going to be a good dad. It's awesome. And I was like, wait a minute. So were those that I, that I interpret my own dream? No, this is the dreams. Maybe it was it plus I'll be a good dad, right? Yeah. But so, you know, and then so like these, you know, these things, how old are you at this time? I was 30, 30 by then. Yeah. And so all along this while my wife, my ex and I had a chocolate lab named Bella. And I was, it's, it's very interesting because where we lived in Los Angeles completely revolved around her because we moved to Los Angeles with an 80 pound lab and that really restricts your ability to rent a place. And because it was, I, it's breed didn't matter. It was size. And I was always like, do you realize that this dog leaves zero footprint in the house? And I mean, I'm, I'm like, I'm talking like carbon footprint, like doggy footprint, not just paw prints. I'm talking. Yeah, I've got so many friends, little dogs, I use like pee pads and, you know, or just like cats that are shitting in litter boxes and walking all over the counters. We're like, this talk doesn't get into trash. You know, she was kind of trains. And man, she was, she was amazing. But we lived in areas that were so far away from our friends that we, I had some friends that already lived there. And then like the Hollywood audition studio city area, because it was just so much more expensive, like out of our price range to find something that allowed big dogs there. But that's how much we loved our dog. You know, it's like, this is, I mean, we're not, it's not like we're going to be like, Oh, we're going to not get over the dog. We're going to completely change our lifestyle and our experience to suit our relationship with our dog. How old is Bella at this time? She would have been like, four-ish approaching, approaching six throughout. So just two when we got there. Yeah, two when we got there. So when Charlie, that's my ex's name, when she leaves, she wants me to keep Bella because she thinks that Bella will be a badder for me. And then one of the times I was back in Nebraska, she had gotten a house with a nice yard and Bella was with me in an apartment to where she was getting walks, but no yard. And so then she stayed with Charlie again. And so I am in LA trying to figure out what I want to do. And I feel like I should be moving out of LA because it's just not, I don't know, like I think one of the biggest things for me was trying to get people to show up to a home renovation for a three-time Purple Heart recipient at a show card called George to the Rescue from the East Coast had come to Compton, California to help renovate this dude's house. And he was from my brother's unit years after, so he didn't know my brother. I showed up there and I was trying to get people there every day for two weeks. And I dug the entire footprint for his flagpole that they planted. And it was big. It was like talking about it at least waist deep. And I don't know, because there was a big old pole that they put up their forum. And I tilled the entire yard and I met a kid there named Leon and a local kid that just was kind of peeking around and I was like, hey, do you want to come on here and I introduced him to the people and ended up buying him a lawnmower and a weedy deer and stuff so that he could have his own little lawn business. And I was just like, either way, like I was trying to get more vets there from this veteran and film and television network that I had. And sorry if anybody, I'm sure none of them are listening. But even so, you can hear this. No one showed up until an email went out that said, hey, we are filming the reveal. And then everyone wanted to be there. Everyone showed up and then like taking, you know, like, oh, look at me with my flower. Look at me doing this good deed. And now I was just like, I do not. These are not my people. My people from the Midwest are people that show up to help you that work. They're laborers that will either do it for free for you knowing that you're going to do something for them or do it for a fair price, but just going to work hard and sweat. And they're never going to ask you who's there when you invite them over, you know, or what's in it for me. And so I was like, I think I need to leave this place. And there was a possibility to get a job with a cycling organization that I had rode with with wounded vets. And I kind of missed that opportunity as I was going back and forth of like, do I want to move back to Nebraska and try to repair things with my relationship? Or is that too far gone? Do I want to just drive up the coast and which is funny, end up in Oregon? Like that was just I just seen pictures of Oregon. Like maybe that's what I'll just do and work at a bike shop and just forget trying to chase any dream and just live simply. And I decided I wanted a cycling job. So since I'd hesitated, I missed the training that if I would have gotten the job when it was offered to me, but it was still known was hired yet. And they were doing a ride in Kentucky. So I was driving all the way to Kentucky to join the ride, ride my ass off, improve that they needed to hire me. Right. And because the job would have been in San Diego working at the Naval Medical Center alongside dudes injured coming home and then you help repair, rehabilitate them through adaptive cycling. Kid me? I mean, give her a bit of San Diego. I mean, just just and it just was what a dream that would be, right? So on my way through, I stopped when I see my dad, stepmom and my grandma in Colorado Springs. And we have just a great time there catching up and I get on to visit family in Nebraska for a couple of days. And then I'm going to head on to Kentucky and then on Good Friday, my dad called me, my grandma had a stroke and she was in a coma. And I told him, it's like, well, I think grandma would honestly, and again, because this is what's tough about that selfish thing is now it's hard for me to make decisions for myself because I'm always thinking, are you selfish? Right. So sometimes I don't stand up for myself because I'm battling this thing of am myself ish and then that, you know, sometimes I miss opportunities. But at this time, you know, I was like, I think grandma would want me to go on to Kentucky and do this ride. You know, like if, if, if you're there with her, if family's there with her, and will it, will I be of benefits to, to be alongside her bed while she's in a coma? We don't, we think that, you know, this will be okay if she passes away or if she wakes up, we'll reevaluate. And I get a call Sunday morning from my cousin. She's bawling. No, you need to call your dad. And I love her, love because, but I was a little bit, you know, annoyed at her level of hysteria that is obviously grandma died. Right. But when our we should we should be prepared for a grandparent to die. I mean, I'm not trying to be a jerk about that, but that's something that we unless you die, every person's going to see their grandparents die and then likely their parents die. So it's something that it shouldn't be like a hysterical moment in my opinion. And I know that's you can call me an asshole for that. But maybe my brother's death had hardened me, you know, too. Because that's something that you're like you two, you guys are supposed to grow. Like when you think of your life, you're, you're, you're always going to be in each other's lives. Never plan. You will never plan for like what's going to happen when my bro dies. You don't plan on that. So, but you've got to know that your grandparents are going to let alone, you know, also your parents, but definitely your grandparents. And I'm just saying this because you used to show you the mindset that I was in. And so I call my dad and I'm like, Hey dad, it's like, Hey, Bob. And he's like, well, charity, Charity Jason enjoy. That's his kids. My two sisters and brother on his side. They were on their way to come see grandma and they, they got an accident on it. I 80 and charity didn't make it. Jesus. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. And I was like, Oh, that's why. 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California has such strict and very unique fire codes. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. And I'm like, Oh, that's why. Yeah. So then it. That doesn't sound right. So June. Either way. So if you start today, you'll be done at X dates. And then after class, I was like, I better figure out. I'm going to stay here in Lincoln, Nebraska. And what was funny is that I really wish like I was going to get my own place. But then a buddy was like, Hey man, you can stay with me and we can remodel my place together. I was like, sweet. And he was so busy. I basically just lived in a house that was gutted. Without water. And, you know, and I would just do little chores around because I'm not a construction dude. Like I can follow directions, but I can't. I'm not going to do anything in someone's house on my own. So I'm, but I'm like pulling all the staples out of the floor. You know, I'm. Wiping off the glue off the walls from the wallpaper. You know, just. Just little things like that and literally sleeping on my buddies. My buddies, uncles, Vietnam era, caught. Nice. And it, yeah, it broke one day. It was hilarious. But that's in that time I had taken Bella back. Charlie asked if I, if I would take her back because I think she felt like that she was still more of my dog. And that she could see that with, even though we had her together and Charlie was so great with her and I. I've got to give up so much of Bella's good behavior to Charlie's work with her. You know, and just discipline with her as I've realized that one, I've got completely different breeds now. But also I've, I've given them freedom that my dog, that Bella never had and, and as you would be mad at me. If I showed you and if I whined about any of the, you know, like, if I bitched about anything, he'd be like, well, that's your problem, Rob. And I was like, I know. That's awesome. But the anyway, so. So Bella was with me there and all my friends had left Lincoln. So it wasn't like coming home going, you know, like when I went back to Lincoln. So it was kind of isolating as I was staying in that little spot. And going, going to school. Not knowing if I was going to pursue this or not on the fireside, but just wanting to finish it. But thinking that that's probably what I was going to do next. And then. Bella gets diagnosed with terminal cancer at eight years old. Damn it. You might as well just walk around with a full time jackstrapping cup on buddy because you were getting it. Right. Every time. So this is so this might sound horrible, but one of my friends when I was working with a PTSD group as a mentor. When I was sharing some of these same stories, I felt I felt like it was honestly. I don't know how many people would take this as a compliment, but I actually love it. He's like, dude, I don't know how you haven't killed yourself yet. And I actually just honestly felt like I was like, thank you. I appreciate that because then it just, you know what I mean? Like that. It's just a million. Yeah. And that's part of why I feel like people that may battle with, you know, you know, depression and you know, PTSD things and have suffered severe loss. Sometimes are the people that are worth listening to because they're still here. So it's like, so what are you doing? You know, how do you continue to keep your perspective? And then for me, what I thought with Bella's diagnosis is that it was a gift because my brother and my sister both just disappeared and I found out through phone calls and then you've gone. You know, no seeing them again. No open casket type stuff. No, I don't even know if that would have made a difference. But they're just like poof. Just, you know, like magic wand just waves and then they just don't exist anymore. And with Bella, I was told, hey, pay attention. She's going to go. And that's what I, that's what I did. And it was really tough because there was a moment I almost didn't because one of the things that I wanted to do was I want to travel the world and I still want to do that. And I don't know when that's going to happen again and hopefully I live after I can. Because it might, it might be a long time down the road before I have the ability to, you know, do so. And the, I wanted to travel all 50 states first. You know, I'd already been to Alaska. Why? Sometimes those are the harder ones to knock out. The Marines took me to both places. Thank you. Uncle Sam. And I don't know how many states I'd been to, but I definitely hadn't been, you know, to many on the East coast and, you know, hadn't been to the Pacific Northwest. And I was at first thinking maybe I should wait until Bella is gone. And, you know, because maybe she can't make this trip because she ended up, it was osteosarcoma that she had. It was in her front left leg. And the vets were like, you need to take this now or put her down. Because the whole reason that she's limping and we had been taken, I've been taken her to the vet for months over what we thought was a sports injury. And I was finally annoyed with my vet because I'm like, I'm doing all the things that you're telling me to do. And she's not getting any better. And you're treating me like I'm not doing the things that I'm supposed to do. And something else is wrong. So I went to a new vet. And it was a physical therapist and like, you know, like with the dog water tank and all that kind of like the treadmill and the body. And he was like, yeah, and this dude was ripped. And you always got to respect a ripped physician, right? And I was like, listen to you, you know what's going on. If he had a British accent and was ripped, he'd be even more. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We'll give him one. We'll give him one. But then the doc, we did x-rays first and then the doc comes in and she's like, hey, can we talk you in the back room about those x-rays? And I was like, mother, because that's when I knew that it was bad. And then she's like, hey, this is osteosarcoma. Unfortunately, it's already spread to her lungs. So you're looking at three months, probably. I mean, maybe three to six, but since it's in her lungs already, probably three. And go ahead and take her like, so you need to make the decision now to either take her leg or put her down because it's not fair for her to continue to limp around because she's not limping because of lack of use. She's not being because of pain like this, this, this cancer, the bone starts growing like spider web in, you know, into them. And it's just a very painful experience. And then I was like, well, damn. So do a cutter leg off just for what her recovery is six to eight weeks to 12 weeks and then she reads that anyways. Man, that's tough. And, but. And then, you know, since we've been talking about a lot of other things that people are here just for the dog conversation. There's been so many more moments of her and I that I haven't talked about in this in this in our conversation today. Everyone everywhere I went with her. People would comments on our relationship and our ability to to have conversations with each other, you know, for me to talk to her and she listened, she looked at me. And I, she was the first animal that I that made me realize that that everything that I am made of that makes me me, she has the same thing I believe, you know, like I believe that she has us, she has a soul. I saw it in her eyes. So that's what I understand soul dog. And, and I don't know, I'm noticing labs are spent. Labs have that I feel like a lot. Maybe if you, I don't know what, how you feel. But I'm also just learning how special labs are and how much of her was not just her, but also just the, the long line of labs and, you know, I can tell you this, I work with a lot of labs and I have worked with a lot of different breeds. And I, I may be jaded from my job where, you know, the, there's someone else's dog. I'm hired to do a job. I do my job. I care for them. I care about them. I look them over to make sure they're okay. I really care about them. I don't love them. Does that make sense? There, there's someone else's dog to love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, and then I have other, in that moment that I'm trying to explain this, I think that there are some of those dogs at our labradors that aren't as in tune with us, just their genetic makeup, their, what makes them tick and what makes them different. And so, when I hear you talk about her and the relationship you had with her, I truly believe that that is special. If you got a different labrador, it may not look at you the same way. It may not have that same connection. Right. And I just think that it really is a special relationship that you shared with her that you may not. Everyone I see may not ever get again, but it's, it's so hard to find what you had. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, there's some. I do think labs are great and they do, you know. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I, right. Of course. Well, there's times. And maybe I'm, maybe I'm saying that's to deflect my true belief of it. Damn right. She was special. Yeah. You know, like damn right. Our. Yeah. You're being humble about it almost. Maybe, you know, you know, and there's, there's, you know, and then maybe I'm. You know, playing to just knowing the again back to that selfish thing, you know, like, do I think that. Does me thinking that our relationship with special make me think that I, that there's something, you know what I mean? Like that I'm special that what we had was special, but when the, like, veterinarians, especially at places that are like really busy, when, when multiple people like tell you, like, that I've never seen. I've never seen like someone like a couple, a pair. So in tune with each other with the way that you guys. Communicate and I just loved, I loved hearing that. I also, one of the best things about Bella for me is that because people. She might as well have been my therapy dog or service dog because she provided that for me. She was never. I got her certified as a, as a therapy dog to go do therapy. But then that was before she had her. I did that in California. And then when I moved to Nebraska, we never got with a new team. And then by the time that we did, she had lost her leg and they're like, well, she's not a candidate anymore. And I was like, man, how better of a dog, you know, can you get than a three-legged, friggin dog with flappy ears, you know, like, is that's, that was what was so cool about her too. It's like the lessons that she taught me. Like the first time that I saw her. See, here we go. Now we're really talking about Bella. This feels. Let's do it. You were just, you were just so in our other story. And I'm, I apologize if that's, if we were there too long. I enjoyed it, man. Okay. That's what, yeah. Yeah. And that's what, uh, because one thing that is hard is that so many people do know me on the dog side. That like, I want to share more Bella stuff, but that people get weird, like on the internet and stuff like that. Like they try to like own the presence there. Like your, your dog, you know, like, oh, I miss her so much. And, you know, like, oh, do you? Yeah. And, and again, I, I, uh, and I hate that I say stuff like that. I hate that I'm sensitive to that, but I just, I miss her so much that, um, you know, when, um, when I'm a random person, you don't know. And they never matter. It's hard to hear sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess instead of like checking in with me and seeing how I'm doing, you know what I mean? Like making it, making it about them, you know, uh, it's like, Dan's like, so like our, you know, uh, but anyway, the, um, I, uh, now, now, now you're going to have to help me circle back. Uh, because now I'm just thinking about that whole because it's so good. Oh, that's what I'm starting to say. Yeah. I know what I'm starting to say now is that. So there's times where I want to be like. My part of my story beyond Bella is like the human grief and like the. The lessons that I have there and like the compassion that I'm able to have for other people in the conduit or the door or the bridge. And I think that's the way that I'm doing it. And I think that's the way that I'm doing it. Towards living life after human loss is really important for me. Um. That that is still seen because that's a service that sometimes I feel like that I have value with. And that sometimes when people are only like, show me your dog. You know, um, I'm like. If we want to do that, we can get into talking about the relationship about her, but, um. Okay, so help me get back on track. Now let's talk about. So, let's talk. So Bella gets diagnosed. Yeah. Yeah. So this point, they give you the timeline and you decide. We decided to take the leg, man. We decided to take the leg. And the reason why was because our connection. Was so. It was just so strong. I mean, I could see. The life in her in her eyes and the rest of her body. You know, like she was still, she still had. You know, something great muscle tone and, uh, you know, like it was, she had some atrophy in her left leg from not walking on it. Um, and I was like, if I, if I put her down now, I'm going to be. Cutting that short. You know, uh, and, and I don't think that that's, that's the way to do this. Even if it's just. Six months, you know, um, three to six months. Uh, let's go ahead and do this. And. Everyone was talking about like money, like how, you know, like how much will it cost to put her down? Two hundred bucks. How much will it cost to take your leg? Two, two grand? What, just put it down. And I was like, well, unfortunately, that's how many people view their animals health. Uh, and sadly, that's his own commentary to veterinarian costs don't help. Right. You know, like I just, I just took one of my dogs to the vet and paid nearly a thousand dollars. Just for just for trying to figure out what's going on with a store on his ass. And a cone, a cone for frigging two weeks fixed it. Saliva. You know, it's just like human saliva. What's that? Human saliva. Do you know what? That's dude. I was trying to let him do it. And he licked himself another hole in his. By the way. Yeah. Yeah. Another asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it a mice alive? Were you talking mice alive? Was I supposed to be looking at this one? Yes. It's scientifically improvement. Okay. All right. You know, and then because I would do seriously though, because that's what I was, I was like, all right, you've got to save a thousand dollars. I'll lick that, but. Yeah. Yeah. I'll lick that, but anyway, so. Yeah. It, uh, so we, we, I decided to take a leg. This is good. You've got to get some laughs in here. Yeah. And one of the coolest parts, and this is something that I've been able to tell some people, but then also like, Hey, I can't tell you that your dog will do this, but I can tell you that mine did ends a couple people have reached out to me and told me that theirs did as well, which was when she came out of surgery. You know, you could hear the vet tech in the back, like, Oh my gosh, she, she got up. And so she got up on her own, her own power and then came out on three legs and then like. Leaned into me in this, in this way that seemed as if it was like, Oh, thank you for getting that thing out of me. Wow. You know, like, just like, Oh, that thing had hurts so bad. And she just leaned into me and her tail, her tail was just wagging. And then I was like, All right, baby girl, let's, let's go home. And took her back to the house that was, you know, under under under construction and I try to make sure I cleaned it all up as good as I could. So it wasn't like dust around that could get in her incision and stuff. And then she, she woke up in the middle of the night. And wanted to be let out. And so like, I went to go let her out to go pee and. She did her first attempt to pee and then felt forward to the little face plant. You know, wasn't wasn't ready to do a squat without that extra leg. And she was cool about it because she's still a little bit drunk off of her meds. You know, she's like, Oh man, like did you just see that? Nobody looking nobody looked. Like I'll hold your hair back, baby girl. It's fine. But I actually, I just went and got a sleeping bag. And then because she laid down, she laid down in the grass. So I just went and got a sleeping bag and just slept out on the, on the yard with her until morning time. And then when people asked me like, How was her recovery? Was it so was it hard for her? I was like, man, the hardest thing was, was getting her to slow down because she was like, Whoo. I'm like, Thanks for a baby. And, but she's got this. She's got staples from her chest all the way back to her shoulder because they take the shoulder blade. When they do it. So it's like Frankenstein looking, you know, incision. And say like the hardest part was like, Yeah, getting her slowing her down so that she wouldn't, you know, hurt herself or open that decision. And, you know, it was a while before we decided, like I said, you know, do I wait and stay here with her before it until she passes and then go on this trip that I want to go on. And I had this vision of me getting to the northeast coast for the first time. I've been to the south, you know, like Carolina's military, but I like up in Maine. And I had what's in this is, this is not so. If, if we talk long enough to get back there, we'll see. So just remind me about Maine. But I have this vision of being there. Without her. Like I'm there. I'm looking at the ocean. And I look down and she's not there. And then I was like, no, I need to do this trip with her. You know, and we is when it went to the park with her a few times and then saw how like. Much energy that she had and how long she could, you know, she could run on three legs. And it was, it was further than I thought it would be and she was healthier than I thought it should be and she could go up. Up flights of stairs and like she was just. Teaching me so much about resilience and, you know, adapting and she was, well, I think one of the greatest things is again. Dude, we're soft as humans, man. Like, she never complained for a second. So what I mean, the, let's talk about the journey that you took with her and your goal of hitting 50 states and. Let's talk about the journey and I know that there are some amazing people and stories along the way. Let's talk about the journey and how that opened up for. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And it's again is the journey almost didn't happen. Again, like there's all these little things that. Because I got a call from the groundlings, the improv school that I was going to. And my weight, I was, I had made it far enough in the, in the program to like where. The last class or the last, you know, class that you take, you have a performance at the end and the alumni are in the audience. And they just votes on whether or not you can continue. And if they say no. That was your shot. You don't, you never get to try again. So getting invited to come to their advanced class. In that circle is a, it's a big deal and it's something that you show up for. And this was literally happening as I was getting ready for our trip. And I was like. I'm, let's go do that. This is where I should go. And then I'm packing. Now, instead of our trip, I'm packing and go to California. And I'm coming down these stairs. And Bella is on the stairs. And I'm like, I get, move. Like, what am I going to do with you in California? And that very moment. I was like, dude, have you not learned anything? What are you doing? Stop. And then said, and I called back and I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm not, I'm not coming. And so it was weird all these, you know, these, these times of, of like being drawn back. And I, I still feel embarrassed for even just saying that that happened, but it's still. It did is the truth. But I still, I'm glad of what I chose, but I guess I'm still not afraid to admit that I still had to fight a desire to, you know, go chase that silly little dream again when it, when it popped up. And then I can tell you though that when her and I hit, hit the open road. And then I got a, every time that I was behind this steering wheel of my forerunner. I got a fourth gen 2003 forerunner sport. This whole pro, you know what I mean? Is this the, but God forerunners such a good rig. And there's like such a great dog rig. Cause the seats lay down completely flat in the back. The back window rolls down. You can drive them stock anywhere as long as you got decent tires. And it became, it was like our mobile, you know, dog house. Two dogs rolling down the road again. Where did you go first? Chicago. Because I had marine buddies. And so because there was a lot of. Reconnecting. Cause by this time, shoot what I would I've been out like six, six years or so. You know, maybe. And then. So there was a lot of reconnecting with vets that I either served with there or through the cycling organization. Or through disaster relief stuff that I'd been doing that I didn't even mention during this, because it's just too much. There's, there's too much random shit. You could yield my 80 D is probably already very apparent to anyone that's listening. But, you know, there's been some things that have been pretty awesome about it. But anyway, so I'm there. Visiting a marine buddy. We go to like, there was a, that was the. Only time on my trip that I can old Bella like at at a kennel. And when I got her out, she was there for. Just. Not even 24 hours. It was just because I went to the, my buddy invited me to the Marine Corps ball that they were having there. Of course, of course I'm going to go to that. Yeah. And it was one of the few times I, you know, couldn't take Bella with me. But when I, when I got her out, she, she pissed for like five straight minutes. I was like, man, did you guys ever bring and let her out? You know, maybe they did and she just didn't go. But I just remember being like, all right, I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm not, I'm not going to do that. And we, we, she was never kenneled again. And except for the times towards the end where she was having some more vet stuff going on. But, uh, some crazy stuff having Chicago too. Where I went to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony down there and this. I'm now I'm hanging out with one of my, one of my other buddies and, and, uh, he's having some like backyard parties and like showing me like this kind of cool neighborhood in Chicago where like that's just what people have done for. A couple, uh, generations that had like people partying their backyards, you know, like, and like, it was just awesome, you know, like the whole neighborhood was doing it. Uh, and it's an, and then Bella was getting loved on by everybody there and because that's one of the cool things too that people don't. Uh, some people didn't like about seeing some of the stuff on my trip is that I do stuff with people a lot. And they're like, Hey, you know, once people started tuning in, they're like less people. I'm like, well, yeah. And I was like, well, the thing is, is that, uh, there's a lot of animal people that are great animal people and really bad people people. Um, and, uh, as I've always said, give people a chance, especially dog people for one. But also Bella loved people. She loved meeting new people. Like, she went up to everybody. She loved getting the attention. You know, um, and people loved her. And what was great about her too is that, uh, she was the perfect dog for if someone was scared of a dog. Um, you could be like, no, no, get right in here. Like, I don't think you could do anything to force this dog to bite you. You know, like, like, in a sad way almost, you know what I mean? Like, I think she would just, you know, like, there's, uh, she wouldn't even defend herself. Yeah. But, um, the, uh, anyway, so. I go to this Christmas tree lighting ceremony and she stays at my buddy's place. I take the train. Um, and I just want to take some pictures because I, you know, I was taking pictures along the whole way and she was a really big part of that. And she was kind of my muse in some of the photos that I would take with her. Uh, along this, along this trip and, um, but I, I thought this kind of iconic thing to be downtown Chicago and see their, you know, big Christmas tree led up. And then, um, there's, uh, after it's over. I just notice all these. Uh, police bicycles get loaded unloaded out of these trailers. And I just, I just walk over there and I've got my little camera. Look at what you guys got. Um, you got a, like training going on or something. He's like, no, the, uh, the video dropped. Um, no, he said, oh, he's like, no protests. And then I, I offered as a video dropped. Um, which I thought the timing was interesting that they, so there was, there was a kid that had been shot. And they really, they, they've been waiting to release the footage. But when they, when the footage got released, uh, of all the days that they decided to do it in times, it was right when, um, right when the, the entire crowd was downtown. You know, it's like kind of interesting. Um, but so then I'm like, okay, maybe, maybe I'll just kind of check out what's going on. Um, a few blocks later, um, I am right in the middle of this nationally televised, um, protest for the shooting of, uh, Laquan McDonald. Uh, you shot 19 times, um, uh, by, by cops. Um, and, and, um, my camera gave me access to, to, to be all the way in it and through it. Um, and like, it was, it was really weird to experience, uh, because, um, also, um, you know, there, there was like, this is America. And I was like, Hey, well, even though this is on everyone's TV and this is, this is, I'm not denying this problem at all. I, you know, like a, but this is also here on this street. Uh, in two groups that have liked the police came out to stand in front of the police station. And, um, because that's where the protests were coming. And even though it was in everybody's, uh, houses across the entire country and everyone's dialing into it. This is happening on one city block. Um, and then because that even like on the other hand, like one Portland, when people like, Oh, Portland's such a piece of shit. Uh, town, look at what's happening here. I wanted to go into Portland and film the rat, how much of Portland is not that. You know, um, just because sometimes we can focus and I'm not trying to take anything away. From, you know, police violence and the seriousness of, of, of that. But it's still just weird being right in it, right in it. Um, and then also seeing. Uh, you know, like kind of wishing there was someone there mediating. Uh, because what was wanting to happen conflict was wanting to be started. Like, you know, dudes are like, have skateboards like they're threatening to hit the cops in the face with them. Just, you know, like wanting to get, uh, visit up. Yeah. Yeah. And then, uh, uh, one of the lead dudes of the, like he was the face of the movement. I actually tapped him on his shoulder. And this is why I say it's a total forest, dump move. Um, because like when you see, uh, it was like Brown versus Board of Education, like when the, uh, integration of the schools in Forrest Gump, like. The famous video of, uh, you know, the black people walking into the schools. Um, and then a girl drops a book and then he's like, Oh, sorry, here you are, man. I guess he's always just popping up somewhere. I would literally like talking to him, like, Hey, what's your endgame here? You know, like, are you trying to incite more violence to like, what is this going to do? You know, like we need to have a conversation. And then another dude, journalist with like credentials looks at me and he goes, if you're going to be here taking pictures, you need to just take pictures and not interact. And I was like, but isn't that the problem? Right. I mean, like, don't we need to, you know, like, let's hear their. Let's hear these grievances. Let's, you know, let's see, like, where can we come? You know, like, what can we do? Uh, like, besides just this, this tension of, of wanting to, you know, uh, and then what was so then as I'm, you know, I see. I'm kind of like, leave from that area and like, again, this is all just crazy that I'm even here in the middle of this. And it's something that it's not in the book. Um, you know, because it's like a red herring is what they call it or, and then it's, you know, even now as I'm saying this, I don't want to be misinterpreted as, um, you know, whatever political views that people might think that I have or whatever. Um, but it was still just like, because I have this craving for, for, uh, peace and, and conversation amongst people. Um, and trying. And I think so much of it comes from the deaths that I've experienced and realizing that man, we are alive for such a short and moment of time. You know, we are wasting so much by, you know, fighting each other. So what can we do to, to, um, you know, come together. Anyway, yeah. So, um, but then as I'm coming out of there, like also knows, he's a coogler. And it's, uh, he's a, a news anchor. And the last time I saw him was on a cycling ride with the organization that I cycled with. In Italy, that's where I met this. And then I just, you know, and then he's, then I just run into him on. He's like, he's like, who are you working with? I was like, I'm, uh, on a road trip with my dog. Yeah, exactly. I told him. He's like, what? Okay. And then he's like, if you wanted to do more work or whatever, he like hit me up later. Like, yeah, that's not happening. Um, uh, cause that's the thing. I don't think that I ever could be somewhere. And then see a time of like potential mediation, helping a situation and then not trying. Right. You know, but at the same time, it's like, Hey, this isn't your fight. You know, it's like a showed up white mid midwest boy. Like, this isn't your fight. And I was like, well, I don't want it to be a fight. I want it to be a solution. Um, so that was just, I mean, that's just a crazy part of like. This trip. Um, where did you go after Chicago? Yeah. So then after Chicago, I'm trying to think if we went, if we, uh, how far we made it before we get to, uh, oh, we go to like Ohio, put in bay. Yeah. So, um, I hear about this little island. Um, because where am I? I'm like bowling green. Am I near bowling green, Ohio? And my aunt tells me she's like, Hey, well, you can't. Tells me she's like, Hey, well, you please stop by and visit my, my longtime friends from like the 70s. And then so I. Yeah. And I did. And it was awesome. And they were cool. And they love you. And again, um, Bella, I think helped with, with people so much. Uh, because our relationship, like people have said this, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their dog. And we, and this was, this was one of the things too that I loved about Bella so much. Or, and our relationship is that with all those judgments that I had and all those self, uh, deprecating type things. And I was like, I'm doing this right. Uh, and I, I believe that she allowed people to trust me more than if I was just by myself. You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. It makes you more approachable. It opens conversation. It brings people together. Yeah. And that's, that's one of the reasons that. Um, yeah, I've wanted to do all these different things. And again, the, the ad debug has, has. You know, allowed me to, to do some really cool things, but then also start a million things or have a million ideas that might be pretty awesome. And I feel like I've accomplished a lot, but it's overshadowed. Thank you, brother. Appreciate that. But I think it's overshadowed by the amount of things that I say that I want to do. And then that's one thing that sucks is because I say I want to do so much. You might just say I'm just full of shit and you can't trust anything that I say that I'm going to do. Because I never do them, but I actually have done a ton of things. Okay, so after, after Chicago, my aunt asked me, she's like, Hey, we meet up with some of my longtime family friends in like near Bowling Green, Ohio. I meet up with them. And their grandson talks about just coming back from put in bay. Like this little, it was like a three mile. Islands in, was it Lake Erie? Yeah, one of the great lakes there. And I find out that it's a community of people that live there. The ones that live there, the communities like that live their year round. Is dozens, if not, you know, less than 200. I mean, it's like, it's, it's very small number, but then in the, in the summer, it's like a Midwest Cancun. And it feels up and it's got the world's longest bar. And I'm like, I just hear about it. I'm like, okay, I want to go there. I didn't know at the time how small the population got. Like, we take a ferry and it was the first ever ferry ride and then Bella and I, you know, like, I thought that was so cool that she got to be in the ferry with me like she's, and again, any time, any time that we're on the road for anyone listening, you've got to understand that Bella's head was out the window almost all the time. And that was, she just loved that she lived for that. And so we, when we visited the island, no one was there because we were on the off season. So everything was closed. And then I'm like, go to the one little bar that was, that was open and it's the only like bar slash restaurant. It's the one that has the longest bar, but that part of it is closed and they just like, just like the front bars open and they serve food and see only places serving food at, you know, during the winter. I think it was, it was tippers. And when I, when people asked, well, where are you staying? I was like, I'm staying at the state, the state park over here. Just in the forerunner, like, well, why don't you talk to, and I hate that I don't remember his name because we bonded and, and, you know, I'm just going to call him Japfer right now. But he had what was called the bird's nest. And it was just like this little set of like these, these little cabins set up. And he's like, yeah, why don't you just come stay in one of these instead. And then we stayed there for a week and then like I cleaned out, I winterized them all like took a shot back and clean out all, you know, sucked out all the toilets and the tank water and, and all that kind of stuff and picked up all the beer bottles that people just throw out on their way to go to the bars, you know, leaving there and just had great conversations with him, but like would go watch the sunset and the sunrise every morning on the, like those lakes might as well be the ocean while you're there, you know, you know, you have experience. Great lakes. And I don't think people can understand the vastness of a great lake until you're there. And it's no different than when you're on the beach in an ocean. Well, you know, you know what I'm saying, as far as your perspective, it's that vast. Yeah, you can't see the other side. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, we had the spot in the park to ourselves every time we went there. And that's what became a lot about our journey is that since we were kind of going, you know, towards winter time, because the Marine Corps birthdays, you know, November 10. So that's when we were in Chicago. So by this time, you know, it's continually getting, you know, further into winter. And after after we left there and said goodbye, but before we left, we're invited to the annual Christmas party at the lighthouse to where they have it inside the lighthouse and it's the only time that the lighthouse is open to the public during. You know, the year and just like that. Experienced. It was amazing. And I still stay in contact with a few people, like through Facebook and they're like, they're always like, hey, come back. You know, and I, I want to. I just, again, I don't know when, when those opportunities are going to come up. And then so we end up going all the way up, you know, through all with the East Coast and meet more people and more vets and. Yeah. Have like, I called the gay Christmas. Just Vietnam vet dude, you know, just. Gay dude and his buddies were gay, which. And again, I say this just because it's something like, what is it about because just because it does it matters to the story because it was. You know, like we go out like I just hang out, hang out with these three gay dudes and me and just getting wasted in the middle of. Jesus New Hampshire, Bosco in. Was it was the town Patrick with the dude's name and his, his dog's name was Cruza spelled C R U Z A H. But his name is crew to do Hampshire to. Right. Yeah, yeah, because his name is cruiser, but he just went ahead and spelled it. Cruza. I love it. Yeah, he's like, yeah, it's Cruza. And just had a really good time with those dudes. You know, and it was funny too. It was like, I'm not going to be. This is this is part of why it's played as gay or that I mentioned that the user gay is that. I'm not too afraid to admit that I was like, I didn't mind. Yeah, the flirting with me. I was like, Oh, yeah, I'm still in my prime. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I was like, oh, it was flattering. Yeah, baby. I think all right. That felt nice. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes. Still got it. Yeah, but the, and then again, those dudes were super cool. And of course, just loving on Bella and everyone. People people loved Bella so much extra because they also knew of her time. Yeah, right. So they know that they're not just connecting with this dog on three legs. It's so inspirational for what she can do. But, you know, like on three legs, but that she's, they know that they are touching. Something that will be gone soon, you know, touching life that is that is on its way out. And then that's like a special moment. And I feel like that when you are connected with birth and death, that is when you're kind of like the most in tune to life because it's the closest to it not being there. And so it kind of makes you like, oh shit, this is the moment. And so we make it to Maine. And when I, when we get to the spot in, oh shoot, what's the town? What's the town's name? Because there's a town there that's got the same name as. Out here Portland. Yeah, there's a Portland main. Portland. Portland. Portland. Yeah. Failed it. And when we get, when we get to the water there, I shit you not, man. I shit you not. I promise you. It was what I saw when I looked. And thought about the trip and looked down and Bella wasn't there. And you can, I don't know. I mean, I've said I'm crazy enough that you're like, whatever, this dude's too, too freaking far gone. But I'm telling you, I look down and I saw her and there she was and I was like, yep, this is, this is where we're supposed to be. This is, we are, we are doing the right thing. And we went on up to Acadia National Park. And then we, I wanted to hike Cadillac mountain, I believe is what it's called to where from the top of it. You can see the sunrise, the first, that's the first place that you can see the sunrise from the continent of the United States. And we were there at New Year's Eve. So I was like, yeah, the first new year. But I found out to get to the top of it. Like there was a three mile hike just where the road was closed. And I was like, I'm not going to be able to take Bella that far, you know. And so we can't trace of it and then went to the, to the rocky shore and then got up and watched the sunrise. Just off the ocean, you know, from, from there. And I've got pictures of her there. And that's like some of my favorite moments. And so then we started heading south and then I stopped by and see. Yeah, we should stop in New York, New York City. I see the George to the rescue crew that worked on the house in LA that I was talking about because Bella was with me there. Bella was with me there every day. So they knew Bella and I, George invited me to his house and in Jersey. So then I like get over there, get to meet his wife and his kids and they get to love on Bella. And then I continue. Oh, and we run through Central Park. And we shit where it was Boston. Would we have gone to his Boston for the South of New York? No. Okay. Yep. And that's one thing that's annoying is I thought that after going there because the East Coast is all muddled up for us. And I was like, I've got a couple of people that aren't from there. You know, it's like, man, that's all crammed up over there. And I was like, but once I go and explore it, then I'll know. I've already obviously forgotten. I'm like, uh, you know, where is everything? So in Boston, we stopped by like, uh, Tuntaburn, you know, like where the Marine Corps was born, which is just a sign now. They've got another pub out the way. We take a carriage ride. And the dude was like super cool and invited invited Bella up on the carriage. So I got to have her, you know, on as we took this carriage ride around town and he was like so knowledgeable. And I was, I still have his number in my phone. I haven't texted him for a couple of years now. And, uh, you know, we get to, uh, stop in DC, saw my old first sergeant, saw one of my buddies is working with Pentagon. Um, and again, Bella's Bella's here. Bella's meeting everybody. Everybody's just happy to see us. So they gave her three to six months. Yeah. How long did this journey take? Cause I'm not tracking it as well. It was like November timeframe, I think, of the diagnosis and now we're. Because so we're gonna all just, just to, uh, I guess if anybody wants to read more of the story instead of me telling it to everybody here. Yeah, of course. The dog name beautiful by Rob Coogler. But, uh, you know, so it ends up being like 18 months total is how long she lived. Yeah. Cause what happened was we get down to, we dip down into, uh, we get as far south. And then I go to the Carolinas meet my marine buddies there. I go to, uh, like my old CEO with his family and then like his little boy was born premature and has has a arm that didn't quite form right. So, you know, like I had that how he had his little crack in his egg. They call it like his like lucky fin. Um, and so like, that was something that resonated with, you know, with Bella on three legs and him. Um, and he just was so excited. Gabriel to get in the, in the for runner with Bella. Cool. And like, man, this is Bella's bed. This is so cool. I've got a picture of those two when they're together and, uh, make it down to Savannah, Georgia. And I fell in love with Savannah. I mean, Savannah's freaking. I tell everybody that when they're like, what was your favorite place? I was like, let's see here. Do you want like geography or city. I'm gonna tell you geography, Utah might be it. Um, city, Savannah hands down because staying in my buddy's place. It was a eight. His house was built in 1800s. Yeah. And like the wood, the wood that was carved then is you can still touch what hands carved then and going down like the cobblestone roads were made from the ballasts of the ships that, you know, came from Europe and, uh, you know, it's like seeing all the, the old history of the city. The old history that exists on the East coast was, was really fascinating, but it was the very first drive coming down into the main street of Savannah. And then if you have, if you haven't experienced Spanish Moss before this moment. And you drive in there and all of a sudden these, these live oaks are just stretching across the entire place and then this Moss is just dripping it. You're like, yeah, what is this? And then walking through and like through there at night and taking Bella on walks at night because it was, because we ended up revisiting it in the summer. Uh, it was hot. So it would be easier to walk at night. And that city has a heartbeat. Even if no one is outside, like that city is alive. And, uh, that's just what I thought was kind of the coolest part. So, uh, of that. But we, we just barely dipped into Florida into, uh, St. Augustine when, uh, uh, my buddies asked me to come back to Kansas City for a, uh, to be a leader at the, um, like, holistic healing retreat for veterans, first responders. And so I kind of be lined back there and, um, went to that and Bella was there and like, you could see her be that therapy dog for other people and kind of like go to the people that maybe needed her the most of the time. And, uh, then again, it was so easy. I, I still wonder if people would have had the same respect for me that I've, that they've formed. And the relationships that we formed if I was there by myself. Doesn't really matter. You still touched enough lives and so did she. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And she, and so. Ramblar. Yeah. Yeah. So we were. Can you hear me? I don't talk like that. Oh, you can't. I'm turning the microphone off the puppies dreaming over there. And he's like, it's his name. Ramblar. Yeah. I was turning my mic off every time I cracked a beer. I bet. I thought you were yelling at me for rambling. Ramblar. I'm like, sorry, buddy. I know. I know. He's dream. We're already past the 10 minute. Yeah. We're in trouble. So let's wrap it up into, you know, the final moments of a valid journey and then where people can read the full story. Yeah. Okay. So. Without without spending too much time on it. I had missed Kentucky. I realized I had missed Kentucky when we were back in Kansas City. So I, I snuck back east a little bit to grab Kentucky. And when I had friends in Nashville that were like, Hey. You're like an hour away come see us. And then I go down there. And then my buddy. One of the military vet through the cycling organization. He was in a bad spot in Nashville and he was like, Hey man, can you give me a ride back to my mom's house in Jacksonville, South Carolina? I was like, good Lord. I just got back from over here. You know, um, yeah, let's do it. And, um, yeah, I just, I just couldn't leave him there. He had a, uh, uh, bull terrier, um, mix, uh, restaffy, the staffy, um, rescue. And he just needed to get out of where he was. And so I took him there. And then we dipped all the way back down and made it to the keys. And it was when we were down in the keys that a cousin of mine was like, Hey, can we run a story? And he worked at a local news place back in Nebraska. And, um, I told him no, because I just didn't want. I already had some family being like, man quit, you know, screwing around with your dog, you know, go get a real job. And I was like, man, I'm sorry that I didn't have kids when I was 19 years old. And then I have the ability to like go do some of the things and these things now before I do have kids because if I do, when, when will I ever have a chance to do this? I don't know if I ever have a chance to do this stuff again. Right. You know, um, and, uh, so I just didn't want to hear flack from them. Uh, that's why I said no, but then the next day I was like, man, forget that. Don't let haters friggin hold you down. You know, I was like, yeah. And so I was like, yeah, sure, let's do this. And then I did an interview while we were driving down like there was iconic bridges, you know, that are above the water in the keys. And then that by that night, uh, it blew up. It was the, it was the number one thing on Reddit. It was, um, you know, I've sports centers top 10 was weird. It was sports center, but, uh, and then that's, that's what just them blew up people following it, following the journey. Um, you know, there, there were a couple things that I couldn't like stop. Like they were like, Hey, he's sold his. I was renting a place, you know, um, which we didn't even get to in this part because I ended up renting a place after in the meantime while Bella was healing. Uh, and then I just didn't resign the lease. So like I didn't sell a house, you know, um, you know, just, just little things like that. So I was like, Hey, you're missing this stuff. And just some people just trying to make it like a little bit more dramatic than it was or whatever. Um, but still the story was the truth that I was basically doing all I could to spend, even though I was spending time with other people. The trip was my excuse to be actively doing something and not have to leave her, you know, um, and, and, and bring her with me. And every time we went to a vet, when they were like, when I told them it was a new vet. And when I would tell them, Hey, I just want to get a checkup. And then I hear her history, and then like, well, that can't be right because she'd be dead by now. And they kind of look at me like I was, I didn't know what I was talking about. And then the emails would come in from our vet with her original x race. Or they would get the x race back that if they were taking any, and then like, I don't know how she's alive. Because it's she's, she's got, yeah, her lungs are full of cancer, but she is presenting as a very healthy and happy dog. So I would just continue to do what you're doing because I think that you're living every day and continuing to travel and continuing to do things and meeting with people is what's keeping her alive. And I felt like that that's what was doing the same for me. So we continued on. We back through Nebraska one more time visit family and we're going through Colorado. And by this time, the only states that we have left are Washington and Oregon. And I actually been to Washington before so our only state left is Oregon. And we get a little trip with my nephew in there real quick after he graduated high school. And we went to the Dakotas. And again, that was here there and like swimming in Lake Sylvan. I got a paddle board and she loved we started every chance we could get she'd hop on the paddle board. And her she just let her lone paw just just dangling the water and then her tail will always be on the other side just dangling in the water. And she just, because she loved to swim so much. She just loved the water and then she found out, Oh, hey, this is actually pretty cool because now I can just chill and be on the water and make this do do all the work. And I loved it though. I was like, this is this is it baby. And like I would just. And then cancer pop something pop back in her mouth and she ended up getting some cancer in her mouth. And I so we got that looked at it CSU and just as we were trying to figure out what to do with that. That's when someone started to go fun and we were able to pay for all of that bills and then like just get it was so amazing. Like team Bella is what we called everybody that came together and we were able to just do that right away. And then we started raising money for other people's I would I took mine down as soon as it was like enough to pay for Bella's bills and then started raising money for other people's and I would love to have like continued to do that. But then it started getting crazy. And I couldn't you know like everyone was asking even for money just for themselves, you know, like hey I'm in a bad spot. And it's really hard to say no to people. So I just started just not doing it anymore. Which I'd love to figure out how to how to get back to doing that but in a way that you know is true. Yeah, that makes sense. But anyway, I'm packing up the vets are with us they've they've given me contacts in Oregon to meet more vets out here just to like continue her care because it's palliative, you know, like. We know that she's not you know she's got a couple weeks left probably, but she's still got a lot of spirit with her. And then but then just overnight one night is like literally I'm I'm leaving the next day for Oregon. And I'm in Denver. And she just had, you know, kind of just like funky caught like cough. We go to the vet night bro she's she's just gonna she's gonna drown in her fluid if you don't. If you don't put her down so you're gonna want to do that. And I want to day. You know like more hippie like let's go to the river man and like I had a lady lined up that would meet us there. And then like if you if you take her off the oxygen that she's on right now that they were supplementing her they could just take the mask off. And her lips her her gums would turn purple pretty quickly and it was just like, even though she lasted so long. That that last minute went so fast that that last day, you know. And when I look back at pictures one day before I can see it that I didn't see then. It's not like it was weeks or months before, but one day before I saw pictures of that day as like, oh, I didn't see that then she was we probably could have stayed in Fort Collins that day and just relaxed and met the lady at the river the next day and not have gone to Denver and you know gone on her way out. Even though when we did go to Denver she got like she got so much love and so many treats and you know it's like she's probably telling me it's like no dude you did fine. This was good. Yeah, yeah. But so we I slept with her in the waiting room just holding a nasal cannula up to her nose until the morning and then we went outside and and said goodbye to her and you know helped her out. Which would be still a tough decision to make because you know there's a lot of people that I think say the same thing it's like just go for me please don't make me make that decision you know. And some people get lucky. But I don't know if lucky is the right word. But you know it's October 28. Said goodbye to her as the sun as the sun crusted crusted over the horizon. And I was felt cheated that I felt nothing like not emotionally felt nothing I ball my eyes out but I felt like no spiritual release or some type of thing and people talk about like seeing their dog run away and. And I was like into the hippie shit you know and I'm into that. I'm a deeper layered person in that in that realm I guess. And I didn't feel that and I was like damn it. And then as I stood up this big wind gust came and the leaves, the fall leaves that were all around her spun and tornado went around her body and then went off. And then so now every time that I see a leaf tornado or even a dust tornado. I'll take those. I'm like hey Bella. And so then I brought her ashes on to. On to Oregon and as what led me here and if you want to find out what I'm doing here. Man that's an amazing story you're an amazing fella you're a good friend. To so many people along your journey. And I think. It probably would have been possible without her but probably not on a deeper level that you got to enjoy. I think the people that were brought into your life because of her the journey that you went on because of her. The way life moves and raddles you and the difficulties of losing family members and everything built you who you are sitting in front of this meeting right now having a podcast for two hours and 20 minutes. You know, in our backstory is just. You got brought into my life you are now into Kevin's life. You're now and everyone who listens to this podcast life and your journey with Bella across the country and is an amazing one. And I would encourage everyone to pick up this book. To support Rob. In the simplest form just give them a follow shoot him a direct message and say her the podcast man. You know, I'm in I'm in and. Dude it's just an amazing story I think that there's some really cool things coming down the pipeline. To tell this story to the masses. Yeah, because. Like I said earlier in the podcast I'm almost jaded. You know, we started wound up with the unspoken bond and my friend you embody. What that means the relationship between a person and their dog. That yes, can we talk to them we talk at them they don't talk back. But just sitting still in the silence in Maine watching the sunrise. Along the ocean. Yeah, driving down the road with our head out the window. In those moments you two are living life. And I think everyone who listens to this podcast has had moments with their dog like that and have been introduced to people. That have influenced their life. Like that, but you got to do it on a very grand scale and you got more life out of the dog. Than they told you you ever could have by like three times as much. And it allowed you to live a journey that everyone dreams of. And it probably wouldn't have happened. If she was without her of your life. Yeah, 100% and that's like I said so many. So many conversations that I was able to have and people as able to meet along the way. Where you know. Because of her, you know. She wasn't alive when we met, but because of the journey you two went on, you're now in my life. 100% amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's that's. And you know I met a girl in in Hood River, Oregon. And like I said, there's there's a happy ending to the book. So it doesn't end in tears like it builds you back up. You're going to cry a lot if you read it. But and she had an amazing journey of her own across the country with her golden retriever. Franklin and that's that's a lot of what our commonalities. You know, like that's how we we bonded and. You know, you can read about our happy ending. And the hell everyone. Yeah, tell everyone where they can find the book and find you. Yeah, so I if you're posting a link, you can you can find the book, you know, like at Barnes and Noble. If if you need to save money, you can get it on Amazon. But if you don't want to throw another penny at Jeff Bezos, I'd appreciate. Yeah. Like what if you guys post the link, the link that I gave you is to the local mom and pops, brick and mortar family owned. Store here in Hood River. Um, Ginny and Muir. That's the that's a name the owners, like they. If you order from them and ask for a signed copy. It doesn't cost anything extra. They just tell me that that there's a signed copy in and then I go down there and sign it and you know, you can ask for an inscription. You know, to anybody as a gift or to yourself, but you know, and with a little guidance of maybe dogs. You know, if you have anybody that you want to memorialize in the inscription. I do that for you. And then they ship it. You know, so it supports them. And it's the easiest way to get a signed copy because that way there's no, there's no extra fees of someone trying to send me a book and me send it back and all that kind of stuff. And so like that's the best way, you know, to buy the book. In my opinion, Mr through them. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's yeah, and I'm hoping to continue to do more things. I've got a lot more responsibilities than I did when it was just me and and and Bella. So sometimes it's hard to figure out like what my message is because it changed because like it was so easy to be like, yeah, I'm on like sometimes, you know, like the best plan is not having a plan. And when you see that dirt road and you look down at the best decision is to turn on that blink and find out where it goes. That's like that was true. And it was like it worked so well. When I didn't have, you know, I knew I knew that time was was limited. And that's why I did it. But it is harder to be like, all right, well, we've got to. You know, there's there's more money making things that unfortunately life throws at you to where you like, all right. I've got to figure out some some of these ways to continue to live a message. Sometimes speaking events have helped that. But, you know, it's one of those things where follow along and we'll see. I've got some ideas and, you know, maybe maybe writing some more things. And maybe maybe we can see this thing on the big screen. There's there's there's been talk about it for years and it's been moving for years and there's been some people that have been stopped in the last couple years. And so it's it's I haven't really told many people about it publicly, but because you never know, but it's starting to gain some traction to where this thing. This thing may happen. And then if that happens that that could help open up a door to doing, you know, just more things having a bigger platform and maybe making some of these like the foundation stuff easier to. Fund and do and maybe more speaking events and maybe kind of get back into to live in some of the live in some of those gospels, you know, along the road. Well, Rob, thank you for taking time out of your data to tell everybody your journey. Share the unspoken bond that you had with Bella with everyone who tunes into this podcast. It's an amazing story. And if you would do me a solid, click the link in the description so that you can get the book. I'm going to I want to sign the copy. I'm shocked. I don't have one. It's no fault. Did I have a head by the head by the head? Well, that's the thing, dude. No, you think the freaking lone guy could get a signed copy, but no, it's fine. Well, I'm going to tell you this though, too. So I worked with a guy that an author that's, you know, working on some stuff and writing about some other other things and it just been helping with him. And he told my mom that I was going to buy his book for her. And he's like, oh, hey, you got your mom that book. I'm a by the I'm a by a bunch of books and they're going to be the Christmas kids. But he was telling me, you know, because he's like, I have never, besides my immediate family, given a book away and I've given like just today. I gave I went down to the store, took the time and spent $11 to give someone a book. I didn't just give someone a book. I paid to give someone a book. That's good. Like I've done that, which I know that's what I'm saying. Like, I am a bad businessman. So, like, I took a picture of that book today. And I was like, this is the last book I'm giving away. You know, unless I'm raising money, like, I've got some readers copies, you know, like the, the some paperbacks from the UK version that that exists that I want to try to get sometimes I still give them. But it's one of the hardest things, you know, like, I'm a bad salesman, but this dude was like, tell me, goes, if you value, you work. And if you value your life, you'll stop giving your book away. I'm sorry. Okay. He's right. Well, everyone can go and support you. Where can they find you? Give them your Instagram and a website. Yeah. So, rklifeillustrated.com. That's rklifeillustrated.com. And, yeah, the, and just Rob Kugler, R-O-B-K-U-G-L-E-R. That's at Rob Kugler. No, no, there's no dot com on that one. But just Instagram is at Rob Kugler. And you're going to see a lot of photos of like, well, shoot, you're going to find out the happy ending really quickly if you, if you go to my Instagram right now, you're like, Oh, this is what happened. Well, it's an amazing journey. I encourage everybody to support you and support the book because it's, it's, it's awesome. And it's what we all do this for and why I became a dog trainer and why I enjoy gifting people, a dog that they may not have had the ability to create. If that makes sense in a weird way. 100% man. 100% they go and do their, the thing that they love with their owner and it's an amazing relationship that they develop and your story is amazing. So thank you for being a part of our show. Everything will be linked in the description. And everyone so please do me a favor and support that and stay tuned for more from Rob. Right. I appreciate you, man. And then, yeah, I'm sure everybody already knows if they follow you that you're the real deal, man. And it's great to see you. Like I said, continue to work and continue. It's just great to know that you're always going to be you. And within that, you'll only continue to get better at being you. And part of me in these that about you, but most of me respects that about you. So, again, appreciate you having me on. And, you know, Kevin, I didn't know that we weren't going to talk as much. You just got. Yeah, I don't know. I just, I got. We just got listening, man. Yeah, great story, great storyteller. And it's just good to see you again. And I'm glad you're doing well. And thank you. All right. I appreciate you. And then so I will get out now and go 10s. 10 to the babies. Absolutely. Later, brother. Thank you. Let me see you. .