Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I
Started out my day in the best mood ever
I was just in a great mood all day long and then it got a little cloudy 20 minutes ago
And all of a sudden I was in a bad mood and I was exhausted
And every time I record when I'm in a headspace like this
I end up feeling so much better by the end of it
And I think that's just a clear sign that we all need to just talk more often
To people or to ourselves or to write or to journal
Whatever it may be it always makes me feel better without fail. So just sharing that information with you
This episode
Came to me randomly to record this morning. I was making a coffee filming a little coffee talk on tick talk and for some reason
This is what went through my head and it doesn't even really apply to my life
In this exact moment, but it has applied to my life in many other times
So I'm going to share it with you
What we're going to talk about is how some things are simply just bad for you
There's not much if and but about it. Some things are just
Bad for you and some people are just bad for you and some friendships and some relationships
And it's a hard pill to swallow and something that none of us want to accept
Especially if we're people pleasers or people who give others the benefit of the doubt or keep giving chance after chance after chance
This isn't what we want to hear and I'm one of those people. So it's coming to you from that perspective
But before I get into that, let me give you a little life update
First starters, there's a there's a couple things I really want to go over
The number one thing is that I think I can now tell you
You guys are getting special insight. You know if you're a podcast listener that you get the top secret T going on in my life
This isn't really T
But you guys are the first ones to know and I can officially tell you that I am doing a bikini collection with kulani
And it's ideally launching on may 14th
So you'll start seeing sneak peeks and stuff soon on tick tock and instagram
But I just wanted to tell you guys first because you guys are my family and you are my bestest friends out of all of my friends
Uh, not that I have favorites, but you guys are my favorite
And
I can't wait for this to collection to come to life. I've been working on it since october of 2022 and
Working with the kulani team has just been a dream come true
You guys know that I'm in the ocean almost every single day or at least every day that I can be I love the water
I love a good swimsuit and kulani was actually the first ever bikini brand to send me a bathing suit
But right when I started posting on tick tock and I owe a lot to them
They are one of those companies that has just been there since day one and I will support them until the day that I die
They have a beautiful team and everyone is so
Loving and caring and passionate and
If you don't have a kulani swimsuit, you're gonna want to get one and I don't even care if it's from my collection or not
I mean, I hope it is but
They're the best their team is the best and I just wanted to give you guys that little insider
And that's why I was in california
A few weeks ago and that's why I just I don't know
I've been working on all sorts of things with them and
It's a dream come true. It feels really cool to be able to work on projects like this that just feel very intentional and purposeful and
just
We put the work in and everything that has gone into the designing the campaign shoot
There's so many little details that I didn't even know were included in a design process like this, but
It was really beautiful to be a part of it. I keep forgetting to breathe
Like you ever just talking and then all of a sudden you're out of breath. That's what's going on for me right now
We're gonna get into the next update, but get pumped kulani collection is beautiful
The prints are insane. The colors are more magical than I thought they ever could be and
I'm pretty sure there's a print on there that everyone will love. I know we all have different
Styles aesthetics favorites colors, whatever it is
There's an option for you and you know kulani has 10 million thousand different styles as far as the fit of the suit goes
So you're in luck. You're in luck
This next update is a big one and I can't wait to tell you I
Well, you guys know I've been working on a guided journal for
Years now since I started this podcast
I think I first talked about it back in october of 2021 and since october or since january of 2022
I've been working on a journal proposal trying to pitch it to publishing companies trying to
talk through the ideas with my team and
It's now what is it april 2023 and I just sent over my final edits on our
manuscript and our copies and it was really emotional for me just because
Even though I still have a long time until this journal is published. We're talking spring 2024
So about a year from now because the publishing process is so long
it's finally starting to feel real and
Doing this journal has given me such a sense of
Purpose and it's helped me feel really fulfilled because journaling is one of those things that changed my life
In so many ways and really helps me get in touch with myself and my emotions and who I want to be and what I want to do
And if I can help anyone else have that same discovery or those same discoveries about themself
Then I will feel
really really really happy and blissful and
I can't wait for you guys to see this journal. I've put so much thought into all these different problems
I've answered or done journal entries myself on almost all of them. There's about 70. I think and
It's going to be a dream come true and it happens. So
You got we got a year, but if I start talking about it, please guys feel free to be my biggest hype man
You can start telling your friends about it your mom's whoever it is
I think that this journal could be something for everyone and
It's a new fun project. Just can't wait to see where it goes
You guys know I like to keep my eggs in about 10 million different baskets because I'm always doing all sorts of things
And I can't really pick one thing to just focus on but
This journal is stuck around for quite some time and I'm very pumped up about it
The last update I have for you before we get into all the good stuff is that
I bought a house
Feels weird to say because that just got finalized yesterday
And never in a million years did I think that I would be a point at a point in my life where
I could buy a house and I could make it a fun project with my mom and my dad and my brothers and my best friends to
Like flip this house and renovate this house and DIY and have projects and just make it so fun and cozy and beautiful
And I think that what we're going to do is make it a long-term rental or put it on Airbnb
Whichever kind of works out the best. I don't know
I just think that it's going to be a really exciting project and my mom and I couldn't be happier
And there's nothing more special to me than doing these kind of projects with her
Just because it's something that she loves to do and it's a hobby for both of us
So it's something we can enjoy and not feel pressured by or have to work for I don't know how to explain it
My mom and I have a great relationship. She's my best friend
But
When all we do together is talk about my work or whenever she's helping
Helping manage me or helping me with the moments collections
We just get we've got heads a lot more because she's trying to help me, but I just want her to be my mom and yada yada yada
When we do things like this together is when we really bond the most
So it just makes me happy and very excited and I'm done rambling your ear off
Um, let's get into it
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I'm only 2020 2022 really really
I meant to say i'm only 22 and I still have I made a little bit of an outline for this episode
So if I get lost, that's why
But i'm only 22
I still have so much that I need to learn but if there's one thing that this life has taught me
um, it's that
Once something hurts me once
If I go back to it
Nine times out of 10 that same thing is going to hurt me again
Whether it's in a different way or it teaches me a different lesson
Hurt doesn't always have to be really deep or really emotional
But it's likely that i'm going to re-learn the same exact lesson that god tried to teach me once and
I want to dive deep into this specific thing on friendships and on relationships
but not only that also just things in life and places in life and i'll start with talking about people
but
Sometimes
two people
Simply just aren't meant to be together and I think I get a lot of not I think I know I get a lot of dms
asking me to talk about breakups or
a long-term relationship ending or people growing apart or someone breaking up with you
And these things are kind of hard for me to talk about because the only serious relationship i've been in
I don't think it was serious for me. I think that it just passed time for me and I don't know if it was ever truly loved
So i've never experienced
a relationship ending
when it's when it's real and
So I just I've avoided talking about it
But I do think that that specific topic can apply to what i'm trying to get across you now or talk about now
And that is just that sometimes things simply are bad for you
And bad is not exactly even the word that i'm looking for
Maybe just aren't good for you or aren't what you need or aren't what you deserve
You get the point
But sometimes two people just grow apart and
That's what got intense for them to do there's people who are going to be in your life for just a season
And they're going to be people in your life who are going to be there forever and
We often get really really attached to people really quickly and then
When they leave our lives, it's really hard for us because we can't process
Or visualize a life without them in it
And something that's brought me a lot of peace with that is just
A lot of this comes down to faith and again, i'm not trying to get
religious
Whatever you believe is that that's what I want you to continue believing in whatever higher power that it is
But whatever higher power it is that you believe is looking down on you
Did that for a reason and gave you that person for a reason at that point in your life
And the older I get the more I experience it when we're in middle school or we're in high school or even when you're in college
You're surrounded by the same people whether you like it or not, you know, you have the same people in your classes
the same people at your school and
You don't really have much time to figure out who's actually good in your life and who's bad
And then we get to the point depending on how old you are when you're listening to this
where you become a young adult and
Your schedule becomes your
Freedom, you know, you don't have to be surrounded by people all the time anymore
You get to choose who you make time for and who you prioritize in your life and that's
Not an easy thing to do and it's not something that a lot of us talk about often
It's tough it comes to the point where we have to put in work in friendships and work in relationships
And it's not just natural because we see each other every day
If you're picking up what i'm putting down
But that being said
God i'm going to say god because that's you know, that's who i believe is looking down on me
But whoever it is for you again, this isn't supposed to be about that
But the universe whenever it is
I i'm only i'm getting so defensive about that because I posted a TikTok talking about
My faith and my christianity and such a hard thing for me to talk about because the way that I believe
Is just that Jesus simply loves us all and if Jesus were here, he would love everyone exactly as they are
There's just so many things in christianity that I have a hard time agreeing with and in getting behind the things that even the bible says that just
Don't make me feel good or comfortable
And it's tough because people who you know
Are trying to lead people towards Jesus and christianity
Do the opposite for me. They push me so far away
Besides the point I posted a TikTok just kind of talking about it and then people are just trolling me
You're fake. You're this you're that
Point is I know my relationship with god and that's what i'm going to focus on and that's what i'm going to prioritize
And I do want to do a whole episode talking about it because
Again, no one really talks about it and I want people to come to Jesus
But the Jesus that loves everyone not whatever one they're talking about
Let's move on
It's a tough thing religion is weird crazy and I don't even know
Where was I see this is why I can't go on tangents. I just lose my complete train of thought
But god is going to put people in your life for a short amount of time. The older I get the more I experience this
I have had friends who were my best best best friends in high school and
That was a lot of best that were my really close friends in high school and
Now i'm at a point where I don't see them every day
We don't live in the same state. We don't do any similar things and we don't have much in common anymore besides our childhood and
our past
And a lot of those friendships are friendships that take work my best friend Courtney for example, she
What two different college than I did we were best friends in high school like inseparable
I love the scroll of my whole entire heart and her and I have to
Basically schedule out times that we can call each other and catch up on what it is we have going on because she's where I think
I've talked about her on here before she's working in the er department trauma department at Duke university in north carolina and i'm
Living in bokerer at home florida. So we're very far away. She works the night shift. So she sleeps all day. I go to bed early
So i'm awake all day anyways
We have to make time for each other and in a lot of friendships you have to make time and I think that this is something that can be
Confused with people drifting apart. I think that there's a difference. I think
If someone is meant to be a real true friend in your life
It's much easier to make the time for one another versus if it's something that's being forced
It's not going to be as easy
and sometimes
You're not supposed to continue these relationships and I say that with
It's so hard for me to say that because i'm not that person
I am the person who will continue to fight for friendships relationships. Let people walk all over me
Make sure i'm doing the most that I can
For someone but I think the more times I got walked on the more times I got hurt
the more I was able to accept the fact that I don't need to
be everything for everyone
and
Where am I even going with this? I couldn't tell you
I'm gonna ditch whatever I was just saying. I'm just gonna keep going on what I have written down
but
Anytime you have a falling out with someone
I want you to really really evaluate what it is that happened
I know that in some cases
It was miscommunication. It was one person was in a bad place and hurt some and hurt you or vice versa
But in a lot of cases if someone shows you their true colors once
You should probably listen and you should probably see it through and
I don't even want this episode to be something where we're like targeting other people or talking about the ways that other people have hurt us
This is also an evaluation you can do within yourself and i'm going to give you an example. There was this
this kid
Let's name him
We're not going to name him. There was this kid
and the biggest crush on him in high school and then
We had a falling out. We just kind of stopped talking and separated drifted whatever went our separate ways and then
We found each other again and we got super close again and we were kind of talking again and
He wanted things to become more serious and I didn't think that I was ready for that
I knew that I wasn't ready for that. So I kind of just
Told myself I wasn't ready for a few months and I eventually realized like I don't think i'm ever going to be ready
and then
A few months go by after that after I we cut things off when we stopped talking and we go back to just being
Friends who are there for each other
The same thing kind of happens again. He wants things to be more serious and I thought I did too
but like the more time that would pass the more I would realize that that's not what I think I want and
I did the same thing. I hurt him again by just waiting and trying to figure it out
and
I can think he promised you that if that situation were to ever happen again, it would probably be the same outcome
And now I say that because you know, we're not always the victim. Sometimes I don't want to say we're the problem
but but sometimes yeah, we're the problem and
Sometimes we're responsible for hurting other people
Even if we don't want to be that person it just happens because we are human and
You can't
be perfect for everyone and there's going to be times where you make mistakes and you hurt people's feelings and
You can't avoid that but you can grow every time and you can learn every time and if you're willing to take from that and
Be better in the future than you're doing just fine. Okay. There is no life without mistakes. There is no
being a great person without messing up sometimes and
Yeah, just just evaluate those kind of things in your life
There are things that we don't even notice and
The second time that that happened with this kid
I was just that's when it clicked for me that I shouldn't have done that if I knew
I should have said it from the start, but I didn't you know, I felt safe
I felt loved I felt comforted and I thought that that's what I wanted and it just wasn't
So it wasn't ever done with bad intentions, but the point is
Whoever it is that you might be going through that same situation with that might be the shoes that they're wearing
They might be the one who's not ready and who may never be ready and
If you feel like you're forcing someone
To want to be with you or to want to be around you because I don't want this just just be like in a romantic setting
I'm talking friends here too. If you ever feel like you have to force someone
To want you in their presence
It's usually a clear sign
That you deserve more than that you deserve better than that you deserve friends who
Are dying to be with you who?
Laugh when they're around you who smile when you're they're around you who?
Light up when you walk into a room
Those are the kind of people that you deserve to have in your life and there's been so many times
I didn't know that and I didn't see that and I would feel so
hated by my quote-unquote friends or disliked by my friends or like I had to
be a different version of myself for my friends and
We've talked about this on so many different episodes and it gets so hard to evaluate what's gone on where and how many times
You guys have heard the same story or who's listened to what episode so please forgive me if I repeat stories
Or lessons whatever it is. I just relearn them all in different light as life goes on
But I would hate around people who quite literally made me hate myself
That is a freaking sign from god that that is not someone I want to have in my life
But instead of knowing that and understanding my value and understanding my worth
I did the opposite
I changed
Let me try to phrase this properly
They made me hate me
So
And I loved me at the time. I I really did I was confident in who I was and they would just make me feel small
And unlovable
So instead of staying that version of me and finding new people that were gonna love the version of me that I loved
I turned myself into a version of me that I didn't like so that they would love me
And this is a huge lesson and that's why I bring it up in so many episodes
Never change who you are for people that are temporary
And I feel so strongly about this because I don't live a life of any regret
I learned so many lessons from when those things happened
But if there are a few things I would change in my life
It would be that it would have been me walking away from a lot of those friendships way sooner than I did
And walking away from
Those friendships doesn't even have to mean you have to burn bridges
Someone makes you feel small
You don't have to burn that bridge. You don't have to tell them you make me feel like this and I hate you and I'm never speaking to you again
Doesn't have to be like that because the people please or me would never allow that to happen
And these are still people where if we were ever in the same place, maybe we'd get lunch
Who knows? They were just friendships that were much healthier from a distance because I can still love myself
and
You can walk away from things that make you feel that way because
When you start giving people
Third chances and fourth chances you get yourself caught in this cycle of just
toxicity and
People
Don't fully change people can change and I'm not going to say that they never will
But for the most part people's morals and people's values
Stay pretty true. They stay pretty real and
If someone
has traits that
you
What's I don't know even the wording I'm looking for I'm going to move on to the next point if it comes back to me it will but
the moral of the story here on this front is that
They're going to be people that you're going to have to walk away from and you're going to have to
In a sense sometimes be the bigger person and I just want to give you another example
And I think that this is why
This topic was on my head this morning
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So just give it a shot. I promise you're going to love it as much as I do now back to the podcast
They're going to be people that you're going to have to walk away from you're going to have to
In a sense sometimes be the bigger person and I just want to give you another example
And I think that this is why this topic was on my head this morning
I
Hadn't let's we got another person another little story time without names or anything here
That I was kind of talking to not even talking to I built a friendship with this person in the beginning of the year
We were online friends for a while before that, but we all started hanging out
I say we all because we had this little group of friends. We all started hanging out in the beginning of the year and
You know, I thought that there was maybe like a little something there with me and one of the people in this friend group
and
There definitely was I know I wasn't making anything up
But this person ended up getting back together with their ex girlfriend and
That's like okay. Cool. Whatever. This is why I don't get attached to anything because that would have hurt a lot more if I had let myself get attached
kind of besides the point
but after that this person would still kind of try to keep a friendship with me and try to
Keep me in his life even though, you know, obviously
I'm not going to sit here and be an option. I'm not going to waste my time
Building a friendship when I know that this person is just keeping me around in case something happens
I don't know. I just I think that I know my worth
Too much for that in a past version of me
Would have loved that like I would have enjoyed the fact that I I was still an option
He was still thinking about me and he still maybe wanted to be with me a little bit, but the version of me now
Simply put no
I I don't want to be an option and if I am an option for someone
Say they do choose me whatever you want to call it
That's not the kind of person that I want to be my person because if they did that to the person that they were with
Who's to say they're not going to do it to you?
They will
and
We don't want to accept that it's another one of those hard pills to swallow but
Evaluate the fact that if someone does you dirty once
they're going to do it again in a different way and
Just evaluate who these people are if they do you dirty once is it are they what's the word
Is it even worth it for them to come back into your life again?
Do they hold enough value?
Do they provide enough love and laughter and joy in your life?
And if the answer is yes, then give people second chances
I can't sit here and preach to you not to give people second chances and give them the benefit of the doubt because
I do it every time almost without fail
But these are just things I'm becoming aware of and
I just want to share with you in case you haven't gone to a point of awareness when it comes to that
Because for a long time I didn't and I'm glad I do now
I might still make the same mistakes, but at least I know I'm making the mistakes, you know
At least they're not clueless mistakes. They're intentional
Okay
Moving on the next thing I kind of wrote down is that god really does leave a science
Everywhere
um, even before someone hurts us once or someplace or something hurts us once
God or the universe tries to tell you that ahead of time
So don't keep your blinders on, you know, keep your eyes open pay attention to
This feels like such a negative episode from me, but it's not that's not the intention of it
The intention of it is just to try to whatever
It's not supposed to be all negative
But be aware of red flags and be aware of the way that people in your life treat other people around you
um, how they treat your family your friends how
They talk to you how they talk about themselves like these are all just things to pay attention to and
And
They don't have to make or break anything, but you should be aware because I have known one too many people
Who have gotten into relationships that have ended very very badly
Or have become very very toxic
All because they didn't pay attention to the signs at the start or at the beginning and they were just too blinded by
the idea of this person or
What this person could have been the potential of this person the potential of this relationship
And they end up getting really really hurt
um verbally physically mentally emotionally all of the ways
So just keep your eyes open. Okay. Don't allow yourself to be so blinded by infatuation that you
disregard
How someone might treat you once the once the
Hypers over or the chase is over
Just pay attention. Okay, write that down write that down
And then what else do I have right now?
I also
Want to talk about how
Some things are simply bad for you in a fact. That's way way beyond people
I'm talking about like actual things drugs alcohol sugar
Too much of anything is bad for you, right? But
Again, this is something where once you're taught something once
You should know it's going to happen again for me. Let's take alcohol for example
Every time I drink too much and I wake up with an extremely bad hangover
It makes me feel the same way
Every time without fail. Do I keep doing it?
Yes, but at least I'm aware that that is something that is simply just bad for me
And it's not something I'm trying to justify anymore. I'm not trying to
Fix it. It's just something that I know and honestly if I want to
Feel that hangover every once in a while. I'm gonna do it
Because sometimes it's worth it to just you know have a great night
My train of thought is all over the place. Seriously. I just keep looking out the window
But the point is evaluate evaluate the pros and cons another thing that is simply bad for me gluten
Every time I eat gluten I have my stomach simply blow up physically
And
Like it hurts a lot and I wake up extra puffy and I'm very intolerant to gluten
but I continue to eat it because I think that the reward is worth it and
There comes a point where you got to realize that sometimes the reward is not worth it
I've had a friendship in the past that
I love this girl with my whole entire heart and we were super close in high school
But it was never really a two-sided friendship
I really always felt like I was doing the heavy lifting and
I was putting in the work and every time we would get in a fight
I would be the one to fix it and to make right even if I never did wrong and
I would do this over and over and over and over and over and I could do a whole episode
Just saying over because I did this so many times and
It was just because she was hurting and
That's really what it came down to
but
it got to the point where
I started to hurt
because
Of how much I was trying to fix something that wasn't really gonna ever be fixed and
I finally got to a point in my life where I just walked away from it and we're still both doing so great and amazing and
We still would you know
Happy birthday tech still come through every once in a while and we still reach out to each other
Every once in a while, but it was one of those things that in high school. It was just
A lot stronger than it is now and there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay and that's fine
And you're going to move in different ways of life and in different paths of life
And sometimes you aren't meant to stay best friends with the people that your best friends with now and I stay I say
whoa
I feel so strongly about this because if you're listening and you're someone who's in high school
I think that that's when I struggled with my friendships the most and then in college too
No, not really college, but let's say hawaii in hawaii and in high school is when I struggle the most with my friendships because
I was just
Trying to to fix things that weren't meant to be fixed and that that really is the moral of story here every time I keep losing my train of thought
That's what it comes right back to so don't fix what doesn't
Isn't worth fixing
Because a lot of times it just ends up hurting you more in the long run and you'll feel a lot better
If you just take a step back quick little intermission and per usual
I'm excited to tell you that this episode is sponsored by better help you guys know that I love better help with my whole entire heart
I love therapy with my whole entire heart. I'm actually going to therapy right after I record this ad
And genuinely my life feels better because I talked to someone
I love learning new things about myself
I love understanding the world better and I think that therapy does all of those things for me
And if you guys don't know therapy or better help is an online therapy
It's designed to be convenient and flexible and it's suited to your own schedule
All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire online and then you'll be matched with a therapist just for you
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I love better help with my whole heart and I'm sure that you will too
And I recommend you just give it a try and see what happens. You might fall in love with it
All right back to the pod
But back to things and places and people
They're going to be places that are bad for you
For me one of those places was Hawaii. It was simply just bad for me and
Yeah, you know a lot of people are really quick to say lexy
You lived in Hawaii
And you think you're complaining about it first of all no
Not complaining about it at all that place taught me so many lessons
I created so many memories and I can't wait to tell my kids about the year that I lived in Hawaii
Does that mean it was somewhere that was good for me?
No
Let's also think back to the one year that I went to college
I
Had a blast, you know
I I really have memories from there that I'm going to tell my kids about too
I built so many friendships in college that I'm going to hold on to for the rest of my life
Does that mean that place was good for me?
No, I was depressed. I was working for jobs that I had no passion for I was just
Doing and doing and doing and escaping my own emotions
So that's not necessarily a place that I think was ever good for me and
That's okay
That's okay. There's nothing
I think that the reason I'm emphasizing so much that that's okay is because I know that a lot of us
Try to justify everything try to make good with everything and
I think that you'll make the most good with it and you'll find the most peace about things falling apart or relationships falling apart or friendships or
People places things any of that you'll feel the most peace about it if you just
Allow it to be what it was
when you think back on
Old flames or old relationships and the memories make you upset and you want to go back to the past
Just allow those memories to simply be memories and and don't attach anything to them just
Disattach is that a word? Not sure
D-attach whatever
Don't attach yourself to them
They are simply memories and they are memories that you get to have for the rest of your life in all of those good moments
They're not going anywhere. They're still there
Just appreciate them and enjoy it for what it was and take the lessons that you learned and apply them
To your life in the future and it's going to draw even better people towards you
You got to be willing to learn lessons in this life if we never learn lessons
That's when you come across adults who are just
Bitter and mean and have no desire to enjoy their lives or I don't know make their lives worth living
We've all met those kind of people. It's because they didn't want to learn lessons along the way
And they just keep hurting themselves and hurt people hurt people
And that's why you know when I meet really shitty old people
I just kind of got to have some sympathy for them
Say a prayer and hope that the universe or god brings them some love and some light because
You can't change their minds, you know, sometimes it's just like that
anyways
I think that that's really all I got. I didn't realize I was talking for 32 minutes already
But moral of the story here
There's going to be things you're going to have to walk away from
There are going to be things that aren't going to be part of your life forever
And I want you to work on just letting go of that and being okay with that and accepting it and
Honestly appreciating it and knowing that it's moving you further in the right direction and it's leading you to a more
you version of yourself and
Just just pay attention to all those little things
And know that
The right people are going to come in your life and the right people are going to stay in your life and the right people aren't going to teach you
The right people aren't going to make you feel horrible
They're going to make you feel really good and they're going to make you feel loved and special and cherished and
If there are people in your life right now who are not doing that just trust that the right ones will come
And I'm going to leave it at that but I love you with my whole entire heart
And I hope you have the best week ever. I'll talk to you next Monday. Okay. Bye