Hi, this is Melissa Wood-Teperberg and this is the Move With Heart podcast.
Are you ready?
Just breathe it all in.
I want to talk.
I can't lie.
I was like, it's going to be short, sweet and very spicy.
And we're going to get right into it because apparently some of you are going to talk too
much.
I don't know about you.
Well, actually I do because I did a poll on Instagram and when I asked you if you wanted
me to do an episode solely on people pleasing, the answer was a hell yes.
And I can definitely say that for myself, this is something that I have really worked
on to move away from, really saying goodbye to people pleasing because I really believe
it's a toxic trait that unfortunately lives within so many of us.
A lot of us are not even self-aware of it.
And I will say that the more that I get into this work and I strengthen my own intuition
it just becomes so vividly clear of the things that I'm doing because I want to do them and
the things that I do because I'm looking to please the people that I said yes to.
And let's just start, right?
Like, what the hell is people pleasing?
Well, people pleasing is pleasing everyone but yourself and I truly believe it is when
you are out of alignment with yourself and when you're not tapped into your intuition
because you are used to pleasing everyone in your life but yourself.
Like, how many people can sit with that in that moment and just identify, like, that's
me, that's me.
And I wanted to break this down into five simple steps that I have found work and that
are working to move away from this habit, right?
It is time for us to strip away all the things in our life that don't serve us, that to hold
us back from this space of really elevating to our highest potential.
And a lot of the time the thing that is holding us back is ourself and it's really hard to
own the fact that you could be the reason why you're in a place that maybe you're not
the most fulfilled.
But what's really empowering about that is that there is one person in this life that
can change that and that is you.
It is in your power and in your control to really take a hold of your life.
And like, how refreshing is that?
Even just saying it, I'm like, it makes me feel so empowered to just remind myself to
remind us all of this incredible strength and power that we have within.
But we have to utilize it.
So let's start with step number one.
I think the most important thing is to recognize when you are in the space of pleasing everyone,
right?
And I mean, if you are a people pleaser and your whole day is scheduled around showing
up for everyone, going to events, dinners, and then when push comes to shove and it's
time to go to that thing and you're like, why did I say yes to this?
Like this is the last thing that I want to do.
That was one thing like that space right there was one feeling that I really wanted to minimize
and really eliminate in my life because we have one thing that is the most crucial essential
thing.
And that's time.
Here we choose to put our time and how we choose to spend our time is it's up to us,
right?
I think a lot of the time we give everyone else control over our life and it's time for us
to regain this control.
So recognize when you are in that space, right?
It's like broadening and opening up the conscious to the self awareness that maybe your entire
weekend is spent doing all of the things that your friends want to do or your partner wants
to do.
And listen, I'm a mom.
Of course there's compromise and relationships and being a parent.
But what does the big picture look like?
Are you spending your time living up to everyone else's expectations or are you giving yourself
time for yourself to do things that make you really happy, that make you feel whole, that
light you up?
So it's just coming back to identify is your level of fulfillment and happiness?
Is it centered around saying yes to people and giving them the answer that you know that
they want?
Because you can mistaken this for your own happiness a lot of the time and just be completely
unaware because you're not fully tapped in to yourself and that's what leads me to step
number two, which I would have to say of all of these steps for me.
This is the most important step and this is about strengthening your internal system
within strengthening your own gut intuition because the more that you do that, you are
going to know what your hell yeses are and what your hell knows are so clearly.
And okay, so how do we do this? how do we strengthen that internal system?
I believe with everything inside of me that this all comes back to our practice and a
practice that we cultivate for ourselves that really serves us to our highest good, right?
That just it's like it like rolls out that carpet to just guide you in the direction of
living and fulfilling your dreams.
And how do you know when you're in that state because you are in the essence of flow?
Things flow.
They start aligning you start connecting with people where you realize it's not a coincidence.
It's just life synchronicities bringing all of these things into your energy field because
you have literally brought this element into your life.
So it goes back to really taking a deeper dive at like how you're living your life and
let's just start with the morning practice because you guys know that I could go on and
on and on about this.
And this is what truly brought MWH to life is the fact that our practice is what I believe
really helps strengthen us from the inside out.
So just getting really clear with like what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Is it reach for the phone?
Are you straight off the bat just giving, giving, giving to everyone else before giving
to yourself?
Yes, I know lots of parents out there and it could even just start with this simple gratitude
practice of coming back to your deepest gratitude.
Not just like, really coming back to the things that you're grateful for.
And then I'll say it.
I say it all the time.
I'm okay sounding like a broken record because I wouldn't be who I am or doing half of the
things that I'm doing in my life if it wasn't for a true commitment to a meditation practice.
Now this can look different for everyone.
So whether you are a beginner, we have beginner meditations, we have a six minute meditation
to center a meditation to ground before you go.
Six minute breath work when you need a minute.
The range is wide.
We have Erica and Yasmin who also share different styles of meditation.
And if it's not NWH, find your practice, find your people and just try it on like I always
say.
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And I will also let you know.
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for the planet and better for your health.
It could be sitting in silence to come back to this place of stillness where you will
start to get these answers that come up from this true, like highest power that lives
in all of us.
And I know maybe for someone out there who doesn't have a meditation practice or any
rituals or habits in the morning that ground you, try it.
Like, that's what this is all about is really trying things on, experimenting with what
works for you, but really creating this like safe space in your life, in your home that
you can come back to so that you can get these answers.
And the answers will come very, very clear and vivid.
I think the more that you ask, right?
So like, that's part of the practice too is for me, when I don't have an answer, it's
asking like, show me the signs, show me the way and really believing like in that ask,
right?
Like, if you're just asking something and not connecting to it, you may not get the answers
or you may get the answers, but you're not going to hear or see all of these answers
that are coming to you, which leads me into step number three.
And that is to listen.
This is the hardest one for everyone to listen what's coming up.
The more that you strengthen that intuition, right?
You are going to get all of the signs.
I'm telling you, I mean, it's actually insane.
I can't even tell you enough how many times I mean, I practice this pretty much on a daily
basis because I used to be such a yes person and I would say yes to everything because
I felt as if I didn't that people weren't going to like me or love me.
And what I really realized was that if those people are not going to love me for not being
able to attend something that they have, then they're probably not really my people.
So like, let's get really clear on that too.
A lot of people pleasing the people that you're trying to please are typically not your people
half the time, right?
Because like all that effort in trying usually is giving you an answer if you take a step
back.
So giving yourself that space to really get clear answers.
We live in a society where everyone wants everything right now instant gratification.
If someone texts you, they want you to text them right back.
If they call you, they want you to call them right back.
Well, I'm here to share that guess what?
That's your personal space.
That's your energy field that people are entering and you get to choose who you allow
access, who you give your access to.
Like who has access to you?
We don't have to give access to everyone.
Just unlimited access all day long.
So if you don't have an answer, give yourself the space to sit with the unknowing with really
just not knowing, right?
With not being clear and meditate on it, prey on it.
I mean, one prayer that I've shared so many times that I love from a course in miracles
is I say this at the end of every meditation.
I also say it before I speak, before I teach a class, before I speak on the podcast, really
because I like to tap into that power that is greater than me that I know we all have.
And I ask, where would you have me go?
What would you have me do?
What would you have me say and to whom?
And the answers come.
They come in so many different forms.
They come through people.
They come on Instagram posts.
It's actually pretty wild.
So giving yourself the space to process, maybe not knowing something or not having an answer
for someone is actually really powerful.
And one thing that I think I've really learned through having a business and having people
constantly reaching out and asking for things is it's also okay to respond.
I'm going to get back to you on this.
If it doesn't feel good not to respond, I will say that no response is also a response
and no is a complete sentence.
So to just like own it, right?
And like own your answer.
If you don't want to do something because it doesn't feel perfectly aligned, do yourself
a favor and the other people, people a favor and don't do it.
It is so freeing and refreshing to know that it's up to you.
Now moving into step four is all about creating healthy boundaries, creating healthy boundaries
with yourself, with the people in your life.
I always love to give this example of, okay, if you're with a bunch of your girlfriends,
maybe you're on a trip, you're all staying in a house and you're all having breakfast,
lunch, dinner together, you're working out together, you're going to town together, you're
doing all of the things together.
And maybe there's something that you don't want to do, giving yourself the space to really
own that and create those boundaries in your life is what I think helps build really healthy,
strong relationships because people really respect transparency and we live in a world
of a lot of followers.
So to be a leader and to really step in and say, you know what guys, I'm going to sit
out for this one, have so much fun, I just have some things I'm working on.
Like you don't really need to give the biggest explanation.
And if people are requiring massive explanations, let's take a deeper, hard look at who we
have in our inner circles.
And these are just things.
I mean, I'm coming out of my 30s watch out.
That's all I have to say.
Wow, 40s, you have zero fucks to give.
It's pretty amazing and it's just an incredible space to be because you realize as you look
back at least for myself in my 20s and my 30s that most I can definitely tell you that
my 20s, I lived for everyone but myself.
Hands down, I know that I see that I recognize that.
So to be able to look back and self reflect that maybe your entire weekend is meant living
for the plans that your friends made for you and you're just showing up for them.
It's time to get clear and honest with ourselves you guys.
And let's round it out with the fifth step, the final step.
And that is learning to love time alone with yourself.
This tends to be one thing that people have a really hard time with and I believe that
it's because when we are with ourselves and we give ourselves that space, things come up,
right?
Things come up that maybe are really uncomfortable for you.
Maybe the things that you've been pushing down for a really long time and I will say
that, oh God, first of all, what I would do to have more time with myself.
I might cry.
No, honestly, like that is the thing I desire most is like more time alone as my plate has
gotten so full in life and I'm so grateful for it.
I will honestly say that the time I have alone with me with no one else and not with a device
or my phone or the television, I have really learned to like be with me and I like me,
like I like hanging out with me, I like cooking with me, I like working out with me, I like
the thoughts that come up.
I write them down and it's so incredible to have some time to get to know you, to really
get comfortable being with yourself and that comes with saying no to all of the plans and
the things and the arrangements that people are forever going to be throwing at us and
to get really confident and having time with ourselves.
I think we focus so much of our energy on strengthening every relationship outside of
ourselves but we are going to live our life with one human being, the rest of our life,
that's for certain and that's with you.
So giving yourself that time and if you, I mean, I had to learn to love myself, I feel
like it's a daily practice to keep giving myself loving energy and being loving to myself,
it really is a never-ending practice for me, I think too when you come from the place of
being really hard on yourself, it's a practice just like everything else but the more that
you strengthen this relationship with yourself and get really clear when you are in a situation
that your body is telling you with like a visceral response that something doesn't feel
right and I think too, we give ourselves to so many people, we give our access to ourselves,
to people endlessly all day, to listen what comes up for you and to never question that
feeling, that real gut response, that reactive feeling that comes forward to trust it because
it's guiding you towards people that you should probably move away from and then that feeling
when like people's eyes light up and they see you and you just feel this elevated sense
of yourself when you're with them, those are probably your people that you could spend a
lot more time with so it's time to get clear, it's time to say goodbye to people pleasing
to really leave this toxic trait behind us so that we can continue to step into our power
and to really live a life that we feel so fulfilled and happy with and I truly believe
this is the one thing that holds so many of us back from fully fully getting to this
place, I share this with so much love, take what works, leave what doesn't you guys and
just get really freaking clear.
I hope you guys enjoyed that episode, God I have to say it still feels so good to share
that the evolution of the MWH platform is finally here and we are giving you so much
more on the platform with your membership.
We have a very special offer for our Move With Heart listeners, we've never done this before.
For new members in addition to your 7-day free trial, we are giving your first entire
month for free, that's another 30 days free you guys, we never do this.
All you have to do is head to Melissawoodhealth.com and use code MOVE WITH HEART, all lowercase
no spaces when you sign up for a monthly membership.
Let me tell you, if you did not know this already, MWH now offers so much more, I cannot
emphasize that enough in every category to help guide you in both movement and meditation
so you can feel not only your absolute best in your body but most importantly in your
mind.
So don't forget to get your first month free use code MOVE WITH HEART when you sign up
for a monthly membership at Melissawoodhealth.com and follow me on Instagram at Melissawood
Tepperberg and MWH at Melissawood Health on Instagram and TikTok.
I cannot wait to see you all on the map.
.
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