Solo Q$A - advice on IVF/conception, my early fashion days, dating younger and more

The following podcast is a deer media production. Hello. Been a long time since I had a little solo. Mostly because they make me feel insecure and out of control. There we go. You guys sent me so many great questions. I'm going to dive right in. So the first one is I'm about to have an IVF consultation, any advice. So I, yeah, I need to decide like ASA, like in the next month, if I should do IVF, for like a couple of reasons, like some of them being medical and other reasons for like age, which also like kind of doesn't matter. But you know, if I would like to have three kids and I'm 36 and who knows how long it'll take and then, I don't know, part of me is like, especially my age, I would like to make sure I'm having like a healthy baby. I don't, there's so many back and forths. But we had always planned to start trying like end of this summer into the fall. I just really can't wait to be pregnant again. I'm like itching to be pregnant again. And it's time in Carmel is two and she starts school in August. And so that's where I really feel. We'd always talked about like four to four that we really wanted quality time with her. And that it would be nice to get her to have her own schedule just for like, you know, even like bandwidth issues. Like to be able to have her have her, you know, she's only going what it's like 830 to 1130. But, you know, I want her to feel like she has, she's like taken care of and has a little independent schedule. But also all my friends who have kids back to back, they're all, there's no right answer. Everything is fucking great. The decision that we made for our family that was important to Dobby Day was that she had, we had our own time with her. And so, yeah, we have, obviously, because she's two. And so, I don't know, like, if I, okay, so here's the advice that I'm going to give you that I am giving myself. Because, you know, if you're going to prepare your body for IVF, they're going to, the doctors are going to tell you to do certain things. And by the way, it's the same thing that essentially you should be and not a doctor. But, you know, for me, it's the same thing that I would, I'm doing for either approach, if I'm going to try to get pregnant naturally or have a baby using IVF. So, everything, I always say there are the three A's, everything that I reference is from Amy Raup, Alissa Vitti and Aviva Rom. Please listen to any and all podcasts I've done with the Alissa Vitti and use her app to track your cycle. It's so accurate and it gets to know your body and it's free. And, you know, I try to integrate cycle syncing methods there to optimize my ovulation and my aid quality. It's what would you memorize that? Like, it's crazy. So, to be able to open the app and be like, oh, where am I today? So, that's really important, like, especially with workouts. You know, I've said this many times that I, since I was 15 and started working out or doing sports, or whatever, but, you know, going to the gym, I started going in high school. There'd be days where I was like, I'm just so tired, but I was like, oh, just do it. You know, that fucking like Nike mentality of like, I just got to do this. It's like my body telling me that I'm tired. It's different than me, you know, having my alarm go off in the morning and being like, I don't want to get out of bed. But there's times where you're just like physically tired and your brain is foggy and it's hard to focus. For some people, a workout in that moment gives them more energy. You know, I just think if you want to get pregnant, especially when it comes to like fasting and what to eat and workouts, like following her cycle syncing method is fucking incredible. Amy Raulpe, her Instagram is just a ball of like personal. It feels like you're having a one-on-one session with an angel and like, she's hugging you. Because she'll literally make these videos, just like selfie style videos. They're not over-edited, not that that even matters. But you can tell that she's just trying her best to get out the most helpful information as quickly as possible. And she'll literally be like, hey, if I was trying to have a baby or if I would repair my body for IVF, here are the three things that I would do. And she'll say things like, I would make sure that I'm not using any products that weren't clean. Okay, I know people will like say like, I think this is the topic of clean. It's so fucking triggering for everybody because if you, you know, if someone decides that they're going to like use clean makeup, but then doesn't you. My whole rule is like, do your best. If you can have 80% of the stuff around you, you know, cleaning products, I don't know what the fucking right answer is because I do podcasts and I listen to podcasts where scientists and doctors will say, we know that these ingredients are hurting us. We know that these ingredients in our food, these ingredients in our makeup, these ingredients in our, in our cleaning products are making us sick. This medicine is making us sick. And then I, and then we all freak out. But then it's like, if you get too freaked out and you're not like living your life, that's not fucking healthy either. So it's just a balance. So she'll say like, hey, cut out these things because we know that these things, you know, it's like one thing that I cut out. And maybe this is just like, you know, would I stop wearing perfume? I don't know. Someone told me that when they make embryos in the lab, then no one's allowed to wear perfumes because what fragrance can like ruin an embryo. So I don't know, all I went off of my head that was like, if I'm breathing that in every day, that's not a good idea. Okay, that just clicked in my head. I have a worn perfume. No big deal. You know, who wears fucking a shit ton of fragrance? My husband. He sprays 15 fucking sprays of fragrance on his body. But right when he gets out of the shower, when he's clean, I can smell that shit in his skin. Do I bring up that it's toxic? No, am I breathing that in all day? Yes. But like, whatever, you know, I make my decisions. Everybody makes theirs. It doesn't matter. She'll literally say, please avoid X, Y and Z. She'll talk about, like I said, having protein in every meal, making sure you're having bone broth. I think she always talks about like liver pills. She's just got this fucking hack. You know what else she says? You will get pregnant. She says that. She says, you will have a baby. Whatever we can do to get you there, we're going to do it to get you there. And if you can't get there on your own, we're going to figure it out in that next step. And it's very reassuring. And she'll, you know, it's just a good follow because you'll wake up in the morning. And she'll be like, hey, everyone. Today is your day. Like, you can accomplish anything you want to accomplish. Don't worry. Because you're going to get everything you want. It's just the journey getting there. And now I'm going to help you walk through that. You're just like, yes, I will. Like it's. Unfucking believable. So. Oh, the one thing that I will. Say that maybe a doctor in an IVF clinic won't tell you because they're probably. Everyone's trying to just get checked off their list. And maybe I don't know timelines, whatever. Every fucking situation in person is very nuanced. So. But what I'm going to tell you is the one thing that I've heard over and over again, from Amy Raup, Alisa Vity, and Aviva Rom, is that to make changes to your egg, to your cycle, it takes three months. And I'm not a doctor or scientist. So I don't know how to prove this. But I will tell you this. I quit coffee in January. My period three months later was a period that was unrecognizable to my existence as a human who's been bleeding since she was 10. Because my periods have been overwhelmingly painful and over like violent. In that period, after controlling my stress levels, which was being ramped up by coffee on an empty stomach every morning, I'm telling you, it was life changing. But guess what? I said on the podcast many years ago that I was cutting out coffee to try to get pregnant. And I got a three paragraph nasty message from somebody who told me that they were in their IVF processor. They had had a child using IVF and they didn't quit coffee. So I don't want to give any advice here. But the three-month thing I was able to integrate that into my life and was very open to tips from everyone. And I just like, you know, it's like, who knows? Some people will say that there's a good luck charm that they toss around to their friends and family and that helped them get pregnant. Whatever makes you believe. Whatever shifts the narrative in your head that you can do this and calms you. It makes you sleep well at night, which is the fucking hardest thing in the fucking world. Same thing as like manifesting love or manifesting whatever. It's like the moment that you let it go and surrender is when it happens. That's my advice as a human being who has surrendered to relationships and to work and to try and to get pregnant on my own. So those three doctors, I recommend you follow. And I recommend that you just try to have like the most positive attitude and like be in gratitude that you have access to IVF and what a wonderful gift, you know. And I also just want to send you lots of beautiful love on this journey. And if you're on it on your own, all the strength. And if you're with a partner left to your partner into your future family, whatever that looks like. Congratulations because it is a really beautiful, exciting thing. Okay. Women dating men 10 years younger. What's your opinion? Oh my God. Like whatever makes you happy. Right? Why not? What should my opinion be? I don't know any more context. Is it somebody who's 10 years younger, but like you want to have a baby? Or we're just hanging? Like, I don't know. I'm going to tell you my advice for everything. I was talking about this with somebody the other day. When Domine and I were dating and we were off and on and off and on, I've probably told this story before that there was a time where I went to New York and I was hanging out with him. I called my mom. Like in the shower or had like a ring to a bodega or something. I was alone. And I had had this incredible weekend with him. And my mom called me. She said, aren't you worried about spending time with him in case it doesn't work out? Aren't you going to be sad? And I said to her, why would I give up this experience for this potential thing that might happen or might not happen? Because this concept can be applied to everything. I had a girlfriend call me the other day. And she said, I've been texting with this guy. And then we started kind of hanging out in a little bit. And we're just friends, but he only sleeps with models. And we've had this really amazing platonic relationship. And I think they're both like working the program together. But she's like, but now I realize I'm kind of attracted to him. And he but he only sleeps with this kind of girl. And so now I'm kind of mad. And it makes me feel, you know, I hung out with him and I was being kind of bitchy because I'm just kind of like, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. You want to hook up with this guy? You're you'd like to transition the relationship friendship into something sexual. You're not even interested in having a full-blown relationship. So you're like, it's not like you're asking him to enter into anything that isn't anything other than like light and fun. You're assuming because he's only slept with model. By the way, now you're now you're offending. You're you're talking shit about yourself. Like you aren't like pretty enough for him. And so instead of continuing to be the cool fun girl that he wants to hang out with, you're having like an attitude with him projecting this whole thing that hasn't even, that doesn't exist. But you want to sleep with him, but he probably doesn't want to sleep with you. So now you're mad about it. Okay. I'll tell you this. I don't know a lot, but I know that men and women and anything in between would like to have sex with somebody who's not being a cold yotch. Right? Light, fun, nice, easy. Guess what? I told her this advice. She said, you're being really, she's a good friend of mine. So I said, you're being really annoying. I was like, this you have created a narrative and mood swings and you're ruining your entire day and you're ruined hanging out with him for a scenario you completely created in your head. I was like, get the fuck over it. Be your most fun self and enjoy every second because you never know what's going to happen. And by the way, say he doesn't want to sleep with you. So what? All the more you can fill your life with good experiences and amazing fun and great dinners and great conversations and great sex and great new locations and new experiences. You're building your life's movie. You're putting more chapters in your life and more references of what life should look like for you. And the expectations of joy and sexual pleasure and pleasure and food and meals and conversation like you deserve that. Right? And then you just, you have these experiences and then you're like, cool, if this experience doesn't end up how I'm supposed to, I have at least now know what my life should be like. And so I said that to my mom. I would rather what I'm going to have a heartbreak, I'm going to what I'm going to not hang out with him and be heartbroken because I don't know what it could have been or that it wasn't going to end up. Or I can continue having beautiful times with him and break up and now know forever that I refused to have anything less than the feelings that I had with this man. I was like, that's nothing but good for everybody, right? So I'll take the, clearly if what you're saying is true, I'm going to be brokenhearted anyway, but I'd rather be brokenhearted with these fucking awesome experiences and a bunch of great sex with this awesome guy who makes me laugh and have fun and cooks me food, right? So, and look, it ended up working out. And guess what, it ended up having my friend. She fucking slept with the guy and she was like, I got the ick. She ended up having the fucking ick. What? She got what she wanted and then she ended up being like, hmm, not for me. So you never fucking know what's going to happen. So getting back to the question, women dating, venting your gender, if it's somebody who is having an amazing experience, why would she deny herself that? For what? You know? No one should deny themselves anything because life should just be fabulous. Have you ever been through a big friend breakup? I have. I don't know anybody who hasn't. I don't know what's in the air because there's a lot I've seen so many lately. It's crazy. I've actually also seen like, yeah, I mean, the amount of like, family breakup, friendship breakups, I've seen lately. You know, they're sad. It feels like a death. But I think, you know, if someone did something wrong, I mean, yeah, I've been through friendship breakups where, you know, that friend and I have come back together and realized, listen, everybody's truth is unfortunately their own truth because nobody lives the same life, right? So like, everyone is viewing reality from their own experience on this planet and that can't be replicated. So there are often times where you're going to have a moment with somebody where it's so confusing how you don't understand how they don't understand you and you have to understand that they never will because people's views of life are completely fucking different. And thank God because then we would all be the same. It's really hard when you have a best friend and that person has been your go to for so long for advice, for, you know, these kinds of situations that would be the person that you would call. But we're also all growing up. And I'll tell you this, I had a big talk about friendship breakups over the weekend. I live another friend going through one and I just went through one. And it comes down to values being misaligned. And it's not that anybody's values are better than somebody else's at all because I'm sure you know how this goes. I could tell you my version of something and you're like, oh my God, that's fucking horrible. You could sit down with the person I'm talking about and you could be like, oh my God, that's fucking horrible. And both experiences are totally valid because that's their experience, right? So I think you just have to chop it up to we have grown up and apart. People marry other people. Maybe their husbands aren't somebody that you get along with. Maybe the way they treat their husband isn't something you agree with. Maybe the way they're raising their kids is like, oh my God, wait till you have friends with, when you see somebody that you think you're so aligned with and then they start telling you about like advice for your kid and it's so different and you're like, wait, what? Like I thought we were, I mean, I feel like we all also experienced that with COVID, like how everybody would react to like whether or not we should give like scenes or like some people were cool about hanging out with other people, some people were really like, I can't believe you hung out with that person and I can't see you for two weeks. But then you know, it's like everyone's just fucking different. And it's hard, it's heartbreaking and you have to treat it almost like a death. But you know, sometimes friendships get back to gethar and sometimes maybe you were friends with somebody for too long. Same thing as a relationship. Maybe it's just something that like went on for too long. And you know, it's like something that like you could think, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening to me like there's something wrong with it. I don't, I mean, I hear of people, I mean, it's constant that this should happen because we're all just trying to do our best to live our lives and sometimes she doesn't work out. I'm not gonna fucking get into the details of mine because I'm not gonna blow up anybody's fucking spot because I'm not an asshole. But I think like sometimes, I know things are also so weird with like Instagram, which I'm sure all of you understand like you're looking at someone's life and you like know them in real life, but then like see their Instagram presence and like I just think we all need to be more like willing to speak up at various moments in our friendship and not let resentment build. Because you know, I even had like a minor tiff with a really close friend of mine a couple weeks ago and called her and I was like, whoa, like like your perspective is totally valid but you absolutely don't know where I'm coming from. Can I like explain this to you? And we were able in like five minutes to turn around a conversation we had had the night before that just like went really bad, really fast and it was like again, a total just miscommunication because we all fucking talk on text message now or DM and it's like things are out of context and there's no real emotion there and you can't fucking tell like it's just tricky. And so I called her the next day and I tell my niece to do this too. Well, all three of my nieces will call me with friendship stuff and I'm like, yo, the quicker you can pick up the phone and call someone and say, that bothered me or I know I hurt your feelings. It didn't mean to you did it and get over it. If you can, the better because sometimes people just don't say things and the things just build up and then it's like this big explosion and like all of a sudden you're kind of like, whoa, how did we even, you know, like sometimes you'll look back on that friendship and be like, hey, like maybe we also just grew into a different direction because our lives are just different. You know, and so maybe this is something that's like actually like healthy. I don't know. Nice complicated. I think the, I think the, I think the more communicative you could be about your feelings like upfront is a good recipe for success in having a long lasting relationship. I mean, you guys have heard me talk about parallel. Many times before, I'm just thankful for it. And I just want to spread the word as much as I can because it's a vitamin routine that I just can't live without. The first and only OBGYN founded vitamin. That offers targeted routines for each unique stage of a woman's hormonal life. 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Like the whole, it's all a disaster. And it's really hard. And now with Instagram and the internet, there is no like clear direct path by any means. And I see so many really successful brands and they've taken completely different routes. Like I know some people who raise a lot of money and hire big teams and do big things to do big exits. And I've some people who haven't raised any fucking money, kept their team extremely small, are making big fucking money. Like it's, there's a million different ways and I think it should really just be based on your personality and like what works for you. My experience was different. I worked, you know, especially when I worked with people's revolution, like at that time, fashion was all about press celebrity placements and like wholesale. And you know, it's not like tons of people were selling tons of shit off their fucking websites. We didn't, there was no, like I think, yeah, I didn't get Instagram until I worked at Reformation. So when I worked in PR, there wasn't even fucking Instagram. So, you know, we had a showroom and the writers would come to the showroom and like the editors were gods. And I missed those days because I missed those days for, and I don't think it's better than now, and I'm happy where everything is now. I think it's healthier, it makes more sense. But there was something about having somebody who is an expert in their field. And having someone who has, you know, been to journalism school or studied something and is able to view things from a certain perspective or, you know, there was this kind of, but again, it was also like really fucked up because a lot of those people in that position were only there because they were well-connected and rich because fashion jobs didn't pay anything. So it was this crazy world, where it was like really wealthy women and then, and then like lots of, it's just like a, now it's like, thank god, like, it's like, you know, equal access, more in terms of people having their own blogs, people being able to create their own content, people to have their own perspective, people to share their perspective, but not needing, you know, to go to an elite school to do so. But it was very, like, I just felt like a minion and that, like, the editors were gods, and I had to memorize their names and send out the collections, and everything was crazy, and because there was no Instagram, things were like, crazier, you didn't have to, like, be scared of going out and that someone would post something or it would be somewhere, this was like, you know, there was like nightlife photographers, and so you'd wake up the next day and like, hope you were on the covert snake, or last night's party, you were in purple diary, or, you know, whatever, it was a completely different, completely different experience, and I'm happy that I got to see it. I'm happy that I watched the transition into where it is now. I can't imagine what fashion is going to look like 10 years from now, even like, when I started LPA, there was not that many brands, and now, it's not easy, but now you see so many different people with really unique and beautiful perspectives, launching brands, and it still is really hard, and I think God, there's, you know, programmed like the 15% pledge, who helps give like grants to people to like, sort of like, even out this fucking playing field, I think Aurora shifted like, what, three billion dollars and, like, financial allocation in this country in the last like, three year, I mean, something, she's coming on the pod, actually, next week, but it was really intense. I thrive in chaos, so for me, like, you know, for me sitting down at my computer at home and having to finish a deck, or do blah, blah, blah, it's really, really hard for me. If I am crossing off little projects and tasks that I need to complete, I can bang those out so quickly, I make decisions really quickly, I love coming up with solutions, I love merchandising, you know, it's, so I mean, that's why I also really love working in restaurants, like that kind of environment is really where I, I get really clear-headed, so it was perfect for me. I know that it was extremely, volatile and traumatizing for many people. What is diabetes scar on his wrist from? That's funny, you noticed it. You know what it is? Just so, this is so savage. It's an old tattoo that he didn't like anymore, and he went to Sicily one time, and the doctor said he could cut out the tattoo and fucking sew it up, and he said yes, and I think the doctor explained to him that it was going to be a much more chill procedure than it was, and they chunk, they took like a giant chunk of his fucking wrist off and like sewed it back up and he said it was fucking awful. He did it to two different tattoos and the scars are fucking atrocious. Really atrocious. That's hot yoga, or it's honest, it affects your melasma. Yeah, it does. I'm sure, it must. The sun triggers my melasma. I used to cream, I don't know if I still have it here. You hear a cheeky snoring? Oh, here. I used a prescription cream for two months, and I post on Instagram like, oh, I'm using this cream. And somebody from the UK wrote back to me and was like, a band in the UK because it's so horrible. And then I asked my facialist Cynthia about it the other day and she was like, yeah, like it's super toxic. When you stop using it, the melasma comes back, but it's good for like a short term thing. It's called Hydroquinone, Kojik acid, Niamenicide. Yeah, it's like a, it's a mix of a few things. This ship, like it worked. I used it for a month and it worked amazingly. And then I stayed off of it and then my melasma came back. We were in Italy because of the sun. And my melasma doesn't bother me. It bothers me when it shows up my upper lip and looks like I have a permanent mustache. That's when I get really insecure and out of control about it. But I don't know, like before I got pregnant, like when I first started LPA and I was like single, like I was constantly like, and obviously I do tons of stuff to like, I'm a shallow bitch. Like I do tons of things for my upkeep. I love my creams. I love my this. Like, you know, I like to have my skin soft. I get laser. I did the thing on my stomach. I work out every fucking day. I eat, you know, I do all those things. But I'm not big on, like the lasers and the, like I don't, I don't, I've just for some reason, and maybe it's because I'm like, I'm never going to get rid of it. That this idea that I have to have this like crystal clear, even skin tone. I don't know. I just don't, it's not like a goal of mine anymore. I love getting my facials. I love what Cynthia does. I feel like, I love getting tightening things. I like having my pores be a little bit smaller because I feel like they're getting big on either side of my nose. Like, is anyone going to notice that with me? No. I don't think so. I'm more concerned about like, the dark circles under my eyes or like wrinkles. And I just use like, this part for that. And then the dark circles under my eyes to me mean that I'm tired and dehydrated. And I love using, like a retinal, like I love using, like kind of like, you know, non-prescription things and whatever. Cynthia tells me to do. I'm doing this like cool thing with her right now. I don't know what it's called, but I'm going to post about it, where it's like this, a certain cream. I don't know. I just don't, it doesn't, it's not like, now I kind of think they're charming. Like when they came back, when we were on our trip, I was like, oh, look at all my little freckles. But I say that now, but like honestly, at any given time, the melasma that forms just above my fucking upper lip will show up and it looks from, oh, my, wait, looks like I have a full blown, like a pasted on adult man, thick mustache. It's so annoying and that shit cannot be covered up with fucking anything. I would have to get like stage makeup and I definitely don't want to wear stage makeup. Okay, I'll do like a little last one. Tips for losing belly weight? I don't know. I still have a belly, but that's okay. I mean, I've always have one. I don't, I can't give you any advice there. Because it's, I don't, I have one, which is fine with me, which is what my body looks like. Okay, I'm going to do one last quick one. Workout routine for early pregnancy. You're not working out for your pregnancy. You're too tired. You're making 8,000 cells a second. You're sleeping. And then if you get a second wind, like I did in your second trimester, some women get a huge boost of energy, then do whatever. You feel like you could do weights. I don't know. I'm not a trainer. But walking is awesome and weights that are obviously not like too heavy, but I did a lot of like weights and stuff. Okay. I think that's it. I think I'll end here. What's the name your nail polish color? That'll be my last one. I like another thing. I need to stop using gel. I got to get back to my non-toxic gel, which I'm going to switch out to next week. But a big apple red by OPI is my favorite. Go to red nail polish. Okay. My darlings. I adore all of you. If you are still here, and still listening to this, thank you. And if you can, please leave a positive review on this podcast. If it's something that you enjoy, it would be the world to me. I love you. And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes this week's episode of everything is the best. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, subscribe, all that stuff. Maybe leave a comment. But remember, shitty comments are for shitty people. Go ahead and follow me on Instagram via Baron Genie. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous rest of your day. Love you. Ciao. Music Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Music