153: Decoding Masculine-Feminine Energies in Modern Society | Monica Yates

on today's episode of the Real Fudalji podcast. With all of the modern movements and the good sides that's broad, it's also meant that we've devalued a lot of quote-unquote traditional biological parts of ourselves, because we've tried to go so far to the other extreme. But it's meant is that a lot of us don't have that like community of women that we could go to. We don't have what we used to have as women. Like women have in the history of women being so alone. Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of the Real Fudalji podcast. I am currently sitting in Telluride, Colorado, speaking to you through my travel podcast microphone. So it may not sound as good as my setup at home. But we're doing the best we can here, and I am so freaking excited about today's episode. What an amazing episode this was. I sat down with Monica Yates. She is a trauma healer, feminine masculine embodiment coach, and period whisperer. She's held hundreds of women get their periods back, heal their chronic hormonal and gut issues, and become pregnant. She's also the host of feminine as fuck podcast, and she runs a seven-figure business helping people from all walks of life around the world to get into their magnetic feminine energy. Feel safe, letting men lead, feel their cycle, and be free of the trauma and energetic blocks that hold them back from living their dream life. Wow. What an amazing conversation this was. I'm truly an awe of Monica and just how eloquently she can speak to this conversation of the masculine and the feminine. We dive into how it feels as though instead of embracing the uniqueness and the amazingness that makes women women, we seem to be really shitting on femininity as a whole. It's almost as if we're trying to make women more like men instead of actually just embracing what makes us unique as women. And this can be so detrimental to our health and we're seeing this right now in our modern society where women are experiencing major burnout in all these health issues, and it's because we're expected to perform like men, men who are on a consistent 24-hour hormonal cycle, whereas women, we have a 30-day cycle that consists of four different hormonal phases over the course of that month, and these phases impact our physical, mental, and emotional abilities. I mean, I think all women listening to this can relate to some weeks, we feel like we have so much energy, we can take on the world, we have so much creativity, and then there are other times where all we want to do is just nest and rest and really take care of our bodies, and it feels like our brains don't work as well as they normally do, and that's just, that's our hormones. And we are just different than men, and we need to learn to work with that and embrace that and let that empower us. It doesn't make us weaker. And as women, we can still hustle and work hard and go after our goals and achieve all the things that we want to achieve while still being soft and in our feminine. So we talk about that, and we talk about the girl boss movement. We also talk about what it means to be in your feminine and what it means to be in your masculine, and how about this, this doesn't necessarily have to do with your sex because both men and women have both masculine and feminine in them. And it's so funny, Monica and I both shared a similar experience as growing up where I really, for the longest time, thought that being feminine or being vulnerable, soft, emotional was bad. I thought I saw this as almost like a curse, like something that I wanted to suppress and tried to be more like the boys. I had a lot of guy friends growing up and tried to be the cool girl, and it really didn't serve me. It served me for a part of my life, but then ultimately I realized that it was hindering me from being the full expression of myself because I was, I was dimming my light and I was hiding parts of myself that I deemed were not worthy. And I thought they were weak. I thought it was weak to be vulnerable and to be soft and to be feminine, but all I was doing was doing myself a disservice. You know, I want to say that this is my experience and Monica shares her experience and both of us are in heterosexual relationships. So when we talk about the romantic part of things, we are speaking to the heterosexual romantic partnership, but the overall message of this can be applied to everyone because it's about embracing our true essence. And whether that be your true essence is more masculine or more feminine, that is for you to decide. And we're not trying to put anyone here in a box. We were just sharing our own personal experiences and what really helped us to become better versions of ourselves. I share a little bit about my dating experience and I also talk a little bit about my new boyfriend. If you guys follow me on Instagram, I have been talking about it a little bit there, but I realized from the messages I was getting from you guys on Instagram that I have not shared here on the podcast yet. So this is my official hard launch, I guess. If you will. And I know this is not your typical real-foodology, food and nutrition-based content, but I find this conversation so incredibly fascinating. And you know, our mental and emotional well-being is just as important as our physical and nutritional status. So I thought this was a really, really important conversation to be having and it's a conversation that I've been having for a long time with my girlfriends. I just have not really publicly had it too much. And I thought it was a really interesting conversation for you guys to hear. So I hope you guys love it. And as always, if you are loving the podcast, if you could take a moment to write and review it, it means so much to me. And also if you're loving the podcast, if you could share it on social media, tag me at real-foodology, it means so much to me and it really helps this show. So thanks again for listening. Love you guys. Did you know that blindly taking supplements can end up doing more harm than good? You need to understand what's going on in your body first before you start supplementing. I'm a huge proponent for mineral and vitamin testing so that you know exactly what's going on in your body, what mineral and vitamin deficiencies you have. And then from there, you can decide what vitamins and minerals your body actually needs. I love honed vitamins. They use hair tissue mineral analysis, which is a foundational tool in functional medicine to understand what's going on with your cellular health and metabolism. It is so cool. They send you a little test kit and you send an eclip of your hair. They send it off to their lab. They analyze it and then they come back with the results and they do a metabolic test on your hair, which reveals the status of 29 minerals, including calcium, magnesium, potassium, copper, zinc, iron, salineum, and boron just to name a few. It also reports on eight heavy metals, including lead, aluminum, and mercury. And then from there, they give you personalized supplements that are sent right to your door every month to keep you on top of your health goals. It's such an easy simple test to do. There's no blood involved. And then from there, you're actually taking vitamins and minerals that you know that your body truly needs. It's based on your bio individual needs. And also, it's cool about it. As our bodies change, our nutrient status may change over time as well. And so you're able to retest your nutrient status over time to track your progress and then adjust your supplements as needed. If you guys would like to try honed vitamins today, use code realfoodology for 15% off. Go to livehoned.com. That's live h-o-n-e-d.com and use code realfoodology and you're going to save 15%. Did you know that you may not be getting all the beneficial probiotic bacteria from some of your favorite fermented foods? For example, kombucha, kimchi, sauerkraut. Unfortunately, a lot of these probiotics and the good bacteria in these foods don't always survive the trip to your gut. This is why in addition to eating those very healthy and nutritious foods, I also like to take a probiotic like seed. And the reason I really like seed is because unfortunately not all probiotics are created equal. A lot of probiotics on the shelf also do not actually make it to your gut. So it's incredibly important that you're getting a good high quality probiotic. Otherwise, those probiotics are going to be burnt up in your stomach acid and never actually repopulate your colon. That bacteria has a lot of stuff that has to get through digestive acids, bile salts, and enzymes. This is why I really like seeds DS01 daily-synbiotic. It's nested in a capsule delivery technology that ensures precision entry through the small intestine to your colon. I love seed. It is well-backed, scientifically studied. I also have a podcast with the founder if you guys want to go back and listen to that and hear about what makes seed truly stand out above the rest. Also, can we just talk about their packaging for a second? Is someone who is really concerned about the plastic in our landfill? I am so obsessed with their sustainable monthly refill system. They give you a glass jar and a little mini travel jar as well. And then every month you keep that jar and they send your new refillable supplements and a compostable biobased pouch that you pour into that jar. And this paper is made from algae that would otherwise damage fragile marine ecosystems. So all around you can feel really good about purchasing seed probiotics because you are also helping to offset all the plastic and all the waste that we have in our landfills. So if you guys want to try seed probiotics today, please go to seed.com slash real-foodology and use code real-foodology to redeem 30% off your first month of seeds DS01 daily-synbiotic. Again, that's seed s-e-e-d.com slash real-foodology and make sure to use code real-foodology. I'm so excited to have you on Monica because I really wanted to talk about what is happening right now between the masculine and the feminine and I will I can share a little bit about my story like throughout the episode is what I've been dealing with personally and I've heard a little bit about your story and how you the longest time were really in your masculine and I very much relate to that because I always felt like being in your feminine was weak and that I was never going to you know achieve anything in my life and then I just yeah I considered it to be really weak and then I woke up one day and realized I was like I'm single, I'm unhappy okay I've built this amazing business but I am burnt the fuck out yeah I could not function and actually very recently I want to share this on the podcast with my listeners because you and I were emailing about you coming on the podcast and I said you know what I kind of need a moment because I'm taking a little bit of time off work because I'm trying to find my man right now because I was so and hey guess what we're recording this now because I guess this is my podcast out of I have a boyfriend now congratulations thank you and he's absolutely amazing and you know something he said to me recently really was pretty profound to me because I had never heard a guy say this before he goes you know what I love so much about you was just how feminine and soft you are and I was like oh my god I have goosebumps again I'm like we're gonna be wet off to this episode I'm just telling you and everyone listening like love that so much yeah so well how about we start out first of all Monica with you telling people a little bit about how did you come into this world of speaking to the feminine and masculine what's kind of your story I mean to try and keep it like brief so we can get into the good bits the good bits very similar to you I mean I grew up in a household where my mom was to say at her mom she did some work on the side as well and then my dad was the breadwinner etc I actually spent the first seven years of my life in New York City and I really just idolized my dad that was the whole issue like I had a lot of things that stemmed from daddy issues and it was this very weird dichotomy of I wanted men's validation but I equally hated men at the same time so it was this constant kind of push and pull that just kept me stuck in almost like a state of paralysis in a way where I was living for everybody else and I was trying to get validation from everybody else and whatnot but I wasn't actually making myself happy and exactly what you said I thought the feminine was so weak I thought being a woman was weak I was misindependent like I want to be a girl boss I want to do everything myself like I don't need no man like that was my fucking mantra and I loved my life based on that you know but at the same time I just wanted to be saved by a man but I felt like that desire was so wrong and it was this inherent desire that was in me all the time and I couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard I tried and I'm I remember like so one of my I had a boyfriend at the time that was super into like masculine feminine now granted wasn't super healthy but in terms of like it got me on this path and I would remember feeling so wrong for being so turned on when he would just like slam me up against a wall like in a sexy way not about like yeah yeah yeah and I remember it just feeling so wrong that I loved that and that I wanted more of that and that I wanted him to like put me in my place and all these kinds of things and it wasn't until he called me a cold bitch that I had this essentially awakening of wait you don't want this like cool emotionless cold I can do it all myself kind of woman like I thought that was what you you wanted and that's basically what got me into really being obsessed with the difference between men and women because like a lot of women they're living like competing against women right so it's like you're wanting to be this like cool girl because you're competing against all the girls from school that made you feel like you once but a guy doesn't want a cool girl that's emotionless a guy wants an emotional experience with you if he wanted another man he'd be dating a man but he's dating a woman so that kind of was what like got me into all that along with like a bunch of other stuff with like my period and whatnot but in terms of the masculine feminine that's what was like the crux for me and really just growing up with a beautiful mum that was really emotional and I saw that as weak and my dad was super unemotional very like closed off kind of you know grew up British so what do you expect and and you know I had polar opposites and I thought that dad was cool and mum wasn't we would make fun as kids of like mum crying watching TV shows like we would make fun of how soft she was of course I demonized being soft and emotional and I idolized harboring everything in being unemotional and being like cool you know making money going to work like just doing like that hustle culture was what I thought was cool and would make me feel enough so I spent like the first you know years of my working life just trying to essentially get my dad's validation without knowing that's what I was doing by living out that like hustle culture I want to be a girl boss etc but it didn't even get me the validation I was wanting anyway which is like a whole other kind of topic right a lot of us they we live out these stories to try and get validation from somebody that isn't ever going to actually give you that validation even if they do it's not going to feel whole and complete because you have to give it to yourself but that was kind of my story and what got me here wow okay I love that story so much because I can really relate to that as well I had a similar experience where I thought it was really cool to not cry growing up and you know anytime my mom would show you sort of like soft feminine qualities me and my dad would kind of laugh about it and yep yep you know it was a very similar thing and I had always kind of idolized my dad in the sense that he had created in his own business he you know started a business when I was a kid and ran it and so I wanted to do the same thing and really idolize that and and really for most of my life would always say oh you know I'm independent I don't need anyone until I realize that that's kind that's kind of a trauma response it's really like right like I don't trust anyone enough to like fully be myself and let my guard down so I'm gonna put up this huge guard and pretend like I'm cool and yeah I think bothers me and I'm emotionless yeah I mean it is a trauma response like similar to what you would just say I my favorite color when I was little was pink and I was actually jealous of my sister because my younger sister because she was more of a tomboy and I wanted to be a tomboy because that was cooler right and a lot of us have grown up in the environment where it's cool to have like this working mom and like both your parents are working and and it's like the extreme opposite of how you know moms used to be of state home mom so it's now cool to be this like working woman and it's not to say that it isn't like you can't be a working woman it's just like we've gone one extreme to the other and we've completely devalued the feminine role and so a lot of us grow up valuing our dad more than our mom because of like the idolization right of we don't want you know we don't want to have a state home mom like I don't want to be a state home mom like look at all the other girls at school like their moms work that's so cool you know um but it is a trauma response being like the misunderstanding and it's a lot of it stems from daddy issues right like most girls crave more love from their dad than their mom because there's already a biological barrier of we're different right dads don't get daughters one of the one of the like the number one things that my clients kind of what comes through for them in sessions is their dads weren't ready quote-unquote for a daughter they didn't know how to be a dad to a daughter and a lot of us experience that where it's like dad could be a great dad to our brother but like he he wasn't the dad that we wanted and it's like yeah because most men don't grow up knowing how to be around emotional women because a lot of women like harbor it you know and a lot of dads a lot of our dads at least grew up in an environment where you know the mom was at home looking after them the dad was out like it's a different dynamic these days where the dad's expected to be around a lot and to father a lot so we have these like different expectations of our dads of being around and giving us that amount of love and blah blah and that's the new normal but like our biology and like emotional intelligence hasn't really caught up to that if that makes sense for a lot of men so it's this trauma response of I didn't get the love that I got from dad so I'm gonna protect myself and basically like prove to him that I'm enough to now get his love and also to prove that I am enough and then hopefully a man will come and you know choose me because I don't want to be seen as anything less than it because I think that my dad's enough and he does XYZ ABC I'm gonna go copy that and replicate that because then other people will say that I'm enough yeah well I think a lot of well I can only speak to my experience but I wonder if this resonates with other people listening was that you know my dad could he could own he had only so much of an emotional capacity and range because that's how he was brought up and so when I was extra emotional he would completely shut down and this is not to shit on my dad he was literally doing the best he could but you know it's right but it was like he would emotionally shut down so then also in turn I learned that when I'm emotional or upset the man shuts down and closes off for me you know and I had to learn and heal that part of myself to realize that not every man is that way also my dad has done a lot of healing in our relationship you know throughout the years I brought my dad in a therapy with me and we've healed a lot of that in therapy but it was you know it was a learning experience for the both of us and it was also for me I really felt like these last couple of years I was on a journey to heal that hyper masculine independent side of myself in order to open myself up to love because similar to what you were saying earlier it's so funny because I simultaneously had this this one guy I follow on Instagram Jake Woodward he calls it the masculine shield where you know I was hyper independent wouldn't allow a man to be there for me was kind of like I can do it all myself kind of thing and close off to a man meanwhile deeply yearning for a connection with a male and I could not figure out how to like you know figure that I couldn't figure out how to heal that and it wasn't until I found people like you online and so many women are speaking out about this now where we need to heal that trauma and that side of ourselves and not feel like we have to be in our masculine in order to get what we want right and I think that kind of what I was saying before we've just we've with all of the modern movements and the good side that's broad it's also meant that we've devalued a lot of the more traditional like quote-unquote traditional biological parts of ourselves because we've tried to go so far to the other extreme and what it's meant is that a lot of us don't have that like community of women that we could go to we don't have what we used to have as women like women have in the history of women being so alone as what we are now and we are made for community like that's literally how we are wired and so you know it's kind of it's it's really stressful for our bodies to feel like we don't have anybody that we can share our hearts with right that we're so afraid that someone's going to think that we're less than because that's how we now perceive each other versus back in the day you know women didn't even raise children they didn't they didn't even only breastfeed their own child like when you gave birth you were recovering and the other women in the community were breastfeeding your child for you like there was so much help and support there was never even the option of being misindependent like that wasn't even a reality versus now that's the reality that people look up to and so it's seen as less than to ask for help and so it's just like a whole new world that us women are trying to navigate with like no fucking direction and it's really jarring on our nervous system because we've never had students before yeah it's really it's such an interesting point that you bring up and I'm curious to know what your take is on this why do why does it feel like being feminine is shit on so much these days it really does feel like there's this movement of like the you know the hyper masculine I'm the girl boss and it's you know it's not cool um or aspiring to be feminine it's almost as if we're trying to make women more like men instead of embracing what makes us unique and we're trying to make men more like women because we're also hating on the masculine at the same time of like toxic masculinity could you imagine if we said toxic femininity all the time like I mean women would like they would be a fucking riot it's about that but apparently you're allowed to say toxic masculinity like the whole thing is just fucked but I mean why from the way that I see it of like how this is all happened is first wave second wave feminism important but what's happened is that you know women had to fight for their rights so a lot of our grand mothers and our great grandmothers were in that kind of caliber people of fighting to just be seen as equal but the fighting hasn't stopped so what happened is like it's been basically carried down where you know our great-grandmother like fought for anything so she had to kind of go into her masculine to fight for that but then didn't soften back into her her feminine right that was then passed down to our grandmother our grandmother passed it down to our mother and then our mothers passed it on to us and like we're fighting just for the sake of fighting now these days we're not really fighting for anything anymore like get like two into that but anyway um and so through that there's been the devaluing of the feminine because we are fighting to be treated the same as men but we've we've we've like misinterpreted what true feminism is and like true feminism is just having the same rights that men have it's not to be the same as men it's just to have the same rights but we achieve that like that in most western countries that's been achieved right but now it's this fight for I want to be the same as men but you will never be the same as a man so that's where it's like in all of that fighting there has been a complete disregard for what like for our individuality as women because it's it's it's essentially this like trauma response of I wasn't treated well back in history so now I want to be seen but you're going to be seen through like anger and rage and whatnot which is valid like with us women are allowed to be angry we're allowed to have rage but what that's meant is that we have internalized to be a woman is to be weak and to be more like a man or to be angry and to be loud all the time in like a bad way then I'm going to be seen and so in all of that like confusion and like that multilayered situation there's just been the complete devaluing of mothers at home we've devalued that folding the laundry is really important important we've devalued like you know playing with your children is adding value you know we now value work more than home because we fought this so long to be able to work that it's disconnected us from our like womanhood and our femininity because it's like for so long we had like the carrot dangled in front of us now we have it we're never letting it go again it's kind of like through all of that that's just been it's been lost essentially well and you know what I find really interesting about that I read this maybe a couple years ago and my mind was blown so there's a theory that the the more modern feminist movement was created in order to put women in the workforce in order to have more heads to tax as a form of capitalism because the more people in the workforce the more heads you can tax and so now I have a totally different mentality of that especially when you're talking about how we devalued things like being with your children you know folding the laundry in my mind what is possibly a more important job than raising humans on this planet literally what it is like it's like teachers get paid the least but they are literally raising the future generation like goosebumps like that makes my blood boil that they they are looking after our kids they are mothering our children every day and raising them to be the children they become and they get paid somewhat like the worst out of majority of the workforce in majority of countries and it just doesn't make any sense it's like we feminism and capitalism is very heavily linked right feminism a lot of it like the modern feminism at least is it's all marketing it's all trying to like fit a narrative right and capitalism is the same thing you know you know it's funny these things that I see happening these days I'm like that's not actually feminism but these women are thinking that doing that or fighting that is actually feminism but it's like no no no feminism was never created to make women not become women that's not what it was for but now it's like women are trying not become women and I'm like if you actually thought about it what you're doing is not being a feminist but you think that you're a feminist so it's this whole narrative that a lot of people are just playing into because they're being not brainwashed but they're just not critically thinking you know so we've lost our ability to like critically think and and part of that is also just so many women like we would say at the beginning we just feel like it's weak to be a woman so we immediately are just trying to work harder be more like a man achieve some kind of status but then we realize once we achieve the status oh it's empty because as women we do not get that sense of deep fulfillment of status we get it off connection men get it off status that's why majority of women want a data man that makes more money that looks better that is older more emotional maturity like that is research beyond belief and so there's this all this research that basically shows that like there's just there's something like 60% or whatever of men are like unmarried unmarried or something they phrased it like that we're basically like they are not good enough to marry because all these women and now having such high status not that's a bad thing but biologically speaking women are going to go after men with more status so if he does not have more status he's not an eligible bachelor for her so it's just like we're putting ourselves in a fucking twist and it's not to say that we can't work and achieve it's that the lack of awareness around how to do it in a feminine way means that it's causing problems it's not that women can't work or shouldn't it's working like a man is causing that lack of polarity in our society in our relationships that's the issue like at hand so we're not doing it in the right way because it's so new no one's talking about it like we need to be educated on how to do it did you guys know that over 70% of sodium in the US diet is consumed from packaged and processed foods when you adopt a whole foods diet you are eliminating or hopefully eliminating these processed foods and therefore sodium from your diet now the solution is not to reintroduce processed foods in your diet but by not replacing that sodium you can actually negatively impact your health and performance if you guys listen to my episode the salt fix with Dr. James Denick we learned that sodium is actually a really imperative mineral for the body sodium helps maintain fluid balance it's an electrolyte so it helps keep stress hydrated it also aids in nerve impulses it regulates blood flow and blood pressure it's incredibly important and if you're eating a whole real food diet chances are you're probably not getting enough sodium also this is probably going to be a shock to hear but if you are just drinking water without adding minerals back into your water you're not actually hydrating my personal favorite way to stay hydrated throughout the day is through drinking element every day that's LMNT it's a delicious tasting electrolyte drink mix that has everything you need and nothing you don't so that means lots of salt there's no sugar in there it's formulated to help anyone with their electrolyte needs and is perfectly suited for people following keto low carb and paleo diets it has a science-backed electrolyte ratio a thousand milligrams of sodium 200 milligrams of potassium and 60 milligrams of magnesium I drink one of these every single morning they have a ton of amazing super delicious flavors I know a lot of us listening are avoiding natural flavors so they also have an unflavored one which is my personal favorite I love to put it with lemon but if you want the flavored ones they have a great variety of different flavors and they have given me an awesome offer to share with you guys so you guys can claim a free element sample pack when you make a purchase through the link the link is drink element that's LMNT.com slash real foodology and in the element sample pack you're going to get one packet of every flavor so that you can try all of them and see which one is your favorite I hope you guys enjoyed as much as I do again it's drink element dot com slash real foodology that's drink LMNT.com slash real foodology I want to take a second to talk about some of my favorite organifi products and why I love them when I first started getting into health I was an avid juicer I was buying fresh veggies every couple days and wearing out my juicer and also wearing out myself by trying to constantly juice vegetable juices because I wanted to flood my body with all of the nutrients the phytonutrients that you get from green juices but after a while I was like I cannot keep doing this every day and also maintain my job maintain my social life and everything else but I really wanted to make sure that I had a good high quality green juice it was organic and I knew that I could trust came from a good source so when I discovered organifi I was so happy they not only have a green juice but they also have a red juice and I really like to mix them together because it really helps with the flavor profile and you're not only getting all of the green phytonutrients from the green juice but you're also getting all the antioxidants from the red juice so it's like a win-win situation I also really love their chocolate gold it's their low sugar hot chocolate mix and it's loaded with ingredients like lemon balm turkey tail magnesium chloride and raci there's also turmeric in there as well so it really helps to calm down your nervous system before bed and it really makes me sleepy it also helps the digestion because you have the turmeric in there you have cinnamon you have ginger black pepper so it's helping with digestion and inflammation I'm a really big fan of this you can also put in your coffee in the morning and it kind of helps to balance out the jitters that you might get from your morning coffee and then another product that I'm really loving and taking every single day is their liver reset modern living is incredibly taxing on our liver like just existing is hard on our liver because we are constantly being inundated with pesticides heavy metals environmental toxins not to mention if we drink alcohol that's also going to put a strain on our liver so I think it's incredibly important that we take something every single day to support our liver health this product has trifala in it also has dandelion milk thistle and artichoke extract which all have been scientifically backed and proven to provide protection for the liver and then of course the most important part about organified products is that they are all organic and they go a step further by guaranteeing that they are glyphosate residue free glyphosate is a known herbicide that is sprayed on a lot of our crops these days it's also sneaking into organic foods and it is a known carcinogen so it's incredibly important to make sure that we limit our exposure as much as possible to glyphosate if you guys want to try any of the organified products and get 20% off go to organify.com slash real foodology you're going to see all of my favorite products in that store and you're also going to get 20% off that's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com slash real foodology well exactly and I want I want to go more into that but I want to bring up a point that I think is pertinent to this conversation right now so you know coming back to women be trying to be more like men I think something that a lot of us did not even connect the dots for the longest time is that our entire work schedule at least you know here in the US it's based around a 24 hour 24 hour cycle of the man's hormones which is testosterone they 24 hours they are consistent with their hormones and that is it for women we have four different hormonal phases that course over a month and these phases impact physical mental emotional abilities and requirements differently for each phase and so some phases of our menstrual cycle will have a lot of energy and we'll feel really creative and on and you know really be able to do amazing things with our work and then there are other times where our body is screaming for us to rest and slow down and we may not feel as creative we may not be as on with our work and so imagine now we get thrown into this workforce where men are on all the time and then these women are now coming out of this like you know girl boss movement I can't tell you how many women I see online going I am so burnt out I can't even function anymore well no wonder because we're working on a man's cycle not a woman's cycle I know I mean that's a whole other kettle of fish in love itself but I mean yes it's like one of the best I believe and have experienced and then clients whatever and and you as well Courtney I'm sure there is nothing more freeing than just embracing yourself as a woman like when I actually accepted the fact that I am different to a man and that that is okay it doesn't make me less than to be different it just makes me fucking different like the example I always use is like okay an apple and a cauliflower they're both from like the fruit and vegetable family but they are so different that you cannot compare them it's like the same thing as men where both humans right women and men both humans but we are so different that you literally cannot compare us and you keep yourself in this like fucking act 22 hamster wheel when you are trying to live like a man because you will never be able to you will never achieve it you will never feel like you've seen that you'll actually always feel like you're failing but as soon as you realize you know what fuck that I'm not gonna live like a man anymore I'm gonna live like a woman and you embrace yourself the freedom and just the relaxation that comes with that is the best because you allow yourself to admit like yeah I'm fucking tired this week or I need or I need to sleep more this week and you don't like most women will like demonize that about themselves like why am I tired this week why am I hungry this week and we we make ourselves wrong for it instead of accepting ourselves for it. Mmm god I love that so much because I very much relate to this when I finally truly was like fuck yeah I'm a woman I'm gonna lean into and embrace it is when my whole life changed oh my god I love that so much and it's helpful for women to hear so okay so I love being I just want to say to everyone I think you love being a woman I don't want to be a man like if you actually understand the stress that men have and like they have to deal with us like I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with like I'm sorry I'm just so glad that I don't my problem say it's like one minute I'm like this the next week I'm like this the other day you literally said to me god I need to remind myself this like you're in the you're in your follicular phase I got to remember that in follicular you just need to get fucked like when you're being sassy I just need a fuck you whereas like that's different in linear way so like the poor men I just in this like fucking twist all the time like I just wouldn't decide that they're like I would not want to be a man and I love being a woman like I truly do and it's a really freeing thing when you actually realize that being a woman is just fucking incredible like we are walking art and beauty I'm sorry like love men but they're not that you know we just have this but it's like they look at us in just complete like or they're like you like they just think that we are the most beautiful thing on the planet and it's so sad that we don't see that about ourselves like that they're just like you bleed every month you make a baby like you grow a human like you they are they are literally in awe of how beautiful we are like I was the whole thing of like you know your smile lights up the room they feel that you know the our feminine essence is so healing to them but we don't see that about each other or about ourselves and so yeah I'm just like being a woman is amazing you know what is so funny about you saying that so recently I went on a trip with my boyfriend and one of my girlfriends was there as well and we were sitting at lunch and I'm always like I'm very touchy feeling I was like touching the back of his neck and like scratching his head kind of and later my friend when we were alone she goes it is so cute to watch you with him because she goes every time you touch him he literally like melts she's like I can like see it in his face and I'd never heard someone say that before like that I'd never thought about that before where like you know I for the longest time being stuck in that masculine shield in that that place of you know not being fully healed around the masculine I kind of had this mentality of like you know men are shitty and they just want to you know they ghost me and dating sucks and men's suck and you know like there is that kind of mentality I feel like in society where we're just shitting on the masculine and it's so nice to be in this space now of what you just said of recognizing like no men like love us they're in all of us they want to worship us they truly want to give us everything we want in life if we allow them to be there for us and I love everything that you just said and we just start to understand them like he even on the dating front classic example men just fucking ghost well if you ask a man and like I literally asked my brother about this because he like and he literally like essentially kind of ghosted somebody and men often do it because they don't want to hurt us they they they're scared like they and although I get like okay we'll have some sort of respect just like message and like call it quits like I really see that side but we also have to realize that they're not doing it because they're trying to be mean or disrespectful they're actually doing it because they don't want to hurt us and for a lot of the time also it's like they're so logical they're like well I've only been on like two dates with her so we're not in a relationship so why do I even need to tell her I don't want to see her anymore like why is she expecting that we would they're so logical whereas we're like after the first I'm gonna marry him because we're driven by our emotions you know and and so for a lot of us we do ourselves a disservice especially when it comes to dating by not understanding the opposite effects we make it ten times harder for ourselves we put ourselves in gray areas but we want black and white like we want it to be crystal clear but we don't make it crystal clear for ourselves because we're like being half a man right like we're being masculine and like we're sometimes taking a lead on things or like when we're reading things like a woman would read things but he's a man and it's just like when you can understand the opposite sex and you realize like when you both are in alignment with your feminine you're masculine it creates harmony like we it's like the Yin Yang symbol right it's like the two amesh together and it's one yeah you know oh I love that so much yeah so for women listening right now that maybe are in that state either you know they're like how do I get more into my feminine or how do I heal that side of me that does have that kind of like you know fuck men dating sucks like what would your advice be to women in that space so let's do dating first because that's a really common one that I that I hear number one is with dating if you are like chronically on dating apps I am not anti dating apps but they do not help the dating sucks we have to remember that you know when you're on a dating app and and a guy hasn't responded or you've like you know how to a little bit back and forth and maybe one date that I haven't gone anywhere you're a media like dating fucking sucks like he's a dick but if you met him in person and there wasn't a vibe you wouldn't then think he's a fucking dick you would think of there wasn't a vibe right or back in the day this is all very new for us right you were only really meeting people most of the time in person or maybe to like a mutual friend on the phone kind of thing but in doing that you weren't having a line of a hundred guys constant dopamine then with dopamine withdrawal some up you don't want to mean it with it's this constant like push and pull with dating apps where we get really addicted to the dopamine on the oxytocin and the serotonin that we get from like talking to somebody essentially that we then put we put all this pressure and expectation into the date and into the dating into you know going on the date with him that when it doesn't work out or when he cancels we immediately are like he's a dick versus maybe he's canceling because he doesn't feel like a vibe or he's realized that it's he's not going out with you for the right reasons or he's realized you know what I mean like there's so many other factors to play but when we're taking things point blank through a screen we forget all those things and actually like aren't even there because we're talking to 10 guys at once you would not be talking to 10 guys at once at a bar you'd be talking to one and if he was talking back at you you would be feeling the vibe he'd be feeling the vibe because you guys are interacting and there'd be this immediate sense of security because you feel the vibe on dating apps there is no sense of security because you haven't met them before so the anxiety that is kind of there in that insecurity ramps up he's a dick we go straight into reactivity we are emotionally driven so our emotions drive the fact of men are x and dating apps don't really help that so I would say the number like the first thing is is getting really honest with yourself of your experience on dating apps if you find that you get really attached you get a bit nervous like you definitely tend to go on the more so when you like had a shitty day you need to get off them because they're not doing anything supportive for you you're honestly probably just repelling yourself in a way because you're putting you're getting into this low vibe I hate men blah blah blah and then that bitterness and that anger then that turns into a masculine well the man that you dream of that just like claims you and wants you and pushes you up against the wall to kiss you he's not going to stand for a masculine he isn't going to be attracted to a woman that is in her masculine and like taking a lead and putting him down so you're immediately repulling him often we as women we don't realize a flow on effects that like certain situations can have but if you're having this emotional like negative emotional experience all the time with men what about the experience is then causing it to be negative which which is then turning into you essentially repelling masculine men because you're now bitter angry and masculine towards men so I would say that for dating apps like number one because they're beautiful but they're also like they can also be just not the most helpful thing for a lot of people and then the second thing around like just getting more into your feminine one I would say essentially what we were talking about can be really helpful because most women don't see this they don't see the like people don't women don't see the beauty of being a woman like if you can actually see like womanness so like our bodies our period our emotions if you can see all of that as like art as just raw authentic art that can be a really nice starting point of realizing like yeah there is something so beautiful about this that men don't have right kids don't have it's women that haven't and you have that and like we have that so if you can start to firstly just see the beauty of the feminine that would be one thing and you can even just do it by like seeing the beauty of other women's femininity because that can just help to reprogram the belief of like to be feminine is to be weak so let's use Instagram positively right and like following some people that really embody that feminine energy that you actually can see as beauty now I want to say there is a range of feminine energy right I don't want people to think they have to follow this like certain earthy feminine and that's how they have to be because that's very much the pigeonholing what it means to be feminine feminine isn't a look it's an energy so it's not about that you need to follow necessarily these women that are like galavanting naked in the jungle you can just follow any woman right that is exuding this feminine essence that you want to be exuding she doesn't have to talk about feminine only but it can help you to start to see like if you can see it other women I want that you're immediately making it safe to have that a lot of women just don't feel safe to be in their feminine so that would be one thing and then the second thing that is the most underrated thing for being in your feminine is killing your relationship with men because if you do not like the feminine can only be there if there's masculine without the masculine there is no feminine like she needs his safety in order to be feminine otherwise she's going to go into the masculine because somebody has to protect so healing your relationship with men means that you actually then feel safe to be in your feminine and like if you were speaking about it makes you realize like oh they want a feminine woman they're obsessed with it they're like we get their knees for it and I want him to be weak at my knees for me okay this is hot let me be in my feminine like that was that was a turning point for me like I said in the beginning where when I realized that men are attracted to feminine women and I wanted a masculine man I didn't want a feminine man and and I was like oh so the more feminine a woman is the more masculine he's going to be like all right I better stop being I better start doing some shit so that I can be more feminine and again it does not mean frilly dresses you don't have to like wear certain makeup or wear certain like that's it's not about a look often it will end up being expressed in your look but as a starting point it's internal right so you don't don't pigeonhole yourself thinking that you have to change who you are it's actually about coming home to show you truly are like she's in there like so those those deep desires that you have that you feel like a naughty or wrong that's like those desires a you like you need to actually bring them out and realize that they're really safe to express and for most women the desires they start with like the I just want to let go I want to be saved I want to be like pushed up against the wall like I want to be I want to have sex in this kind of way like we like those fantasies around like subdom that a lot of women have that is a tell tale sign that you are craving to be more submissive hmm wow you just said was so powerful and all I kept thinking as you're saying that was that there requires a lot of of healing around the masculine learning how to trust men because part of being feminine is learning to be more vulnerable like women are just inherently more vulnerable we we spend a lot of our lives more vulnerable because not only are we our muscles don't get as big as men we're not physically as strong also when we're caring children we're more vulnerable and again oh my god I think five years ago me even saying that would be like oh no we're not weak like but I'm sorry if if you're a woman that it that is the truth of who we are and honestly I think that's so beautiful and I let me tell you like as I've learned to be to trust more as I've learned to put my guard down and be more vulnerable let me tell you my relationships have become better the sex has become oh my god when I finally learn to just like allow myself to to be more vulnerable and allow the man to step up and lead and be masculine and be the protector that I like truly really wanted but I was you know denying that for myself for so long and again it's so important to really note what you said to women like if you have these really deep desires that you're pushing down that's the true essence of who you are and learning how to fully embrace them and be okay with it is when you unlock the full entirety of who you are as a human and let's just anchor in if you want good sex get feminine because these sex will blow you to the fucking cosmos when you have sex with a masculine man like so true like when people say like time stops and you're like but like no I'm fully aware of the time when I'm having sex if you are fully aware of the time you are not having the best sex of your life yeah you're not surrendering you're not like you need to be able to be in the shower for four hours and have no fucking idea because you've been in a vortex the whole time like that is what we're talking about God I mean it's incredible and look you know to what what you said I also want to to point this out because I don't ever want anyone to feel like oh you know are you shaming me because I don't feel the same way and I don't fully resonate that's okay we're all bio individual and like you said before what resonates for some feminine women may not resonate for others and that's totally okay sometimes it might be a guard that you're pushing down and you're not being honest to yourself it could also just be that that's who you are and that's totally okay you know this is all about just fully embracing who you are and your true desires and not just going by what society tells us like we should and shouldn't want that's the key thing because like every woman whether you're like I want to be like fuck to the cosmos or not every woman these days is in some way shape or form not letting herself admit something about what she's wanting you know it's like with the empowerment come suppression in the same way and it's like suppression of our true desires and so exactly what you said like we're all we're all different but the key thing is is that for a lot of women they'll you know like on my podcast majority of people's not majority let's say half people will say when I first started listening to you I was like what the fuck this is bullshit blah blah and then I realized like wait this is like kind of true but like I don't want to admit this is true if you're in that like I don't want to admit this is true like I don't want to admit that I feel this because like this is so wrong like it'll take some time but just allowing yourself to even know that's there is the starting point because like that was me if I heard myself talking like this this bitch in the green I'd be like fuck her like she has no idea like who is this chick well she's made but you know like we we all have to go on our journey exactly exactly I can very much resonate I was I was a tomboy growing up and then I worked in music for 10 years which is a very male driven workforce and I always was so I was so proud of how not female I was of how not feminine I was and how masculine I was until I finally woke up one day and I was like wait no this is just what I was told that I should be like and what I was told that is cooler and what society wants and what guys want and in reality it was the exact opposite and it was fully pushing me away from everything that I truly desired like the cool girl thing is so unhealthy that a lot of us have it's not the girl boss you want to be the cool girl but it's like you're trying to fit yourself into another box that is just minimizing your true self yes okay let's talk about the cool girl a little bit because I played the cool girl for a really long time and all it did was push them in a way because I was you know I put myself in this like okay well I can't rock the boat and I can't show too much emotion and I can't it was like I was like very much tethering myself to a very small person of who I wasn't who I wasn't at all and what I thought would attract men and it was doing the opposite so question for you did you find that you had a lot of guy friends but like they wouldn't be in like a romantic relationship with you yes this is great I've never even talked about such a podcast I'm like oh love this okay so yeah so when you become one of the guys we think and like we are then cool right and we become one of the guys because it's often a daddy issue we want love for men so we think that by coming by becoming one of the guys then he'll love me more because I'll like watch the game with him and like I don't know go do guys shit I mean look obviously in the rare occasion that's gonna happen let's just point that out but for the majority of people and the majority of guys he then sees you as one of the guys there is no polarity what creates romantic tension and like sexual tension is polarity even in same sex couples there is a feminine and there is a masculine and whilst they will often dance between the two a little bit more so they'll swap there is still a feminine and a masculine when you're with your girlfriends you're not sexually attracted to each other there isn't any romantic vibe because there isn't a feminine and a masculine you're both being feminine right so so yeah when you are when you have this goal of like being one of the guys and being that cool girl you think that it's gonna get you what you want which is the male love attention like being cherished etc etc but what it does is it depolarizes you with them so they do not see you as a woman they do not see you as sexy and alluring and magnetic and radiant all those feminine things that aren't see you as a woman they see you as one of the men so when they're walking into a room let's just say and you're one of them too they don't see you they see the other girls and dresses and you're like confused about it because you're like but I'm fucking cool like she cries and it's like it's the clearest day what's happening right it's what he wants an emotional experience he wants to date the opposite okay women this will help do you want a man that when you say honey can you fix the light he goes oh but like my nails might break gross like fucking disgusting like exactly literally makes my stomach chin me too you want a guy that when you're carrying a bag he's like what are you doing and takes the bags away from you oh which is what my one does right that I know it's the best like so I will carry every fucking suitcase so I don't have to carry a thing and he will like break an arm so that I don't have to carry something and it's amazing but anyway point is is that he does not want someone that's like I can fix the light bulb I can fix the light bulb he wants a woman that is like babe can you carry this because I just call my nails painted and that doesn't mean that you I don't get my nails painted very often that doesn't mean you have to get nails painted but all I'm saying is like men want the opposite just like we women if you're heterosexual just like you as a woman you want the opposite you want a man that's gonna fix things and lift things and protect you and provide for you he does not want a woman that's gonna fix things and lift things that is him and you take his role out from under him and like kind of on that note a lot of men these days feel like what the fuck's my role what's my purpose if you're doing everything as a woman there's no purpose for him right and we have an inherent purpose because we give life there isn't an inherent purpose for him his purpose is to provide and protect that as soon as that's taken away from him he doesn't have a purpose so when we are providing and protecting ourselves and don't need a man he's lost his role in society which is also why so many men feel lost these days you know they they and hence like during lockdown and COVID and everything I was so worried about all the men because I'm like if a man lost his job he lost his purpose he's lost what he's doing every day you know at least as women like it was fucking shit for us to lose our jobs but we had connection and community and we would do you know those things that still make us feel full but it doesn't matter how many friends a guy hangs out with he feels alive when he's achieving at work we all know if you're in a relationship that when your man is having a good week at work you're having a good week in the bedroom but if he's having a shit week at work nothing's happening it doesn't matter whether he sees all his all his friends he doesn't want to see his friends he wants to be alone so um yeah that's whole cool cool cool thing yeah and it's so interesting that for so long I couldn't understand why I kept attracting very feminine men and you know I want to be careful and say again that you know this is not too shit on maybe a man that's a little bit more feminine or or also like we were obviously talking about this in a heterosexual way wait I want to quickly say something I feel I'm saying made made me really aware of this yeah so he's like the most masculine I've ever been with and I told him that on our first like date or weekend together whatever and he laughed he had no idea what feminine masculine was and he thought because he wasn't six foot a hundred the biggest muscles in the world and like this macho dude he didn't think he was masculine he he laughed about it so I actually want to say as well for any men listening and any women listening because he said this to me a lot of men think masculinity is aggression he's now learned that's not masculinity that's unhealed that's a wounded man and like men are more aggressive because they're testosterone right so there is a component of men are going to get more aggressive like just don't project it all to somebody obviously because then that's unhealthy men are allowed to be aggressive and that doesn't make him inherently just like toxic right it depends so much on the context of the situation but more importantly masculine is leadership it's direction it's discernment it's you know protecting it's providing it's saying I'm carrying the bags we're going here tonight this is the decision that I've made it's the it's basically taking the weight off the feminine right and so you know even if you aren't six foot a hundred with huge muscles that does not make you a feminine man right a feminine man would be you don't want to lead you don't want to provide you don't want to protect you don't want to you know um be more dominant in the relationship if you don't have that inherent desire then okay you'd be more of like a feminine man but if you have that inherent desire you're a masculine man maybe you're not expressing it because you don't feel safe too because society makes it unsafe to express it but you are a masculine man okay I'm so glad that you clarify that I mentioned this guy earlier Jake Woodward who I follow and he talks a lot about this and if you guys don't follow him I highly recommend following him if you're at all interested in this conversation and he talks about this a lot too where he's like you know we see a lot more feminine men these days or like feminine acting and what it looks like is you know asking to split the bill like the first day you know or yeah not leading not making the plans the guy oh god we all know the guy that text you know the night of and it's like he's like so what do you want to do oh my god I can't I'm like I'm not coming like same I'm like I'm I'm done I don't I don't want to see if you you know like what what of masculine man looks like is someone that says hey I'd love to take you on on Friday to 630 work how is this spot you know like that actually makes a plan and leads instead of the man that's like I don't know what do you want to do like to me that I can't it's just but that's not what I want to date right and but on that note as well I like to also when it comes to like the whole feminine men thing I also like to say that men have been allowed and given the right of passage to be lazy because we've taken over their role so a lot of men that are also like what do you want to do tomorrow we have to remember that like yeah maybe that's like ill but also it could be that he thinks that that's the right thing to do he thinks that's what we want exactly he thinks that's what we want you know and actually so I did this like big survey for my book and there's a it was always guys basically answer these questions anonymously and one guy answered this question um about like the whole bedroom thing and like subdom and he was like it's very confusing because I was brought up always to respect him and respect him and respect women but in the bedroom they want to be disrespected they want to be spanked and like choked and they were dominated yeah and he's like it's very confusing because then when I'm not doing that I'm labeled as I'm being like feminine and weak but it's like against what I have been taught and so like it's very very confusing because I want to do that but I feel wrong to do that because I'm told to respect her but then she's telling me stop fucking respecting me like can you disrespect me love it and so it's kind of like we also have to factor in and I say this to women because if there's a guy that maybe you're interested in and there's a vibe but he isn't really leading maybe it's because he doesn't know that he can maybe it's because he doesn't know that like you want that and then it's safe to do that so many men it's like they're afraid of being labeled a misogynist if they hold open a fucking door so that it hold open a door meanwhile I am insulted when a man just not hold open the door right so it's just remembering those kind of things as well that if you've shared with him that you would like for him to lead and choose the date and like it's basically safe for him to do that and he's not doing that he doesn't want to different story like maybe he is just being lazy and he doesn't want to step up but most men it is within their biology to get off on being the provider and the protector and being the man so it's this breath of fresh air when you say to them that you essentially want that and like that turns you on yeah and you know when I do this and I did this all throughout dating and obviously do this with my now boyfriend where I'll tell him like it's so sexy when you open the door for me or it's so hot when you grab my bag or you know whatever it is like you can encourage them by not like quote-unquote nagging you can just tell them I think it's so hot when you do this because they already love to do it anyways and then you just reaffirm that you like it and then you never have to say anything again it's great you'll be like can I have my bag like I need my lipstick like stop taking it it'll be the opposite issue yeah it's so funny yeah yeah oh my gosh I love this conversation so much what maybe what are some other ways that women can inspire men to be more in their masculine and maybe we can even do this for I think this is really important for even just with our guy friends right now I I recently had a conversation with a guy who told me he goes you know Courtney I he goes I'm really struggling with just how to exist being a man right now in this society because he goes I have some women that yell at me for opening the door for them and then women yell at me for not opening the door I know and I don't know what to do I'm so confused and I feel for them right now because I feel in a way masculinity is kind of under attack right now it is the whole phrase of like toxic masculinity I'm like that is toxic like imagine your very essence being labeled as toxic you know and like I know the whole thing is it's like men have to earn their masculinity women are just given their femininity right we are just feminine at birth whereas men have to prove their masculinity through the actions whereas we just lay back on the sofa and we're feminine like we don't have to do anything to be feminine right and so it's hard for them because it's like they feel like then they're inherently failing as a man because just society is like you are guilty no matter what like it's that whole like you are not innocent until proving guilty you are guilty until proven innocent you are inherently wrong as a man and like your sex is dangerous essentially so men already feel like they have to tip toe around women because the key thing is is like men want to make us feel safe that is literally their biological job is to protect us and we immediately feel court and court unsafe around them right because society is constantly spreading this message of like men are dangerous could you imagine being a man and feeling like I am dangerous to woman but at the women at the same time you're like but I just want to protect them like I don't want to hurt them so yeah even for like guy friends this is so important to do with your male friends I do it with my male friends because it's like it's the slow on effects right and you you just want to be this kind of woman like the number one thing for men also is you can tell somewhat if a woman is feminine by the way that she kind of interacts on the first date obviously there are some women that aren't obviously feminine but they crave that so I honestly feel like the best way to do it especially if you're like a mature adult is to just ask to be like hey I really want a woman that will let me plan the date hold her from the door carry her bags like is that you or like are you not really into that simple casual question you're gonna get a pretty clear answer and when a woman is like oh my god please like yes yes yes you have got immediate safety to go and be a man and when a woman says like no I'm not really into that like I just prefer for like us to be equal run right because like I don't want to be equal I'm not equal like I do not want to be the same as my as my fiance so I would say that is just honestly the easiest way to do it and the cleanest way to do it and their response is going to give you such an indication at her body language and like her excitement is or her not excitement is going to give you such an indication of whether that is a turn on for her or not because even if she's like this high achieving CEO that isn't really like obviously feminine but she craves that she will she may still respond in the way of like oh my god I would love that and you'll almost feel like her body relaxes and she can like breathe a little bit more easily because she already has so much weight on her shoulders from being the CEO but to know that she just gets to be looked after refreshing right like every every woman just wants to be looked after so that'll be the first thing and then the second thing like for our like and that's and for our guy friends as well it's just doing the little things like when they hold up in the door it's saying thank you when he wants to pay for the pay for your lunch it doesn't mean he wants to fuck you he's just being a man thank you like let him pay for the lunch you know simple as that when he wants to walk on the side of the road closest to the street amazing it's literally the act of you just get to receive what he's doing you don't have to do anything in return you don't have to even always say thank you you can literally just receive it that's all you need to do that is the compliment because most men are being insulted for doing it so just to be it just for them to feel like I've just been received for doing that that in and of itself you're not making it a big deal then you know especially when it's with guy friends and stuff you don't want to be like always been oh it's so hot because like it's platonic but but literally just receiving it and accepting it is the most important thing yeah I think that you made some really good points there and you know what I kept thinking about is we're seeing this more and more now with really high achieving women and we have this you know whole girl about oh my god girl box movement I'm like well we told him to lie I know seriously um we see a lot you know we're women are the the high achievers in the relationship where they're bringing more money they're working more hours or whatever it is how can you still find that polarity of the masculine and feminine like let's say even though maybe the woman is the more high achiever you know has the the bigger job or whatever it is how do you find that polarity still where you can maintain that masculine and feminine I mean the easiest way to do it is obviously at home and like letting go of your work self when you come home there are a bunch of things that you can do as a woman to kind of make your work like a bit more feminine and it's not about like oh because I work a desk job I am masculine it's how you go about it if you you know wear an outfit that makes you feel key word feel if you make an outfit wear an outfit that makes you feel good you get some sunshine on your skin during the day you make yourself cups of tea and you enjoy the cups of tea you breathe between tasks it's it's the way that you experience your job that makes it more masculine feminine because the reality is is that like some women are like well it's a court and court masculine to do logistics but I fucking love doing logistics and I'm like if it fills your heart it makes you feel good then guess what you get to make it feminine because you are happy off doing logistics right you know for other people they actually could feel really masculine trying to go and be an artist because they're like I cannot do art that is so stressful and the fact that it becomes stressful makes it way more masculine because you go into your head so it becomes a more masculine experience so it's about the way in which you bring the like it's the way in which you bring yourself into your work experience that makes it more masculine and feminine and then it's really important especially when you working from home to try and let go of the day like even okay so for an example we have to um get on a plane after we do then your interview um and so I actually texted my fiance today when I was like between clients just being like hey babe I am really tired today and I'm like pushing through and I've got to like you know keep going whatever I really need you to just have me tonight and he just like sends me the nicest message like baby I got you and he like capitalized it whatever and so it's just and it's not that you have to do that it's just for for me what that did was like I really need him to just like do everything tonight when we fly and we have like a late flight whatever and so by sharing that with him it just gave me this like it almost was factored into my calendar because he's now expecting it that after like we finish our interviews and I go pack I am in feminine day is done and I've really communicated that now every day I don't do that but most days what will happen is like after I finished work that I do something that kind of like drops me back in whether it's changing outfits whether it's going just like like chilling out in our bedroom for a little bit whether it's taking the dogs for a walk but I really allow myself to like let go of the day and be like his woman and let him kind of look after me at the end of the day and little things can even be like you know I don't want to clean up from dinner because I'm tired and I really want to go to bed babe can you clean up from dinner yes done I'm cleaning up go to bed go to bed and it's just those those tiny things that make you feel looked after that often women won't do because they don't want to ask for help you know but if I'm tired I don't want to clean up from dinner and he feels like more of a man knowing that he's like protected me essentially because I get to go to bed he's protected my energy and my body so that so he'll clean up and he feels like he's succeeded for me in the cleaning up but we've both won essentially right I don't feel like resentment and like as I'm like cleaning out like fuck you why don't you help me blah blah blah which then doesn't help anybody doesn't help him doesn't help me we you both win when you're in that feminine masculine and when you're just expressing what you need from each other because even if he is expresses like he's had a hard day at work he just needs space this that whatever and you get to then nurture that need from him you get to be in your feminine he gets to get what he needs as a man which is probably space right in a loan time and again you both win by doing that and there's such a big lesson there in learning how to receive and I I recently had this the other night with my boyfriend I was so tired I was so tired that I cried and that doesn't happen like ever and maybe other night nearly too and I had to room it myself and go to bed because I was like I thought fucking bull they must have been like something in the cosmos or whatever I don't know but I think they're tired oh and I mean this is like never happening before I was literally like crying I'm so tired and yeah before I could even express like you know I need like he he looked to me he was like baby what's wrong and I was like I'm so tired and he goes leave he's like go to about he literally like mate he was like go to bed go to bed it was so cute he was like I've got the dogs because we have two dogs he's like I've got the dogs I'll let the dogs out I'm gonna walk around in the neighborhood you know and there was something else he did for me he was like go to bed go to bed and like literally just like made me do like drop everything yes he was like I've got you I'm gonna do everything else tonight just get in bed and it was just oh it was exactly what I needed and look that's not to say that we're always forcing that or like not forcing but we're not always doing that to the men but there are nights where my my boyfriend's like babe I'm exhausted and like I just need to lay down for a little bit or whatever it is and I'm like I've got you I'll make dinner like and then I love it I get to meet my feminine I make him dinner and like rub his back and so you know it's an equal partnership and we get to kind of lean on each other depending on where we're at and like that's where the equality comes in you're leaning into your feminine strengths he lanes into his masculine strengths like I feel like for a lot of us we've um we've really just like confused the word equality and that we have to be the same and it's like no no no it becomes equal by you doing the things that you're amazing at and he does the things that he's amazing at and like you do it in different ways like if I like if he was making dinner he'd probably make it differently to the way that you would make dinner but it wouldn't be any less or better it would just you're leaning into your strengths and there'd be equality in that because you got to rest or whatever it is so you now feel rejuvenated he feels like he's provide like you both feel the same the execution was just different exactly you know exactly I love this conversation so much I feel like I could talk about this all day I want to be mindful of our time I have two questions left for you first so I want to know if there's anything else that we didn't cover that you feel like is really important for people to hear I don't really I love to have my head but what I will say I'll talk my head is like we need to love men again and we need to stop making all men bad because they're not and we need to stop assuming the worst about men because that assumption is because you don't understand men you know yeah and we're not I think we're not communicating effectively which I think is a really important part of all this and what I think the kind of common thread that we were kept saying is that we need to be able to communicate our needs and inspire a mental also communicate to us and communicate it in a way that a man is going to understand when you just like when you just have verbal diary of emotions he just is like so overwhelmed by the emotions his brain cannot like cannot process it so we think he's been no help but he's like I don't know how to help like that he's stressing himself out because he doesn't know how to help you you know what I mean I confused super confused so it's also yeah we need to learn to communicate better and communicate in a way that the opposite sex will actually understand yeah yeah you know yes I think we should end it on that it's so good yeah my last question for you is a personal question I asked all my guests what are your since this is you know more of a health podcast what are your personal health non-negotiables things that you do on a daily basis to really nourish yourself and it can be lifestyle it can be food diet whatever it is okay um well I would actually say firstly dressing up I know it's not like physical health but it's energetic health especially if you work from home dress up like it makes you feel so much better so much more productive you walk past him right and you're like damn I look good it's just we all know that we feel better when we dress up so I would say that one number one number two I am a Pilates Hall I love Pilates I I do it pretty much every day and even if it's just a 10 minute class it just drops me into my body I feel good I feel connected to myself it isn't this stressful hit exercise that throws your hormones out like don't do that shit um so I would say Pilates and and the last thing I would say I mean besides obviously like eating healthy supplements whatever like those things are all obvious do all those I'm trying to think different ones I would also probably say sunlight like when I'm feeling a bit urgh I really remind myself of how good I would feel if I just went outside and sat in the sun for 10 minutes or just like walked around the garden or literally just like sat on the driveway I think that can be underestimated for a lot of us how just two minutes or 10 minutes of sunlight can really really help us and we just don't prioritize it we prioritize the healthy eating and the supplements and like the water and I do all those things but the dressing up the like you know workout in a way that actually is good for your hormones not bad and then the sunlight I would say am I three top things and I think it's so important for people to hear I mean right before we record it I was like why am I feeling a little down and then I took my computer outside while I was prepping for this podcast and sat in the sun for 20 minutes and was like oh I just was a sunlight officially yeah you know it's really fun you know yeah oh this conversation has been so amazing I'm so inspired right now and I'm just so happy that you came on and that I need to hear your amazing perspective on all this it's incredible I have loved this conversation we talked about so many good like interesting things that I haven't spoken about very much on the podcast so I'm excited for everyone to listen and thank you so much yeah thank you so much because thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the Real Fidology Podcast if you liked the episode please leave a review in your podcast app to let me know this is a resonant media production produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Mike Fry the theme song is called heaven by the amazing singer Georgie Georgie is spelled with a J for more amazing podcasts produced by my team go to resonant media group dot com I love you guys so much see you next week the content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only it is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and doesn't constitute a provider of patient relationship I am a nutritionist but I am not your nutritionist as always talk to your doctor for your health team first do you suffer from ibs or other digestive issues are you looking for a new podcast to listen to from the producer of the Real Fidology Podcast comes the all new health and nutrition podcast digest this hosted by Bethany Ugardi you may know Bethany as the face of the popular Instagram page Lil Sipper or you may have even read her book now you can find her wherever you get your podcasts on digest this Bethany examines topics such as gut health nutrition the food industry and highlights specific ingredients that can be beneficial or harmful to your gut health she also explores nontoxic options and beauty home and cooking essentials if it has to do with your health digest this is talking about it each episode features an interview with health experts doctors and wellness advocates and delivers you information that is well easy to digest Bethany also delivers a weekly segment every episode called bite of knowledge where she highlights an ingredient commonly used in food skin care household cleaning you name it and gives you the lowdown on the benefits or dangers that ingredient might have in your everyday life from Botox potassium olive oil and magnesium all the way to those ingredients you can barely pronounce on the back of your cereal boxes Bethany has you covered there's a reason why it debuted at number two on Apple podcast nutrition charts check out digest this on your favorite podcast app new episodes every Monday and Wednesday produced by Drake Peterson and resonant media