I used to really love granola until I started turning around the back of the package and
looking at how much sugar was in it and also learning about how oats were affecting my digestive
system, my guts. So I was really stoked when I found this brand Wild Way. They make grain-free granola
and they are committed to providing wholesome and nourishing food options that empower individuals
to lead healthier and more vibrant lives while also respecting the environment. They are certified
B-Corp. They are 100% for the planet, plastic neutral and carbon neutral. They are also made
from 100% real ingredients. There's no added sugars, preservatives, seed oils or flavorings.
It is just a wholesome blend of nut seeds, dried fruit and spices. It's also soft and chewy
snacking granola. So it's great for on-the-go. You can either like throw it on top of yoga,
you can throw it on top of a smoothie, or you can also just like take a handful of it and just
eat it straight out of the bag if you want. They have really delicious flavors. I was actually
literally just snacking on the banana nut. I have it right in front of me right now and the
ingredients are so simple. It's dates, organic bananas, walnuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds,
cashews, pecans, coconut oil, cinnamon, sea salt and vanilla bean. All ingredients that you
recognize, it's all real food and their flavors are awesome. They have coconut cashew. They have
apple cinnamon, dark cinnamon, sea salt, peach pecan. Can you imagine on like a summer evening
or even going into fall doing peach pecan with like a scoop of coconut ice cream? Oh my god.
And vanilla bean espresso. So imagine having a bowl of that in the morning alongside your
morning coffee. Not only is this a delicious granola, but it's also a company that we can whole
heartedly trust that is actually making food, like real food that's healthy for us, that nourishes
our bodies. You know, I get asked often, how can we as people make an impact on our food industry?
And one of the ways that we can do that is by supporting companies and brands that are actually
doing right by the people. And this is one of those brands. So if you guys want to check them out,
go to wildwayoflife.com and use code realfoodology and you're going to get 20% off. Again,
that's wildwayoflife.com code realfoodology. Do you drink filtered water? Hopefully you do.
And hopefully by now you know the tap water is loaded with all sorts of pharmaceutical drugs,
pesticides, heavy metals, fluoride, chlorine, etc. But what I'm here to talk to you about today is
if you're filtering your water, you've got to make sure that you're replenishing the electrolytes
and the minerals back in your water. One of the ways that I love to do this is with element. It's
spelled L-M-N-T. And by looking at the package, you may initially feel a little bit of a shock
with the amount of sodium in there. But if you go back and listen to my episode with Dr. James
Denick, who wrote a book called The Salt Fix, he talks all about how we, for the most part,
are actually not getting enough salt. We forget that sodium is an imperative part of our fluid
and electrolyte balance. We actually need sodium. It's imperative to have it in certain levels.
And the majority of Americans are getting most of their salt from processed packaged foods
and fast foods and from eating out. So if you are not eating out a lot, which hopefully you're not,
but that's a discussion for another day, most likely you're probably actually not getting
enough salt. So this is one thing that I love about element. It has a really high sodium level.
And then it also has potassium and magnesium in there. So it's replenishing your electrolytes.
Also, I love the saltiness of it. There's a couple of different flavors that I love the most.
The great fruit is hands down my favorite. I also really love the raspberry and the watermelon.
And if you're concerned about the natural flavors, they also just have a raw unflavered as well
that has no flavors in it. It just has the sodium potassium and magnesium in there.
Element gave me a deal to share with you guys, which I love them so much for this.
If you guys go to drinkelement.com slash real-foodology, that's d-r-i-n-k-l-m-n-t.com slash real-foodology.
You're going to get a free sample pack after you make a purchase. So you get one packet of every
flavors. So you can try all the different flavors and then see which one you like the best.
So again, that is drinkelement.com slash real-foodology. Element is spelled l-m-n-t.
Hi friends, welcome back to another episode of the Real-foodology podcast. It is just me today,
your host Courtney Swan. I'm flying solo. We're riding solo today. I periodically get the motivation
to do a solo podcast. One, because you guys will write me and say that you have been enjoying the
solo podcast that I've been doing, which I really appreciate your feedback.
And sometimes I notice a trend on Instagram in my DMs of people asking me certain questions.
Or sometimes I'm just feeling in the mood to share. So the other day on my Instagram,
I shared a post from Carnivore Aurelius. And if you guys follow me on Instagram, you probably
have seen his account, maybe follow him or her. I don't know their speculation that it might be a
woman behind the account. I don't know that I believe that. But it's a rumor. They posted something
about people doing, quote-unquote, the work on themselves. And then I shared in my stories all
the work that I've done that's helped me a lot over the years. And I figured I would dive into that
today because I got a lot of questions and I shared a lot of the stuff, the modalities that I've
been doing to heal myself, really. And it's been quite the journey of self-love and coming back to
myself, really, if I'm being honest. If you guys have been listening to the podcast for a while,
you probably know the story of my childhood trauma. And I'm not going to spend a lot of time on
it because this episode is meant to share with you my healing journey. And the reason I'm sharing
this is if you are dealing with something and you're not really sure where to turn to, maybe this
will give you, maybe this will illuminate some light in those dark places and give you some ideas
on what maybe, like maybe this will resonate with you. And hopefully you can maybe find healing
through some of the modalities that I have. So when I was eight years old, my little sister got hit
by a car riding her bike down a hill, a block away from my house. And I was the first person on the
scene to witness it. I did not see the actual accident. You know, it's funny. Some days it is, I've
told the story so many times that some days I can get through it. As if it didn't happen and
sometimes it affects me emotionally, you know. I mean, it was it was a single most horrifying thing
that's ever happened to me in my entire life. I did not witness it, but I was the first person on
the scene because we heard an ambulance drive my my house and my mom wanted to make a phone call
to the house where my little sister was riding her bike from and she asked me to run down the street,
not actually thinking that it had to do with my sister. And I saw them
lifting her into the ambulance. And at that point dropped my knees and I don't remember a lot of
that year of my life. I don't remember the funeral. I remember saying goodbye to her in the hospital.
She sadly passed away. And yeah, that was a capital T trauma.
And then unfortunately, I also lost my little brother at the age of 21. We don't have too much
information as to what happened. There is speculation that it was vaccine injury, but we don't have
any conclusive evidence because oftentimes it is hard to actually make a claim for that. But
he was born completely healthy and then something happened neurologically and he
could never walk, could never talk, could never hold up his head. And he sadly passed away when he was
11. 11 or 12, I believe he was 11. So I have dealt with a lot of grief in my life. And I being
the personality that I am, we all deal with things differently. I had convinced myself that I was fine,
that I had dealt with it, that it was a part of my story, that I was fine. I would tell everyone,
I was fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago. This was always my
story. And it was really interesting. I had a friend tell me a couple years ago when I was sharing
with her a psilocybin journey that I had that was incredibly healing and mid telling her the story.
She stops me and she goes, Courtney, I just have to tell you that she goes, it's really incredible
to hear you tell this in this way because in all the years that we've been friends and that I've heard
you tell, retell the story of your sister passing away, I noticed that you were always telling the
story as if it was someone else's story that it wasn't yours. Basically indicating that I was so
detached from what had happened to me, that I didn't even fully understand what had happened to me.
When you think about it, I mean, when you're eight years old, you are just barely figuring life out.
You have grieving parents who have no idea what to do over the loss of their child. They are
trying their absolute best to help me, but also distraught as you can imagine. I was given
no tools on how to work through this. No one really talked to me about it because we were all
traumatized. I was put in therapy and the therapist didn't really ask me or require me to talk about it.
I've said this now in my adult life that I'm very frustrated that the first therapist that I had when I
was eight, I would go in there and would play with toys. You know, she'd be like, are you ready to
talk about it? Do you want to talk about it? I would just go, no, she wouldn't push, she wouldn't
pry, she wouldn't ask any questions. I realized looking back, at least for me and my personality,
I needed someone to ask me very pointed questions because I had no idea what was going on.
But, you know, hindsight is 2020 and like I said, I harbor no resentment to my parents or anyone
that was in my life during that time because I know that we were all just trying our best. We were
literally just trying to survive through this crazy, traumatic situation that just happened, you know.
And, you know, I will say I attribute a lot of my resilience around this situation to my mom
and I'm planning on bringing my mom on and we're going to talk all about this and she's also,
if you guys have been listening to podcasts for a long time, my biggest inspiration for eating healthy
because she was very, very on to this or she was she was on to this at a very early time.
When I was a kid, we weren't buying the processed foods. I wasn't really allowed to eat like McDonald's,
it wasn't allowed to have sodas, you know, occasionally, but it was very, very sparingly.
So, anyways, back to my journey, but I am going to bring my mom on to talk about all of that,
how she really got into nutrition, you know, such an early time and healthy eating. And then also,
I want to ask her about, you know, her mindset around all of this and how she survived losing
two of her three kids. Oh, I always get very emotional when I think about my parents around
the loss, you know. Okay, I'm going to share with you guys everything that helped me.
So, I mentioned earlier that I spent a long, a lot of my life after that convincing myself that I was
fine. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I started having really like debilitating panic attacks.
And I was also dealing with a bit of like disassociative behavior, meaning that if I was,
if I got really stressed out, I would essentially leave my body for lack of a better word.
And I sought out therapy because I have always been, I don't, I've been like this forever.
I think probably as, you know, an influence from my mom, but I knew I didn't want to be put
on to medication. And I don't say this to shame anyone else. This is just my journey. And I'm
sharing my journey and my thoughts around it. I did not want to be put on any sort of medication,
because in my mind, it was just going to put a bandaid over it and numb me out instead of
forcing me to face. Face whatever it was that was coming up for me. So started going to therapy.
And therapy helped me immensely. I can't even tell you how much it helped me. I worked through
the panic attacks. I stopped having the disassociative behavior. Thank God. Which again, like, I don't
know how else to explain it other than I would essentially, it felt so unsafe and scary to be in
my body that I would just like mentally check out. And the interesting thing is, I remember when I
was really at the height of my panic attacks and the disassociation, I would ask my boyfriend,
like, can you tell, like, you know, like, for example, like we go to a party or something and I'd
come home and I'd be like, man, I was real, like I was like verge of having a panic attack.
And he was like, oh, my God, I couldn't even tell. So it was very much an internal struggle that I
was dealing with that very, very few people knew about. Anyway, so talk therapy immensely helped or
very, very much helped me with that. And I was given these tools on how to figure out how to
get out of these panic attacks when I felt them coming on. And then also was given tools how to
not leave my body anymore. And essentially, my therapist taught me how to be safe in my body.
After that point, I went for probably another, how long was I when I went in that first time? I
don't remember exactly, but it probably would have been around 25, maybe. I then took a break from
therapy for a while, thought I had figured it out. And at this point, I still am not aware of how much
this trauma affected me. Even at that time, I did not fully wrap my brain around the fact that I
had not dealt with all of this trauma. So let's fast forward to when I moved to LA. And I had a
really close girlfriend who was very vocal about going to therapy. And it was really empowering.
I think it's also really important and why I feel so passionate about talking about my journey and
talking about all the things that I've done and really talking about therapy. Because I remember
when this girlfriend would tell me, I kind of felt like I, you know, many of us had this stigma.
Maybe you still do. I don't know. We're all in different varying journeys, you know, of all of this,
of opening up ourselves and becoming less judgmental of whatever it is. And I remember I had been
a little bit judgmental of myself going to therapy. And I had this friend who was so open about it,
like she literally tell everyone, like we'd just be at a party and she'd be like, oh my God,
I met with my therapist today and, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. This came up and I learned this
and just like total strangers. And I was so, what's the word? I just was so taken back by that,
that it made me passionate and want to share with more people because it took away all the shame
around it. It took away this stigma because why, like, why should we be ashamed about seeking out
help? You know, like there, there's no shame in that. And God, if I've learned anything in life,
life is so hard for everyone in varying degrees, you know, like not everyone's going to know what
it's like to lose their, their sister to a tragic accident, but like I can't compare my trauma
or what I've been through to anyone else's, you know, life is hard, guys, like, and it's okay to
seek out help. It's why it's there. So, and we're all in this journey together and we're all
suffering to, you know, various degrees. So, anyways, it was really amazing to normalize it.
And so around that time, I was like, you know what? I think I need to go back to therapy. So,
I seek out a therapist. I'm with this one therapist for like three years. She's amazing. Again,
like really just helped me a lot with my anxiety, helped me to really see different perspectives on
things. And she was really amazing. And then I hit this point where I felt like we had done all
the work that we could have done together, because at that, around this time, I had started learning
about something called EMDR. Okay, I'm going to try my best to describe what EMDR therapy is.
If I get it wrong, I'm sorry, guys, the best I can. So, I found this therapist that does EMDR.
And I ended up leaving my, the first silly therapist that I had, who was amazing,
you know, broke up with her. And for no other reason, then honestly, that I wanted to seek out EMDR.
I was just feeling like I needed a different modality. And EMDR is called iMovement desensitization.
Or that's what EMDR stands for. And essentially, what it is, is it helps you rewire certain things
in your brain that are super traumatic. And it doesn't necessarily, I've been told, it doesn't
necessarily have to be something as insanely traumatic as I went through, like the death,
or like a, you know, crazy accident, death of a family member or something like that. Like,
it can be something that just in one way or another traumatized you. And essentially, what you do
is you do different, there's different ways of doing it. And essentially, what you do is
your therapist will have you focus on a specific memory, you know, the traumatic one. And then they'll
they'll take you through these like side to side iMovements. And it's hard to explain without
showing you. So I would just encourage you guys to go look it up. I'm sure there's like YouTube
videos or something that you can find. And there's like different ways that you can do this. Sometimes
they'll do bilateral beats and they'll go back and forth in the headphones. There's also some
tapping that you can do. And for me and my therapist, we did the iMovements and then we also did
some of the tapping. And essentially what this does is that it engages both sides of your brain.
It's something called bilateral stimulation. I just looked this up. And what it helps you do is
essentially rewire that memory in your brain to not be as traumatic as it was or as it like sits
in your brain currently. So for someone like me who went through what I went through with my
little sister, I mean guys this was I mean it was honestly it was life changing for me.
Absolutely life changing. I did that for two or three years. Often on we would go back and forth
between doing some EMDR and also just doing talk therapy because we would take weeks off sometimes
because it's a lot. It really is emotionally a lot. Looking back, you know, going through that time,
I realized that it was very hard on my on my soul, you know, because you're digging up really old
memories, really bringing them to the surface. And I just had a lot of stuff coming up for me.
I also when I was with this therapist decided to bring my parents in to therapy with me to talk
therapy. That was incredibly healing. I started out with my dad. I just realized that, you know,
because of this, because of what we went through growing up, we we grieved very separately. And
my sister's death really, really kind of tore us apart. And look, I would consider my parents
and I to be pretty close, but we still we were all just so traumatized as a family that in many
ways it it really splintered through our family, you know. So me realizing that decided to bring
my parents in to therapy because I was too scared to talk to them without someone there. And guys,
if you have the ability to do this, oh my god, it is the most healing thing. It was so incredible.
The things my parents shared with me in therapy. I mean, I don't think we would have ever talked
about the stuff that we did without going into therapy. It was beautiful. And I want to protect my
parents' privacy. So that's all I'll say. But it was incredibly helpful and incredibly healing.
And honestly, I'm probably going to do it again and just do it periodically off and on. Just kind of,
you know, to make sure that we really strengthen our bond because our parents are precious, you know,
yeah. That's all I'll say about that.
I'm always seeking ways to improve my fitness, boost my metabolism and get that perfect glowing
skin. I mean, aren't we all right? Well, I've stumbled upon something truly amazing. It's called
arm-ra-clostrum. Clostrum has been long regarded as a superfood that my mom actually got me
on years ago because it's really good for the immune system. But then I found arm-ra-clostrum
and I am obsessed. It's not just a supplement. It's actually a whole food superfood. It's a
proprietary concentrate of bovine clostrum. And if you're wondering what clostrum is, it's the
first nutrition that we receive in life packed with over 200 essential nutrients. Since I started
using it, my skin feels so vibrant and fresh. It's like I reactivated my hair growth and reduced
the puffiness on my face. And I haven't gotten sick once since I started taking it. There are peer
reviewed studies that show that clostrum is more effective than the flu shot wild, right? Now here's
the magic. Arm-ra-clostrum strengthens immunity, ignites metabolism, fortifies gut health,
and powers fitness performance and recovery. It also helps with hair growth. I've shared this a bunch
on my Instagram. I went in to see my hairdresser recently and he was pointing out all of the new
hair growth that he was seeing. I definitely think it's from the clostrum because it's the only
thing that I've changed. And it's sustainably sourced from grass-fed cows which we love. I usually
mix it with cold liquids. And my favorite thing right now is to mix the watermelon flavor with matcha.
And then I add a little lemon electrolytes in there. It tastes like a watermelon lemonade. It's
so refreshing and it's sugar-free. It's so good, especially in these hot summery days. But make
sure you do not mix it with anything hotter sugary because I can affect those bioactive compounds.
All right. So here's a great news for all you listeners out there. We've scored a special
deal for you. Get 15% off your first order of arm-ra. Just go to triarmra.com slash real
foodology and use the code real-foodology to get this offer. Again, that's triarmra.
T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A.com slash real-foodology to get on this offer. I hope you guys love it.
Did you know that you may not be getting all the beneficial probiotic bacteria from some of your
favorite fermented foods? For example, kombucha, kimchi, sourcrout. Unfortunately, a lot of these
probiotics and the good bacteria in these foods don't always survive the trip to your gut. This is
why in addition to eating those very healthy and nutritious foods, I also like to take a probiotic
like seed. And the reason I really like seed is because, unfortunately, not all probiotics are
created equal. A lot of probiotics on the shelf also do not actually make it to your gut. So it's
incredibly important that you're getting a good high-quality probiotic. Otherwise, those probiotics
are going to be burnt up in your stomach acid and never actually repopulate your colon. That
bacteria has a lot of stuff it has to get through. Digestive acids, bile salts, and enzymes. This is
why I really like seeds DS01 daily-sendbiotic. It's nested in a capsule delivery technology that
ensures precision entry through the small intestine to your colon. I love seed. It is well-backed,
scientifically studied. I also have a podcast with a founder if you guys want to go back and listen
to that and hear about what makes seed truly stand out above the rest. Also, can we just talk about
their packaging for a second? Is someone who is really concerned about the plastic in our landfill?
I am so obsessed with their sustainable monthly refill system. They give you a glass jar and a
little mini travel jar as well. Then every month you keep that jar and they send your new refillable
supplements in a compostable biobased pouch that you pour into that jar. This paper is made from
algae that would otherwise damage fragile marine ecosystems. All around, you can feel really good
about purchasing seed probiotics because you are also helping to offset all the plastic and all
the waste that we have in our landfills. So if you guys want to try seed probiotics today, please
go to seed.com slash real-foodology and use code real-foodology to redeem 30% off your first month
of seeds DS01 daily-sendbiotic. Again, that's seedseed.com slash real-foodology and make sure to use
code real-foodology. So around this time, I was also starting to get into this psilocybin
research. psilocybin is also known as magic mushrooms. You know, those mushrooms that made
everyone all wacky in the 70s. Yeah, so if you are not aware of what has been going on and you've
been living under a rock, there has been a lot of studies coming out recently, specifically about
psilocybin and its effects on the brain and how it can help people potentially with depression,
anxiety, PTSD, all sorts of mental issues. So actually, Michael Paulin wrote a book about this.
Incredible book. How to change your mind. And he dove into the science about this. And the
research is absolutely incredible that's coming out. I'm also just, I'm all four medicine of the
earth and, you know, what more, how more earthy can you get than psilocybin, you know? So I was
always very terrified of doing any sort of drug. I did not try anything until I was like 34,
probably, because I was a product of dare. I was a darekin in the 90s and it scared the
shit out of me. So I did not do anything until all this research started coming out. And I was
like, you know what? These mushrooms, they sound kind of cool. I'm going to try them out. I had a
one session in particular that was so incredibly healing. So I have done both guided psilocybin
journeys as they call them, where you have someone who guides you through it in a professional
setting. And then I've also done some with friends. And I will say that there was one in particular
that was very life changing for me and helped me realize a lot. So I will spare you all the details
just to keep some of its sacred. But I will say what was so beautiful about this particular one.
I was with a friend and I ate some. Actually, to be honest, it's a funny looking back. I think my
intuition knew that we were going to address this trauma. I don't know how. I don't know how to
explain it, but it was just the wildest thing. But I didn't know. I didn't go into it being like,
all right, let's heal some trauma. But that's what's really cool about mushrooms is that they really
show you what you need to look at. A friend of mine and I ate some. I ate a significant more amount
than he did. Because again, I think I was literally being guided. It was the most bizarre thing because
it was out of character for me to eat as much as I did. And he suggested that we watch this show,
which I'm forgetting when it's called right now. I'm going to Google it. If you guys know who
Duncan Trussell is, he's this amazing comedian. And he has a podcast and he wrote this show called,
I'm still Googling it bear with me here. It's called the midnight gospel. It's a very strange show.
But it really has some gems of wisdom in there. And there was this one episode that my friend was
like, hey, we should, or he was like, we should watch midnight gospel have you ever seen it.
And I was like, what is this? And it's like cartoon, just like takes you. I mean, it's like what
you would think. It's like how movies depict a mushroom journey. It was wild. We watched this one
episode. I was so drawn. I was like, whoa, this is crazy. I was like talking about meditation and like
just life in the universe. And it was really landing with me. And there was another episode
we're scrolling after that. I was like, oh my gosh, let's watch another one. By the way,
guys, this is not my normal MO. If you don't know me personally, this whole night, I would say,
it was just kind of out of character for me. I don't eat mushrooms and watch wild cartoons normally.
But this is an important part of the story. So there was this one episode we're scrolling through
and we're looking. And he, oh, I didn't fully share the premise of the cartoon. He has a podcast.
And he took some of a couple of his podcasts and turned them into cartoons. And if you just pay
attention to the cartoon, there's kind of a different storyline going on in the cartoon. Or
versus if you listen to the podcast, because what he does is he has this like a podcast interview,
like one of my interviews that I would do with someone. And then he just put that sound over a
cartoon. And the cartoon doesn't really fully align necessarily with, I don't want to say it
doesn't fully, but you can literally go down two different paths. Like you can either watch the
cartoon and it takes you on like a wild, weird, wacky storyline. Or you can listen to the podcast
and tune in. So anyways, it's an interesting show. I really liked Duncan Trussle. He has a lot
of pretty profound things to say. Anyways, I'm getting off track as I always do. So this episode was
about, he interviewed his mom. His mom was really sick and they knew that she didn't have a lot of
time left. And they decided to talk about her, his birth story. So he asks his mom about the birth
story is the most beautiful thing. I'm literally laughing, crying, loving this episode. And then it
takes a turn. So he's, they're giggling about his birth story and his mom's talking about him as
a kid. And it's this beautiful story. And then they start talking about death. We didn't even make
it through the end of the episode because I'm bawling at this point. And I look at my friend who
I'd never told the story of my brother and my sister dying. And I just start bawling. And he's like,
are you okay? And I was like, this is hitting me really hard right now. I lost my brother in my
sister. I'm very sensitive to death. He turns it off. And he's like, do you want to talk about it?
I, at that point, I'm like, oh, the mushrooms have like fully hit. I end up going to my parents'
bathroom floor and sitting on the floor and absolutely sobbing. When I say, I have never cried like
this before. I have never cried like this before in my life. I am the type of person that is very
scared to make other people uncomfortable. And if I was sober, I would have never cried like that
in front of someone else. I think now I'm different. And I would. In fact, I know because I've done a
lot of work in healing around this. But at the time, the fact that I was crying in front of him was,
I mean, but I couldn't hold it in. And I was looking at him going, are you okay? Are you okay? Can
you handle this? Can you hold this right now? Because this is a lot. And I don't, I can't hold
it in. And he just sat there and hugged me for probably an hour or two and just let me
sob it out. And I had this realization, as I'm crying, I'm telling him the story. And I was like,
I looked at him and I said, I'm realizing right now. I am, I don't know how it was, 33, 34,
say 33. I'm 33 years old. My sister died when I was eight. I have never cried like really,
really cried and like let it out until now because I was so worried about my parents. I was so scared.
I was going to make them worried about me. I was so scared to show that emotion. And I think I was
also scared to even face that. And this is the beautiful thing about psilocybin is that it allows
you to put down those walls and face the things that you need to face without any judgment, without
any concern that you're going to, you know, be too much for someone else or also it is allowed me
to face all these really scary feelings of grief that I was so terrified of even looking at
that I didn't even let myself have that grief because it was really scary and it was really heavy.
But the most beautiful thing happened. I physically felt a weight lifted off of my chest.
And as I was telling my friend what it happened with my little sister,
I paused and I looked at him and I said, oh my God, I cannot believe the words that just came out
of my mouth. I feel like this is the first time that I'm hearing what I went through.
And for someone who's not been through something really traumatic like that, you may not be able to
fully grasp and understand what I'm saying. But when you're eight years old and your sister is
essentially killed in front of you, you don't even understand what you went through and you don't
even know how traumatic that is. And I mean, it's just wild. Yeah, it fully blew my mind and it made
it made so much sense to me because I was like, of course, I don't understand what I went through.
I was eight years old. Like I was fully traumatized and I'd never taken the time to sit down and be like,
oh my God, this happened to me. This happened to me. This is wild.
Yeah. So after that, I was like, I'm a full believer in soul siphon. I think it can be an absolutely
magical and wonderful drug. When you use correctly, I also went through a guided journey, which
that one's very sacred to me and I'm not really going to share other than I essentially went
on a journey healing my inner child and forgiving my parents, forgiving myself for,
what was I forgiving myself for? Maybe for not being compassionate with myself about everything
that I went through. I also, I feel like because of this trauma that I went through as a child and not
addressing it or recognizing it and really just going through life with this really deep grief
and not understanding of what I fully went through, I was held back in many ways for a long time.
And I still feel as though I have a little tiny, little tiny judgment in the back of my head
about that because it took me a long time to get here, guys. It did. It took me a long time to
face my fears, which was my insane amount of grief that I was holding onto.
And just the recognition of what I had truly been through. And in many ways it held me back.
I realized now looking back that I was a very traumatized kid, guys.
I was very healthy in many ways, but I was also very incredibly shy. I had crazy amounts of
social anxiety. And man, I went through a very long emo phase. If any of my friends out there into
or if you had an emo alternative, like punk phase, I'm your girl. I went through a long phase of that.
And you know, guys, I say all of this with no judgment. Again, this is just me looking back
in hindsight that, yeah, I was pretty traumatized and I didn't know it. That's the thing. I didn't
know it. I thought I was okay. And it is okay that I was traumatized. And that's been a lot of my work
too is just having compassion for the fact that like, yeah, I'm behind or I don't want to say that.
But I felt like I was kind of behind, you know, everyone else, my age going after certain things
that they wanted and, you know, doing certain things. And I was really holding myself back,
but I didn't even know it if that makes sense. And that's all I really say.
That's all I really feel like sharing. But you know, a lot of my work has been compassion
for what I went through and acknowledging that that was not normal. That was crazy.
But also, also, also, it does not give me an excuse to be a victim of it either. And I will say that
is one thing that my mom was really, really good. I'm instilling in me at a very young age.
Thank God I never let this make me out to be a victim. I never held it as this like badge of honor.
Like, oh, I'm just, you know, effed up because I went through this crazy trauma. No, I went the
other route where I was just like, you know what? This is my story. And it's really sad. But like,
it is what it is. And you have two choices. In fact, after my little brother died,
my mom sat me down and she goes, Courtney, you have two choices in this matter. You can
become bitter or you can become better. And I chose to become better because what is the life
to live when you're just bitter and pointing fingers at everyone else? Because look, I said this
earlier, we all have our varying degrees of suffering in life. It is just a reality of being a human
on this planet. And we can never imagine what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. And we
can never compare. I would never compare what I went through to what someone else is going through,
has gone through. Because at the end of the day, pain is pain, right? And how can we,
you know, like, how can we judge that and other people? So what I realized is that it comes back
to personal responsibility because it's not my fault that this happened to me, but it's also not
anyone else's fault. I mean, I guess, you know, if I really wanted to become bitter, I could blame
the person who accidentally hit my sister. He was absolutely devastated, probably traumatized for
the rest of his life, devastated. Can you imagine living with that, like what he went through?
So I have nothing but compassion for that person because they were also a victim in their own way,
you know, of that. And it was not their fault. And I just decided that, you know, even though this
happened to me and it's unfair, life is unfair sometimes, guys. And there's no rhyme or reason.
And we can't, I mean, we can choose to become a victim or we can say, you know what?
This happened to me and it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility to deal with it.
Because if I don't deal with it, I'm going to make it everyone else's problem in my life.
And that's the last thing I want to do. So that was a lot of also why I was going down these
different modalities of therapy and so Simon and doing all this different stuff. So a couple
years ago, I discovered to be magnetic. And hopefully you listening, you've heard of it. It was
created by this woman, Lacey Phillips. I'm actually going to pull this up too because I feel like
I'm going to do a really bad job of describing what this is. Essentially, in layman's terms,
Lacey Phillips created this whole workshop of courses that you can sign up for. I pay like
$18 a month or something for it to access. So it's pretty accessible. She takes you through
these guided meditations and they are, it's like this, okay, it's this unique manifestation
process that's backed by neuroscience, psychology, EMDR, epigenetics, and energetics with a little
spirituality sprinkled on top. That is from her website. The premise of all of her courses
are raising your self-worth and stepping into your unique authenticity by reprogramming your
subconscious limiting beliefs that you picked up during childhood and throughout your life.
To be magnetic has been pretty profound for me. There are different courses you can do. You
can actually, oh, and I didn't say, so you can just buy like one of the courses. You can also pay
for the whole package, which is what I did. You can go through all of them and there's different
ones based on what you are struggling with. There's one for money and learning to be in an abundant
mindset. There's one about healing your inner child, which is what I did. There's another one for
love, healing your relationship with love. What's really interesting is when you start doing this
kind of work, you start seeing this patterning of why you are the way you are based on how you
grew up, your relationship with your parents, relationships that you've had with significant
others in your life, and a lot of it really does come down to your first relationships, which
was with your parents, and a lot of what you picked up during childhood. But basically the premise
of her entire work is you get to the bottom of where these limiting beliefs come from, limiting
beliefs are things that hold you back from your full potential. And by shedding light on why you
have these limiting beliefs, and you do a little bit more work around it, and you know, this kind of
neuroscience manifestations to rewire your brain around it, then you can rebuild those limiting
beliefs and change them to be something more positive. So like, for example, if you have like an
abandonment wound, and you go through a new reprogram, and you change your thinking around instead of
thinking, you know, everyone I date, abandons me, you can rewire it to, I'm abundant in love, and
I'm not being abandoned, and it's hard to explain if you haven't been through it. So I highly
recommend if you have not done it. I'm such a huge fan of of all of her work. I also, I'd
recommend going and listening to the podcast. That's where I got started as I started listening to
the B Magnetic podcast, and it blew me away. So that really helped me a lot. And I also got
introduced to breath work. There is a company called Open. They have a studio here in LA, and I go
to their classes periodically, or they also have an app where you can do breath work or guided
meditations. They have one every morning. It's just like a little 10 minute guided meditation
that will transparency. I haven't done it in a month or two, but I was on a pretty awesome
track for a while. They're doing one a morning, and it's 10 minutes, and it's a really great way
to start your day. So that's another great modality that has helped me a lot. Another one I've done,
which might be slightly more controversial, but hey, we are in the more in the truth circle
right now, truth corner, ketamine therapy. So I have had a ketamine therapist on the podcast,
because I'm going to go back and listen. I've also talked a little bit about my experience
there. When I say ketamine therapy, I'm not talking about like the street drug.
Obviously, it's the same thing, but I personally would never touch that. I'm terrified of
fentanyl and everything happening in our country right now with drugs, but that's all I say about
that. But ketamine therapy is done in different ways now. So there's a company called WonderMed
where they hook you up with a licensed practitioner and a nurse, and you sign a bunch of forms,
you have a consultation, and then they send you ketamine lozenges in the mail through a prescription.
And that is the only time I would ever do it, is through a prescription, because it comes from
a compounded pharmacy, and then they guide you through meditations while you take ketamine.
And it's pretty profound. It has a very similar effect that psilocybin does on the neural pathways
of the brain, which is really cool. Ketamine has also been studied pretty heavily, and so has MDMA.
We're not talking about MDMA today, but they have been studying psilocybin ketamine and MDMA
and the effects on the brain and the neural pathways of the brain, which is what made me get
interested in doing ketamine therapies. So the guided meditations and the journal prompting,
and then taking the ketamine really helps you to hone in on your subconscious. So there is
that company WonderMed, and I believe that there might be some other companies that will send out
prescription ketamine lozenges to you. It's under the supervision of a doctor and a nurse,
and it's through a pharmacy, so it's all supervised. But when I first heard about ketamine therapy,
it was actually through a girlfriend who was going through a divorce, and her and her husband,
both were going to a ketamine therapy clinic here in LA, which is such an amazing thing that
they have here. And I know they're popping up everywhere, so I know that they definitely
exist outside of LA as well. But basically what it is is a center that you can go to that has
doctors, nurses, therapists on staff, and they give you your own private room, they give you
a IV, or sometimes a subcutaneous injection. One of the other of ketamine that sends you on a
ketamine journey, and then they have a therapist come in afterwards and talk to you about what came
up for you. So there's this processing that you have afterwards of everything, and you know,
journal it and write it down, and all that. And what I really like about these clinics is they
also have, you know, staff on hand in case you have a freak out or like something goes wrong,
God forbid, I've never heard of anything going wrong. So I wouldn't worry about that too much,
but it is nice to have that comfort. If, you know, like my girlfriend loved that,
if there was ever a time that she was having a really tough time just like in, you know,
under the ketamine, all she'd have to do was like raise her hand and someone would come in and
they could pull her right out of it because they had some sort of drug that could just like bring,
you know, get it out of your system pretty quickly, bring you out of the ketamine journey. So
definitely something to look into. Like I said, there's been a lot of research. If you have any sort
of judgment around this, I highly encourage you one to look up all of the research that's coming out
right now. There's a company called Maps that's doing a lot of research on all this on all these
drugs right now, and also look up Michael Pollan and his book. It's called How to Change Your Mind.
And if you guys don't know who this guy is, he's literally my dad's age. I think he's like 70
and he decided to look into all the research of psilocybin. He looks into psychedelics in general,
but a lot of it is around psilocybin specifically, but he takes you on a journey in the book about
all the different drugs that he tries that have all this ancient wisdom and science to back it up.
And it's really cool. It's really fascinating and it really changes your mind a lot around
around these drugs and how much they can really be used as medicine for for humans to help us heal.
I want to take a second to talk about some of my favorite organifi products and why I love them.
When I first started getting into health, I was an avid juicer. I was buying fresh veggies every
couple days and wearing out my juicer and also wearing out myself by trying to constantly
juice vegetable juices because I wanted to flood my body with all of the nutrients, the phytonutriency
you get from green juices. But after a while, I was like, I cannot keep doing this every day and also
maintain my job, maintain my social life and everything else. But I really wanted to make sure that I had
a good high quality green juice that was organic and I knew that I could trust came from a good source.
So when I discovered organifi, I was so happy. They not only have a green juice, but they also
have a red juice. And I really like to mix them together because it really helps with the flavor
profile. And you're not only getting all of the green phytonutrients from the green juice,
but you're also getting all the antioxidants from the red juice. So it's like a win-win
situation. I also really love their chocolate gold. It's their low sugar hot chocolate mix.
And it's loaded with ingredients like lemon balm, turkey tail, magnesium chloride, and
racie. Oh, there's also turmeric in there as well. So it really helps to calm down your nervous
system before bed. And it really makes me sleepy. It also helps the digestion because you have the
turmeric in there. You have cinnamon, you have ginger, black pepper. So it's helping with digestion
and inflammation. I'm a really big fan of this. You can also put in your coffee in the morning and
it kind of helps to balance out the jitters that you might get from your morning coffee. And then
another product that I'm really loving and taking every single day is their liver reset.
Modern living is incredibly taxing on our liver. Like just existing is hard on our liver because
we are constantly being inundated with pesticides, heavy metals, environmental toxins, not to mention
if we drink alcohol that's also going to put a strain on our liver. So I think it's incredibly
important that we take something every single day to support our liver health. This product has
trifala in it. It also has dandelion, milk fissile, and artichoke extract, which all have been
scientifically backed and proven to provide protection for the liver. And then of course the
most important part about organifi products is that they are all organic and they go a step further
by guaranteeing that they are glyphosate residue free. Glyphosate is a known herbicide that is
sprayed on a lot of our crops these days. It's also sneaking into organic foods and it is a
known carcinogen. So it's incredibly important to make sure that we limit our exposure as much
as possible to glyphosate. If you guys want to try any of the organifi products and get 20% off,
go to organifi.com slash real-foodology. You're going to see all of my favorite products in that
store and you're also going to get 20% off. That's O-R-G-A-N-I-F-I.com slash real-foodology.
You know, all of this that I have been talking about, there's been kind of this common thread
in the conversation. I mean, there's been a couple, but one I would like to point out
is your subconscious operating without you even knowing. That is what has been really amazing
for me personally about the psilocybin, even the EMDR has helped with this as well. The ketamine
therapy and the TBI magnetic courses, they've all helped to bring to the surface things that were
in my subconscious that I was not aware was there. When you bring light to these things in your
subconscious, you start to realize you can start pointing these out and you start changing these
patterns and when they come up, you can go, oh, we're doing that thing again. We're going to
reroute that. It's cool because you bring an awareness around something that was before just
fully on autopilot. It allows you to have that autonomy over your experience and over your life.
It's like you're taking your power back again. It's what I was saying earlier where you are no
longer in this victim mode of like, why is this happening to me and you you find yourself empowered
because you're like, oh, okay. And then you also have compassion because you're like, I know
I am doing this thing. It's because I went through this thing when I was a kid or my parents didn't
show the love that I needed at the time to me. And so I'm doing this thing because what I really
want is love. It's so incredible, guys, and I can't tell you how life changing all this work
has been for me. And if you are very early on in your journey, and I would consider if you're
even listening to this episode, if you've made it this far, that you are on your journey right now,
even if it feels like you haven't started it yet, just even being curious is one of the first
steps. I mean, that was the first step for me. It was like, hmm, why am I like this? And why do I
keep suffering? And why do I what role am I playing in my suffering in life? And when I'm saying
journey right now, I'm I'm saying like healing journey is what I'm talking about. Basically,
what I'm saying is if you were in the beginning stages of trying to, I guess for a lack of a
better word, quote unquote, do the work on yourself, try not to get discouraged. I have been doing
this for a long time. Like, this is a long process. And it's, you know, it's that classic metaphor
that's used all the time. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion, you know, you peel back one
and then you realize, oh my gosh, there's another layer in here. Oh my gosh, there's a lot of layers
in here. It's definitely a journey. And I don't want people to get discouraged and think like,
oh my god, I have so much now that I have to do. Just start with one thing at a time that interests you.
You know, and let, let it slowly unfold naturally. And, you know, I found all of this different stuff
along the way as I think, I think it was presented to me when I was ready to face all of this stuff.
And by the way, I sit here telling you guys, knowing, knowing very full and well that
this will be a healing journey for the rest of my life. Like, I'm not sitting here being like,
I'm healed. I'm done. Guys, this is the finish line. Come, come with her. I'm like, no, no, no, no.
I'm, I feel like I'm just getting started. And I think this will be a lifetime journey. I hope
because my hope is to always be desiring to better myself and growing. I think growth is very
necessary and important part of life. Yeah, I just wanted to share my part of the part of my story
and where I'm at now because, you know, I mentioned earlier that I didn't realize I was going through
my childhood and my teens and my early 20s as a traumatized person.
I did not realize the full extent of healing that I really needed to find. And as a result,
I suffered a lot. I suffered a lot. And, you know, it's all part of my story. It's all part of my
journey. I really believe we have to, we have to get so sick of ourselves and our bullshit
that we start seeking ways to get out of our bullshit. And that's what happened to me.
I got so sick of my own bullshit. I was like, oh, man, this shit stinks. I got to do something
about this. What can I do? You know, and then just started digging. I was like, okay, therapy,
great. EMDR, great. What else have you got for me? What else can I do? And it's been a journey,
for sure. I think the last piece that I will say is one of the hardest parts of this healing
journey for me has been to be really honest with myself about how I've held myself back.
And this comes back to also while feeling that and feeling a little bit bummed and maybe a
little bit ashamed about holding myself back. I also have a lot of compassion for myself
because I'm like, Courtney, you went through a lot. It's okay. It was like normal. It's very normal
to have been traumatized after something crazy like that. I had to take real responsibility for
the role I've played in my own suffering. And that doesn't mean that I don't have compassion
for what I went through because I do. I think that you can hold all these feelings at the same time.
Being honest with myself, being like, Quart, you can't keep doing this. You know, like you went
through something real crazy and it was a lot and it was and it was really hard and it was scary
and it was traumatizing. And at the same time, we can have compassion for that. And I do, and I
have compassion for knowing that, man, I went through something crazy. And also, I can no longer
allow this to hold me back and it keeps me traumatized because now that I'm aware of it,
that's the beautiful thing. It's once you bring these things out of the subconscious and you make
them aware to you, that's where the real healing comes because then you can say, oh, okay,
like I know where this is coming from. And I already said that, but I just think it's important
to reiterate. So, well, that was a really heavy, heavy episode. You know what, guys, I want to take
a second to read the thing that I posted from Carnivore Relias because I think it was actually
really beautiful. I want to make sure I'm giving him credit for this or her, again, Carnivore Relias
wrote this on Instagram and I'm going to read it. Shout out to everyone here doing the work on
themselves. We've all inherited so much shit from our parents and grandparents' generations,
repressed emotions, absent parents, lack of love, seat oils, VPA, heavy metals. Basically,
the last 50 years, everyone has been so incredibly asleep because externally, everything was going
quite smoothly. However, the last 10 years, all of that has changed. And finally, the buck meets
the road with us all. It's fucking hard to get healthy and happier. It's painful, it's challenging,
it forces you to confront all your crap. And that's why they didn't do it before us. The way we
create a more beautiful world isn't by screaming at others to change. It's by taking the steps
each and every day to become the best versions of ourselves to run towards the pain and fear instead
of a way from it. Makes me incredibly optimistic seeing how many people are willing to do so.
I just love that so much. It's so beautiful. And it's such a great reminder that as we are all
so concerned, what can we do about the divisiveness in this country? And you know, it feels like everyone
hates each other and they're screaming at each other and everyone's getting invites online and
whatever. But it's such a great reminder that the best way that we can heal all of that is by
healing ourselves first. And by doing that, we encourage the people around us because they look
at you and they're going, oh my gosh, what are you doing? Your energy feels different. You look
more vibrant. You seem happier. And then it encourages them, encourages them to want to do the same.
And as we all individually heal and get healthier mentally, physically and happier, we collectively
become healthier and happier. So, oh, I didn't even mention this. This is a very last thing and then
I'm really going to go. This was a really big part of my overall health journey as well.
I got very into food and health when I was younger because I was looking back. I think it was because
I wanted to know how to keep myself and my family healthy because I was so terrified of losing
my parents and I didn't want to die young. And so I started on this journey of really unpacking
and understanding nutrition because it was a way to ensure at least some of the control around
being able to live longer and same with my parents, you know. And I realized along my journey,
as I started unpacking all the emotional trauma of everything that healthy is not just about what
you put in your body and on your body. It's also your mental state too. It's also your brain and
your emotions. So if you have always repressed emotions and this trauma that you're carrying around,
you're not going to, you're only going to be able to find so much healing until you're able to
figure out how to deal with that too. So basically this episode was a really long-winded way of me
saying why I got into nutrition and why I'm in the field I'm in and why I care so much. It's why
I want to go off to the food industry, the corruptness of it and why I'm so passionate about it
because I get so incredibly sad. I mean, guys, I literally, like, this is embarrassing,
to admit. I cry sometimes alone at night thinking about what is happening in this country right now
and how so many people don't have access to healthy food, healthy organic food, food that's not
sprayed with deadly pesticides and also how so many people are so incredibly confused on what
it means to be healthy. And then you look at this recent report that just came out about how the
food industry is paying dietitians to confuse the public even more and tell them the processed
food is fine and moderation and in fact it's quote-unquote healthy. I literally cry about this
stuff sometimes because it just breaks my heart because I know what it's like to lose a family
member and look, I know it's the reality of life we're all going to lose our family members and
we're all going to lose the people we love the most and it's a devastating thing to wrap your
brain around but it's even more devastating to know that when it comes to our food and our food
landscape this is something that we do have a lot of control over and this is something that we
can avoid. We can't avoid freak accidents, we can't but we can avoid the awful food like products
that are also destroying our health and leading to early death. So okay I'm going to leave you guys
with that. I hope you guys like the episode, um write me and let me know how you felt about it
I'm feeling very raw and vulnerable right now but I'm very happy that I shared it because now
you guys understand a little bit more about me and my why and why I started all of this in the
first place and what my motivation is behind it all so anyways I love you guys. Thank you so much
for listening to this week's episode of the Real Food Allege podcast. If you liked the episode
please leave a review in your podcast app to let me know. This is a resonant media production
produced by Drake Peterson and edited by Mike Fry. The theme song is called Heaven by the amazing
singer Georgie. Georgie is spelled with a J. For more amazing podcasts produced by my team go
to resonantmediagroup.com. I love you guys so much. See you next week. The content of this show is
for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical
and mental health advice and doesn't constitute a provider of patient relationship. I am a nutritionist
but I am not your nutritionist. As always talk to your doctor for your health team first.
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