Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Influency Podcast. This is episode number 355, and
today we have a mindset talk. So prepare your brain, prepare your thoughts, and
let's talk about mindset in English.
Today we're going to talk about dealing with criticism. Despite what you think, you will
never be able to avoid criticism by default. The only way to avoid criticism is to not
do anything, not to speak, not to take action, not to dare, because unfortunately people
have opinions, and sometimes those opinions are not going to be aligned with what you think
is right to do, and what you want to do, definitely not what you want to do.
So by definition, criticism is something that we cannot and should not avoid. Now,
wise criticism is so hard to manage, and why is the fear of criticism is one of the biggest
reasons that hold us back from speaking and from showing up publicly. And if you are a content
creator or a teacher or a business owner, sometimes it might even prevent you from showing up
and doing the work that you know you need to do for yourself and for your business. So why is that?
Because as human beings, we want to be accepted. We don't want to be rejected. We want to be a
part of the pack. We want to be a part of the group because rejection means potentially
inside our primal brain that operates in survival mode all the time. Rejection means
potentially death in, you know, ancient times. And while that's not the case, if you will be
rejected, it's not going to be a threat for the most part. We still have this core fear of being
rejected because when we are, it's hard to navigate inside our culture and our society when
you don't feel like you belong. So the need to belong is fundamental. We all need it. We all
want to be a part of the group. And unfortunately, we interpret criticism as rejection while it's
not criticism. It's just someone's opinion. Sometimes it may be relevant to you and sometimes it
may not be relevant to you. But when we are afraid of just the concept of criticism, we have to dig
deep and look at why that is and what are we really afraid of? So the fear of rejection, the fear of
not being good enough, right, being inadequate. That is another fear that we have. The fear of not
being loved, right, if we're thinking about it in a deeper way. But the question is, when you
are criticized specifically for your English, while we're talking about here, okay, the fear of
speaking up and then being criticized for your mistake, for getting stuck, for not being fluent
enough, for whatever reason, let me know what are the types of criticism that you're afraid of
when it comes to speaking in English. Because when you have that fear, think about it.
If you constantly are afraid of being criticized for your grammar mistakes or your pronunciation
mistake, how likely are you to feel comfortable speaking when you're constantly judging yourself
in filtering what you say so that what comes out is perfect so that you won't get criticized.
How much of that authentic free energy that you have in your first language is expressed in
English when you are constantly filtering yourself out. It's almost impossible to have the same
freedom that you have when you don't judge yourself and when you don't criticize yourself
to when you do to when you are afraid of someone else's opinions. And here's the bottom line.
Criticism, like I said at the beginning, criticism is something that happens when you choose to
open your mouth and be vulnerable. Avoiding criticism is only going to prevent you from doing what
you need to do to improve and from doing what you need to do to get what you want.
So it's not a question of how can I be perfect so that I don't get criticized. The question is
how will I change or how am I willing to change what I believe about criticism so that it doesn't
bother me and it doesn't stop me from doing what I need to do. You know, we grow up learning to
please people. Make people happy around us. And we do that because we don't want to get
criticized. We want to be loved. We want to be accepted. We don't want to change the status quo.
Most people, some people do. But most people, and I'm one of them, right? Like I love pleasing people.
You know, I was a very obedient child and student and I don't like to challenge authority or at
least most of my life. I didn't like to challenge authority. And as a result, you don't dare to do
the things that you can do and should do. Imagine what your life would look like if you spend as much
time as you spend pleasing other people or the thought that goes into pleasing other people and
making people happy. If you spend all of that energy and time into pleasing yourself,
doing the things that you want to do. What would your life look like if you did that?
Instead of always thinking, okay, will they appreciate it if I say this or that? Or what would I
say to be accepted? And again, don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's good to say things that you know
will be welcomed in a certain room. Sometimes we need to say the things that would make it easier
for us to get by. But sometimes we are so used to saying things that we think people want to hear
that we don't even know what we want to say. It's all about this external perception of what people
expect of you to say and how they expect of you to be and what they expect you to do. And then
that's what drives us. Sometimes instead of just listening closely to the voice inside of us,
telling us what we really want to do and what we really want to say. And the reason why it's also
interconnected because what I'm saying now is not about English, but it is about English because
being afraid of showing up in English because of criticism is ultimately what is preventing you
from speaking up more and by that improving your fluency and flow because if you don't speak,
you don't improve and actually doing things that will make a change in your life and in the
circumstances of your life. So today what I want to leave you with is first of all the understanding
that criticism is an integral part of speaking up and people will always have opinions. You cannot
change that. So are you going to live your life avoiding this confrontation with their opinions or
are you going to live your life knowing that other people's opinions of you are none of your business.
Doesn't matter. They're entitled to having their thoughts. They can even share them. But when you
hear that, how do you interpret it? Do you use that as validation of the worst things that you think
about yourself of what your inner critic says to you or do you use that as a reason for you to show
them who you really are? So how you interpret criticism really matters here. It doesn't mean that
you're not good enough. It does not mean that you're not worthy. It just means that they have an
opinion and it also means that you did something right because you showed up. Causing trouble is not
a bad thing. Getting people angry or frustrated with the fact that you got stuck or that you've made a
mistake is not a bad thing because it really does show that you're doing what you're meant to do,
which is to speak. And only through making mistakes, you're able to learn and improve. Mistakes is the
only way to learn. I always say that. Okay. So that is what I want to leave you with. And also think
about this idea of pleasing people. And if you are a people pleaser, then how would your life look
like if you decided to invest all that energy of pleasing others into pleasing yourself?
Making sure that you are happy with who you are, what you say, and what you do. Okay. Yeah.
We have a few people pleasers here. I'm one of them. And I'm always learning. Like every time I have
that emotion of, oh, wait, this does not feel right. This does not feel aligned with how I want to feel
what's happening now. And then I ask myself, am I doing this just to make other people happy?
Or am I doing this because I really want to do it? All right. Thank you for being here with me today.
On this mindset talk. Have a beautiful, beautiful day. Love you all. Take care. Bye.