127 - Eating Aspergers w/ Mark Normand - The Josh Potter Show

Here we go! Oh. I've been coming for this while I know I don't give it my history. The inner city lacks. Hey, how are you everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Josh Potter Show. The first ever episode released on our new daily, or our new weekly release Wednesday is the new day that we release episodes. Remember that folks, I don't want to hear any bullshit in the chat. It's about Tuesday in the missing episode. No, it's Wednesdays now. And it's the first ever away game here inside the gas digital studio. Oh, first ever. Yeah, first away game and we have a great gas mark, Normans here. How are you buddy? Hey, put a tell down. We're breaking highments. Good to be here. Good to see you buddy. It's been a while. Yeah, it's been a great while I'd imagine. I can't remember the last, Braya or something like that. Maybe Braya before COVID. Oh, wow, pre-COVID Braya. That was a fun weekend. And I think we met in Buffalo in 2015. Yeah, it was like New Year's Day or something like that, wasn't it? Or like New Year's Weekend? Yeah, I didn't sell three tickets. We all bombed and we got bombed after my... Oh my God. I got so drunk that I lost my car. That's right. My car got towed. I forgot about that. I parked it somewhere, like in a school parking lot or something. Yeah. And then came out and the car was gone. Or we saw it getting taken away or somebody told us, I don't remember, but then somebody gave us a ride. Because it was really Uber's then. No Uber. Whoa, that's weird. So it's like we were fucked and then a guy just was like, are you from the radio? And I was like, yeah. Yes. I was like, get my truck. I remember you falling out of the bed at one point of the truck and you just rolled on the cement and got right up. You're like a little tank. You can't break you. I'm a little more rubbery. Yeah. I think you're already broken. Yeah, exactly. You can't break what's already... Exactly. And through a pile of glass on the ground, it's going to still be a pile of glass. Also, your glasses are like goggles. They're so thick that your face is protected. That's actually on purpose. Because if I had an object come at me, I need to have all the... Everyone's like, oh, you should get context. If I got context, a ball hits me in the head. I'm blind forever. Good point. So here we go. I got these protective things. And if something in the wind is blowing. Yeah. Yeah. You're catching me from bugs. You ever see jizz on myglasses.com? Yes. That's a classic. I used to love that one. I want to get a... check the squirt on my glasses. Ooh. Now we're talking. That's a sight. Squirt on my glasses. Yeah. Get that going there, poor and hub. I went down to the girl once she squirted it in my face and it was so cool. Oh, yeah. That's the best. Yeah. I didn't know they could do it from oral. It's wild how many can do it. Yeah. It's actually something where it's like, oh, I think they're learning how to do it. It's like robots are becoming aware. They're figuring out that the pussies can squirt now. Isn't it weird that I grew up in the 80s and 90s? And you didn't hear one thing about squirting. Or really anal was like this crazy thing. Now anal's like first date or you do it in church. Well, not just anal. It's like now the tongue's in the ass. Oh, yeah. Before you kiss. Eatin' ass. Assburger. But now it's almost like the sun-dried tomato. It wasn't here, then one day it's just here. Now it's all we talk about. Yeah, it's like the Atkins diet. Yes. Yes, exactly. Exactly. But yeah, no, I mean anal was like this thing. It's still kind of like because it is a to-do. Sure. It's a to-do-do. Yeah. It's a real undertaking. Oh, yeah. So I'm married. And so she's like, hey, we're married now. Put it right in the keister and I can't do it. It's like too tight. We need lube. We have a candle. We have white noise playing. She has to go on dietary restrictions the day before. Yes. It's like that the planning is really what makes it not sexy. It's a nightmare and it's too tight. We can't get it and I'm not well-endowed or anything. But I cannot penetrate this be-hole. There's been a couple that I've come across that they go like, yeah, let's do it. And then the same thing where it's like, this isn't fun. No, no. But they're like, you're not putting it in right. Oh, geez. I go, well, sorry. You ever watch porn bloopers? Oh, yeah. Oh, those are one time I saw this is the best one I ever saw. This guy's banging a lady and it slips out and goes in her ass. And she's like, ahhh! And then he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And she goes, I've always wanted to try and just keep going. And I was like, whoa. Whoa, that's fun. So it just kind of worked out. It's like, not even a, was that, it's like, makes you wonder, was that a blooper? Oh! Or was that just really great acting on both parts? Well, it was, I mean, this was Daniel Gay-Lewis. This was like, dead, this was really, Meryl Streep. Yeah, there was a bad really. We had a porn star on last week that told us that she tore her ass twice. Oh, tore ass! Yeah, but it's like, that sounds more devastating than it actually is. And it's like, from what she said, it's like a paper cut. Oh, okay, okay. Because yeah, there's quite a little aperture in there. It's a balloon knot, so it's probably easy to slice it. Sure, it's like you get a little stretched. Right. And it's got a little like, you know, tear there. So what do you do? Because you got a shit. You got to go on and open it. Well, that's what I, I didn't get into the nitty gritty of all that. I didn't want to really tear down the walls, you know what I'm saying? See how the sausage is made? But I, you know, she said, you know, you just got to like rest for two weeks or something like that. No dicks in there. Yeah. Obviously, or anything else. But yeah, when you shit, that could be an infection. Yes, exactly. And you know what else is crazy? This is what's so nutty about the vagina. And now we're really getting deep into Dr. Drew. The vagina monologues. Yeah. But the butthole and the vagina hole are so eerily close. And like, if you get shit in the vagina, it'll fuck it up. Yeah. So it's weird that they're that. It's almost like having a black panther and a Klansman next door to each other. And there's just a little strip of grass in between. And you're like, you guys don't get along, but yet you're right there. I had a purse. The one time I actually had anal sex was with my girlfriend at the time. And she told me to go back and forth. What? And then got pissed at me because I did. Wait. She was like, yeah, put it back in my pussy. And then I did. And then she was like later on the next day or whatever, because she had difficulties. She was like, why would you do that? And I was like, you said. Yeah. I didn't know. You got to get that right. Who the hell am I? A fucking doctor? Yeah, you asked me to. I didn't know. I didn't know. You should have known it was going to fuck things up. I didn't know any better. Then they had dirty poop. Nah, you got poop in your pussy. Ooh, that's a horrible children's book. That's a real like, you got peanut butter in my chocolate. That's right. That's what it looks like when you get shit on your pubes. It looks like peanut butter in a carpet. I haven't gotten shit on my pubes, I don't think. Well, you haven't lived in. I got it. How did that happen? Well, I've done my fair share of butt stuff. Oh, I see their shit. Not you. Yeah, their shit. Their shit. I hooked up with a lady once and we didn't have a condom. And she was like, well, just put it in my ass then. And I was like, wow, that is interesting logic. Because she thought like, oh, I don't want to get pregnant. So just put it in my ass. Oh, that makes, well, yeah, that's like the old Catholic girls. God's hole. Yeah, God's hole, yeah. So I go, all right. And then, you know, it was all well and good. We had a good time. And then I pull out and I'm just covered in, it looked like I did like a Dairy Queen chocolate dip, you know, with the cone. Oh my gosh, you just thought it was like wetness from something else. Yeah, yeah. I was just like, seeing feces on your skin is very like jarring. Oh, yeah. And it was a lot of it. So I had to, I just ran into the bathroom and I didn't want to make her feel bad. So she was like, what's going on in there? I was like, oh, I had to piss really bad. She didn't know it was really shit everywhere. Well, it was just on me. It wasn't everywhere. It wasn't like on the bed or anything. But it had like really splattered on me quite a bit. So it was just a quick burst. It wasn't. Yes. I see. But it was a healthy amount. I've had those myself. I can kind of picture what happened there. Yeah, that's why I'm not too big into the back door. I'll put a tongue in. I'll put a finger in. But to me, it's, I don't know if they like it. You like notoriously got sick from the tongue. Yes, H.Pylori. Yeah, that's something that's, I mean, now I'm terrified of that. It's scary. Well, you got to really get a spoon and a napkin on my shirt. I mean, yeah, you must add a hearty, hearty dose. That's wild. Yeah, I think I ate some shit. I took a corn at one point. I felt like, oh shit. But yeah, yeah, I was trying to be a, you know, giving generous lover. Oh my Lord. And it was right when the butt eating was, it was like a craze. Yes. Everybody was doing it. It was like COVID. Everybody's doing it again. It was like pickleball. Yeah, pickleball. Everybody's doing it. Today's Josh Potter show is brought to us by DoorDash. And right now they've got going on the dash pass. It's the easiest way to get whatever you want, whatever you need. Delivered for less. 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Big JU. I could have killed a bunch of people. I think you were driving the Tracy Morgan car. Yeah, I wish. I would have a lot more money. That's true. I wouldn't see me again. I'd be gone. So you went to the game and you don't have any skin in that? No, it was Kansas City Quiefs versus the Philadelphia Kegels. I had two Philly guys with me and I'm a Saints douche. I'm from New Orleans. I had no skin, but I was on shrooms. I'm not the biggest sports guy. I was like, well, if we're going to the Super Bowl, I'm going to really make a meal out of it. I'm doing shrooms and I'm getting drunk. We had great seats. It was a great game, but that fucking Rihanna show was really the highlight. Oh, on shrooms? I can't even imagine. I mean, she's up on the top deck of those weird platforms. She looked like Super Mario and I was like, this might be the most elaborate abortion of all time. Could you tell she was pregnant from where you were seated? You could. Yeah, we had great seats and I was like, she looks thick. You got such good seats. You could tell. You're like, I don't know. First try, Master. I could see a little umbilical coming down. But it was great and it was so elaborate and fun and I knew it's weird because you know all the songs. He's like, oh, I've heard these on the radio. So I was just like, at one point, Gillis looks at me and he's like, ah, and I was like, just mesmerized. The songs were like, just coming at you. You took bets on what song she was going to play at this party. I was at it and if one of the ones that you bet on came up, you had to do a shot. So we all picked three and only one song that I picked and multiple people. That's how many songs she has. It's crazy. Wow. There's like six songs she didn't do. Really? And you're like, I can't believe how many songs. Like, where have I been? Yeah, I mean, I thought I thought she did her whole catalog. Yeah, I knew every word of everyone. And I go, oh, yeah, that song. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then the ones that I picked, not even in there. Damn. Crazy. What a boomer. I know. I don't you feel my phone just updated today. And I don't even know my way around it. I hate the update. It's a bummer because now you got to get used to it. And you got to figure it out. And your phone, you want it to just be familial and just boob, boob, boob, boob. I mean, I'm in, I'm out. But now you're just one thing and I'm lost. Same. I feel like such an old piece of shit. I know. But just remember, you updated it months ago and you got used to that. So it will come. Yeah, eventually. But someday I'll just stop being able to adapt. I feel like, you know, yeah, I think you get old and you get, you just get care less. Yeah, I'm not doing Snapchat. No, I'm out. Yeah, there's, yeah, you just start going like dropping apps. Yeah. Or they make a new one. You're like, I'm not, there's no chance I'm learning a new fucking app. And I hate the accounts and the signing in and the password protected and the pin code, the login. I'm so sick of that. It's even scarier when they're like, you want to just link them all together? Oh, I don't think so. No, I don't think I do. I don't want to. They get into one. They get all of them. So you're fucked. Yeah, that's terrifying. So at the Super Bowl, did you, because you did have wonderful seats and I'd imagine great access and things like that. Did you run into it? You said Guy Fieri and the other celebs. Well, let's see. Guy Fieri did a something's burning, you know, a cooking show and he was the coolest guy, you know, you know, I'm a comic. I'm a cynical cunt. So you always got Guy Fieri fucking peroxide blonde hair, flames on the shirt, sunglasses on the neck. And then you meet him and you're like, no, he's fucking awesome. Who am I kidding? Yeah, he's great. It was Shane Torres has a joke about him. Yes, exactly. Great joke. I wanted to bring that up, but I was like, I, he's probably heard that a million times. He is like the Nickelback of people though, people are like shit on Nickelback and you meet Nickelback. They're pretty cool. And I was like, I know like eight of your songs. Yeah. I always say, Fieri is like Anthony Bourdain if he wasn't depressed. That's funny. You know, because he's like on the road, he's doing food. Yeah, yeah. He's like not emo Anthony Bourdain. He's just like fucking fun Hulk Hogan version of that. Right. He's like monster drink if it was a person. And he was super, he walked up and you know, he has a presence. He's got the colors and the hair and the jewelry. And he goes, boys, what's shaking? And you're like, hey, and you immediately like, hey, you kind of like kiss his ass. Yeah. And then he just pulls out like a cigar box and he hands us all cigars. So I start lighting when he goes, ah, let me show you like you're doing it all wrong. And I'm like, oh, he lit it. I just wanted to blow him. Oh my God. He's like a man. Yeah, that's the cigar thing is interesting because I feel like a child when I smoke a cigar. Yeah, because of that, because of that energy that someone else will bring to the circle where they're like, let me show you how to fucking cut that. Exactly. You're like, okay, thanks, dad. Yes, it was very dad-ish. And then he went on the show and like kind of like showed Bert what's what a lot of man's playing it was cool. In terms of cooking. Yeah. And wash your hands. Step one. Yeah, Bert. What the fuck? Wash those hands, will you? But yeah, great guy. And then like Theo is at the Super Bowl. We saw Drake. Oh, wow. We went to a Drake show at like two in the morning in an airplane hanger. A lot of NFL players came in the green room after the shows and you know, Shane and Jay are like, that's a bill. That's a stealer. That's a packer. That's a cow boy. And you're like, holy shit. Yeah, as a giant bill fan, I'm so jealous of like Shane's relationship that he's got with Gabe Davis now. Oh, they're like thick as I know it's crazy. I mean, it's cool. And he was telling me about it at Skankfest, but I saw he was talking about it on Rogue and how he like got his jersey. Everyone just thought he had Down syndrome. I always wondered that because there are athletes that won't give autographs or nurture like their gloves or whatever to adults. And I always say, I go, how do they know they're not something? Oh, yeah. What if they get caught being like no to an adult and that adult actually like is autistic or whatever. It's a lot of that out there. You shouldn't. I think they should like, you know, revise their strategy a little bit. Yeah, that's a good call. Yeah. But he is the coolest guy, the sweetest guy. Oh, sure. Like I'm a nerd. I'm we went to some house party for a Seguan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Seguan Barkley. Yeah. So I, you know, I'm the shortest guy there by a foot and a half. Everybody's got chains on and cool sneakers and all this shit. And I'm wearing like, you know, a bare naked lady shirt or something and Crocs. And I show up and you just feel like a door. It's like high school again. Yeah. And this rap music playing, there's a pool outside with hot women and everybody's gorgeous and sexy. And you're just like, what am I doing here? But he made you feel like, oh, I got you. Come on in. Oh, that's cool. He was the coolest guy. Yeah. I don't, I don't know how I'd ferret those parties. I wonder. I think I'd just be like really awkward. You feel it. You feel it. And they feel like, who's this guy? Yeah. Who's this narc? You're clearly not a player. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm a Jewish agent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice to be. I'm a coach. Yeah. Someday you're going to see me. I'm be a receivers coach. Right. Right. Look out. But that's the cool thing about I've met a few UFC fighters and I've met a few NFL players. They're big and strong and secure and they're not mean because they're, it's the nerds who are mean. It's the dewebs who are like, fuck you. They got a chip on their shoulder. These guys are like, I'm living. I'm getting laid. I'm making money. I'm six, four, six, eight. Yeah. That is true. There's something like docile about them. Yes. They're like, I'm so fucking angry. I've seen what's coming in my ball. It's the yappy dog versus like the Saint Bernard is like, hey, what's your bro? Right. That's a great point. I, I'd like to go to those parties though and see what's up. Fun to see. Fun to see. Did you ever do the bussing with the boys podcast? I didn't, but I met those guys. Yeah. So Taylor Luan, he is formerly of the Titans now. He just got released. Oh. But he's, you know, he's 10 years in. He's got his podcast. He's going to be like just fine. Okay. So that's something fucked up. He showed up to his house after his release and he posted a photograph on social media of it that I'm sure Rob will put in post here, but it was several garbage bags of his stuff that he had in his locker. And they were just like, here you go. And they just threw it on his porch. Isn't that after 10 years? It's like a divorce. Like get out of here. Take your shit. It's fucked up, isn't it? Yeah. And like NFL's got money. Yeah. Throw that shit in the bin. The Tennessee Titans have money. Yeah. And it's like one of your best players that you've ever had. That's hard. Shrew them nice. Yeah. I mean, have you ever been in a job like that where it's like there's no loyalty even after so long? Totally. I mean, I worked every, I was a busboy, furniture mover, janitor. I remember when I quit being a janitor, they go, all right, well, you have to replace yourself. And I was like, huh, I've never heard of that. Yeah, that's wild. And they were like, yeah, you have to find a replacement. I was like, I think they were just lying to me, but I was so dumb and naive. I was like, okay. So I called every guy I know. And I was like, you want to be a janitor? I'm like, no, I'm a work in office. So I finally found one guy and then he got fired quickly. But I was like, now it's on you. It's always like a good system. Horrible system. You want the guy that's quitting org is about to get fired to like replace himself with the same thing? Right. Right. I've never heard of that. We all did that with relationships. Yeah. If I could die, you got a new chip for me. Your sister. Yeah. True story, but yeah, I mean, jobs, you know, it's you see comedy club waitresses. They come and go. It's so much turnover. It's crazy. I had a I mean, I worked in radio for the same company for so long and I always thought I'm like, they're going to take care of me someday. Yeah. And then it just never happened and I just left. Right. It was like the best thing that ever happened to me. But it was like, I don't know why I thought some corporation was going to like hook me up someday. Yeah. For all my hard work, you know, it's just cops. Yeah, they get the pension or whatever. Right. They're like, 20 years and they can just go peace. Yeah. And they don't have to replace themselves either. No, no, no, but aren't you glad you're out of radio? I mean, look at you doing this. Radio is kind of dying. Oh, I'm so glad I dodged a bullet. Like I got in as the door closed and I got out as the just the house blew up. I mean, it was COVID would have I would be dead right now, probably like I'd be. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I would not have a job for sure. And was it early morning shit? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a nightmare. It was bad. I mean, it got I figured it out. I was doing shows at night, sleeping like three hours and then going to work and then sleeping. It was a it was a pace that I couldn't keep up with anymore. That's for sure. Like we had to be here at one today. We're doing this pot at one and that was like, all right, I got to I got to step up here one o'clock. I had to be here at 11. That was like I was like, fuck man, I got to really like set two alarms. Yes. You know what I mean? Like pre noon is is a is a is a mountain to climb. I mean, I mean, that's just don't you ever think though, like we're children? Of course. I mean, I think that every day I just go like there's people I don't some days I don't do anything. Yeah. We tell jokes for a living. We eat junk food. We want people to like us. We watch sports. We play video games. Yeah, we're children. It's so crazy. I mean, like I'm so happy that I'm doing it, but then I'm like, this is nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is crazy. Well, like I'm married, but you know, you're you're dating. Yeah. And every girl is like, Hey, your comedian. You're like, Oh, you're probably that's so cool. You do your own thing. And then they're like, you want to get dinner and you're like, I can't. Right. Four shows or three shows. And they're like, huh? And I'm like, I thought you liked the comedy thing. And they're like, no, I do, but I saw a hangout with you. My last girlfriend was like that was like, well, can we hang out on Saturday? It's like, I'm going to be in Dallas. Yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm home on Monday. Right. And then you're at work, you know, what exactly? And then I always flip it on them. I'm like, well, you what, what about we get lunch? Oh, yeah, my job when you have good work. It's not a big to do. Yeah. You can all cry when you know, it's Tuesday at noon and you're not around. Yeah. Women like the night because the night is like dinner, movie, Broadway show, bar, drink. Yeah. The day is so much better though. The day. I love a day drink. I like going to a empty bar in the day. Oh, yeah. The season's empty. The routines. Totally. Everyone's at work and you like can bask in the fact that you're not. Yeah. You like to watch a movie at like two. Oh, I love it. That's the best. I go alone like Don Draper. Yes. I walk in there and sit down. No one knows. I do the same Alamo draft house. I get a meal, I get a beer and just kick back. There's nothing better. Oh, it's the greatest. The day is the best for that kind of shit for sure. Yeah. Now you said you're, you got married recently. Mm hmm. And Tom Brady has been all over the place, you know, divorcing. Yeah. His lady and now he's retired. But did you hear he's doing stand or wants to do stand up? I did. That's an offensive line. It's like how bad was the fucking. Sorry. That's good. I had to throw it in. I fucking didn't catch it at first. I'm bad. Dude, I just did the anus pod yesterday with Barstool. It's with these two guys, KB and Nick. And they're so funny, but they're like math funny like that. And it takes me like I'm dumb. Right. Like numbers and I'm like, what? I know it's so fucking slow. But how bad could his divorce have been that he's choosing to do stand up? You think it's going to be like one of these one and done things? Yeah, I think it's like a bucket list bullshit. I mean, Connie Chung did stand up for Tensei of Stormy Daniels did stand up for 10 seconds. You know, they all think like, oh, because the problem with stand up is there's no barrier to entry. Like, I'll be in a bag. I'll be a rock star. All right. Well, here's a, here's a book and a guitar and go take two years to learn it. So they go, oh fuck that. Yeah. But stand up. They're going, I've gotten a laugh at a Christmas party. I'll just do that in front of people and a microphone and it's hard. And if you're Tom Brady, you can hire somebody to like write it. Dah, good point. Yeah. And then you just deliver it, I guess. But he doesn't seem, I mean, I've never met the guy and no offense to him, but he just doesn't have, he doesn't have that in him. No, I don't see it either. I don't know what he's, he seems very like chill. Yeah. Which is fine, but it's like, you know, there's stand ups like that, but he just doesn't and like, admit any like, I'm going to speak for a long period of time here. 100%. Yeah. It's very bizarre that he's deciding this. I just thought it was maybe his divorce was such a nightmare. Yeah. He's like, now the Joker, you know, he's getting up there. Well, his new lady is a nothing to sneeze at. That's true. He's not going to have any hard time. Like, it's not like he's not going to get any pussy ever again. No, he'll be fine. And he's got this new broadcast contract. Oh, sure. He's, it's like 300 million or whatever. So he's fine. Oh my God. It's the craziest broadcast contract. He's not going to be a fucking romantic contract in the history of time. Really? He does. No one even knows if he's good at it. That's true. He's got a 10 year deal for however many millions of dollars that you just suggested. Wow. It's crazy. And then the guy like that he's Greg Olson, who he's replacing is like really good. Oh, yeah. And now he has to take a pay cut. Yeah. He's moving to like the second chair. Whoa. So he's fucked and he's out. Fuck, he's going to be fine, but it's like they're fucking him over. Yeah. Tom Brady, who they don't even know, like Tony Romo does the analysis shit. Sure. And he came out of the gate so good. He's great. Well, not anymore. Oh, really? He's really falling off. Really? Yeah. Because the problem is he came out and he was just the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys like the year before. But he's got charisma. Yeah, he's still up there doing his thing, but he's not the thing is he doesn't know what he's talking about anymore because he was the Cowboys quarterback. So he knew these teams when he was covering them. Oh, he's out. He's out. He's just studied. Yeah. Now he doesn't study shit. He's not learning who the new people are. He doesn't know what they're like doing necessarily. Like if you notice, he stopped guessing the plays because he's been getting them wrong. Oh, I didn't notice that. And he's been just like saying shit that's generic and just kind of like really like people are like, you got to buckle down and start doing some homework. It's like the comic who is great at one point and then you see him later and like working out at Gotham and they're like, what's up with gluten? Yeah, we did that 20 years ago. There's scrape in the barrel for something. They're just like, yeah, you get the, you know, how they lost the step. But I wonder if broadcasters are looking at Tom Brady, the way comics are looking at Tom Brady, like, wait, wait, no, no, will you come into this world now? This is my shit. You can't do that. There's some guy who went to fucking Syracuse. Yeah. He's like, I've been over here on a mic for two decades. Yeah, I worked my way up. I did the grind. I did the whole thing. And now you're just popping on. Right. That's crazy about it. Same with like Greg Olson who like worked at other networks and worked his way up after he retired. Exactly. And now he's like, I'm the top broadcast and Tom Brady's like, oh, that'll be my chair. Thanks. Whenever I decide, that was the whole deal whenever he like wanted to retire. Right. You know what we got to do is just to just to get, let Tom Brady know how fucked up this is, how about you play for the Vikings? We got Josh Potter in QB at the Vikings or tight end and they're going to go, what are you crazy? That's how we feel. Yeah, no, it's great. It's like with stand up, like you said, everybody thinks they can just get up and do it. Yeah. I feel like it's the same with broadcasting too. They're like, well, I'm just going to talk about football and you don't even have to be funny. No, not at all. You just have to say what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Like in a coherent way that's not jarring to the game, right? There are tons of people out there that are just like super shitty at it and they're just jarring people. I know. And then they stay in the local. I always, that's what the ones I like to listen to. We play them on this program quite a bit. But yeah, no, I'm sorry to get autistic about broadcast. Oh, I get it. People like, we all kind of shit on acting. You know, people are like, oh, make believe and you get paid millions of dollars. Well, it must be so hard to be an actor. But then I've acted in stuff and I watched the reels and I'm like, so bad. And I'm like, I guess acting is a real thing. Yeah, yeah. Like you have to be good. Do you ever think you have to be like a real sociopath to act? Oh, they're all crazy. They're literally loony too. I'm learning this now, living in Los Angeles that you meet an actress or whatever and they're like, oh, you don't really know who you are. Yes. Yes. You're always like drifting around in these personalities. Totally. It's really strange. You know what's weird about actors? We all go, I love Tom Hanks. I love Denzel and you're like, but why? You don't know anything about them. You only know them playing another person. You don't know their opinions. A collection of other people. That's like, you know, like I just like everything he's in. It's like, yeah, but you don't even really know who that guy is. Exactly. At least with stand ups, you get a feel for who they are and what they give a shit about or how they think. Yeah. They're like, oh, I'm up and they put on a real ruse. Well, that's true. Yeah. We all know the guy who's like upping the Boston accent or upping the Mexican thing. Yeah. And you're like, I'm a nice guy. And then they come off stage and they're like, you stupid fucking cunt. Cosby. Yeah. Cosby was the king of that. Yeah, that's exactly true. That's the most extreme example, but there are gray areas too where it's not quite Cosby, but they're just like, well, that guy's kind of a prick, huh? Yeah. Yeah. What happened to that nice guy I saw on stage there? I heard Bob Newhart just kill. He has like slaves. No. Today. Yeah. Well, let's play the news song. It's time for the news. Hell yeah. News time. Oops, I'm losing my papers. So you did get married recently. There was a marriage story that I had in here. Ooh. Oh, it's because it was about now, say your wife, you know, she didn't want to do it, right? Do anal? No, do the marriage. Oh, yeah. No, that was me. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She wanted it pretty bad, I guess. But in this case, okay, so this guy, his bride actually died during the wedding. Didn't leave just died during it. What an out. Yeah, right. But he didn't get out because according to the rituals of this culture, she was immediately replaced with her sister. Shut the fuck. Where are we here? This is happening in India. Okay. I didn't want to say it. According to that, I was going to, I should have had you guess. Yeah. Well, I thought it would have been a sticky wicked if I, if I did that though, that would have been a mean like gotcha moment. If I was like, guess where this is happening. Yeah, yeah. And then he said the wrong thing. She was 18 in India says the bride's name was Hetl. And she was the daughter of a man identified as a Jannabe Rathor. And she was in the process of marrying the son of this person. Hetl reportedly said she felt dizzy before fainting and then she died. Whoa. That's kind of nuts. Like, I wonder if there was like, I can't marry this fucking bitch. Yeah. And then you'll fall play. The little poise. Yeah. And then he thinks he's good. And then they got bad news for him. We got to marry the fucking sister. Maybe he wanted the sister. Hetl, more like Settle. Am I right? But yeah, now this is something up here. Yeah. So the doctors told her she had died of a heart attack after she was rushed to the hospital nearby. Even as the family mourned the death of Hetl relatives proposed an alternative plan to ensure the wedding celebrations continued. Hetl's body was reportedly kept cold in storage until the ceremony was over. Jesus. According to the news, the family then decided to marry Hetl's younger sister to the man instead. Oh my lord. Now, what did she have a say? I don't. It doesn't say that these articles sometimes I get pissed because it's like very intriguing. Yes. But it doesn't give you a lot like, how old is this sister? Right. 11. Is she hotter? Is she? Right. I need to see. Yeah. Is she cooler? Right. Did this guy make out like a bandit or did he get fucked? Yeah. You know, there's a lot of variables there. You probably got to know the first lady a little bit and nearly you have a rapport. And then this gal, you're like, oh, I know I got to, I mean, I guess you got your whole life to get to know her. Also that family is so bizarre. They're like, all right, she's dead. We got the ceremony we paid for. Yes. We got to do something. That's what it is, the bill. And they're like drawn straws or something like could have been an ant. It could have been a cousin, you know. And here it is. It's the sister. Yeah. And then the ice, they put her on ice. The other one. They're like, well, before we ship her off to the morgue, we got to let's just keep her in the cooler, you know. That's the weirdest busboy. Hey, we did the busboy over here. Put her in the ice machine, will you? Yeah. Keep her away from the catering, though. We don't want her to stink up any of the meat. Now could they kind of do a funeral at the, you already got the people there. Yeah. But they want to buy another venue and rent out another thing and have people come by. Just do not the funeral out. I mean, it's a, it's a bizarre. Yeah. They're already bizarre in continuing the ceremony. They might as well just be callous and have the funeral held. Yes. Just bury her in the flower pot out front of the, whatever the hell the mosque, what are they using India? I don't know. I think it's a mosque. Yeah. But you cut, you can cut her head off and that could be the bouquet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's got the veil on and everything. I wonder if they had to get the dress off her, put it on the sister, you know. Yeah. Oh my God. This is like a horror movie. We got to get more info on this. I got to find out what happened there. In this case, there's a man who. He claimed he has a spiritual girlfriend. This was sent in by David Reed. Spiritual. This is in Peru. This is in Peru. This is where the guy goes. My girlfriend lives in Canada. Yeah. This is, this is kind of worse. I'm going to say because police in Peru seized a mummified human between 600 and 800 years old from a former food delivery driver who claimed to have had it at his home for three decades. What? These, I mean, come on. How much could a mummified human cost that a delivery driver can fucking afford one? You know? Yeah. And then like, I thought I was an older woman. Yeah. This is an 800 year old broad here. Yeah. And he's driving around with it, talking to it and shit. Julio Cesar, 26 will remain detention while investigators look into the case. A government official told the AFP, Mr. Bernino told local media, the mummy was called Juanita and was my spiritual girlfriend at home. She's in my room. She sleeps with me. I take care of her. She said in a video that went viral. Nice. According to the Ministry of Culture, the pre-Hispanic relic was a mummified adult male individual. So it wasn't even a chick. What? This guy didn't even know. He's like, she, she, she's misgendering this mummy. Yeah. It's not a Juanita. It's a Juan, a specialist at the Ministry affirmed adding the mummy consisted of the remains of at least a 45 year old man. So this guy doesn't even know what he's fucking here. Yeah. He was wrapped in bandages in the fetal position. Whoa. Just fucking let my body decompose. Yeah. 800 years old. Come on. I don't want to, I'm not going to get buried. I don't think I'm going to do cremation. I think I'm the same. Yeah. Throw my ashes at somewhere cool. No one can fuck your ashes. No one can fuck your ashes. That's a feature. Or steal from your ashes either. Like these people bury people with rings and shit. It's like, oh yeah. I guess it's tough to get into a casket these days. Yeah, they do it at the grave robbers. They still exist, do you think? I think there's a, they're out there. Yeah. It's probably harder now. They got to have like, they're like fucking the Amelia West of as in Mission Impossible. They got to have a fucking thing to unlock the caskets and everything like that because they're all locked up now. Are they locked? Yeah, pretty sure. They do that thing where they turn the crank it. Oh shit. I don't know. I don't know either. You've been to have more burials than I have, I guess. In New Orleans they can't bury you, right? Now they were below sea level, so you have to put them in a mausoleum we call it. Yeah, yeah. Because they'll float out. They'll float out with the floods. Oh my God, that's terrifying. Crazy. Talk about a horror movie. How did they learn that? It's a hard way. Yeah, yeah. Was there ever, was there like an ancient legend of New Orleans where it's like the bodies filled the streets? Yeah, there was like a flood Hurricane Andrew or whatever the hell in 1909 and all these bodies came up. So they were like, not, not again. And they started putting them up top. Now, do you think you're going to get a place in Austin? You've been down there quite a bit. You might as well get an apartment. Nah, well I got to tell you, you know, we do the protect our parks probably three times a year and then he's got the new club. Yeah. And it is sick. I can't wait to see it. I mean, I've seen pictures and things, but I can't wait to like see with my own eye. It opens in one month, I think. It's all pretty much done. It's like 98% done. But it is wild like you walk through there and you're like, oh wow, I didn't know this was allowed like having a comic club this perfect. Really? The green room, this tunnels underground for the comics. We don't have to deal with the audience and as a back alley entrance and there's everything's videotaped, everything's audio recorded and there's a full bar just for the comics as a regular bar. I mean, it's going to be nuts. I can't wait, dude. I'm so excited and like I was like, because people are up my ass constantly like, why aren't you all going to Austin? You know? Yeah, well, but I'm going to go visit quite a bit. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people and me included were like Austin's a flash in the pan. But I mean, with this club opening, you got Siguri, you got Brian Simpson and Kill Tony and all these fun shows and stuff. And there's like a Cap City, there's Rogan's Club, there's the Creek, there's the Vulcan. It's pretty good. No, yeah, for sure. It's definitely like rivaling, you know, other scenes. So yeah, I'm excited that it exists. Yeah, totally. I think it's going to really like put a ripple in the comedy world. How often do you see yourself spending or like, you know, do you see yourself spending like a couple of weeks there at a time or? Well, I look at, nah, I look at Austin kind of like ice cream. Like it's so fun. There's tons of great people. It's the weather's hot. It's nice. But yeah, I would just, it's like Vegas. You can't live there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the way I felt about it. Slip away. Yeah. Yeah. Just party too much. The parties are weird too. It's like a dude in a hat and like a guitar. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like those kinds of parties. Yeah, but it's, you can fund them. You can feel there's an energy there. Like LA used to have that energy. Yeah. I used to go to LA in 2013, 12, and it was like buzzing and it was hot people everywhere and cool cars and the weather is perfect and the crowds were hot. And now it doesn't, it feels a little more like problem at, Hey, what did you say? A little finger pointy there. It's also kind of scary. Well, they didn't really like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been kind of scary since COVID, but it's also been the weather's been terrible. Oh, is that right? That was all that was what you had was the weather. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm like, why do I live here? Yeah. But it's, it's, it'll come back. It'll come back. It'll come back. It needs like a kick in the taint. Like shut the fuck up. Yeah. Let's have fun again. I think there is a little element of that. I mean, I find like crowds here in New York to be a little more like, Oh, and even in LA. It's for sure. And I never felt that when I was like, you know, 10 years ago. I know we were the gritty. Like, let's get crazy. Yeah, the Jim Norton's, the Bill Burr's, the Patriso Neil's and all that. And now it's definitely like, it's more, yeah, it feels more like in LA. Sometimes like you think like, Oh, this crowd is going to be so woke or whatever. And then you do it and they're like, well, they were pretty gay. Yeah. Maybe because they're so sick of it too or something. Maybe, but it's so annoying because it's all trends. Yeah. Like I hate that it ebbs and flows like that. You're like, is it funny or is it not funny? Exactly. Why do you go away? He said, trends in the setup. So I don't know. And you're like, but you don't even know if I'm going to go to a bad place yet. Right. You know, it's almost like this Pavlovian thing we've created. I go to a bad place often on this program and this next story, it's involves murder. Sorry. I'm rambling here. No, I like, I'm happy. I was making what I thought was a natural segue into something else. I'll take it. Yeah. No, I mean, so police in Hong Kong, they filed murder charges against the former father in law and brother in law of a model and influencer. Now I've seen this lady. Her name is Abby Choi. Mmm. Joy. Very pretty. But so the brother in law and father in law, they're charged with the murder because the body parts of this woman were found in a refrigerator and the skull was believed to be hers in a pot at the rural home. Whoa. I mean, if you're going to kill your famous daughter or sister in law. Yeah. There she is. Yeah. She's a skull on her. Yeah, quite a noggin there. So wait, she was found in a fridge? Yeah. Oh, no. Of her father and brother in law. Oh, wow. Uh, she's 28. She had financial disputes involving tens of millions of Hong Kong dollars with her ex-husband and his family. Holy moly. Some people were unhappy with how she handled her finances, evidently. And she was a model and influencer who shared her glamorous life of photo shoots and fashion shows with more than 100,000 followers. That seems low for a hot check on Instagram. Totally. And I mean, it just goes to show you folks. She was probably trying to live this extravagant life with the clicks. Look at me. Yes. Here we go. But that just did right there, folks. It says, uh, there's repercussions. She buried herself into a hole and then got buried into a hole. Literally. And, uh, yeah, I can't believe it was her family, though. It's like, why did such did she have like financial problems with her father and brother in law? Probably. Maybe it's like they also could be a thing where it's like they thought she had more money than she had. So we're trying to like steal her money, you know? Let's kill her and take her money. And had they get caught? You know, you just said they got there in the fridge. Right. Someone came over and was like, whoa. Yeah, can I get a Coke? Get a Coke. Oh, you said don't get a Coke. I forgot. You know, then too late. I always wonder how people with stuff in their fridge get caught. Yeah. No one's looking in my fridge. I don't have anything in there, but no one's really looking in my fridge. No, you got those Totino's pizza rolls. Uh, yeah, they're in the freezer. Oh, wait. No, no, no, no. Just, uh, you know, behind the skull. Yeah. Behind the body part. Yeah. Sometimes, yeah, I guess like you could wrap them up and be like, oh, that's just like a leg of lamb. Right. Right. Maybe they're, that's how ballsy some of these people are. They're like, they'll just think it's meat. Yeah. It's a head of lettuce. Yeah. Yeah. So she had one last post a week ago featuring a photo shoot she had done with L'Oreal. Ooh, the makeup. Yeah. Or, I'm sorry, no, it's Leia Fisciel, Monico. I don't know. Some fashion. Okay. I'm not bad. Not L'Oreal. I read that wrong. All right. Yeah. Good murder story. Thank you out there. Very good. Who sent that guy in? Let's see. They'll be a duck, man. Yeah. That'll be like a Netflix show. Are you watching the Mirdle? Which one's that? It's the Mirdle family out of South Carolina. Wild. No. I do not. You know which one I was thinking of was this one on Hulu about cult. This guy made a sex cult with his daughter's dorm room friends. No way. That one was intense. But I thought that's what it was called at first. I kind of watched that tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go wild. I mean, it's crazy. He just starts showing up at the dorm. He's like, you guys want pizza? And they're like, cool. Stacey's dad's buying us pizzas. And then the next thing, you know, they're all sucking and fucking. Whoa. They're all living this one room together. Harrington saw it, right? It's called Stolen Youth inside the cult at Sarah Lawrence. Yes. It's stolen youth. It's about Sarah Lawrence universe. Yeah. You saw it, right Harrington? Yeah, I got through like the first episode. Yeah, it's fucking brutal how this guy just like infiltrates their world and then just like you go like, how simple are some people? I know. Because it's like, how could this guy convince you? Well, how did, yeah, that's what I want to see. How did he get them from A to B? It's real easy. Is it? Yeah, it was seemingly, it just seemed like he really, he just would be like talking to them a lot and then be like, I think maybe you should take things this way and then like give them little advice tips. And then the next thing you know, he's like, now let me show you how to have sex. Whoa. Crazy. I'm watching that tonight. Yeah. So the Murdoch one though, you were saying. Yeah, it's this rich family in South Carolina. They own the town. They're like, you know, the big lawyers in town and it's generation after generation of wealth. And they got this crazy drunk kid. The son of theirs, who's like a party animal, he'll flip his car and they'll fix it before the cops find out or he'll run over a kid and they'll just bury that kid and the cops won't know. They just get out of everything. And eventually they start, people start going against them. Is that the one with the stupid red head kid? Yes. Yes. He's like getting trouble now. Like, yeah, he's mad about it now or something. He's on CNN all day in the courtroom. He looks like a retarded Kennedy. Yeah. He's missing something. Right. Yeah, he's super. I didn't realize that was the same thing. I got to check that out. Oh, it's what it just keeps unraveling and you're like, well, that was crazy. And then it just gets crazier and crazier and it's you can't stop watching. They only they find these cases on this Netflix. I mean, it's either they find a comic or they're like, let's talk about the most heinous things that we can figure out here, you know, I know. And you know, we chase that that that TV spot. So we're going to start murdering soon. Yeah. Yeah. It is already one, I guess, out there. Oh, that's right. That's one just that way. I saw I said on another podcast, I'm like, this guy should just run with this. He's going to be famous. I mean, like, yeah, you know, people are looking at his clips now. That's true. Exactly. Keep it going in jail, pal. Do your special from there. So also we were talking last week with Lumi Ray about their. Lumi Ray hit me up. Yeah. She probably will. But there is a we were talking about how there's this whole thing, you know, about Dix are bigger than they used to be or whatever. Yeah, I saw that. Have you seen that? I saw that. I saw that bigger. Yeah. I mean, 30%. That's not nuts. That's what I'm saying. It's like how small were Dix? I mean, George Washington was using something tiny, huh? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's crazy, but they say it's from pollution and all this. Pollution. Cool. Sounds like a good thing. I know. It sounds like it's like a that movie signs where it's like the water kills the aliens. We're like, Oh, cool. Just water. That's neat. Like, Oh, sweet. All the thing that we're like trying to eliminate made our Dix bigger. Right. Cool. Right. But I guess it makes it less useful. Is that all? That's what a small guy says. Like you can't correct this. Yeah, that's what that's what I said too. I go, this is a dumb study. This is a study by someone small, dict guy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's, you know, big dicks are actually not as fertile as tiny micro penises. A kitchen knife is better than a sword. Okay. But in this article, it says here drinking soda can lead to larger testicles. Interesting. Now, I don't know if the larger testicles then create more jizz or what, but here a study says drinking Coca Cola and Pepsi can lead to larger testicles and higher testosterone levels. So you got that low T. You just pop a Pepsi. Hey, that should be a Coca Cola head. That's pretty good. Lucky pound of can of Coke and then fuck a lady. I don't know. Yeah. The Northwest Minsu University in China was attempting to determine the impact of carbonated beverages on fertility and sex organs in men. The study looked at three groups of mice, one that only drank water, another that drank different levels of Coca Cola with another doing the same with Pepsi over 15 days. It's amazing because they were trying to like test their fertility. I'm sure that you could test it a million things, but they're like, let's see how big their balls are at the end of it. Yeah. That's a fun experiment. Yeah, right. There's all these guys doing all these dick studies. Yeah. Imagine being a doctor at a university and you go to school and you get all the medical things and then you come out and you're like, what have you been doing with your new cancer research? Yeah, yeah. Now, mice balls. Well, did you know pollution makes dicks bigger? Yeah. Right. Cool. Great work, man. It was quickly discovered that the mice drinking Coke and 100% Pepsi compared to a mixture of Pepsi and water had significant change. For instance, the mice were given pure Coca Cola at higher levels of male hormone compared to the group that drank water. That doesn't seem like it lines up with humans though. I guess not. But give a person who just drinks Coke all day. Yeah, that's not a good look. Yeah. And I don't imagine their dicks getting too hard very often. Yeah. Yeah, that's a code red. You know. All right. But oh man, yeah, how does that, how does one connect to the other? That's all the chemicals maybe or something like that. The study concluded that drinking Coca Cola and Pepsi could promote test East development and enhance testosterone secretion. So maybe if you feel like they're saying like if you give it to a kid or something, his balls drop quicker. Interesting. The kid that drinks Coke is in like sixth grade like, hey, how's it going? You know, like, oh, yeah, I had a lot of Coke, huh? Well, it's kind of like how Viagra was supposed to be a heart thing. And then it had just made you a dick hard. That's cool. So it's like soda supposed to be just a refreshing beverage, but it makes your balls bigger. This Viagra like thin your blood. Yes. It's because you can't do other drugs with it. No, it's bad for your heart, apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's how like, Wylen died and a bunch of people like Viagra and Coke. The Stemple, don't don't bother. Yeah, yeah. What? Because everyone says it's a drug overdose, but the whole reason he even had an overdose because Viagra was also in there. Whoa. Yeah. How about that? Stick to the menu. And there's a bunch of people that I mean, because you see these older guys that have these ODs and it's not fentanyl related or anything like that. And you're like, you know, what happened there? And then you look and it's like, oh, he mixed Viagra with, you know, Coke or what. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah. Because blood gets all thin and you get all fucked up. Our findings provide that scientific basis for fully understanding carbonated beverage effects, blah, blah, blah, and their mechanism and development of reproductive functions of humans and how they've been. I want to just find out like how much bigger are these balls? Yeah. However, contradicts previous studies that indicated sugary drinks made men less fertile instead of more. So like, what are we talking about here? A previous survey of 250 men showed those who drank a liter of cola a day had 30% fewer sperm than those that drank none. So I guess they got to get it to humans because the rats are going to be no indication evidently. Well, I think we could tell there's a lot of guys who drink soda all day. Let's check those sex. Yeah. Let's see how useful their jizz is. Yeah. Yeah, we had a ban on soda here in New York. Really? You couldn't get the big gulp. Oh, I see like the size of them. Yeah, which is such a sad ban. Yeah. Well, it's sad if you really give a shit. Yeah. If you're out there, you're like, fucking God, like, I can't get a big gulp. That's sad to me. That is definitely sad. Yeah. Picketing at the fucking courthouse over the big gulp, that's terrible. That's about existence. I know. There's other people like, we got to have abortion rides. They're like, whoa, whoa. I need my surge. Today's my day, all right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know anybody who drinks a lot of soda who's slinging a lot of dick necessarily. I could be wrong. I don't know. I think black guys like soda. Oh, well, hey. And they're all hit back. And now you just added a new layer to the study. Uh-huh. Yeah. That makes more sense, actually, at the end of the day. Well, Mark, thank you for coming to Gas Digital. Oh. I think you're to Gas Digital for having me. Thank you to Mike Harrington for doing... It's all the way game stuff, you know? I'm in a different venue. Sure. Not in my own studio. A little out of sorts, but I appreciate you coming in and giving us the time. Didn't notice you were on your game, you were on point, and thanks for having me, Josh. Good to see you. No problem. If you want to plug anything, go for it. Sure. I got a couple pods myself. We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. I'm all over the road, so come see me, say hello, and praise Allah. I'll get some bodega cat, my whiskey. Ooh. Yeah. Well, thank you, folks. And we will see you next Wednesday, remember, right here on the Josh Potter show. Yeah, I'm gonna be... Idiot woman! Idiot! I'm gonna be drunk!