Today I'm going to teach you how to bounce back from every failure, every setback, every
rejection professionally.
I'm going to give you a plan that will allow you to rise from the ashes every time, and
it's already around you, let's go.
Helping you win at work so that you're winning in life, I'm Ken, this is the Ken Coleman show.
A lot of people have been laid off over the last year.
If you haven't been laid off or fired, I've got some good news and bad news, we'll start
with the bad news.
You will be laid off, you will be fired, statistically at some point it's probably going
to happen.
Well, that's the bad news.
The good news is, is you can bounce back and it doesn't have to be as painful as you think
it does.
Now, this is always a hot topic when we talk about it on the show, certainly on social
media, and so I just want to walk through some very strategic practical strategies that
if you put in place prior to getting laid off or fired, you're going to bounce back really
quickly and you can still employ these strategies if you're listening to me and watching
me right now, and you've been recently laid off or fired and you're in a season where
you haven't bounced back, it's going to help all of you today.
So the reality is, is this is a people centric strategy, we need people.
You've heard the old metaphor if you're walking along and you see a turtle on the top of
a fence post, you know one thing, he didn't get there by himself.
I, any successful woman, any successful man will tell you that it was people that helped
put them where they are today.
Did you have a lot to do with it?
Absolutely.
I didn't get here on your, I didn't get here on my own.
No chance.
I'm standing on a lot of shoulders as I talked to you today.
And so if it's true that we need people to get us to where we ultimately want to be,
it's also true that we need people to pull us up out of the pit, to pull us up out of
the ditch out of the side of the road.
We need people, Ecclesiastes 49 and 10 basically tells us this to are better than one.
You need people and yet sometimes when we think about that, we feel as though we're bothering
people when we ask for help.
Our pride rises up inside of us and we're more worried about what they might think or
say and we don't ask for help.
We just need to ask for help.
We're so afraid to ask for help.
Here's what I found in my life.
When I go to people and I say I need you and here's why I need you and here's what I'm
asking you to help me do.
I find that they're almost always extremely willing to help.
I had a posture of humility and a posture of hunger and that's very attractive.
People find that attractive but tell you what they don't find attractive.
In fact, not only they not find it attractive, they find it to be a repellent and that
is when you have zero relationship with them at all or you've not been in relationship
with them for some time and you pop up out of nowhere and all of a sudden you need something.
I had this happen to me recently.
I don't know if you had this happen to me.
I got an email out of nowhere and it was so out of nowhere and so much distance removed
from the time we last communicated that the email started this way.
I hope this is still your email address.
I mean, it's like a Hail Mary, you know, the last play in the football game when the
quarterback backs up throws it as high and as far as he can and hopes that somebody catches
it.
It's one of those emails.
Hey, Ken, I hope this is still your email address, oh boy.
And then it goes on, hey, hope you're doing great.
Just I can tell you're killing it, Ken.
I'd love to connect real soon.
Okay, you mean you just immediately start to go, what's this about?
This is not a person who stays in touch with the on a regular basis.
This is a person who's just lobbing a Hail Mary and now they've put all of the responsibility
on me to go, what's really going on here?
So what do I do?
I agree to do a call, call starts, hey, man, long time no talk.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we exchange the niceties.
We get a high level catch up.
What are you doing?
Here's what I'm doing, all this stuff.
And then it happens, the ask now, there's still a way to do that the right way.
But all of the fake niceties, hey, I just want to connect, spare me all that.
Just tell me what it is that you want, but that's not the best way to go about it.
That feels really slimy.
It feels disingenuous and compare that, contrast that to a feeling of appreciation.
When someone says to you, humbly, I'm in a tough spot.
I need insight.
I need wisdom.
I need a connection and here's why and there's a relationship there doesn't mean we have
to be best friends.
No, it doesn't.
I remember when I was a kid, playing in the pool.
And I remember the first time I got a beach ball, and like a lot of kids, you start to figure
out this thing as buoyant.
And you ever remember playing a silly game where you'd get that beach ball kind of underneath
your legs and you would try to push that beach ball all the way down the bottom of the pool,
but it inevitably popped out from between your legs, you know, or it threw you upside down.
What I'm going to teach about this concept here allows you to, A, never stay down.
But so many people win rejection, win a layoff when getting fired happens.
They never come back out of the cave.
Because initially you're putting this cave of rejection, we know from data that when
laid off or fired, it has the same psychological effect as losing a loved one.
It's profound.
And so we naturally retreat to lick our wounds to get healthy.
But when opportunities aren't available and even more importantly, when we don't have
a connection framework to be able to find other opportunities, we stay in the cave.
And this is life threatening stuff.
You are then forced to rely on others to support you.
You are in isolation.
You are forced to take something that you really don't enjoy and the spirit, the soul,
the heart never recovers from that.
So this is a devastating loss in your life and you never recover as opposed to come
and out of the cave going, Hey, that was a rough season, but the storm is over.
The sun is out.
Joy comes in the morning.
I've got something else that I can go after and I recover and I'm not walking around
and shame.
I'm back out.
I'm back on the horse.
Pick the metaphor that you want and I'll back at it again.
All of that happens when we have a community.
One would call it a network.
I like to call it a community, a community of people that I have been intentional with.
So that when something bad happens, I don't feel awkward to pick up the phone and call
them and even in tears if it is the situation, even if it is the most vulnerable, weak state
that you've been in some time for you to go, this just happened to me today.
I need your help.
That's when people step up because number one, they know you, number two, they care for
you and number three, they have the ability to help you.
So coming up, how do we build that community or network to where we are recession proof,
lay off proof, fire proof, I'm going to tell you, I learned about it when I was 17 and
it changed my life.
Hey, if you're enjoying this show, I would love for you to help us grow.
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Thank you very much.
All right, let's continue.
So how do we build a healthy network?
I would like to call it a community.
How do we build this so that the most unexpected thing that would happen to us professionally
and by the way, this has personal context as well, but we're going to talk primarily
about the professional context here.
So I lose my job, I get laid off or I wake up one day and the company I work for, it's
too much.
Maybe it's the culture, maybe it's the leader, maybe it's co-workers.
Let's throw that scenario in there, okay?
So we got, I got fired, maybe I did something wrong, maybe there was a disagreement, whatever.
Then I get laid off.
That's largely about cutting costs and let's say you get to your breaking point and you go,
I got to quit.
I can't do this anymore.
All right, those are your three scenarios.
So how do you walk into those realities and walk out on the other side, not taking a massive
financial hit because you had to burn through savings, even worse, you use credit cards
to get through it.
This is the reality.
It's what people do.
How do you do that?
How do you get back up on your feet because it is absolutely getting knocked off the
horse, right?
It's completely thrown off.
How do we get back up?
So I'm going to walk you through that.
When I was 17 years of age, I've got the book here in the studio and I took the dust
jacket off because it sits on the, it sits on the sheet.
The shelf most days behind me, but I pulled it off the shelf today because I'm going to
share some content out of this book that I learned when I was 17 years of age and it
has absolutely delivered for me what I'm going to tell you that it will deliver.
It has made me fireproof.
It has made me recession proof.
It has made me failure proof.
The book was bought for me by my father when I was 17.
I just graduated high school and my birthday, I believe that's a Saturday, Alex, if you
want to look at my wish list, I've made a tidy, oh yeah, oh yeah, there you go.
There you go.
So anyway, point is this was a birthday present and the book is dig your well before your
thirsty.
Harvey McCays, the author, became a best-selling book and Harvey was a, and still is a very successful
entrepreneur.
He was in the envelope business of all businesses, the guy sold envelopes, all right?
And so the book was dig your well before your thirsty and if you don't understand the
title, I'll explain it to you.
The idea here is with the metaphor of a well, you want to dig the well, make sure it's
functioning so that when you need water, it's working, right?
And so the whole idea is when I need something in life and I'm really in a place of need,
I'd better have dug the well or else I'm out of luck because I'm thirsty and I'm in
a dangerous situation and I have no source of water.
So in this metaphor, the source of water, the water is the relationships, the connections
that I have, the network that I have developed and I can rely on that when I'm thirsty, when
I need it.
And so the digging of the well is the art and I mean art of connecting with people, okay?
So anyway, that's the source of the book.
I highly recommend it, it's as relevant today as it was those many years ago.
So a couple of things I just pulled out, some of my favorite advice from the book that
I think will really help you dig that well so that if you're laid off, fired or you
can't stay where you are any longer, here's what you do.
Number one, don't rely on any corporation, any organization for job security.
Don't put those emotional eggs in their basket.
Well, you know, I'm working for Google.
I'm working for Microsoft.
I'm working for Salesforce.
I'm working for big companies, red fence, huge real estate company.
Oh, yeah.
Well, guess what?
Those companies that I just named have been in the news for some of the biggest layoffs
in the last year and a half.
How do you like those big companies now?
The bigger the company, the more of a unit of production you become because it's based
on stock price.
They're about profitability, not loyalty.
Remember that.
So don't put your eggs in the basket of your organization.
Well, it's a really healthy company.
They're really big company, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Listen, that doesn't mean anything.
That's not where your job security comes from.
So this is about mindset.
That's what I took away from that.
It's a 17 year old.
I'm going, it's got to be about me.
I've got to be able to rely on me so that no matter what happens, I can pivot and win.
How do you do that?
Relationships.
Relationships.
So when you're in a big company, how many people are your friends with in that big company?
How many people from different departments or divisions?
That's just you start there.
Let's just start where we are.
They may move on to another company.
If you stayed in touch with them, you developed a real frinches where you are as people move
on.
Guess what?
They stay your friends if you stay in contact with them.
Now, am I saying you got to send an email or a text every week?
No, but I'm saying within reason, you develop real relationships at work.
By the way, this is my big beef with a lot of these people on social media.
It's become very popular to go on social media, TikTok and Reddit and go, I don't want
to be friends with anybody.
I want to leave work at work.
Okay.
All right.
That's just stupid.
You're going to spend a majority of your life at one place and not develop friendships
or relationships.
I think it's crazy.
Second thing I learned, not only is a network good for me with relationships and opportunities
attached to all these people, I know.
Guess what?
A great network, a great community makes me actually look better than I am.
Early on, I benefited from working for John Maxwell.
I was 27 years of age when I went to work for John Maxwell who even then was an icon
a legend.
I met so many people because I work with John and years later, I looked better than
I was.
I looked more valuable than I was because I knew all these really impressive people.
Now, that does not mean you become a serial name drop or nobody likes that.
I've been guilty of that before.
You got to be careful that self-promoting and name dropping can be ugly, but my point
is when I'm in conversation and I'm connecting with other people and they realize, well,
what do you do now?
Why work for John Maxwell?
Oh, still happens to me.
I work for a unicorn right now, an icon, a whole famer, Dave Ramsey.
I meet people all the time.
I was in Las Vegas recently for a big basketball leadership networking event.
I went out there just for that.
I was in 24 hours in and out, me and all these coaches and NBA players and it comes up.
Oh, you work for Dave Ramsey?
Makes me look good.
Why?
Association.
So don't, don't miss that.
That was a huge lesson for me.
Third, my network can help other people.
It's not just about me and this is the real reward.
This is the real reward.
This happens to me.
I'll bet you three or four times a week.
I'll get a call from somebody who knows somebody and they know that I know that somebody
and they go, hey, would you make a connection over there or somebody I'll be talking to
and they'll say, hey, I'm interested in this and this and this and this and I'm going,
hey, I can make a connection for you.
And so your network actually becomes of tremendous use for other people.
I got to tell you, one of the easiest ask for me is to call one of my best selling author
friends or a CEO friend and go, hey, let's talk to someone so the other day.
You don't know him, but this is the situation.
Would you be willing to talk with them or help them out?
Man, I love that.
See, I'm not asking for me.
I'm asking for someone else.
That's a beautiful thing about being really connected.
Number four, build a network of gatekeepers.
Now this is enormous.
Probably my favorite lesson from the book.
You want to get the Dave Ramsey?
You better forget how to get to his assistant period.
End of story because you aren't getting the Dave.
You just aren't unless you go to his assistant or somebody like me.
I have people all the time reach out going, hey, would you mention this to Dave?
I'm very selective, very careful.
But there are times where it's a credible legit thing and I'll ask Dave, you want to talk
to them?
Gatekeepers, someone who's close to that person you really want to get to.
They're assistant, a mutual friend.
You talk about opportunities opening up.
This is huge.
What's the lesson?
It's your network of relationships that make you unstoppable.
Welcome back to the Ken Coleman show.
If you are a feeling stuck, you feel like you know what you want to do but you don't know
how to get there or you're feeling uncertain.
Several ideas, not sure which one to pick.
I've got a great resource for you that is wildly popular.
It's called the Get Clear Career Assessment.
It is an awareness tool that makes you aware of what you do best.
That's your talent.
Think of those as your superpower tools that allow you to do work excellently and efficiently.
And then it helps you identify the work brings you joy.
We call that passion.
And then it identifies the results in the world of work that motivates you to get fired
up and get out of bed.
Nobody has to get you fired up.
Motivation is not something I can do for you.
You can only do it for you.
And we call that missional result.
So it identifies what you do best, what you love to do and results that matter to you.
And it gives you a purpose statement that now can become a compass for you to figure out
how to get unstuck or how to choose that certain path, certain path.
So it's called the Get Clear Assessment, Ken Coleman dot com slash assessment, Ken Coleman
dot com slash assessment.
You can get it there.
Let's go to Ashburn, Virginia, Erica joins us for a coaching session, Erica, you're on
the Ken Coleman show.
Hi, Ken.
Big fan.
I'm so happy.
I'm able to talk to you directly.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for that.
You bet.
How can I help?
I am overwhelmed on a hamster wheel and you were just talking about emotional eggs in
the basket.
Yeah.
I'm there.
So I was giving the opportunity at my job to my job went away.
I was offered two opportunities.
One was a steady option that was there and ready.
And then another one was waiting to be approved by upper management.
I took the one that was there and ready.
It was a good opportunity at the time.
I thought I had done my pros and cons.
I was looking more at work life balance and not at money.
I thought I was doing the right thing and then reality hit.
I had been working like a young Hebrew slave.
I am so tired.
My work life balance has actually grown off the hinges.
I took my kids to school last Friday to college and I was working at the same time.
I was on the phone with work while I was taking them to college.
So the problem is the other job has not been, the other job has not been hired for.
Somebody came to me and said, hey, if you had it all over to do again,
would you have taken the other job and like, well, maybe.
But who's to say that that one have worked out?
I don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck.
I'm in my mid 50s.
Change at this point is unrealistic because I've got a kid in college.
I'm trying to look at retirement.
Yeah.
I don't know what to do at this point.
I'm tired of reinventing myself.
I kind of wanted to just coast the retirement or until I won the lottery.
Well, well, you're probably not going to win the lottery.
Can we admit that?
So let's remove that from our heads.
Have you talked with your bosses?
It feels like you have and they didn't give you much of an answer.
Am I right or wrong?
No.
Because I think my situation helps them and they don't want to have to go through finding
somebody else to replace me if I were to leave or go to another position.
Okay.
So you haven't talked to them to say, hey, guys, I'm overwhelmed.
I said yes to this promotion, but you haven't filled the other position and I'm drowning.
You haven't had that.
I talked to them and they were like just sitting back and listening.
They provided no advice or no direction.
But did you tell them you were drowning?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I told them that the major concern that I had about taking the job has actually manifested
itself.
And all they could say was, I'm sorry.
And what about the other, are they going to fill your former position?
What's the, what's their comment on that?
Well, my former position went away, but the other one that was potentially offered to
me, it got approved and they haven't found a good bit for it yet.
And I'm like, I can't really leave what I'm doing now to go over to this other job.
They're in the same department and everything.
Gotcha.
It wouldn't look and it wouldn't be a good look.
Right.
Well, here's the thing.
I don't know that you have to reinvent yourself to leave this place because here's the deal.
There are two realities.
Number one, it doesn't appear as though your leaders are looking to alleviate what's going
on with you.
It is what it is.
They've put you in that position and they don't seem to be empathetic or compassionate at
all.
That means it doesn't seem like that's going to change.
And what I also know as a reality is you can't continue to keep this up.
I the emotion in your voice, you are fried mentally, you're fried emotionally and probably
starting to get that way physically, probably is affecting your health in multiple ways.
Maybe your sleep.
Is this true?
Oh my God.
Yes.
I haven't worked out in about two weeks and literally last night I got online and worked
on email from 10 to 2 o'clock and I can't do this by four.
So you know you can't keep this up.
No.
So do you agree that I've framed the two realities very well?
Yes.
Okay.
So that means there's only one thing to do here and that means you are looking for something
else.
This is still a very good job economy and I don't think you have to look at it through
the lens of I've got to reinvent myself.
I've got to go get a degree.
I've got to do.
You just need to change locations.
We need to simply look at it as I've got to be in a job that's paying me the same amount
of money I'm making now or more is a bonus and I'm in a healthy environment and I've
got a lot of skill.
I've got a lot of experience and I just need a healthy environment to finish up my work
life.
Based on what you've told me, that's what needs to happen.
These leaders aren't going to change.
Now you've got two ways you can go about this change.
You can just start looking for something and that'll help your mindset and you do your
best to just get through.
Don't work yourself silly.
Communicate them the whole time.
I can't do this.
See I think they're afraid to lose you.
I think they have to listen to you if you put them in a situation where you don't hold
them hostage but you go, I can't keep doing this.
You guys need to tell me some of these plates have to drop.
Right now I'm answering email till two in the morning and I can't keep catching the plates
falling off the cupboard.
At some point I got to drop a plate.
You all tell me which plates you want me to let fall.
I think you got to do that and see how they react because I don't think they want to lose
you.
Is that true?
I think that's very true.
So we're playing a little bit of poker here.
Gentleman's poker.
I enjoy a great poker game.
I do.
I really do.
I'm not good at poker.
That's art.
No, but I'm teaching you how to be a poker player.
So you're going to present a strong hand.
And the strong hand is exactly what I just said.
Guys, I spoke to you X amount of weeks ago and I tried to tell you I was dropping that
I thought plates were going to drop.
This is my reality.
I was up four in the morning.
I was working the entire time I took my kid to school.
I signed up for this position.
I get it.
But I can't keep doing this.
I'm going to be a disservice to you if I burn out if I fray out.
I need your help.
Help me prioritize.
What am I supposed to be spending my time on?
Get them involved.
That's the one shot you've got.
That's the poker move.
You're betting strong that they need you and they see that you're in deep trouble.
So they want to keep you.
That's the bet.
And you told me you think that's the right bet.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
So here's my deal.
It doesn't change anything I said.
It just means we take one more shot and we see if they're willing to help you to give
you a break.
And let's see if it gets better.
If they don't help you or the way they offer to help you is just a band-aid only.
You know what happens to band-aids after two or three days, don't you?
They start peeling off.
Come on.
And so now we know.
We now know this is not the place for me.
And I would start looking by the way while you're doing all of this.
I'd start looking.
And you know what you bring to the table.
You don't have to reinvent yourself.
And by the way, change is coming, Erica.
You know it.
I know it.
I mean, it is a runaway train.
It is on the way and you can't stop it.
It's either going to be forced on you or you're going to choose it.
Do you agree with that?
Yes.
Absolutely.
So I always want to choose change, not let change choose me.
That's my role.
That's how I roll.
And I'm not going to be on the other end of that train running me down.
I'm just not.
I'm not doing it.
I'm getting out of the way.
The train is coming.
And I'm going to get out of the way and not let it run me over.
And so I've given you two very practical ways to do that.
Have the conversation.
Tell them where you're at and let them react.
Start looking.
And you decide.
You see the train coming and only you can tell when it's going to get there.
Don't be standing in the middle of the tracks when it rolls through.
Please.
Thanks for listening to The Ken Colman Show.
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