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Coming up, I'm going to explain to you why people are searching for friends over raises in their income.
Yes, it's true and how that impacts you, your health and your work. Let's go!
Helping you make more money and experience more meaning I'm Ken, otherwise known as
Man of the People. I decided to be with you, so let's dive into this. Have I lost my mind?
Have I had too much medication? Not enough rest. Is it true, Ken? People are searching
for how to have more friends? They're searching for this more than they are
on how to make more money? Is it true? Yes, it is. Millions of people in this country and around the
world are searching on how to fit in, searching on the internet, or as I like to say to my teenagers
to irritate them. The Google. Current Google search trends. Left out, that's the phrase,
is the number two Google search for the phrase I'm feeling blank at work. This is what people
are typing in the search box. I'm feeling blank at work and the number two search is left out.
Wow! Now this feels at first blush for me when I saw this. It feels very middle school, doesn't it?
What do you mean? Well, when we get down to the source of it, it's loneliness.
Now, more data. The phrase, what to talk about at work is being searched more than ever in the U.S.
So at this point in time and time being from when the internet arrives to today, this search term
is exploding. Search phrase rather. What to talk about at work? Huh. So left out, I'm feeling
left out at work is the number two Google search for the phrase I'm feeling blank at work and a lot
of people are searching this. So this is interesting. Let's go on. How to make friends. Where to meet
people are currently being searched at an all time high in the U.S. So those two phrases have
nothing to do with work. So we so I share all of that with you to point out what my good friend
and colleague, John Deloney says is a loneliness epidemic. And again, we're seeing this data all
over the place. And the loneliness factor, the epidemic is John Deloney says is growing.
It's not just at work, but keep in mind. We spend more time at work than any other activity or area
of our life. So it stands to reason if I'm lonely, just period that a good bit or a good percentage
of my loneliness is happening in the place where I spend the most time. So there is the reality.
Now, some of you that can, you're being cute today. No, I'm never cute, first of all. And I'm not
playing gotcha or bait and switch. How to make friends is currently 70% higher than how to make
more money in Google search. I think people know how to make more money to be honest with you.
I don't think people know how to make friends.
Startling, sobering. I mean, I just, I want those of you that are listening to watching right now,
I want you to just process this for your own life, the lives of your friends, the lives of your
family members, parents, to me, this is a blaring alarm. I got three teens, 14, 15 and 17, please
pray for me. I'm trying to keep my hair. It's stressful raising teens, Joe. I meet these young
parents, by the way, now I'm at that stage, I'm at this stage of life where I meet young parents,
like Nathan represents this. Nathan's our video director. There he is, handsome young man there.
He's got littles and then sometimes the guy's exhausted. I get it. And when I talk with people
like Nathan, I go, I get it, brother, but I got news for you. It's going to get worse.
Because you will trade physical exhaustion for emotional exhaustion.
But I think this younger generation, my kid's age,
I think they may be the loneliest of all. In fact, the data bears out. My kids are all part of Gen Z.
We do have the top half of Gen Z now moving into the workforce and they are craving
to the tune of over 50% of Gen Z, not everybody, but over 50% of Gen Z workers say they want to
work in the office. They want to be around people. This is the generation that grew up
with a freaking smartphone in their face when they were to at TGI Fridays or wherever their
parents took them. They've grown up with smartphones. They don't know life without smartphones. They
don't know life without social media. They don't know life without digital and visual stimulation.
They just don't know. When I was a kid, I told my kids this recently and they looked at me like I
had horns growing out of my head. I said, when we went on vacation, when I was a kid,
we had to read a book, if you could. I couldn't. I'd get sick and throw up if I read a book in the
car. You know what we did? We played games like ABC and I spy and for hours on end, I stared out
the window at cows. We're lonely. Why are we lonely? That's just one reason I give you there.
For this younger generation, they're connected but disconnected. They're connected to devices,
they're connected to entertainment, but they're not connected to people. They're not connected to
their imagination. You know where your ideas come from? Boredom. Look it up. I don't have to
teach time to teach on that today. The more bored you are, the more imaginative you can become.
You want to know why I got an idea every half a second? Because my dad drove me all over America
going to battlefields because we couldn't afford anything else and I had to stare out the window and
look at cows. We as humans desire to connect. We are relational first and foremost. We long to
belong. We all need a tribe. We need our people, if you will. But see, social media has made us less
social. See, because we, we have false connection. Well, I see what Larry did today. I see what Martha
did. I see their vacation and we are connected to them via social media, but we are not actually
talking to them. Social media has made us less social. And then because of the
pervasive nature of social media and 24 hour media, our world is more divided than ever.
Polarization has led to loneliness as well. I think the pandemic made it worse than anything
because you were either in one or two camps. You were either in the mask and jab. What do you call it?
Vaccine camp or you weren't. I'm just telling you, I'm not getting into that argument. So if you
get offended, just this was part of the problem. Everybody's so freaking offended and so triggered
that we just don't relate anymore and we, we, we fenced ourselves off. And so the pandemic came
became about what I believed on this issue and then you start politics on top of it and we're
always arguing about it. So social media and media has made us disconnected and lonely. So coming up
next, I'm gonna unpack why we need to be friendlier and what it will do for all of our lives.
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On the internet, how do I fit in at work? Why am I left out? How do I connect? How do I make friends?
We have a real connected problem and I'm talking connection at the soul level. We're more connected
than ever to people and news and information and yet we're disconnected. And so we were talking in
our first segment here about how we got here. Now let's talk about the solution. The problem is
we're more disconnected and as a result, we're lowlier than ever. So let's talk about the solution.
People are searching. I'm feeling left out at work. How do I connect?
I'm going to teach on what do you do? You don't need to search Google. Just search Ken, baby.
Here we go. Number one, you've got to acknowledge that you're lonely.
I mean, this is true in any area of life. Someone will never lose weight.
You won't beat an addiction. You won't fill in the blank. Whatever thing you need to overcome
and breakthrough, you will never do it until you acknowledge that you need to do it.
I mean, like deep soul, as Dave Ramsey has said for decades, when you're sick and tired of you
and sick and tired, you'll change. You know, I've, I've said on, on Instagram before,
people won't change until the misery of the reality is greater
than the uncertainty of change. Because see, everybody's afraid to change because change
represents uncertainty. But I'm going to tell you something. When the misery gets so unbearable,
you go, I don't care what I don't know over here. I don't care how scary change is. I got to do it.
I can't stay here. And so this is true. So number one, we've got to accept and acknowledge that
we're lonely. This does not need to be a shameful distinction. I think that's what's going on.
I think so few people are willing to go, I'm lonely because you feel like a loser
to admit loneliness might be to admit unworthiness. And that's a lie from hell.
But we got acknowledged because when I acknowledge, I am lonely. Now,
I have accepted it and I will do what's necessary to change it. Number two, I've got to actually be
friendly. I wish I could put my answer into that search phrase. I'm feeling left out at work. What
do I do? The first thing I would say is be friendly. Be friendly. Oh, what does that look like?
You feel left out? You don't have to be obnoxious and force yourself into things.
Just walk around the office with your antenna up and find opportunities to ask questions about
your coworkers to them. Everybody's favorite topic is them. And so as I'm beginning to ask
questions and get to know people, here's what I'm going to find. This person, I didn't connect
with as much. We don't have much in common. Maybe we don't agree on politics or we don't agree on
he likes sports. I don't like sports. I like music, whatever, whatever, whatever. But the more
interested I am, watch this, the more interesting I become. The more interested I am, the more
interesting I become. I'm like going to connect with everybody. The juice isn't going to be the
same with everybody. We understand that. But the more I find out about someone, watch, I find out
things that I connect to with them. We have this in common. Maybe shared values, shared hobbies,
shared life experience. Come on, folks. This is not difficult.
But let me just acknowledge something, which is why I said the first point
in that is if I accept my loneliness, I realize that I have in some ways,
fenced myself off because I'm afraid that if I put myself out there, I get rejected. And that's
true. And it's powerful and it will hold you back. But I don't have to walk around with my
coworkers and put my heart out and go, will you be my friend? Because I'm lonely. But this is what
we think. We think this is the exchange. It's not the exchange. If I'm lonely at work, I don't
have to walk around and tell everybody I'm lonely at work. I just got to walk around and go, Hey,
I want to get to know you. Maybe it's just jumping in on a project and being helpful so that a
conversation is natural. But let me tell you something, leaders, you got to foster this as well.
If you got a bunch of lonely people on your team and they're all disconnected, you bear some
responsibility for that. So be friendly, ask questions, make connections with the conversation,
serve, step up and help somebody. And then if you're in a culture that's really nasty and toxic
and unhealthy and it's represented by a bunch of back biting, gossipy, unhealthy, negative
complainers, I got news for you. You cannot change that culture. Could you find a diamond in the
rough there and build a little bit of a friendship and kind of keep you your nose above water in
that toxic environment long enough to leave? Great. But leave, leave. Life is too short to work
in a toxic environment. So if I want to fit in, if I want to make friends, I need to plug in
and I need to be a friend. That's it. Now, why is this important? Why am I, why am I spending time
on this today? It's not because it's a hot button issue and people are searching. It's because it is,
it is life threatening. Loneliness is life threatening.
According to the CDC, here's some research on loneliness. Social isolation significantly
increased a person's risk of premature death from all causes. Listen to this,
a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity and physical inactivity. In other words, loneliness
is as dangerous for your health as obesity, smoking and physical inactivity. It's interesting to me
that they put physical inactivity as a, as a rival cause for bad health because I believe that
not fitting in, not having friends, not being connected in relationship is spiritual inactivity.
And I mean, I don't mean that from a faith standpoint. I mean the spirit of a human,
the soul of a human begins to wither away just like the body withers away with inactivity.
If you've ever broken an arm and it's been in a cast and you take the cast off after six weeks or
so, you can see your arm is, is noticeably smaller. What is happening there? It is physical attrition.
And when you are disconnected and you are lonely, you are suffering from soul attrition.
Loneliness was associated again, CDC research. Loneliness was associated with higher rates of
depression, anxiety and suicide. That's not shocking to anyone. Social isolation was associated with
about 50% increased risk of dementia in adults over the age of 50. Whoa.
I, you know, I'm a nerd. You all know this. I share data all the time on the show and I love to
get deep in the stuff. But when I saw that piece of data, I got to tell you, it stopped me in my tracks.
Social isolation was associated with about 50%. That is a massive number of increased risk of
dementia in adults over the age of 50. Did you hear that? I just want that to sit.
And I thought about this, Alex, how do I say this in a way that somebody doesn't get offended?
Because everybody's so fricking offended. So I thought about it. I think I've come up with a
safe, politically, I hate even saying this phrase because I'm not politically correct.
That data says to me very clearly that the loneliness will become the greater the chance that we lose
our minds. You want to lose your mind? Be lonely. And to me, folks, if you're new to the show,
we got new people coming in all the time. You may not be a person of faith. I am unashamedly.
I don't preach at you. I don't hover it over you, but I'm going to tell you something that
squares up with what I believe that God created us uniquely and wonderfully. It says in Psalm 139,
13 and 14. And our bodies were designed by the Creator, the universe, the God who created the
sun, the moon, the stars, this unbelievably beautiful universe that we get to hang out in.
And He created our bodies and they're supposed to work in conjunction with relationship and
connection. And when we're not, we lose our minds. Happier people live 10 years longer than unhappy
people. And I don't know how you can be happy if you're not connected and part of something
bigger than yourself. Think about it and do something about it.
All right. One of the greatest stressors challenges that parents have in America today is feeling like
they've prepared their youngster for the next stage. And we've got millions and millions of high
school kids that are graduating all around the country this month and next. And this should be
something that parents are aware of as it relates to preparing their youngster for their professional
future, but not freaking out about why because as a man of the people, by the people, for the people,
I have taken my resources, my methodology that has worked to help tens of thousands of adults
find and do work that they were created to do. So they make the money they want and experience the
meaning they desire. And we've now put it into a course that is in the language and of young
people, high schoolers, and it features high school students as I have table conversations,
or actually living room conversations with these young people about how they view the world of
work. And it's a fantastic course. It's called Foundations and Career Discovery. The course is $49.99
for one student for one year because you have access to it digitally and you go in and it's
like a portal. You get all the lessons that I teach plus the conversations I have with these
young people. And you as the parent can be their teacher, if you will, it includes the free teacher
account that gives you teacher resources, student progress tracking, and a great book because this
is a home study. It's not meant to be academic. In fact, you all know, if you've been watching
listening to me for a long time, what I think about academics, that's what I think. I don't think
we actually teach kids to prepare for life. I don't think we teach kids real skills. I just don't.
If you want to know what I think about that, because I just threw that sound out, is that we
are teaching kids in our American school system, pay attention, or teaching kids how to memorize
and regurgitate. And in doing so, when they take the test, we are teaching them that failure is bad
because the first thing they do is look at their grade and all the things they missed. And yet,
when you go in the real world, nobody focuses on that. We focus on wins. So I digress.
Each student will get free access to my get clear assessment for students, which is a fabulous
assessment will measure what they do best, what they enjoy doing and what results motivate them.
Parents, this is a gold mine. Go get it now, Ken Coleman dot com slash student,
Ken Coleman dot com slash student. Kevin is up now for a coaching session in Terre
Hode, Indiana. Kevin, you're on the Ken Coleman show. Hey, Ken, I'm happy to be here talking to you.
Good to talk to you, sir. What can I help you with? So, Ken, I currently work as a federal
investigator. I make about $95,000 a year. I was offered a job to teach half a day and then be the
dean of students another half a day at a local high school for $58,000.
Be the typical teacher salary or schedule 182 days a year. It's my dream job.
But I'm scared to take the pay cap, but I'm also wondering if is it being too selfish for me
wanting to change my dream job because I have four kids and I feel like that my current salary
is high. My current job is one of my dream jobs, but it's not at the top of the list.
So I'm really struggling. Am I being too selfish? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
okay. First of all, you're not being selfish. You're not being selfish for desiring
a future that moves your heart. We got to stop making this stuff feel bad.
And now I understand why you feel this way because you're a father, a husband, and as a provider.
And this is a sizable cut. Okay, this is almost a $40,000 cut.
So I think there's two piercing questions I need answers to. Number one,
can you adjust your lifestyle to where if you were to take the $58,000
dean of students teaching role that you would actually not be struggling? If you made some
changes and what I mean by this is maybe smaller house, live in a different community. I don't know,
this is a sizable chunk here, but could you do it to where a, your wife and kids weren't miserable
and unhappy and b, you weren't struggling? Absolutely. Yeah, we could do it and we wouldn't have to
change your lifestyle. Our house is already paid off. We could do it. You won out. All right,
Kev, you would have to change your lifestyle. $40,000 cut. What would have to change?
Okay, sorry enough. We would just have to get back living on a budget again and being strict
because right now we're not. All right. But my point is being strict.
Are you and your wife up for that? Like, I mean, we had a candlelight dinner,
state conversation, baby, if I do this, this is our budget reality. This is all the stuff we
are doing. Now we're not going to do it. If you had that conversation, we have. And she's up for it.
All right. Okay, that's the first one. So that makes this, that makes this absolutely a viable
option. Okay. The second question is, could you stay in your federal investigative role,
making 95,000? You said it's one of your dream jobs. It's just not top of the list.
Could you add some elements of the Dean of Student and or Teacher role to your life
and fulfill that longing in your heart and not take a cut? Could you do some of that type of work
on the side and fulfill that and not take a pay cut? Do you see how that could be possible?
Yeah, I actually do that now. I can mentor kids. I coach kids in sports. But it's not enough.
You're right. I don't think it's enough. Okay. Well, now I'm going to tell you something.
There are a lot of people that would probably disagree with my advice on this.
But I think that it is, it is up to you to follow your heart. And I think if your wife is on board,
financially, maybe you take this and maybe you do some other things on the side
to juice the 58,000. So you take the teacher, Dean of Student's role, and you look for some
opportunities to make some money. I don't know if it's in the investigative world. So you kind of
flip it or you just do some other things as I don't want to see you guys be so tight
for you to do this. So I think there's a happy medium, but I would say follow your heart on this.
Because here's what I know. You can always get back into investigative work. True or false?
True. Yeah. Listen, man, I think when you lay awake at night, you get alone by yourself and you
lay it all out there and you're really honest with yourself and you go, this is what it's going to
do to our lifestyle. That means I can't send my kid to this. I mean, this has got to be a pretty
painstaking process to where you go. I know exactly what I'm choosing. And if I choose to take this
education role and I take a $40,000 hit, we'll make the adjustments on our side. But
I may need to be willing to have a side hustle or something else that makes this less painful
and less tight for everybody. If it were me, that's what I would be thinking. I would take the
education role based on what you've told me, but I would look to supplement the income so it's not
as big a drop. How does that feel? That's a great idea and great plan. Yeah. Because I think it's
possible for you to move up financially in this role. Yes or no? Yes. I don't know how much in
Terre Hode India and I would imagine you're going to go much more than 58. But is that 65?
Is there a path to 70? I'm just curious. It's definitely to 65, 70. Of course, you know, in 10
years, it could be in the 80s. Exactly. Well, here's the deal. Here's one other last piece of
information I want to give. You've probably heard us talk about it. We did at Ramsey Solutions,
the largest study ever on net worth millionaires, 10,000 plus. And the third largest group of net
worth millionaires in the United States are teachers. So Kevin, you've already got to pay
for house. My guess is you're doing pretty well in what you've saved. And my friend,
you're going to be a happy, fulfilled teacher, dean of student who has no house payment,
who understands the principles to be a net worth millionaire. And for that reason,
I think this is absolutely a great decision. And I'm proud of you. And this is, listen,
this is counter cultural, but what you will make up for in your heart in a sense of meaning and
purpose far outweighs the $40,000 cut. And most people won't tell you that, but that's the truth.
And we listen in our current education world, we need men and women to step up and say,
I'm going to step into a toxic environment and be a shining city on a hill.
Kevin, I'm inspired, you inspire me. This is the Ken Coleman Show. Press on.
Thanks for listening to the Ken Coleman Show. For more, you can find the show on demand wherever
you listen to podcasts and watch the show on YouTube. You can also find Ken across all social
media by following at Ken Coleman.
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