107. ask trin: getting back on track & balancing wellness and friendships

Hello, hello, welcome back to the Wellness Cafe podcast. You're go to Hawkerwalk podcast. I'm your host, Tren Tondaleer. I hope you're doing well. I hope you're having an amazing week. I hope you had an amazing weekend since we last spoke today's episode is going to be an Ask Tren episode. I absolutely love doing these episodes because so many times just through having conversations with people, everyone is all like we're all navigating life together at the same time. Yet we all think that no one else is going through the same things that we are or the same feelings or if we're feeling something, we feel ashamed or weird and don't want to talk about it. When really when I was going through the submissions for the Ask Tren episode, there was multiples of the same thing. There were multiple if not every single one is something at one point or another in my life. I have gone through and it's just so crazy when you really realize that you're not alone and everyone is navigating life together. Everyone is going through the same shit and some topics for some reason we feel that we can't talk about and we can't express it. Then that results in us feeling alone or just making the challenge so much worse. It is so important to have people in your life that you can talk to and help you through these issues and just having a community and loving relationships and people that you feel safe to speak with are so important for your well-being, for navigating life. So I thought, TWC, let's navigate all this shit together because my perspective and what I'm going through weekly is only one person's perspective when I want to touch on everything. I want everyone to feel seen. I want everyone to feel heard and that is what we're going to do today. Weekly update. There isn't too much to update you on this weekend. I went back to Edmonton. I had a very wholesome off the grid offline weekend with my family just I needed to go recharge. It was amazing. I missed them so much. I had to spend a lot of quality time together. We went and ran stairs in the river valley. We went for a bike ride. We played tennis, volleyball, lacrosse because I have to give my little sister, my baby sister, my best friend in the whole world, a little shout out. She made the team Alberta lacrosse team and she only started playing two years ago. I'm so, so, so proud of her and it is so inspiring to see that at such a young age and only two years into the sport. She had enough confidence to try out for the team, which I know was really scary, so be I am so proud of you. You are so inspiring and like I talked about literally last week in the episode, I didn't even give myself a chance at that age to try out for the volleyball team and it's just amazing. I'm so proud of you. Brode also came home with me and it was just a really nice recharging wholesome family weekend that I needed to fill my battery up and get me, you know, charged up again. Other than that, the only other update I have is regarding the vehicle, the car that I wanted to buy. And at this point, it's been a couple months since I've been thinking about buying a car, I've had the money sitting and I've just been waiting and thinking about it and ultimately I came to the decision to invest my money instead. As I said, that I was going to be financially responsible this year. It was one of my goals and I need to follow through with that. Investing my money is always been at the back of my mind and it's always something that I have wanted to do, but it just, it seems so scary to me because that's like really something I wish that they taught you in high school and it's weird because you never really learn how to invest your money, but you're always told to be smart with your money and invest and save. Yet, that's not something that you even learn in high school, which is a pretty serious thing. There's so many different ways to invest your money, so many different options and I always looked at it as something that was just so scary and I'm big on knowing like what is going on. If I'm going to invest my money, I don't just want to take someone's advice and then hope for the best, like I want to know what is actually going on and the whole world of investing your money is so confusing. There's so many different names for everything, so many different options of what you can do. It just overwhelmed me. I was like, I know that this is something that I need to be doing, but I, I feel so lost. I feel so behind already. I don't know what any of this means, but anyway, I've ultimately decided that I'm going to invest my money instead of purchasing a car because because it really comes back down to what I talk about with forming habits and going to the gym. It really is that instant gratification versus delayed gratification and it is so tempting, sometimes with anything in life, instant gratification versus delayed gratification, there's always a struggle and you need to have willpower and be determined and it takes a lot to not give in to instant gratification, but ultimately I know that it is more responsible of me to invest my money and there are ways around not having a vehicle. What I love to have a car, yes, of course, I will probably purchase one sometime soon. If I can and if the opportunity comes, but for the time being, I know that I made a promise to myself and I'm going to follow through with that. So I talked to my parents a lot about investing this weekend and I learned a lot and really sat down and took the time to start getting an understanding of it. Does that mean that I now know what I'm doing? Absolutely not, but I just decided that I'm going to dedicate some time to myself to learn about it, to educate myself and to be responsible. I do, however, appreciate all of you who are telling me that I work hard and I deserve to buy a car that is so very sweet of you and it is a hard decision, obviously. Who wants to invest their money for their future selves when I could have a brand new car right now and get that instant gratification and be happy, like of course, everyone always wants that instant gratification, but I know in the back of my mind that it is more responsible of me to invest my money and I'm going to be learning a lot about that. It was one of my New Year's goals. I said that and now it is that hard part where it comes to you have to fall through with your goals that you made to yourself. Even if when it comes down to it, it isn't the easier decision or you want to back down, but I have decided to go that way. I'm very proud of myself. I'm excited for this new journey. I'm excited to educate myself and learn more because like I said, it's always been one of those topics that I am interested in. It's not that I don't want to invest my money. It's not that I don't want to learn about it. It just seems so far away and so out of reach because I literally am starting with zero knowledge about it, but it's never too late to learn something new. There are so many resources out there to learn a new thing every day and I'm dedicating time to researching and learning about it and even just after hanging out with my family I was talking to Brody about it and I was so inspired and it is so interesting. So I'm really excited for this new journey and to learn more about it and that also inspired me to start looking into someone who can educate us all. So I would love to have someone come on the show and talk about finances with us all so we can learn together if anyone is in the same boat of just seeming so lost and confused when it comes to investing and finances and financial literacy and all of that fun stuff that happens when you are an adult. But anyway, I'm really excited for this new chapter and I'm excited to educate myself and learn more about it and hopefully in the process help you as well if you've been having the same thoughts or feelings. What I'm having, okay, so get this. If you are in need of a self-care day or maybe it's the summertime and your board, all your friends are busy and you want to do something and you want to feel better, I have an instant hack for you. This is my code. This is my equation for the perfect little instant mood booster, okay. First thing you're going to do is put on your favorite athlete's shirt. Mine is usually the Aritzia Divinity Romper or Biker Shorts of some sort. I don't know what it is. Biker Shorts are my thing. There's nothing better than Biker Shorts for a hawker walk. And then you are going to set yourself up with your favorite podcast. Maybe it's the wellness cafe, maybe it's not, that is all good. But then you are going to get a tote bag and first up, you're going to go for a walk and get yourself your favorite drink. I got an ice latte. Your favorite drink always boosts your mood. You know, go treat yourself, get your favorite drink and then after your drink, la da da da da, you're on your walk, you're feeling happy, vibes are high already, immediately better. You are going to go by yourself flowers and put them in your tote bag. So they're sticking out and they're, you're carrying them on your shoulder. The sky is blue. Your favorite podcast is on, your mood is getting better, you're getting fresh air, sunlight. This is the ultimate elevated hawker walk. If you're ever feeling bored or sad or needs some self care or all your friends are busy, take your cell phone on a date. I actually have my flowers that I just bought right here next to me recording. Currently mood booster. Okay. If all your friends are busy, if you're all alone, if you're in a new city with new friends, you can take yourself out on a date and have a fun day. Not even a date. This is like, it can be half an hour, an hour. If you're on your lunch break and you're bored and just need something to pick up your mood, get outside, get active, listen to an inspiring podcast, get your favorite drink, treat yourself, buy yourself the flowers and that's just really what I'm having right now as a once a week, like a couple times a week, every two weeks, buy myself flowers, do the whole thing, do the damn thing, the works, the ultimate hawker walk and it's just nice to spend time alone and take yourself out on a date and you don't need anyone else to have fun. If you've got yourself, that's all that matters. Secondly, what I'm having, this is a snack that is really, it just is making me feel good. Okay. It's sometimes hard to have healthy snacks, but many cucumbers. I don't know what it is, it has to be the many ones, not just a big cucumber cut up. Go to the store, get the many cucumbers and hummus, best snack ever. I don't know what it is, the many cucumbers hit so different and you feel good when you eat it and nothing is better than food that fills you and makes you feel good and healthy and is also delicious. That is my favorite snack right now that I've been reaching for. Other than that, I talked about this last week, but gratitude journaling every morning in the sun or just fresh air, oh my goodness, it's what I look forward to really. I always say you should have a morning moment that you look forward to every morning before you set off on work or school or whatever your day is. Have a morning moment for yourself that gets you excited to get out of bed and journaling in the sun has really been doing that for me lately. I cannot recommend it enough. Oh, also one last thing for all my smoothie girls, if you love to have a high protein breakfast smoothie in the morning in the summer, that's just like nothing is better than a smoothie in the morning. It's my favorite. Yet, sometimes with smoothies, it's hard to have a balanced meal with your protein and fiber and greens, veggies. And one thing about me is my smoothie has to be thick, okay? It has to be hard to get it out of the straw. I like a thick smoothie, the thicker the better, but with that, I usually always have frozen bananas stocked in the freezer to make the consistency nice and thick. I realized that I was always using quite a bit of frozen fruit to get that consistency right. And there's nothing wrong with fruit, but I always felt like it made my smoothie unbalanced and I wasn't getting enough of everything. Anyway, long story short, frozen cauliflower. I got this idea actually from pre-made smoothies that I had a while back, you know, those like subscriptions that just get sent to your house. One of them had cauliflower in it and I just remembered this and started putting cauliflower in my smoothies to get that thick consistency up while also having just like a mix of all different nutrients and ingredients so that my smoothie is well balanced. I would highly recommend that if you have morning smoothies and you like a nice thick consistency, but want to make sure that your smoothie is well balanced and has just a ton of different vitamins and nutrients in it to support you for your day. What I'm grateful for, I realized that if this segment is going to help you develop your own gratitude practice, I should probably start reading from my journal and just let you know exactly what I'm writing down every day. Some things that I wrote in my gratitude journal today, I said I am grateful for host concepts, I am grateful for Brody, I'm grateful for my family, I am grateful that I get to move my body, I am grateful to live near the ocean, I am grateful for the sunshine on my face, for my health, for my new recording setup, for food in my fridge and for supportive loving friends. A gratitude practice can seem like such a big deal or it can seem like it's hard to get started on one, but it really doesn't have to be overcomplicated. So many wellness things get overcomplicated and confusing and I always get asked like what do you do for your gratitude practice, how can I get into this? Every morning I open up this journal and I just start thinking of all the positive things in my life, it doesn't have to like there's no certain thing that you have to write down, but just getting those positive thoughts flowing is going to raise your energy and just create a positive environment for you to start your day. What I am working on? So besides all the natural path stuff which I'm actually still waiting to go for my second visit, I had all my initial blood work done, just a little update for you if you're wondering, I had the blood work done and then since we wanted to cover all the bases and just really know what is going on because I've been having a lot of bloating like I was presenting symptoms that could possibly be SIBO or SIBO, however you want to pronounce it, just small intestine bacterial overgrowth. So I did a test for that last week, it was just a self test at home and I'm waiting for the results of that to come in before I go for my second appointment so that you know we've covered all of our bases and we know exactly what is going on. She just recommended that I also tested for that so that we didn't miss anything or leave anything out so that I don't have any updates on unfortunately it's been like I'm so eagerly waiting every single day waiting for them to say that they got my results and I can go in for my second test but that is still just a slow and steady process but I am excited and grateful that I even get to work with her so I'm still waiting on that but something new that I've really really been putting a conscious effort into working on is being present and not being on my phone. I almost gave myself the ick one night when Brody and I were laying in bed on TikTok and at the end of a busy day it's great to scroll on your phone and whatever like you social media we all do it I'm not going to pretend like I don't scroll at the end of my day but we were both doing it in bed one night and I literally was just so icked out and I thought to myself I'm like this we are chronically online like we have a life we could be living we could be doing things and why are we scrolling TikTok literally sending them to one another laying next to each other like just go fucking live your life so I've been making a very conscious effort of leaving my phone in different rooms leaving it when I go for walks and just living in real real life instead of online especially when it comes to what I was talking about in the Hawk Girl summer glow-up series about not getting fomo or just appreciating your life and what you have versus looking at what everyone else is doing I just I honestly icked myself out that's the best way I can describe it is I was just scrolling looking at Instagram stories whatever I just thought to myself why am I looking at what other people are doing with their life instead of just living my own when you just like really look at it and it's like why am I sitting in a bedroom looking at what people are doing instead of doing something for myself right now like of course don't get me wrong I love social media I'm not saying I'm canceling it and I'm not looking at people's stories anymore but I'm just trying to make a conscious effort of limiting that and especially when I was at home with my family this weekend I was really trying to make an effort of leaving my phone downstairs or not touching it the amount of times that I probably like pick up my phone in a day is just it has become habitual so I'm trying to break that habit of just needing to always pick it up like you don't need to pick up your phone so many times trend so that is what I'm working on just food for thought I thought I would share that with you especially as we come into summertime I think it's easier to get fomo and feel like you're not doing enough with your time in the summer when you're just consuming so much of everyone else's highlight reels or their summer vacations when you know you can just tune it out and step into reality and live in your own life rather than comparing yourself to everyone online and what they're doing okay now it is time to get into my advice hopefully I'm able to help some of you out take what you need from this episode and I know I don't need to put this out there but always remember that I don't know every detail of your life think of this as more just a conversation with a friend to talk about your feelings and what you're going through and not verbatim what you need to do in this situation but I will give you my best advice on what I think you should do the first one says I travel for work and I'm having a really challenging time trying to balance the things that are important to me first right off the bat this is so relatable balance is like what does balance even mean you know like trying to find a balance in your life is such a hard thing so right off the bat I can guarantee you that every single person listening to this right now feels the exact same way and this is something that I really struggle with especially working for myself and learning to you know take time off of work and just have fun and not always be thinking about work like this hits home for me so so in brackets it says time with my husband time with my friends time with my family pottery as a hobby and then my alone time with the little time I have when I am home it feels like a constant go go go and I don't feel like I have that many activities but more so there are so many people I love that I can't hang out with do you have any tips for time management and feeling balanced my initial thought like the first thing off my mind when I read this is that is like the ultimate struggle is trying to find that balance that we all go through and we all are searching for that balance when you're feeling go go go and trying to fit everything in this may not be what you need to hear but my initial thought especially when you said I feel go go go all the time trying to fit everything in in my own personal life I have found so many times when I'm always booked I'm always trying to make sure that I'm doing all the things I'm seeing my friends I'm doing work I'm doing like when you're trying to check off all the boxes and you feel go go go all the time something that I have learned is that when you are focusing so much on trying to check off all the boxes and trying to create that balance is when you can struggle with quote unquote balance the most I always find myself feeling over booked and that go go go feeling when I'm trying to make time for everything and allocate time to your fitness and your work and your long time and like you said your hobbies your friends all your relationships in your life so I do have other ways to help this that we will get into but first things first like the first thing that came to my mind is that when you're trying to do it all in my personal experience is when you run into these problems and feeling like oh my gosh I have to fit this in I have to do this I have to do this like it almost just creates such a sense of like you're always running on that hamster wheel and you have to do it all when really I have found that when I'm feeling like this the best thing to do is to slow down and realize that you don't have to fit it all in and that it isn't it isn't possible to fit it all in and if you're trying so hard to fit it all in that is only going to burn yourself out and it is so important to make sure that you're spending that time slowing down and just enjoying routine and enjoying the little things but when you're putting so much pressure on yourself to create that balance and tick all the boxes off and get everything done that is just putting so much extra stress on yourself to have it all figured out when really there isn't time for it all and that's just how it is if you're someone who likes to live a healthy lifestyle and maintain your physical and mental health and do all these self care habits and morning routines and if you have a ton of friends then if you have a ton of events to go to and like you said you traveling for work I know you said you're traveling for work but I can just I can relate so much because when I'm overbooking myself with travel and I have so many oh pretty much all my relationships in my life are long distance and when I'm trying to fit it all in and go to Toronto go to Edmonton go to Vancouver go to Coachella go to New York Fashion Week go back to LA I haven't seen Kate in forever because she's long distance and I just I haven't had time to go see her I would love to fit that in but I've realized that I feel the most stressed and can't show up as a good friend and I can't show up as a good person for myself and for others when I'm overbooking myself and always trying to get on a flight to go see my friends who I haven't seen in a while and then I'm trying to come home and then I'm trying to do all this stuff so my biggest tip is I know it can seem hard and it can seem counterintuitive but really the best thing to do to find balance is to slow down and have that time for yourself and have a long time at home just slow living and doing things that make you feel good because if you're trying to find that balance and you feel go go go all the time you don't have that time to charge your battery so that you can show up and then also figure out your priorities so what on that list makes you your happiest and feel your best because if there's anything on that list that is something that others expect from you or that you feel you need to go to to make others happy yes it's good to show up for others when they need you but if you're feeling so stressed out and like you're on a hamster wheel you need to dial it back and say okay what out of this is for me and what is going to make me feel my best so for myself when I'm trying to travel everywhere and see all my long distance relationships because relationships are such an important if not the most important part of your life I realize that I'm burning myself out to the point where I can't even show up as a good friend because I have been overworking myself and trying to fit it all in that I'm not even showing up as a good friend anymore so I think you need to look at everything that you're trying to fit in figure out what is going to make you the happiest on that list what is your top priority if you're someone who likes to practice a wellness lifestyle I would really prioritize working out moving your body and your time for you relationships are so important to life but if you're not making sure that you're prioritizing the time for you to feel good you can't show up as a good friend for others well like you can still show up as a good friend but obviously you're not going to show up as good of a friend as you could if you felt more inner peace and felt better with yourself so I would definitely say prioritize the things that are directly going to fill your cup up first and make sure that you're spending time doing the things you love that make you feel good and make you feel happy and the part where you said but more so there's so many people I love that I can't hang out with oh my gosh that is literally such a constant ache in my chest honestly that is what it feels like I always feel like I wish that I could be spending all my time with the people I love but unfortunately when you grow up and as we get older that just isn't realistic but a little text goes a long way and like I said all my long distance friendships a big thing that my friends and I do is we will FaceTime each other when we're cleaning when we're making our bed literally this morning I hadn't talked to Rachel in a while and I put her on FaceTime on my night stand as I was like cleaning my bed I wasn't even in the frame but it's like okay I have to make my bed I have to do my morning routine I have to clean my place but hey what's up what's going on so finding those little ways where it's like you can still be productive but check in I think FaceTime is like a great way to do this FaceTime your friends while you're cleaning instead of you know listening to music or a podcast it can be such a good time to check in with your friends and maintain those relationships and say how are you doing film me in what's up how are you are you good do need anything what is up just making that effort and that time to give someone a phone call like I always do my phone calls when I'm walking or like I said cleaning driving I always always always call people when I'm driving because it's like I'm stuck in this car anyway right now driving from point A to point B and this is the only time I have to call you so it's like hey how are you miss you I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you life has been so busy I wish I could see you but I have five minutes right now while I'm driving let's catch up and back to the friendships aspect and feeling like there's so many people you love that you always want to see I think that's something that is just always going to be weird to navigate because you grow up and you're going to school every day and with your friends seeing them every day if you go to the same school and just when you're younger obviously it's so much easier to see your friends very often and then when you grow up it's kind of like you expect it to still be like that and that that is what a good friendship looks like but as we get older when you're trying to balance everything a good friendship just means that you're there for them when you need them and to have time for everyone doesn't have to look like a big long hangout of course that would be ideal but like you said unfortunately it's not really possible to do a big long hangout and catch up with everyone you love every single week go to work workout take time for yourself do your hobbies maintain all your relationships and something that I've really just been coming to terms with myself lately is that you really just have to appreciate those little moments that you can get with your friends and habit stacking so a lot of my adult friendships right now look like checking in while we're cleaning our houses and face timing because unfortunately we don't live in the same cities anymore or we don't even have time to see each other even if we did and that is just adult friendships but you're still there for them when you need them send them a text that you're thinking about them you miss them those little gestures go a long way sending I love to send my friends if I know that they're having a bad day or even if I'm just missing them or if they did something if there is something to celebrate I love sending my friends a little $10 Starbucks EGIF card and I love how you can choose the little different Starbucks cards and they're always so cute and cheesy and I just like to send them to my friends or my family and just send a little message and say thinking of you miss you go get coffee on me you know if you're not there to get coffee with them and you haven't had a coffee date in a while those tiny little things really do go a long way and realizing that and accepting that and just coming to terms with relationships are going to look different as you are in adulthood and trying to balance everything but I think the most important thing is that a little goes a long way and then last and final answer for this is that you have to trim trim trim exam in your life and see if there's anything that you're saying yes to just out of habit or out of like trying to please other people make sure that you are being very very wise with your time and your energy because we only have so much and you need to prioritize the things that are making you feel good and trim out those things that you are maybe saying yes to or making time for that aren't really serving you and maybe you're just doing it out of habit or because you think you need to but if something isn't making you feel good if it isn't making you money if it isn't making you happy you don't have to say yes and I think sometimes we can just be so accustomed to saying yes to all these things and not really taking that time to be like wait a second why am I making time for this is it because I'm used to it and feel obligated to or is this something that I'm choosing to make time for for me so to summarize that was kind of all over the place is sometimes the best thing that you can do when you're trying to balance and fit everything in is really taking a step back and slowing down and filling your cup up instead of trying to balance everything and fit everything in because the thing that is going to balance you out the most and fill you up and recharge you is slowing down and taking a step back because it is okay to be selfish it's okay to fill your cup up first because you can't fill anyone else's cup up if you haven't filled yourself with rest and love and movement and healthy food and sleep and self care you really do need to take that step back for yourself and then number three we're going to trim out anything that isn't serving you anything that you feel obligated to do yet you don't really want to be doing in the first place guess what you don't have to do that you don't owe anyone your time if it isn't serving you and giving you happiness and energy and giving you something back in return you don't owe anyone any of your time because time is so valuable especially as we get older I'm pretty sure everyone listening to this can relate to trying to balance it all but you do not owe anyone your time because time is precious that was so very long so I'm going to move on to the next right in I could probably make a whole episode about that okay the second right in says about two weeks ago I went on vacation I wanted to live my best life so I ate and drank everything I wanted to and then since coming home I have not been able to get back on track as far as my health and taking care of myself and I've just been feeling gross and unmotivated still eating a ton and not working out how to get back on track after a huge vacation binge question mark s os okay so first of all bestie that was not a huge vacation binge that is simply going on vacation and treating yourself you do not have to look at it as a negative you do not have to look at going on vacation and enjoying yourself and enjoying food and drinking as a vacation binge or getting off track you simply went on vacation and you enjoyed yourself and you are allowed to do that and you should do that don't feel bad or don't feel like you did something wrong even if you practice a wellness lifestyle and like to take care of yourself you need to have those times where you just don't give a shit and you go relax and have fun and I am so happy that you got to do that but do not look at it as a negative and don't beat yourself up over it that is so like so totally fine everyone goes on vacation and has fun and doesn't work out and just eats whatever they want once in a while it's a vacation for a reason because you're just taking a break from your life and your responsibilities and that is so fine and this may be tedious to hear because I feel like all my advice really always comes down to minds that work but I feel like the best thing to do is realizing that what you did is okay going on vacation and taking a break is okay that doesn't mean that you got off track or that you fell off quote unquote because if you're looking at it as a negative that just creates such a negative mindset and in order to thrive and take care of yourself and cultivate a positive environment thinking that you did something wrong or bad is just going to add fuel to the fire so my biggest piece of advice is just allowing yourself that grace and being kind to yourself and saying you know what I deserved that vacation I had fun I made memories I enjoyed myself I enjoyed food and I did what I wanted to and you have that vacation you have amazing memories that will last yourself a lifetime and then when you get home you just say okay back to real life that was a vacation for a reason and now that I'm home you just have to keep it going that's always whenever I'm at a point where I'm feeling like it's hard to do the habits I just tell myself it doesn't matter if this isn't something I want to do I know that I have to do these habits to feel my best and have good mental health and just keep it going I know what's easier said than done but really you just have to look at it as okay what I did was fine and now let's just get back on track let's move my body in ways that feel good let's have healthy food that's going to make me feel good and sometimes you just have to have that willpower to get back to the things that make you feel good even if it's hard and focus on that delayed gratification that we talked about because it can be so easy to give into that instant gratification of relaxing on the couch and watching TV but in hindsight you know that you will feel better if you go to the gym so you have to have the strength to wait it out for that delayed gratification get your butt to the gym do your journaling do all the things that make you feel good and just know that the results will come but yeah of course are you going to feel instantly better after eating healthy once no and that's why it's so easy to give into that instant gratification of reaching for something that may taste good but isn't going to make you feel good which is okay once in a while but when it comes down to it making the healthier decisions for your body isn't usually instant gratification and that's why it's so tricky so you just have to remember that this is delayed gratification and you will get the benefits just sometimes not right away and that's what makes it so difficult and it is hard even not even with the gym like I just talked about with the car I want a car of course who doesn't want to go drive around in a new car and blow money it is such an instant gratification but I have really learned that it is worth it to wait it out and get that delayed gratification and do the hard thing now so in the future it's easy as you know by now I take my gut health very seriously gut health is the center for all of the things the gut brain connection is so strong and most of the times that I've personally had acne flare ups it has had to do with yep my gut health and that is why I am so proud and excited that athletic greens is an official sponsor of the wellness cafe you don't hear me say very many ads on this show because I will never promote something just for the money but I'm so aligned and obsessed with AG1 by athletic greens that it just fits I was already telling you about them before getting paid for it I gave AG1 to try almost a year ago because I wanted better gut health increased energy and I'm not someone who remembers to take like a bunch of different pills and vitamins I just was looking for a supplement that tasted good was an easy habit to incorporate into my routine and wasn't all in one essential I take AG1 in the morning before working out and it makes me feel ready to take on the day it's one nutritional drink that's all your key health products like multi vitamins minerals pre and probiotics and more working together as one my naturopath wanted me to bring in all the labels of my supplements to go over and I literally brought in AG1 and some magnesium and she was like oh people usually bring in so many bottles I was like no girl I got it all in one with AG1 didn't mean for that to rhyme so if you want to take ownership of your health today is a good time to start athletic greens is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase go to athletic greens dot com slash wellness cafe that's athletic greens dot com slash wellness cafe the link will be in the show notes as always thank you athletic greens for sponsoring today's episode okay next one this is a little juicy so I wanted to throw it in so we can live through you she said okay I need your help to decide if I go to another state to visit a guy this summer so a little background we met about a year ago on a plane flying to Florida it was his first flight ever and we talked the entire way because he was so nervous it was the easiest conversation ever it felt like fate that we even sat next to each other they were assigned seats and somehow no one sat in between us when the flight was over we got each other's contact info and when are separate ways we didn't talk for about six months first of all that does sound like fate to me like that is so what are the odds that you were sat next to the cute boy on the plane and you hit it off that is like every girl's dream when they're going on vacation with their family is like I'm going to meet a cute boy when I go on vacation like that is fate she said then out of nowhere we started talking again at this past November our conversation started dying out in February but he randomly was like what do you want to do this weekend and I jokingly said I'll see you for dinner tomorrow night one day later he drove 10 hours to come see me for dinner I was so surprised oh my goodness that is so so so so so sweet he just surprised you and drove 10 hours we we are wife in this boy I mean I guess not wafing this boy but we are keeping this boy said we had so much fun going out that night we got dinner and drinks and spent just four short hours together and then went our separate ways again this time we stayed caught up with each other through FaceTime each week and have gotten to know each other a lot better flashback to just three weeks ago and he drove to see me again his car even broke down on the way but he still made plans to find a way out here because he didn't want to cancel okay okay this boy loves you I think that you may have put a spell on this boy a true spell because you are clearly a witch I live for this okay this time we went to a baseball game hiking dinner explored a couple of cities and to the mountains for a day trip it felt like a lifetime packed into two days and somehow I just felt so relaxed around him which normally I'm so anxious on dates and feel like I need to act a certain way this time I just felt like I was hanging out with one of my friends I've known my whole life so now the question stands do I go see him next month he is so much different from the guys I've dated in the past and I don't know if he is my type I really enjoy my time with him but I'm definitely not close enough to knowing if we should be in a relationship or not he has the dates picked out that I can visit but now I am freaking out I'm not sure if I want to date long distance but I want to get to know him more while also not leading him on if that makes sense trim what do I do my initial gut reaction you already know what I'm going to say is that everything happens for a reason it was fate that you two were seated next to each other on that plane that is how I view every single thing in my life and bestie the fact that he is reaching out he is making plans and on top of that he sounds like an absolute angel and when we find men who are angels we hold them close the fact that you said he reached out and planned the dates he's willing to drive 10 hours to come see you like don't let that boy go one thing that I've learned is when someone shows that they care about you hold them close and don't let them go he has really showed that he cares about you he's willing to like he made all those plans for you guys to go and do fun things like I don't think that you should ignore this or not pursue it and find out what is there even if it's not a relationship even if he's just a close friend or even if you just cherish the times that you see you had with one another if he makes you happy and he is making an effort to see you and make you happy I don't think you shouldn't not pursue it just because you don't know what's going to happen or you don't want to date long distance because if two people love one another they will figure it out so I don't think you should let the fear of the unknown hold you back from what you do know and you said that you feel comfortable around him he doesn't make you anxious you feel so happy and relaxed around him and people that make you feel like that are hard to come by so don't worry about the rest don't worry about the future you don't know what the future holds and one of the best things about the future is you get to decide what happens and what you do with your life so let's say you go visit him and then you get into a relationship and you are doing long distance well it doesn't have to be like that forever and I really just think that everything happens for a reason there it wasn't a coincidence that you were sat next to him on the plane and now he's making such a big effort to come see you he's asking you to come visit him you feel so amazing around him it happens so organically I really think you should go for it and that is crazy but also what do I always say there is no feeling in the world that is worse than thinking what if and if you don't go visit him because you're scared of what might happen or you don't know what it means you're always going to think what if so don't lose your chance you have someone that is showing you they care about you they are putting effort into you and I think that you should go for it because you don't want to lose this opportunity and look back and think what if I had just gone what if I wasn't so scared you can figure out the future you can figure out long distance you can figure out your labels in the future but just live your life in the present and what you do know is that you enjoy being with him he's making an effort for you and that is something that you know that counts for something that shouldn't go unnoticed that shouldn't be dismissed you'll figure the future out take it one day at a time and go visit him okay have the best time keep us updated I'm so happy for you everything happens for a reason okay the next one says hi Trin firstly I just wanted to send you some love and gratitude for all the hard times you've helped me through thank you honestly thank you for listening thank you for being here I am just a voice on a mic well I mean I'm your friend but like what I meant by that is that you took my advice and you helped yourself with that you know at the end of the day that wasn't me you are strong you did it on your own I'm kind of going off here because so many of you reach out and you're like I want to thank you so much like you helped me so much and oh it made I get so freaking emotional when you take the time out of your day to send those messages to me but I just really want you to know that if you were able to help yourself with my advice I want you to know how strong that you are because at the end of the day so many people can hear advice and hear all these tips and not take action but if you were able to implement it and really make a difference in your life I want you to know how proud I am of you because that takes a lot of determination and strength and I am proud of you okay next it says anyway I'm 17 years old and recently entered into my first ever proper relationship I was just wondering whether there was any advice or anything you might say to me if you could this might seem like a lame question but you've never guided me wrong and I want to make sure that I don't go both this relationship the wrong way and do myself dirty oh okay younger self well first of all congratulations I wish you the best of luck with your relationship and I hope it brings you a lot of happiness younger me what grade was I when I was 17 I was in grade 12 hmm okay well the first thing that is coming to my mind that I wish that like that could have saved me a lot of tears I talked about this in the episode with Brody but I don't know why I just I loved to test Brody when I was younger and that sounds fucking psychotic of me to listen back to but I don't know why like I would just I would always test him and he didn't know he was being tested so he would fail you know it's like if he was like do you want me to come and I said no hoping he would anyway like boys brains are so simple if I say no he's not going to come and I used to do weird stupid shit like that all the time literally psychotic shit shadow Brody for still being with me because okay it wasn't that bad but you know just like weird stuff like that and one thing I've really learned about all the relationships in my life as I grow up is that no one is a mind reader and you really need to communicate how you're feeling and your feelings so that is my biggest piece of advice is don't test someone to see if they just know what the right answer is and how to treat you if you've never told them like that is setting yourself up to be hurt is the only thing you're doing the amount of times where I would just like secretly be testing Brody and he didn't know and then I would cry because he didn't pass the test and for some reason I would be mad at him for not passing the test I don't know maybe that's psychotic of me but that is one thing I wouldn't do so I guess what I would do is communicate your feelings if there's something that you want if there's something you're expecting if there's something you're lacking have a conversation and always communicate how you're feeling have a conversation and just always respectfully communicate how you're feeling and use a lot of I feel statements not you do this just say I feel like this when this happens you know it's easy for I think just especially I'm looking back at when we were younger we didn't know how to communicate in a healthy way without getting defensive or it leading to an argument and there is such a beautiful healthy happy way to communicate when you learn how to do it so that is one thing that I wish we would have put more effort into younger but I mean at that age you don't know you don't know how to have a healthy relationship or communicate in a healthy way if it's never been taught well not that it wasn't taught you know I don't know all those things take a while to figure out and that's why it is so hard getting into a relationship so young because you haven't had time to learn how to express your feelings properly and how to communicate in a healthy way that doesn't hurt anyone's feelings like all those things are learning curves in younger relationships and I honestly would say that is my biggest piece of advice is learn healthy communication I think that that is the backbone to every single healthy relationship I have and learning how to properly communicate my feelings to Brodie and how to properly work through issues has been a lifesaver because it is unrealistic to think that any relationship in your life is going to be happy all the time there's going to be ups and downs there is going to be disagreements no two people on this planet should agree on every single thing all the time and if they did that would just be boring if Brodie and I had agreed on every single thing from grade 10 till now I would have been gone in grade 11 because I would have been so bored you know you can't that's so bad to say it loud but come on it's true so what is going to help you through that is learning how to communicate effectively and everything takes time it is going to take a while to adjust to it but I just think communication is key it is everything telling those that you care about how you feel telling them like just don't bottle anything in and there's always a healthy way to work through every single issue so instead of just expecting everything to be happy all the time know that there is going to be ups and downs and learning how to work through it in a healthy way that doesn't lead to arguments is one of the best things that you can ever learn oh my goodness I was going to move on to more submissions but this has been such a long episode so I'm going to save them for another ask Trin another time or maybe even a YouTube video I don't know I will get to them I'll get into the submissions that I didn't go over today I hope that you were able to take something you need from today's episode even if the writings didn't like exactly match up what was going through your life I hope that this was able to just help you feel not alone with your issues that you're going through know that every single person is navigating life together no one has everything figured out we are all really going through the same shit yet no one talks about it all the time so just know that you're not alone and love you all so much I hope you have an amazing week wake up early have your morning moment you deserve that for yourself I love you and I will see you next time