89. valentines episode: how to make relationships last, keep the spark alive & communicate effectively

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ It is the month of love, girlfriend's February already. How did we get here? I don't know. But today I have a special episode for you with my boyfriend Brody. For those of you who are new here, Brody and I have been dating since high school, so this year is actually our ninth anniversary, and that is insane to think about. But starting today so young, we've been through a lot together, as you can imagine, and not only have we literally physically grown up together, we have really grown as a couple and learned how to have an adult relationship that is very different from the one we had when we first started dating. And I'd like to think that we know a thing or two about how to make relationships last and make it through those tough times that are inevitably going to happen to you throughout a relationship. It is not always smooth sailing. And with Valentine's around the corner, I thought this would be very fitting. So welcome back to the Wallace Cafe podcast. You're go to Hawkerwalk Podcast. I'm your host, Trin Tondelier. So a couple episodes back, Brody hopped on the Lucky Girl Syndrome episode with me and I got so many replies from all of you asking for more Brody on the podcast and to come on again. So we're going to do that today and sit down and answer all your relationship questions. I asked for you to send in what you needed help with with relationships and what you wanted us to talk about. Okay, everyone, give a warm welcome to Brody. Welcome back. Welcome. Woo. Hi guys. Thank you for having me, Trin. Did you just root here, so? I just root myself. You root yourself. Don't thank me. Thank the people. They loved our episode together on Lucky Girl Syndrome and wanted you back. That's so exciting. It's also crazy, but it's exciting. That's crazy and exciting. We are just going to jump right into this episode and do it Q&A style because I asked you on the Wallace Cafe Instagram what questions you want us to answer and we're going to go through them. The first question is how did you two meet? And if you listened to episode four, it was the both of us. That was a very long time ago, but I said it from my point of view, so I thought it would be funny if Brody, you said the story from your point of view this time. You thought it'd be funny? I thought. You thought it'd be funny? Yeah, I thought it'd be funny to get, you know, both sides of the story. They've heard mine. They can go back and listen to it if they haven't. And, you know, I talk about you a lot on the pod. So here and there they've heard bits, but you are the star of the show. You're the guest today. So from your point of view, Brody, how did you fall madly in love with me? Oh gosh. So we met in high school, obviously. I was at a party with my girlfriend at the time. And I went to a party that I didn't know anyone and was because Trina and I went to different high schools. And I was sitting by myself at this party and Trina came up to me and just started talking to me and introduced herself because we had mutual friends and we just ended up talking for pretty much the whole night, eh? Yeah, I didn't leave the table. We just talked and just like... And that goes to show something because if Brody and I go out to the bar now, you cannot get me to sit next to you because I am on the dance floor. If I go missing, I am on the dance floor. I'm always dancing with my friends. So you must have done something really special to catch my attention that night. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Didn't I get up for one song? I said, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I remember we were talking and then what song was it? You're like... It was a flirty song, or it was fergalicious. It was fergalicious. You're like, hey, I'm having a really nice time talking to you, but I have to just go dance. I'll be back in three and a half minutes. I'm just like... to be... You know, how does it go? Fergalicious. Please, please, for the love of God, cut that. We were at this party talking and like we... we talked all night and then we obviously went our separate ways. Like I... I went back with the girl I was with at the time and you went back with your friends and then we... Oh, intermission, you're missing a part of the story. So we added each other and snapped at that time. That's what I was getting to. See you now. Right, right, right. No. No. I have an interview. I thought I was getting interviewed. No, I lied. And when I left that night, I was with Jess, who you all know, because we've been friends forever. And when I left that party that night with Jess, I looked at her and said, I'm going to date him when he breaks up with his girlfriend. Which is the worst thing to say ever, but they had only been dating for two months and we've been dating for nine years now. And we were in high school. It was high school relationships. And you know, they just say, when you know, you know, and I knew. I left. I said, I'm going to date him. And of course, in the moment, we didn't think anything of it. My friends were just like, yeah, okay, for sure. Trina, totally. And now look at us today. Now look at us. So yeah, then we obviously started like, where does that make us sound old? And then we started talking his friends over Snapchat for a little bit or for a couple months. And that really ages us. But we also did text. We were texting. Yeah, we just, we just talked. I honestly think we were those people having a combo on text and Snapchat. I remember. Like, that's really funny. And that. Like two separate combos on text and Snapchat. And that's actually the word. Yeah. And then. That was when you could still see best friends on Snapchat. Some of you may not know this depending on your age, but there used to be a time. This is tea. It caused some shit. Let me tell you. You could click on someone's Snapchat and it would tell you their top three best friends on Snapchat. And Brody's was me, his girlfriend and then his, one of his friends. But the thing is, is at the time when we were talking when there was overlap, if you want to call it overlap, it wasn't overlap because you and I literally were talking platonically, there was no flirting at all. Wait, do you remember the time where, because we lived in Edmonton, obviously, that it was like minus, what was it, like minus 45 degrees outside? Mm-hmm. And you had to like walk to work. I needed to ride home from work. You needed to ride home from work and it was like literally you could not go outside. And I remember like I was, I was 16, I had my fresh driving sort of things. Oh yeah, I was just using you for your life. Yeah. I was 14 working at the restaurant. I was, I got my 16 year old in my phone that I can use for his car. Oh, that's okay. And now we're here. Um, yeah, so I actually remember like just picking you up in the freezing cold. And you smelled like, what was that stuff? Cornstarch or corn bread? Corn bread? Corn bread? That's what it was funny. The girl I was talking to, we ended up breaking up and then we just kept like talking as friends. This guy, this guy put me through hell. We were, I thought I was telling the story. So we were talking as friends for probably like, after we broke up, probably like six months of just like hanging out every single day. Hanging out every single day at times. And when I say every single day, just like every single day. Every single day. I would pick you up from school. Every single day. We hung out every single day unless you had basketball practice or I had swimming. That's the most high school thing I've ever heard. But wait, since this is a Valentine's episode, that brings me back to what you made me do 10 years ago for Valentine's. Okay, for the 5% of guy listeners out there, I, I, I don't know how I can even say. I had a Valentine's Day date with, it makes me sound just, it was high school. I had a Valentine's. You were playing games, you were fucking around, you know that we girls want what we can't have and you played the game. It works so, so anyways. Looking back now, I'm actually pissed at you because I didn't realize you were playing games but like fuck off. Because Trina and I were friends and hung out every day. I had a Valentine's Day date with a different girl and I went to get a Valentine's Day gift. I think it was like the classic stuff. What was the day before Valentine's Day? Stuffies and like chocolate and I brought, I remember we were in superstore and I brought you to go like shopping for this girl's Valentine's Day stuff and you like picked it out. And then I, we just went home and I went on the Valentine's Day date but I remember like when I got home after we did that, I remember being like, I have so much more fun. Hanging out with Trina and I do with this girl and going on this Valentine's Day date. It's hard not to name drop, I keep trying to tell stories and thinking. Yeah, I just remember thinking like it was so much more fun hanging out with Trina and the girl I was going on this Valentine's Day date with and that was like a remember it was like a key point. Like after that, I went home and was like, maybe I do like her and I'm not just friends with her for the last year. That's when you realized you liked me? Yeah, that was, I'm not the smartest. Not a pro. So then what happened after that? I mean it just went on for more months. It went on for so long. Wait, we had a booster juice hang out on your birthday with Rachel, right? Yeah, I forget it was your birthday. Yeah, forget. Okay, looking back, you... This is not cute. We can't tell people this is how you fall in love. These are so many red flags. No, so okay. You were playing the games, Brody Hawkins, fuck around. So we ended up just hanging out and becoming like really, really good friends for like six months, hanging out every day, just having so much fun, hanging out in our car, like just going to... Okay, wait, wait, wait, because Valentine's Day is ten days before my birthday. My birthday is in February. Shout out all my other fellow Pisces, my intuition babies, water babies. Sorry, just had to throw that out there, Brody just looked at me with the biggest ick. I honestly give myself the ick for that one, but it's fine. It's fine. I'm also a Pisces. I didn't know I was an intuition baby and a water baby. I just learned something. Yeah, you picked me up from high school on my birthday because you could drive and I couldn't and took me to boost reduce and made me pay for my own boost reduce on my birthday. My 15th birthday, Brody. Yeah. What do you have to say for me? I don't have much to say for myself. You know what else happened? Wait, I won't jump ahead, but we will wrap this up. It's been eleven minutes of this. Oh, yeah. That's too long. Sorry, guys. So ultimately I had to end up telling him that I liked him over text because I was waiting. I was waiting. I was waiting. I'm Trinity motherfucking tondelier. I know my worth. I'm not going to have to chase this guy and you were in it for the long run. I remember when you texted me though, like because I was already asleep when you texted me. So like I woke up to this text. How was that for just like sitting on that? It was just deteriorating. I don't know if I say- You want to try that word one more time? It was what? Surely it wasn't deteriorating. Yeah, it was a struggle, but ultimately this man made me come out and say that I like him after hanging out every single day September, October. Wait, we talked to every single day, January, February, March, April. We started dating. Yeah, because- So three months. We hung out every single day three months without saying we had feelings for each other. And then you texted me and then after that was it kind of just- Yeah, I- We both- We ended up texting him and saying, hey, can we wrap this shit up? I'm tired of pretending like we don't like each other. And then like a couple weeks later he asked me out because he waited, okay, you were playing games, but you're also cheesy as fuck and waited until my favorite day. So our anniversary is on the 13th because 13 is my lucky number. What do you have to say for yourself about that one? That was actually planned and that was cool. Like what do I say about that? That was actually planned. And the last thing I'll say to wrap up this little story time is the day after we started dating, we all went to the same mall for lunch. In high school there was two high schools where we're from. You all go to the same mall for lunch. And I was so excited to see you and he just walked straight past me, didn't acknowledge me and I was like, okay, cool, we start dating and now you pretend like I don't exist. It's fine. That was- That was hang- I was hangry. And I- No, I actually just didn't see you. And then I remember being with my friends. You're not ever going to admit that you walked past me like two days a day. It's because that is the truth. I was hangry and I was rushing to Opa for a Greek wrap and I did not see you. Okay, but also like before we wrap it up. Do you remember like when we- remember like the first time we kissed and we just didn't stop for like- I guess we still haven't stopped. We just kissed one time and just- Because it was so painful, hang- this is so cheesy. I hate this a lot. Yeah, sorry. One thing about us, this is really weird for us that you guys are getting all this tea. Our friends don't even know this. Some of our friends haven't even seen us kiss. We are the biggest non-PDA couple. If Brody tries to kiss me in public, I get the ick and it's a red flag. Cool, that's really cool. No, but you agree and you don't try and kiss me. No, it's just like we're adults. Some of our friends have not seen us kiss, but anyway, yeah, once we finally admitted that we had feelings because for so long we were just hanging out platonically and then finally admitted it, I remember we would just park your car and kiss in your car and my mom would text me and say, Trina, in school tomorrow you guys coming in. Wait, so you'd be outside your parent's house? Yeah, because we didn't have our own place so we would just hang out in your car all the time. Anyway, there you go. There's your cheesy little how we met story for this Valentine's Day special that has taken up way too much time. I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry, sorry for so long. Okay, let's move on to the next question, which is, how do you guys keep your spark after dating for so long? I think this is a great one for you because I did the last one. You should see the fear in his eyes right now. I don't know what you're talking about. No, how do we keep the spark, please? Well, this is a tricky question because ultimately your relationship is never going to be the same as the honeymoon stage because I was actually listening to a podcast recently that was explaining how when something is new and exciting and you're getting those nerves to see someone for the first time, you are genuinely getting dopamine hits when you are excited to see someone and that is those initial butterfly feelings is your brain experiencing something new and therefore getting dopamine because of it. It's literally just science that when you become familiar with someone, those dopamine hits start to become less and less frequent because you're just starting to know someone and I wanted to share that when we're touching on this because if you feel like your spark is fading with your partner, that doesn't mean that things have changed or that he's not the one or they're not the one. It is literally just science and how your brain works, but there's definitely ways to keep your relationship spicy after time and keep things alive. I think we do this by traveling together. That's always something really fun that we enjoy to do. It's always fun to have something to look forward to. Like if we have a long-term plan, like in three months we're doing this, let's plan this and we come home and we're excited to search for hotels and search for cool things or even concerts, things like that. Yeah, exactly. And I've told you before that we did backpacking trips in May to Europe and Bali and those were really times where the months leading up to that trip was really quality time that we were excited to do something new together. So trying something new together kind of releases that same dopamine hit as when you're first starting to get to know someone. So you're getting those initial spark feelings back in a different way but doing it together and then of course the act of physically going on those trips together was really rewarding and exciting and we really like to, you and me are just crazy. We just do so much shit that people are like you two are crazy. Our parents think we're crazy, our friends think we're crazy. We always just try new things together, throw ourselves into scary situations and hope for the best. Yeah, because I feel like if you're going on a trip or planning a trip, like you obviously get that dopamine effect or that dopamine hit that you talked about earlier but you're also corresponding that with your partner too. Like you're having that fun experience with your partner. When you're on the trip you have those memories. Like we still talk about memories from all of our trips and like you just have. Just have those memories forever that always make us happy and smile whenever we bring them up and even I'm so grateful that I've logged those times together because we will be hanging out so many times and bring up a funny memory from one of our trips and just start dying of laughter all over again like we were just there and that happens quite often. Remember when we were in post-itano and we were a little bit wind drunk getting dinner because we got a bottle to the table and we were at the top deck I guess it was and we moved downstairs to get a better view and the waiter who was taking it was holding our bottle and we were just giggling walking down the stairs and having so much fun for some reason. Like it wasn't the story doesn't sound fun but I remember just having so much fun giggling in our fancy outfits in post-itano it was a lot of fun. I remember that as a funny one. I remember that too or the night that we had to stay in a hostel in post-itano. Yeah we also had to so for Trin we wanted to experience everything and we wanted to stay in a hostel and this girl booked one hostel bed for both of us so we had to split up. Obviously one hostel bed was pre-booked and then we had a different room for like the last minute hostel bed and we were just in a hostel in two different rooms in the middle of Italy. How old were we? I had just turned 18. And we're just in the middle of like with a bunch of random people speaking different languages like I remember texting each other and just... Well I really wanted to experience hostel sleeping and that experience that everyone talks about while we were traveling but we quickly realized that it's not something that I think is for couples and we woke up and booked a new fresh hotel and headed that way. But back to how we keep the spark alive. I also think with keeping the spark alive we're just like we're really good friends. We always have fun together and I think that should be a main priority between you and your partner is you should be friends first and enjoy each other's time and compliment one another's life and everything I just talked about in my last episode in friendship about supporting one another and communication that should all apply to you and your partner. Yeah absolutely. But essentially at the end of the day when you ask how to keep the spark alive it is genuinely science that the spark is never going to be the same as when you're first meeting. And we have like we have times where you want like your own space you want to just like go on a girls trip with your friends or just hang out with a bunch of people and like we just completely have our own lives too. It's not like we're completely dependent on each other. Like if we want to just I don't know I'm done with that thought. Well I can just piggyback off of that thought is that... We can just put a pin in it. We can turn it back. We don't need to pin it I'll piggyback on it. Is that the way you framed that made it sound like when our spark is lower I get away on a girls trip. Yeah I didn't mean that. I know I know what you meant is that we have very individual lives and it's times like that where I'm young and I have a lot of friends and they're very important to me just the same as Brody and I love them. So sometimes well you all know this you've been following my life for a while I'll go on trips without Brody but then when I come back from that trip I miss him and I'm so excited to see him again and then that gets like a little... We're always more excited to see each other when one of us has been gone. Yeah when we see each other after a big trip we're always just I'm always so excited to see you. I know and we just spend the whole night laughing and giggling like we're on our first day again. Yeah even if I've been gone for like two days. Yeah you'll be gone for two days and I'll just be so excited just to hang on. I know and even when I go to Edmonton I'll text him it'll be the second night or the first night I'm there and text you and say I miss you and we're both like fuck we are weak. Yeah that does happen. Anyway let's move on to the next question. We kind of touched on this briefly but we can go into this further is how do you maintain your balance in a relationship? I think that one is kind of what we're saying about having your own separate lives. You have we both have our own friend groups we hang out with people separately we have it's just having your own separate life it's just we're two separate people that are happy apart like in our own lives and we that makes us happy together in a relationship. Because oftentimes I hear people talk about relationships struggling because maybe one person is working on their career or anything etc that falls underneath that and the other is kind of just waiting for them and not doing their own thing and I think that's where you can fall into a lot of troubles when someone is more individual than the other but if you both are your own individual being and then just come together and join as one whole if that makes sense. You both have to have your own hobbies and interests and goals and that is why we make an effort and a point of not doing every single thing together because then you know that's not interesting if we both always do everything together and we know everything about each other every single second I don't think just because we're dating we have to spend every single moment of our lives together we still have to make individual memories and then memories together. Yeah I also think it's important to acknowledge when people are having their own lives especially like their career lives when one partner is reaching accomplishments or is really focused on their goals and achieving their goals you may feel like you're not focused on your career or it's not finding success at that point that's just a different chapter in your life and we've both had points where I'm having success in my career and I'm having a good chapter of my life and then there's points where you're having a really good chapter in your life and you're in your professional career and it's just and it's just going back and forth and just acknowledging that and just being supportive of each other. Because we both have things going on Brody is also very successful because a few of you I'm not very successful. Yes you are. A few of you sent in questions where it's like how do you deal with one being more successful than the other and we've never really touched on the fact that you have your degree and you're in a very good position for your age with the work that you're doing and you've been with the same company for 10 years and moved your way up with the company and Brody has his own career that's completely separate from mine and we both do our own thing and also just hobbies Brody goes to volleyball at nights at work and I have my sacred vibe time and do my night routine while he's gone. Which I found out about on TikTok. But I have sacred, you know I have sacred vibe time when you're gone. I know. I didn't realize the extent. They're pretty awesome. Now I go to volleyball in the back of my head. I'm always thinking like, Trent is vibing so hard at home right now that I'm kind of jealous. Oh 100% one of the other questions someone sent in was how do you deal with always being together at home all the time and do you ever need a long time? 100% I am absolutely. When you're gone I am vibing. I'm so pumped to have you out in the place to myself and there's nothing wrong with that. That's a human thing to just want some time alone and I know you get excited when I go on trips and you get the place to yourself. Yeah, you know what you've really taught me how to just enjoy being alone and like having the place to yourselves and literally having a five night. Like the stuff that you talk about on here because obviously I listened to the podcast every week. I literally listened to it and like when you were describing Candelette Pilates I was at work listening to this. You were able to do Candelette Pilates. I've considered it. And but like just like you know just vibing out doing skincare and just hanging out. That's something that I'm not about to admit. That might be something that I do sometimes alone. Not to the extent that you do. There's nothing wrong with guys doing skincare. I always say this it's good to pamper yourself in self care because it raises your confidence. It raises your positive energy and just creates a good atmosphere. There's nothing wrong with that. Not a single person listening to this is going to judge you for doing a drunk elephant skincare smoothie. I promise you that. I call it skincare. I call it drunk elephant soup. I think I shared that on an Instagram live actually. Oh you did. Like I call it drunk elephant soup and you best believe that when trend goes away I do drunk elephant soup sometimes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your drunk elephant soup. I just want to circle back and say one more thing about the topic we were talking about is that it is really beneficial and it's good to have separate interests from your partner. I remember in teen magazines like J14 it would tell you you know we all read the segment on how to get your crush to like you and it would tell you to have the same interest as them and read up on what they like and I never pretended to like the sports that you were into or know the same things as you and I think it is a huge green flag when you both have separate interests and you're not totally dependent on one another and their life and it is very beneficial and a green flag to both have separate interests and things that keep you unique in your relationship and then come together at the end of the day. Okay these two questions I'm going to throw together so the first question is how to overcome struggles and the second one is how to be honest with your partner without hurting their feelings because I think that that's a very key factor in how to overcome struggles because boy let me tell you when we first started dating in high school our arguments were not we got arguments and they were just crazy we didn't understand one another we didn't communicate we just they just got heated and out of hand when they shouldn't have and we've really taken the steps to be able to effectively communicate our feelings because that's one of the hardest parts of dating so young is you don't even know how to communicate in general so how are you supposed to know how to communicate with a partner and express your feelings when you don't really know how to do those on your own yet so our arguments definitely used to get out of hand in high school and just stupid and rude and not really get anywhere I think that we've really mastered how to overcome struggles together. Yeah I feel like we've grown from like you and I fighting each other to more communicating and then solving the problem as a group like instead of just trying to like win an argument and literally fight and say things we don't mean to each other we we say this is the problem this is what I'm feeling this is what you're feeling let's solve it and get past it. Yeah I agree we always say that we are a team and trying to overcome something together because our arguments will usually arise when we are stressed and moving to BC from Alberta when we're buying a house and dealing with periods of high stress when we don't know what we're doing arguments will arise because we're both very stressed and then we take a step back and realize that we are a team and we're doing this together and there's no reason to argue and get stressed we are going to figure it out. Yeah that's a great point. And another thing to overcome struggles we try our best to when we're communicating our issues or if someone's feeling stressed whatever the struggle is instead of saying you're doing this if you say I feel like this when you do this if that makes sense instead of like coming at it. Yeah it's not focusing on the action like you did this and I'm mad it's more this is how I feel this way when you do that. Yeah that's exactly what I was going to say. We've really come a long way in that I think it's very the way that you express your feelings. Communication is key in a relationship but also learning how to communicate in a healthy way that doesn't make one or the other feel attacked or like they did something wrong. Yeah because you're saying the same thing in both aspects you're saying this is what you did and this is how it makes me feel you're just because you know how you feel but the other person doesn't know how you feel you're saying in the in the first part like about the actions you're saying like you know how you feel but the action is what you're focusing on where instead you just focus and communicate how you feel and the action is not as important. That answers how to communicate without hurting the other's feelings because I do believe there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. If you come at it in attacking mode and it's not going to lead to anything the other person is going to get defensive and feel attacked and you're not going to get your feelings expressed correctly just really start it from I feel like this when this happens. Not you're being an asshole for doing this you know you're not saying how you feel you just have to communicate how you feel because of someone's actions and then that can lead to the steps on how to overcome that together but when it comes to overcoming struggles together when it is something unrelated that isn't because of the other person we are really really good at picking each other up and being there for each other and we really take turns and this is very 50-50 in our relationship even when it comes to cooking dinner we take equal turns 50-50 if someone's had a rough day or someone's more tired you just fill in for the other person when they can't be there. Yeah that's a very good point it's important if one person's super stressed and is just having a terrible day you just it's important to realize that and just help in any way that you can if you're having a normal day and the other person's having a terrible day that's the important part is to pick that person up and then when you're having a bad day they're there for you instead of having it just be one sided. But we even do a good job of that when even if we're both having a bad day putting your shit aside if the other person needs you more because sometimes you need to be there for them instead of just both having a bad day and coming home and being super negative I notice you do this a lot if you have shit that's going on but I need you you'll put it away and not even talk about your own personal problems and just be there for me and we both do that a lot. I kind of find it helps like if I have a bad day if I have a bad day at work and you have something more pressing or something that's really really stressing you that's important I find that it makes me feel better because I focus on your problem and you do the same thing where I focus on your problem and picking you up and it makes me feel better in the long run. Yeah exactly. I think that's pretty good. We deal with struggles okay. I mean we're obviously not perfect but we do a pretty good job. It's kind of hard trying to articulate how we do it because it just comes stuck in nature almost to us now because we've really just. Because we've had so long. Yeah we've been together so long that it's just second nature and our relationship is very healthy for the most part which I'm very thankful for but it definitely wasn't always like this like I said we were young and I feel like that is why high school relationships you don't generally see them last very very long because it's hard to grow up together and learn how to be a functioning human being together at the same time. Yeah you have to have two people that want to grow together and communicate together too that's important and I think that that's always in the back of our brains. When we were younger is that we both were very cognizant and aware of the fact that we are young so when we got in fights that got out of hand we both I always knew that we were just young and being stupid but I knew I loved you and that wasn't like a do or die it's just we are learning how to have a relationship and how to communicate and be mature adults. Yeah exactly. I think we're going to end off the episode for today here because we are recording at night since Brody was working all day so we only had a chance to do it at night time. We do have to go to bed and I have to start editing this for you but it was great to record together again hopefully that provided some insight into our relationship for your little Valentine's special. Thanks for having me. Anytime. I had lots of fun and I will come on whenever you guys want please feel free to let Trin know because I love hearing about it trust me. Okay also I just wanted to say that Trin is an expert at podcasting and I am still learning and I am realizing that I said the word like about 5,000 times and stuttered a little bit so I'm sorry but I will hopefully get better soon. No one is judging you here most of them have listened to my first couple of episodes that were very rough compared to where I met today. No one is judging you everyone is just happy to hear your insight into our relationship. Don't worry about it but I also just want to say for everyone listening all my single girlies out there that don't settle okay with Valentine's coming up I got a couple questions in the question box for today's episode on how to be okay with being single on Valentine's and I have said this a million times I will say it again. Buy yourself the flowers have a gallantine stay with your best friends you do not need anyone that doesn't treat you like a queen you are on your own timeline if you're surrounded by friends who are in a relationship and you're single you just haven't met the perfect person for you yet it doesn't mean you're not going to just continue focusing on your own goals and your own life and improving yourself on your own so that when the time comes and you do meet someone that you want to enter a relationship with you are fully formed and you can be in that relationship 100% and that person's out there for you you just haven't met them yet that person is 100% out there and you are going to be so happy yeah we say this to Jess all the time sorry Jess sorry sorry Jess but that person is out there and they're going to treat you amazing and they are going to be so perfect for you we say this to Jess all the time hi Jess love you miss you very much but that just goes to show in our friendship group there are a lot of us in relationships but a couple of our friends are still single and we always just remind them that your person is out there and we always make an effort to include honestly Jess is like the third member of this relationship yeah Jess rocks we always just really try to include her as much as we can so reach out to your friends you do not need a romantic partner to enjoy valentines you can take yourself on a date you can pour yourself a glass of wine make yourself dinner have a gallantine stay go hang out with your mom you can be her valentine stay you can be like who cares yeah valentine doesn't have to be romantic it's literally just valentines is really not a big deal and if you're scrolling social media and feeling sadness log out log off and you know just check yourself and go by yourself flowers because scrolling social media I always say this you don't even know if those couples actually like each other or if they're just posing for a picture okay so why would you let someone's post or their picture get you upset and in your feels when you're amazing on your own and you don't need anyone to feel validated or feel like you fit in because who really gives a shit about valentines your person is out there and you will find them oh also one last thing guys and girls out there who are in charge or want to be in charge of planning valentine stay this is your reminder this is it is Wednesday and valentines day is coming up very quick it is next Tuesday so start planning do something on the weekend if you want to avoid the busy dinner reservation or things on the Tuesday and just start planning quickly guys anyway we are very tired so we are going to wrap this up I hope you enjoyed today's episode I'm really sorry about the background noise when we record at night the streets are a little bit busier outside our house and there isn't anything I can do about it I'm really sorry I will try to upgrade the recording situation ASAP look into maybe studios if I have to in Vancouver because I know that the quality isn't the best but I want to say thank you for sticking around anyways and I'm aware of it and I will work on it and fix it in the near future okay I love you all I will see you next week mwah