93. listen to boost your confidence - imposter syndrome & how to overcome feelings of doubt

Do you ever feel like you don't belong somewhere or you're not good enough to do a task that you've been given? These are two signs of imposter syndrome and I am currently feeling a huge wave of it, girlfriends, and I thought that is what was fitting to talk about in today's episode because I know this is such a common feeling and I thought we would just unpack imposter syndrome and ways to overcome it in today's episode and tell you my own personal struggles with it and how I work on it so that you can feel like you're not alone and remember this next time you have waves of imposter syndrome. Welcome back to the Wellness Cafe podcast, your go-to hawkerwalk podcast. I'm your host, Trin Tondelier. And let me tell you the reason and what brought us to today's lovely imposter syndrome episode. I am recording live from Las Vegas. Yes, I know. My life has been go, go, go nonstop over the past month and a half, but I am recording live from Vegas. I landed Tuesday morning. It is Tuesday, you know I always record in real time. So it's like we're just FaceTiming and everything we talk about, it's like a real time FaceTime and it's just two friends catching up, well, or a girl gang, a group of friends, the whole group chat catching up, whatever you want it to be. But I landed, Brody and I landed in Vegas this morning for podcast movement evolutions. It is a four day podcasting convention going on in Las Vegas and me. What old me was invited to speak on a panel in Vegas at this conference and boy is the imposter syndrome at an all time high right now. And you know, I'm going about this trip and I'm posting that I'm so excited to speak on this panel. And today when I got my badge, I'm recording this kind of near the end of the day. I picked up my badge and it's really cool and a pinch me moment. It says speaker, Trin Tondelier, the wellness cafe. And if you would have told me when I started this podcast a little over a year and a half ago that I would be where I met today, I would never believe it. But I picked up the badge and I posted an Instagram story of the badge saying that I was checking in for the panel and the conference this weekend. And from my posts on Instagram, you would never be able to tell and you would never know that on the inside, I'm really struggling with a lot of imposter syndrome this weekend. And I'm actually quite nervous. And you know me every episode on the podcast is really unpacking what is going on behind the scenes of going for your goals and creating a wellness journey and creating really your ideal life and your dream lifestyle. What all goes on behind the scenes that you don't see. So I wanted to unpack it. I don't have any notes or anything written down for today's episode. But what started this thought was that I am obviously very nervous. I've never done public speaking before and you know, I used to be the girl who was terrified of being called on in class to public speak or read the textbook, whatever it may be. And it was my worst fear. And if you could tell me in high school that I'm now in Vegas speaking on a panel in front of who knows how many people and I feel very underqualified. I don't know how I got here. All these thoughts are going on through my mind and imposter syndrome is really harmful and it can really hold you back and affect your mindset and your confidence. So I wanted to talk about it today. So back to the Instagram stories. What inspired this is that from looking at my Instagram stories. Okay, how can I explain this? If you are someone that wants a podcast and you want to do what I do and you have a dream of starting your own podcast because I always tell you you can do whatever you put your mind to. Let's look at it from that point of view because this is what was going on in my brain. And you watch me on Instagram and you follow me and you're looking at me at this conference and it looks amazing and you aspire to do all these things yet. You see me posting my speaker badge and I'm at the conference and I'm going to speak on this panel and you look at this and say, I could never do that. I don't, I would never be able to do that. She has it all going on. She knows what she's doing. She's speaking on this panel. She has this very successful podcast when in reality on the other end of my Instagram stories. Yes, I want to post about it and this is such an amazing experience, but I never want you guys to think that I'm just super confident and I feel qualified to speak on a panel at a conference in Vegas at a huge podcasting conference because I do not feel qualified. And I'm really rambling on and on because if you can't tell, I'm nervous. My panel is tomorrow morning, but I just think it's very important to discuss this because I always tell you to go big and chase your dreams and make it happen for yourself. But it's important to talk about what happens behind the scenes when you start making the moves and seeing it pay off. Okay, that was a little bit of a ramble. So let's get some more structure going, trend and take it back to imposter syndrome. If you have never heard of this term and don't know what it is, I pulled up the definition of it and imposter syndrome is the persistent inability to believe. That one success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills. And I can personally think of so many examples of when I felt this in my own life and I'm sure you can too. And it's not a good feeling. And Rody is here with me and we're getting ready for the panel tomorrow. And one thing he said to me was if you feel imposter syndrome about what you're doing, it means that you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone enough. And then he said to me that he doesn't feel imposter syndrome ever anymore. And he used to and wishes that that was something that still came to him because he has felt a little stagnant in his job for a little while, which I don't think that he should. He's very successful for his age, but he has had the same corporate job for a couple years now. And he was explaining that he misses that feeling of imposter syndrome because it means that you're pushing yourself and trying new things. So yes, of course, little old me from a small town in Alberta doesn't feel qualified to be speaking on a panel in Las Vegas at a conference, but it means that I'm making moves to pursue my passions. And I am pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. And honestly, I would be lying if I told you that when I was first given this opportunity, it did cross my mind to not do it because I didn't feel ready. But then again, think about it, if you feel imposter syndrome about an opportunity that you've been given, if you weren't ready for it, it wouldn't have been given to you and you wouldn't have access to the opportunity if you weren't ready for it. It's funny. A lot of my DMS asked me for podcasting advice and tips on how to start a podcast because I always share how grateful I am for this community and that the podcast TWC is the number one thing in my life. Because you know this, you all are my people. This is my ride or die and my main priority in my life right now is this podcast. And I share about it all the time because I'm so passionate and so proud of what we have all built together. And a lot of people ask me how to start a podcast. And it's funny because sometimes in my brain, I think to myself, I don't know. I have no idea how to start a podcast. I just went to Best Buy and bought the cheapest mic I could and I started talking. You know, but really in reality, I have been doing this for almost two years and we have broken the top records in so many countries and we were listened to in over a hundred countries on Spotify this year. You know, I know what I'm doing. But for some reason, I don't feel qualified to answer how to start a podcast. And obviously when I think about it and sit down, I know that I am qualified and I know a lot about podcasting because I have built and we have all built such an amazing show together and I wouldn't be here without all of you. And I'm so deeply grateful for all of your support. And if you're listening to the show, it means the world to me. And I'm so happy and so blessed to be able to have this platform to share the topics that I share. And it really just means the world to me being able to talk about these things that I wish that someone had told these to me when I was younger. Sorry, I'm rambling. I always just get off because I'm so grateful. But back to knowing how to start a podcast, I know that I am qualified to answer these questions. I know that in my gut. But my first initial instinct when people ask me is, why are you asking me? I don't know. I just do this for fun. And I just started this little passion project, you know, so it's really weird when you're going and pursuing all these big goals and big dreams, it's going to get uncomfortable. But I really truly believe that when you're uncomfortable, that is when the magic happens and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is where the magic happens. Yes, you're going to feel uncomfortable. If you're doing something new, you're going to feel unqualified. You're going to feel not good enough. But I think that trying new things isn't a matter of your skill said. It's about your confidence. And if you have confidence and know that you are going to try it, whether you fail or succeed, it wasn't a failure if you put yourself out there and you tried something new. And if it doesn't work out, well, at least you know, and you don't have to think what if this is kind of all over the place. But I really just, I thought I needed to share this message because I tell you all the time to dream big and go for your goals. And a big part of dreaming and vision boards and your dream life is looking up to people for inspiration and aspiring to be like others. And I've read so many DMs from you all saying that you look up to me and want a podcast like mine, which one, I am flattered and honored and you can have it. I know you can make it happen. If you don't give up and two, I thought it would be rude and unfair to you to not touch on this deeper because I know I have touched on imposter syndrome before when, especially I think I touched on it when right before I was going to Paris with drunk elephant because I was like, how did I get invited here? What am I doing here? I'm so out of place, but I really just feel like it's important to speak on further, especially with a podcast that is so centered around chasing your dreams and pushing boundaries and being courageous because this is a reality of the other side of what comes with trying new things and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. But truly, it's just funny how the world works because most the time, the people who you're looking up to and the people who are doing what you want to do, they don't know what they're doing either. Okay? Or at least they don't think they do. You know what I mean? Everyone is just going with the flow. And if you're looking up to someone and you want to do what they're doing, but you think that you could never get there and you don't know how to do it, teach yourself and learn and you can get there. No one has it all figured out. And that's the funny thing is that everyone you talk to, everyone, okay? Every single person says that they don't know what they're doing and they don't know what's going on. It's like you never feel qualified or good enough. I have no idea, no idea how to public speak. And I'm speaking in front of so many people tomorrow on a stage with a badge on that says my first and last name and my podcast name, I record this podcast. Okay, this is what goes on in my mind. I'm not sure that these people know that I record this podcast from my bedroom, like I'm just on a FaceTime call with my best friends, like as if I feel ready to speak on a panel in Vegas on a stage in a blazer, even though I wear a blazer every single day for some reason, it's different when I'm actually being a business woman, making moves. Like you know what I mean? No one knows what they're doing. And it's not that serious. This goes for any job really. It's funny. Some of my friends are teachers and nurses and they've gone to school, right? They're amazing at their jobs. They're qualified. They wouldn't have got the job if they weren't qualified, but they all feel like they don't know what they're doing. And that's the case for most people. When you're just starting and you're just trying something new. So you can't let that discourage you and those feelings of not feeling good enough and feeling like an imposter and a fraud and feeling like you don't know how you got to where you are. All those feelings are just so common and you just can't let them stop you from putting yourself out there and trying something new and getting your hands dirty because it's true. If you feel imposter syndrome, you're probably not pushing yourself. And that's also fine. I don't believe that you need it to be always hustling and caught up in hustle culture and goals. It is completely 100% okay to be happy with where you're at. But I'm just speaking on this topic from the side of people who feel imposter syndrome to know that it's okay if you're feeling this and everyone feels like this. And that means that you're pushing yourself, which you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing because it is not easy to try something new and push yourself outside of your comfort zone and get uncomfortable. It is so scary to take risks. So the fact that you're putting yourself out there and trying new things that make you feel uncomfortable in the first place is amazing and you should be so proud of yourself for getting to that point. Okay, there is like a new helicopter or plane flying over this hotel every five minutes in Vegas. So I'm sorry if you can hear them in the background, but now that we've unpacked that, let's talk about ways to overcome imposter syndrome. And first of all, I think just normalizing it and knowing that it never goes away and everyone feels it is the biggest part because no matter who you are, you feel it at some point. And even if you reach your goals and level up, it doesn't go away. Those feelings will always be there. At least they've always been there in my case, no matter how far along I've come and how many goals I reach. So I'm assuming that it goes the same for everyone else and everyone that I talk to also feels the same way. It doesn't matter what position you're in or how far along you've come in your career or any situation, it never goes away. And that's just why I thought it was so important to share this with you. And I thought this would be so good for today's episode and just pairing that along with seeing me go on this journey and this new opportunity to speak at this panel this weekend. I just wanted to be real on the other side of it because I always keep it real over on the podcast. You know what is actually going on because I don't want to sugarcoat anything, especially when it comes to creating your dream life and going after your goals. There are so many unglamorous sides that come to it. And I just never want to glamorize it. And I just thought it was so important to share this with you because it's still here. I'm still feeling it, you know, even at this convention and panel, it's higher than it's ever been. Number two is taking care of yourself and just really prioritizing those habits that make you feel your best when you're in an uncomfortable situation that you know is stepping out of your comfort zone. It's really important to dial it back in and go back to those habits and rituals that make you feel your best and show up as your happiest and healthiest self. And you know, I packed all the wellness goodies on this trip so that I can show up as my best self and feel my best during the week. And most importantly for my panel, I really like to hone in on my wellness rituals when I am stepping outside of my comfort zone because those are things that really just bring me back to feeling confident and knowing who I am and feeling good and ready for the next step and ready for whatever life brings me. So I brought all the skincare. The face rollers here, it's in the fridge. The sheet mask is in the fridge. My ice roller, my gua shaw. I brought all the things, you know, we are doing the seven step drunk elephant skincare smoothie no matter what because that is what makes me feel my best. And I always travel with my workout clothes, Brody and I are planning on going to the gym tomorrow morning before my panel. I know it's important to get a good sleep, but it's also important to wake up and stay on top of my routine and go to the gym because I know that it will make me feel better getting that in dwarf and rush and doing the things that make you feel good. So in return, you feel more confident and prepared to do what you have to do, even if you're feeling scared to do it. You all know how much a workout does for my mental health and my mood. And I just know that waking up early instead of like catching up on sleep or getting like an hour longer sleep will not be as beneficial as if I wake up in the morning and go sweat and get my heart rate up and get those endorphins. That is when I feel my best and show up as my best self. Another way I stay on top of my wellness habits while traveling is actually thanks to today's first sponsor, athletic greens. AG one is a nutritional drink made with 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, and whole food sourced ingredients that essentially just delivers benefits like mood boosting, immune system, sleep support, more energy and so much more. I started drinking AG one in the summertime and it is my favorite thing ever, especially just to be able to bring the travel packets with me to stay feeling like my happiest, healthiest self, there's nothing worse than feeling kroggy and tired and not like your best self while traveling. And that is why I just love my AG one travel packs for on the go. It's all your key health products like multivitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and more. And it just helps your gut so that your whole body can thrive. You know that I've really been into the gut brain connection lately. And if your gut is out of check, you're just out of check and we can't have that. Okay, especially when we have big moments like speaking on a panel. But when I'm at home, I just love to take AG one in the morning or before a workout. It just makes me feel good about myself. And I know that I'm helping my body. It's so easy to just make a drink. If that makes sense, it's not a hard habit, but it provides so many nutrients for your body with one simple drink. And you know that I also cut caffeine in the morning and I cut coffee on an empty stomach in the morning for my gut health and switching coffee for gut healthy drinks like AG one has made such a difference in how I feel. I will just never go back. I talk about this to everyone I meet. It is the wellness habit that I am obsessed with right now. I like to drink AG one on its own with ice water or you can even add a little orange juice or pineapple juice to it in the morning and make it like a fruity little green juice. It makes you feel so good and really kickstart your morning. And I also just like that AG one is delivered monthly so I don't have to think about it. And the travel packs are essential for on the go. Even when we're at Big White on a ski trip, everyone was having their morning coffee with Bailey's and I was like absolutely not no chance I am not having that. I'm making my AG one first thing. This girl is taking care of her gut health and it just feels so good knowing that I'm taking care of my health and my gut. So if you want to take ownership of your health, today is a good time to start. ATHETTA GREENS is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com slash wellness cafe. That's athleticgreens.com slash wellness cafe. Check it out. The link will be in the show notes. Another thing that is really helpful whenever you're feeling those thoughts of imposter syndrome and I know I may sound like a broken record, but it's because it works and that is your positive affirmations and mindset training and specifically in terms of feeling imposter syndrome, replacing those thoughts of not feeling worthy, feeling like you don't belong, feeling like you are a fraud and don't know what you're doing, whatever the case may be for you. Stopping those thoughts right in their tracks saying, hell no, not today, replacing it with I am worthy. I am capable. I got this. Okay. Remember who the fuck you are because you can do it and you got it. I absolutely just pause to laugh because I don't like listening to my laugh back on the pod recording, but in all seriousness, though, it works. Okay. Look in the mirror. Tell yourself you're worthy. Tell yourself that you wouldn't have this opportunity if you weren't ready for it. And remember that everyone feels imposter syndrome and it's normal when you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. So when you practice those positive affirmations and mindset training and gratitude, all the gratitude practices, all the journaling, it will remind you to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks and remind you who you are because you are capable wherever you got, whatever point you've gotten to, you're capable of doing what it has brought you because you got there for a reason because you've been working hard and you can do it. And another really important step to stopping those negative thoughts and replacing it with positive affirmations is just remembering that everyone has these feelings. And that is why I really just felt called to share this with you all today as I gear up for my panels tomorrow morning. I really felt that I needed to share this because I talked so much about chasing your dreams. It would be rude to not talk about the unclamorous side. And next time that you're having those thoughts of imposter syndrome pop into your head, hopefully you can remember this episode and remember that everyone has those thoughts. You just need to be equipped with the right tools to stop them and not let them get to you, even though it is hard. I know you just have to keep rewiring those thought patterns until they eventually go away and get less frequent. Lastly, you know that I'm always prioritizing my wellness by making sure I'm drinking enough water. You always feel when you're getting the right amount of water in. For me, my skin feels way better. I have more energy. I'm more alert. It just really affects you, you know, which brings us to the second sponsor of today's episode, but really this is just me being able to pay my rent from products I already love and talk about so much. I'm really, truly grateful to be able to have the show sponsored by two brands that I absolutely adore. And this is really exciting to me as I start to transition to being more podcast focused instead of my personal socials. You will have to hear a little bit more ad coverage, but you know, you got to do what you got to do. Anyway. I've been talking about my Stanley Quentcher so much recently. It has been my saving grace as to why I'm able to stay hydrated. I 100% recommend investing in this water bottle. If you are trying to increase your water intake and let me tell you why. One, because personally I need a straw to drink a lot of water. It's just how it works. Okay. Because if I don't know if I'm sitting at a coffee table or if I'm sitting scrolling TikTok or in the middle of a workout class, you can just easily grab your water bottle and drink it. If you've been watching my recent vlogs, I go through so many refills of my Stanley Quentcher a day. It really has just become part of my routine, not to mention it looks aesthetic. Okay. On your nightstand at your desk next to your yoga mat, it just fits the vibe and it also fits the water bottle holder in your car. If I have a water bottle that doesn't fit in that little holder spot, I'm not bringing it and I'm dehydrated. Okay. It's not fun. That's why the Stanley Quentcher is perfect for that. The Stanley Quentcher is the perfect addition to your routine and I have a link and a discount code for you. Of course, it will be in the show notes. Following up on that Vegas-wise to prepare for the panel, I fought the temptation today. Okay. We walked into the hotel and I saw a lovely little Pina Colada machine that it was testing me. Okay. It was testing me, but I knew that I shouldn't drink today because obviously you're not going to show up as your best, happiest, healthiest self if you've been drinking alcohol. So I stuck to water today, so I'm feeling my best and more alert for tomorrow morning, but the panel is from nine till 10. Ten on one, I will have a Pina Colada in my hand and rocking the rest of Vegas. Okay. Balance. You have to know the time and place and hydration is really important when you have to show up as your best self. Also after a couple of ads, I just wanted to touch on a message I received this week on the podcast because like I said, before I talked about Stanley, I am transitioning to be more podcast focused and really be able to give the Wellness Cafe and TWC community my full undivided attention because it is a lot to balance the personal socials and the podcast socials and all on my own. And the podcast is what fulfills me the most and it's where I see myself putting more of my attention. So there will have to be some ads here and there that's just how it has to be if I'm able to support myself from the show, which I'm so freaking grateful to be able to do in the first place. And I would not have any of these opportunities without you. If you listen to the show, you mean the world to me and I'm so excited and so grateful. But that leads me to a message that I got a couple of days ago and I also shared this on the Wellness Cafe Instagram. I shared a story because I received a message saying that I had started to hide too many brand deals in the episodes and too many products mentions. And I just wanted to emphasize and reiterate that when you hear me talking about my favorite products, like I've been talking about the Lulu scuba hoodie and the Lulu pants I've been loving lately and all the times before you heard me talk about my Stanley Cup, whenever I'm just talking about a product that is my genuine just sharing the products I'm loving because there is no gatekeeping over here. I am letting you know what works, what I'm loving, what gets the job done. And when I'm being paid for something and paid to talk about the products I love, you can easily tell there's no hiding if something is an ad there will most likely be a call to action at the end and a link in the show notes. So whenever I'm just randomly talking about products, I want you to know that that is just my honest opinion because I'm not a gatekeeping girl. I am sharing my knowledge with you all. But when I do get a sponsor, especially for the products that I genuinely love, it just makes it that much better. But before today there hadn't been a sponsored ad read on the show. There is the ones before and after the show that are not my voice, which just helps a little bit. The last one before today was the are done one before Christmas. So I just wanted you to know that. And when I shared it on the stories, a lot of you replied saying that you know that me talking about my favorite products and the ordinary lash serum and stuff like that isn't a paid ad and to never stop giving my product recommendations because you love them and have gotten so many of the things I love and love adding them into routine, which makes me very happy. So I don't worry, I will not be stopping the brand mentions and product mentions anytime soon. So that is why I just wanted to come on here and let you know that when I'm being paid and sponsored by something, you will be able to tell. It's very obvious. And two, it is going to be something I genuinely love and both the sponsors that we had today. You've heard me talk about their products before on the pod. And I always use the product for a long time before I take on a sponsorship from them. Anyway, I could go on and on about that forever, but I just wanted you all to know that. And I'm very, very grateful for all your support on the show and to be able to be in this position. I should probably wrap today's episode up because I do have to speak tomorrow morning. I am not sure if it is broadcasted. A couple of you were asking me about that so you could watch, but you know, you already know Brody is here with me and he will be in the audience recording. It will be my speech will be in the Vegas vlog going live soon. But so life has been very busy lately. I'm very behind on YouTube vlogs because I am shifting my priority. And the priority is TWC. Okay. Let me tell you, we have some very, very, very exciting things in the works for the Wellness Cafe in 2023. And I'm very excited to share them with you. Hopefully, you know, the ideas will come to fruition and we'll make it happen. But I love you all so much. I am so nervous for actually, I just went down and talked to and met all the girls on the panel and now I'm not as nervous. They were all so kind and nice and it was great energy. You know, there was no, not a single bad vibe, which you love. As for outfits, I'm just going with like a black blazer jeans and a nice little heel. You know, keeping it, keeping it true to myself, but because I don't dress up super businessy ever, I felt like that would just not be me. And I wanted to be comfortable and just be who I am. So we're going with light wash denim, a black blazer, a nice oversized blazer. And that is that. And this opportunity once again wouldn't be possible without you and listening to the show and your constant support. So it really doesn't go unnoticed. I've been so busy. So I'm a little bit behind on DMS as well, but I promise I am trying my best and I will get to you. I feel really bad whenever I see messages coming in that I just haven't even had a second to read or respond to yet, but I will try my best to get to all of them after we come home from Vegas. I promise and I always like appreciate and I'm honored when you all are able to confide in me and send me nice messages. So I will try my best to get to them ASAP. I never want you to feel like I'm leaving you hanging. If you're listening to this live on Wednesday, March 8th, you will probably see me going live on the Wannes Cafe and my personal socials about how the panel went and sharing a lot of pictures. I am so excited. I'm ready to just rip the bandaid off. I think that that's a very, that's something that you just have to do when it comes to imposter syndrome, just rip the bandaid off and your first time doing something is always going to be the scariest. Just like my first podcast episode was the scariest and my first YouTube video and my first, I don't know, talking on Instagram live, you know, everything is scary the first time you do it. No one feels ready the first time you do something. So remember that next time you're scared to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Say that you got this, you can do it and after that it only gets easier. That's also like when I talk about going to the gym for the first time, you just have to rip the bandaid off. Okay. There's no point in getting stuck in your head and overworking the situation and your thoughts to make the situation out to be something bigger than it is and a bigger deal than it is when really you got this, you're capable of doing anything you set your mind to. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Actually I need to find this. I sent out a message in the Geneva group chat earlier because I hadn't been on there in a while. And I said, so this is your reminder of the week is that you can do anything you set your mind to and anything you're passionate about. And if anyone tells you otherwise they can suck it and they're wrong. That was my quote of the week. Someone put someone put that on a t-shirt. Okay. Now I'm rambling. Now I'm laughing. I got to go. This businesswoman panel speaking girls got to get her beauty sleep so she can ice roll and work out in the morning and put that blazer on and rock it. That's my positive affirmations to myself hyping myself up. Okay. Anyway, I love you all. You can do anything you put your mind to and I will see you next week.